Before I was a Mom...
Before I was a Mom
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
I had never been spit on.
Chewed on.
Wet on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:24 PM
22 Comments:
Awe....that's so lovely Crystal! :) I love the photo montage as well. Now I feel like June 06 can't come fast enough but I will be patient in this season of life....well as best I can! :) Thanks for sharing!
Sweetness... :)
That was so sweet! I really enjoyed the poem and the photos. My baby turns 2 in a month and I just can't believe he's so big...time certainly does fly by!
Really sweet and really true!
That was sweet...
Although I have experianced some of those things I'm sure it will be much different to experiance them with my own child.
That is true!!! I never believed all the things you would let happen to you when you are the mother of the child rather than the caretaker! I especially liked the teeth brushing part1
Here is a quote on motherhood I read today:
"The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth: it is a principle inherent in both women and men. It is an attitude of the mind...For those in whom motherhood has awakened, love and compassion for everyone are as much a part of their being as breathing"- Amma Chi
I disagree with that statement, Ash. There's something about pregnancy and birth which gives you a bond with a child that nothing else can ever foster. And men do not have the mothering instinct that women do. Why? Because men aren't called to be mothers! The depth of a mother's love is only something a mother can have.
I loved that! I was just praising the Lord for my precious girls today as well as the privilage of being a mom. Thank you for sharing both the poem and the pictures of your beautiful daughter.
That was so touching, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. (of course I'm pregnant and up waaayyyy to late.)
Thanks for sharing it, and your sweet photos. :)
So sweet. The pictures are priceless.
I don't think pregnancy and birth is the only requirement for being a mother. I know many adoptive mothers that wonderful in their roles. No bonding problems whatsoever. :)
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"There's something about pregnancy and birth which gives you a bond with a child that nothing else can ever foster."
I would have to disagree with that statment. It seems to be woefully unfair to adoptive mothers. For you there might not be anything else that could make you feel a bond with a child like you do with one that you've carried for 9 months and given birth to, but there are a lot of adoptive moms who've also birthed children and they feel the same amount of a bond with both children.
It's also unfair to wives who can't have chidren. Can they never experiance the love and bond with a child that a mother who has birthed the child can? That just doesn't seem fair to say.
I would agree with you though that fathers don't have mothering instincts inherently. Some fathers might have different attributes that make them more 'motherly'... but they aren't mothers!
A mothers love is definitely something only a mother can have but that's not to say that the love of father and sisters and brothers isn't just as deep - it's just different.
Crystal, that is precious! I love the pics you have with it...
Please know I said what I said carefully because I don't want any adoptive mother or childless woman feel badly. I know that when a child is your own, no matter whether you birthed them or you adopted them you have a very strong bond with them.
But, for me personally, the pregnancy and birth of Kathrynne adds something to our relationship that is just incredible. I guess I can't even explain it.
Oh, I love being a mom!
I'd love to hear from adoptive moms on this, though. Since I'm not in your shoes, I am coming from a different perspective. I know you can have a terribly strong bond as a mother with your child as well and I don't want you to at all feel I am saying you are less of a mom just because you didn't give birth to your child. Maybe you could share your thoughts on this and help me understand better.
Crystal,
I do think women have a mothering instinct that men do not have. Men tend to have a more fatherly instinct. My husband is a very good father but he misses on cues that my son gives out. I can tell when he is sick or why he is fussy. We communicate very well. Some will say that it is because I spend the majority of time with him since my husband is at work. However, I have had this mothering instinct since the first day we brought him home. I didn't read any books on babies either. The first day we brought George home I was trying to nap and my husband could not console him. Within seconds, after I took over, I had George hushed and quiet. My husband looked at me sorta embarrassed and defeated and said,"I guess it takes a mom." I think men have to learn how to be motherly to an infant. However, my husband is great at being a protector to George. Prime example is getting that stupid carseat to actually work in our car.(I still don't know why carseats are so difficult to use!)
As far as adoptive mothers go. Most women who adopt yearn for children so that that mothering instinct can be satisfied. I have a friend who had one of her own but after years of trying could not conceive again. They adopted a baby girl from India. She told me the relationship was different but the love was just as strong. She compared the adoptive child to a Christian being "adopted" into the family of God. ( I don't know where that verse is.)
I did like that poem. It was very true and beautiful. I have 4 more months of sleepng through. It is going to be very interesting dealing with two.
-Zan
A couple from our church is right now traveling to Albania to pick up their adoptive teenage twin daughters. The mom in this case also has 7 biological children, so she has seen both sides of this.
She compared all that they have gone through in this with being pregnant-the worry, anticipation, time waiting etc.
The feelings of motherhood are not just compassion etc. It is knowing that the child in your care is utterly dependant on you. It has more of a "wholeness" about it than just even loving someone.
And a fear too, in a way, that cannot be compared to just any relationship. A child you mother has more power in your life than just someone you are nice to. They can hurt you much more deeply.
As we shift to an abstraction in definition on motherhood, we lose a lot of the depth.
Very sweet pictures. Your little girl is just a sweet little princess. I remember when my first daughter was born. I was amazed at how much fun she was!
Norwester: That was really an excellent dissertation. Thank you for sharing. This is really enlightening to me.
"As we shift to an abstraction in definition on motherhood, we lose a lot of the depth."
I love that quote!
Our society seeks to make "motherhood" something which can be experienced by all because there is a desire by the feminist movement to create a gender neutral society where anyone and everyone can have "mothering instincts." That is not according to God's order and design.
Thanks for explaining futher. :)
...Crystal, your little one is BEAUTIFUL. Thanks for sharing her with us :)
What about celibate women??!?! There are some godly celibate women in my life who have mothered me in ways that my natural mother never could. If there is an intrinsic vocation attached to being a woman, then EVERY Christian woman must be called to be a "mother," whether physically or spiritually. St. Paul seems to reserve his highest personal praise for women who remain single in order to serve Christ- and certainly such women have extraordinary roles as mothers in the Church, which is the ultimate Family for the Christian.
I would suggest that every Christian woman is called to be a "mother" to and among other Christians, regardless of whether or not she has children of her own...?
Crystal, those pictures are just priceless. She's absolutely beautiful! :)
"I would suggest that every Christian woman is called to be a "mother" to and among other Christians, regardless of whether or not she has children of her own...? "
I agree.
Crystal I think you read too much into that quote and were looking for a feminist element that wasn't there!
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