A Question for Mothers
Since we're talking about children, I thought it appropriate to post the following question for discussion:
Erin asked on her blog:
"How does your life change once you have children? How do children affect your relationship with your husband? What is the best way to prepare for all of these changes?"
There are a lot of young women who read this blog who would appreciate the wisdom and counsel from you experienced moms on this subject, so post away! I would also love to hear creative ideas for keeping your marriage strong when you have little ones.
Erin asked on her blog:
"How does your life change once you have children? How do children affect your relationship with your husband? What is the best way to prepare for all of these changes?"
There are a lot of young women who read this blog who would appreciate the wisdom and counsel from you experienced moms on this subject, so post away! I would also love to hear creative ideas for keeping your marriage strong when you have little ones.
posted by Crystal Paine at 12:58 PM
6 Comments:
You may have heard this before, but: What is the most important thing we can do for our children? LOVE THEIR DADDY.
The children should know that they are a welcome and treasured gift to the family, BUT Mama and Daddy were a family together first.
How can we demonstrate this? Here are a couple of things that come to mind:
1)Allow the children to see you playing, laughing, hugging, and kissing with Daddy.
2)Make dates with Daddy. Or, simply tell the children that Mama and Daddy are going to have some quiet, uninterrupted time to talk.
3)Do not allow a child to play "favorites" (for instance, a baby/toddler may cry for mommy when Daddy is holding him/her and vice versa.) This is one area which we never allowed our children to manipulate or control. If a child cried for me, then we made sure they stayed with Daddy! Our consistency in this area has really been fruitful. The children love spending time with both of us.
I could go on and on, but I won't monopolize the discussion here! I look forward to hearing some wise words from other mothers.
I am 31 and a mother of 4. I have to agree with Jessica, Daddy comes first! It is very easy to get overwhelmed with love for your baby and neglect your husband. Don't be critical of how Daddy cares for baby. It is critical to always build him up without being condescending. Doing something for baby differently than you do it doesn't mean it's the wrong way.
I have found that being supportive of and "backing Daddy all the way" is one thing that is really important. It gives our sons a unified home in which to grow. They also know that the rules that are in place when Daddy is home will be in place when Daddy is away too. They feel so secure in this!
Life changed in so many ways for me as a mom instead of just a married woman! First off, I had a colicky baby. I found myself frustrated by the amount of time it took to take care of him at times, we spent time walking the streets after midnight at times with him, propping him carefully with a tape recorder just so he would stop crying.
There was huge diaper bags to haul around and to think of when you were out visiting when you heard funny noises from the baby it meant "Hurry, you may have a leakage if you don't"
It meant when you were visiting you may have to spend the majority of the visit in another room nursing.
It meant that your baby could turn you into a pathetic idiot by just smiling at you..and delight your heart by laughing! There are so many delights in being a parent, but there are so many changes, not all are easy, but all are needed. It now takes a imagination to find time to spend alone with your husband! It gets so you feel like you are alone when it is just you, husband and a baby! Life with 4 boys will do that to you!
One thing I saw from a older woman that I will never forget was I watched her greet her husband when he came home from work. Everyone left what they were doing and was thrilled to see him! I have tried to implement that into my life and it really thrills a father's heart when everyone cries "Papa!!" when he walks in the door!
My husband and I had been married ten years before our precious one was added to our family by the Lord. So we had a huge adjustment to make. I think we are still making it since we have only been parents since June :o)
Having a child means for me that often my attention is torn two ways. There are times when I cannot do what is best for both dh and ds and have to pick one to favour at that moment. It is very hard for me to favour my husband over my son, because our son is so small and cannot understand about waiting: when he calls me, every second he waits makes him feel I may never come. I try to find ways to keep them both happy: and really, when my husbad knows I am caring for our son he is content and happy to share me.
One thing we do is to often take a siesta when our son naps in the afternoon. Many times this is our only chance to be intimate before exhaustion hits in the evening!
I also try hard not to "hog" our son. My husband says I don't and I suppose this is still the stage when he prefers his mama and needs her more [I expect when our son is older I will be the one who is less needed] but I try to leave him with his daddy sometimes and not go crazy when Daddy forgets to watch him and he ends up walking around with a mouthful of screws or cuts himself on a bit of glass :o)
Being a mother and father rather than just a wife and husband is such a big adjustment. I expect it is different for every couple since every couple is so different. We both were so committed to parenthood and fought so hard and prayed so hard for it that we are united in how precious it is and we are ready to prioritise our son and his needs for his precious and fleeting "little years". We have grown as people since we became parents and have learnt a lot and been challenged a lot. Love in Him, Lucy
I have found that since the birth of our son I love my husband even more than I did before. I also found myself loving my son more than I ever though was humanly possible. I knew I would love him but you can't know that motherly love until you experience it yourself.
We may have a little less alone time but we are an even better team and couple than we were before our son's birth and we look forward to anymore children that God would send into our lives. The more the merrier!!
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