| Recapture the nobility of home
by Crystal Paine
I am getting married to a wonderful man in several months. We have been praying about our marriage and seeking God's guidance through His Word. I have read your new book Handmaidens.... I loved it! When reading it, I was reassured that a woman's place is in the home. But what about women who don't have children yet? We are planning on me staying at home when we have our first child, but what about that time in between marriage and children? We are discussing this option, and praying about it and preparing financially. My fiance, though, is a bit skeptical about what I will be doing at home all day. I tell him, "I will have the most important job in the world--being your wife..." I think he is looking for a more solid answer, though. :) Is there any advice you could give about this matter--about being a stay at home wife, without children? Did you have to go through this? -J.
Hello, J! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and how wise of you and your fiance to be discussing these matters. In our current culture, home has become so neglected that many people haven't the slightest idea what its purpose is outside of a place to sleep, relax, and sometimes eat. Home has lost its noble place in society so much so that people can't imagine what there is to do there all day long. Any woman who dares consider staying home full-time is made out to be a unintelligent woman living with half her brain tied behind her back.
Whatever happened to home being the center of the family, a haven of refreshment, a thriving metropolis of productivity? Instead, we have elaborate McMansions that are devoid of life. They might look pretty to the observer (thanks to hired maids and interior decorators), but they are usually just houses, not homes. They sit there empty and lifeless while the occupants live a hectic, frenetic, 100-mile-an-hour life in the fast lane - trying to get ahead, trying to get to the top of the corporate ladder, trying to squish in as many activities as can possibly be had outside the home.
We don't have to follow along in this madness. Our families deserve something better - they deserve a beautiful, welcoming home which is the heart of the family and the center for outreach to the world. Maybe our home isn't furnished very expensively and maybe it isn't very big, but we can do our best to recapture the nobility and rightful place of home in our society, beginning with our own home.
Mrs. Stanley Sherman says in her article titled "Plenty to Do At Home":
When you make a determined decision to dedicate yourself to marriage, home, and family, the list of things to do at home is endless.
I concur. Although children are a wonderful addition to the home, children do not make a home, nor should children be the only reason for staying home. If your husband wants you to work outside the home and he is not open to any creative alternatives, by all means do it. However, I think most men would readily give up the small amount of money brought in by a second income to have a wife who truly embraced her role as a "keeper at home."
Being a "keeper at home" does not imply a woman is chained to the kitchen sink and never steps foot beyond her doorstep. Instead, it illustrates a beautiful picture of the most important role a woman can have - that of glorifying God by nurturing the culture of her home.
As Lanier Ivester says in her article, "I am a Stay-at-Home Wife":
According to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance, the word "keeper" means literally a guard, a stayer at home, one who is domestically inclined. We women are gatekeepers - no matter what battles are raging in our culture, we have been entrusted with the culture of our own homes, a culture within which tremendous ministry can take place, both to our families as well as the ones God brings into our lives. And for me, even though He has not blessed us with children yet, that is a full-time job.
I believe with all my heart that home is about so much more than scrubbing floors, washing dishes, and bathing babies. Although those are definitely usually parts of our duty as homemakers, we need to look beyond the day-to-day activities and see the bigger picture. We have the incredible opportunity to bring glory and honor to our husband and to the Lord through how we use our time at home. Take a few days and study Proverbs 31:10-31. What an example of productivity, frugality, and abundant, fruitful living this woman was. I doubt she wondered whether there was enough to do at home all day!
By being a stay-at-home wife and/or mother, we should not be draining our husband, instead we should be a powerful contribution to him. If we are wasting our husband's hard-earned money on frivilous purchases, carelessly misuing our time by "gadding about" with other women - either on the phone, in person, or on the computer, if we are letting our home go to ruin and are content with sloppiness, this is not bringing honor to our husbands or to the Lord.
Practically speaking, I was a stay-at-home wife for about two years, before we had Kathrynne. I had no lack of things to keep me productive and useful! It was so wonderful to be able to devote the bulk of my time and energy to helping my husband and easing his load. By being home, I had time to plan menus, shop frugally, and make nutritious meals for my husband. I was able to make sure he had his shirts ironed and clean socks to wear. I was able to research out the best buy on items and make phone calls and run errands for him. I was able to take the time to make a nutritious sack lunch for Jesse to take to school or work everyday, saving us hundreds of dollars in food bills. So many times, he would tell me stories of how the other guys would comment on his food not believing that I actually made homemade cookies or muffins or main dishes for him to take in his lunch everyday. Many of them would mention how they wished their wife could stay home in order to do the same for them.
Not only was I available to meet my husband's needs, but I was able to expand his ministry. With school and work, he didn't have much extra time to be able to help and serve others, so I could do things as his "ambassador." I was able to go and help other families in their homes with their laundry, cleaning, cooking, and homeschooling. I made meals for needy families and took care of the details of our home so that we could practice hospitality. I also spent a great deal of time reading, keeping up with current events, writing, and studying in order to help facilitate interesting discussions around our dinner table. It was during these two years that I was able to learn basically everything I know about starting and running a business. One of my husband's dreams was for us to have a home business and through this time I had at home before children, I was able to make his dream a reality. If I had been out pursuing my own career, I never would have had the hours to devote to this.
So, J., there are a thousand of things one can do from home. The most important thing is that you seek to make your home a God-glorifying place and you devote yourself to doing everything you can to making your husband successful. Focus on these two things and you'll never run out of things to do. And I can imagine your husband will not be disappointed either!
Related: Take a moment to read these beautiful articles:
"I am a Stay-at-Home-Wife"
Plenty to Do at Home
I also highly recommend the CD Home is Where the Heart Is
Crystal Paine is a 24-year-old homeschool graduate from Topeka, Kansas. She is the blessed wife of Jesse and joyful mother of Kathrynne. Visit her site, Biblical Womanhood, for books, articles, encouragement, and inspiration!
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