If Only I Were Perfect

by Crystal Paine

I've wished so much recently that I could find a way to have a spotlessly clean, organized, and well-decorated home, serve delicious and elaborate meals on time three times a day, spend the necessary time to maintain a business, while at same time not in any way neglecting my relationship with the Lord, my husband, or my daughter.

I wish I could get out of bed every morning at 5 a.m. to an immaculately clean home. I wish I could shower, dress, and fix my hair before anyone wakes up. I wish I could spend a solid hour of uninterrupted time reading the Bible and praying before I begin my day each and every morning. I wish I could have the house all perfectly cleaned and in order by 8 a.m. every morning (though, I guess if I woke up to it immaculate, I wouldn't even need to clean!). I wish that the laundry and dishes magically washed themselves and put themselves away or that I had a live-in maid.

I wish that I never said an unkind word or had an unkind thought. I wish that I would never disappoint my husband. I wish that I could spend all day everyday playing with my daughter. I wish I were never tired and had a boatload of energy all the time. I wish that I could live on 3 hours of sleep or less every night.

Instead, I'm just me. My house is often messy and always in need of some type of cleaning. I'm always behind in some area. I never get to spend as much time playing or reading with my daughter as I'd like. I'm forever behind on the ironing. My husband comes home some nights and I'm exhausted, the house is messy, dinner is only a figment of my imagination, and I'm still in my pajamas. I often say and do things that I regret. I fail in some area on an hourly basis and can easily become discouraged and overwhelmed.

Yes, sometimes I wish I were perfect. But, then I realize that if I were perfect, I'd never have anything to trust God about. I'd never need anyone to pray for me. I'd never need anyone's help. I'd never have to cry out to God for mercy when I'd failed yet again. I'd never need comfort from the Scriptures. And, I'd never know the depths of God's grace and mercy to one so undeserving as me.

Crystal Paine is a 24-year-old homeschool graduate from Topeka, Kansas. She is the blessed wife of Jesse and joyful mother of Kathrynne. Visit her site, Biblical Womanhood, for books, articles, encouragement, and inspiration!

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