Training Our Daughters
A blog reader recently asked me what we were doing to train Kathrynne to be a lady and it has really got me thinking. We want Kathrynne to be a pure and virtuous woman, a Godly keeper-at-home, and a wonderful help meet to a Godly man someday. For those of you with the same goals for your daughters, do you have suggestions and ideas on how you impart this vision to your daughters from a very young age?
posted by Crystal Paine at 4:31 PM
17 Comments:
Good question. So far with my 6 month old we have dressed her in girly clothes. Dresses etc...
I speak to her, "good girl, ladies wear dresses ( I dress her up a lot), gorgeous dolly," etc.. whatever fits the moment. I also quote some scripture to her too ( which reminds me I need to start expanding on that ).
I am going to do the complete opposite with this daughter compared to my first daughter. Serious.
I'd like to see what others have done too.
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There is a great post on daughters here:
http://tinyurl.com/7t6n8. It is a wee off-topic, but excellent, so I wanted to share!:)
Yes, I agree about starting them in dresses as early as possible and it's even better when the father of the home consciously promotes it.
I think this is fundamental to how they see themselves and their God-ordained roles. I used to get hung up on "But what about when they start to crawl? Won't their knees get constantly tripped up on their dresses? What about this? What about that?" But I just stopped worrying about all the "What abouts" and simply resolved to do it with our youngest.
I think starting them out in dresses as early as possible is so important. They look more like tiny maidens and will be treated as such. Jalena (now 5 mos.) and I accompanied my husband to Lowe's recently and a big, burly employee was so tickled to see a little baby girl in her little girly dress that he commented on it.
Also, doing the dresses right from the start helps avoid discontentment with "not being able to" wear pants later. Wearing dresses - and learning what kinds to wear in extreme weather conditions - will be second nature. I've spent the last year and a half working the shorts, capris and pants out of my oldest two daughters' wardrobes. It hasn't always been easy but I think the transition in their hearts is just about complete. They've learned they're still able to do everything they'd like, wearing a dress, and I do believe it has positively affected how they view themselves.
Another thing; I'm trying to emphasize heavily a mindset of SERVICE to others -- babies, little children, the elderly, the sick, siblings, brothers, and especially, Dad. Help them understand early that we as ladies are here to serve others and that it is an honorable and incredibly joyful task!
There are so many good ideas out there, and like Deborah, I look forward to hearing what others have done.
Oh, and one more thing: Be sure to stock the bedrooms of our "older young daughters" up with cds and books from Kelly Brown, Jennie Chancey, the Zes sisters and the Botkin sisters! Mom and Grandma are their first role models, but the influence of these amazing young women sure won't hurt! :)
I do not have daughters, but being raised in a houseful of 7 girls, i was thinking about it!
I think being a lady yourself and showing by example is one of the best ways. Being happy that you are a keeper at home and not complaining about daily things ( that is ahrd sometimes) taking time to take care of yourself and your daughter will want to imitate you. As she gets older then you can reinforce it with like minded companions. I think that friends play a big role in your childrens lives and what kind of friends they have is very important. Friends that share the same values and goals as you are what you are looking for, and if they are not around you, teach your daughter how to write letters! = )
I agree Martha, I'm just worried that I might not be able to pull it off too well. It does worry me that she may imitate the wrong things. ie track pants instead of dresses. Or wonder why mummy can wear them and not her. Might have to bite the bullet and just overcome that part.
I was raised to be more like a boy. I often say that I was the boy my father never had. I am the oldest of 5 children. I was never taught to do household or mummy duties or be a lady in any way. Just tossed outside for the most part. It's amazing how God has made the least person in the family thought to have a large family, have one. :o-) irony that's for sure.
I'm basically having to re-train myself from scratch.
At any rate I'm giving it a go. LOL. Albeit later in life than ideally should.
At least I am sold on homeschooling, bible principles, and choosing my babies future friends. :o-)
I think when they are tiny, home environment is the most important thing. I let my daughters see me dress up every day to work around the house and cook. I do a self-talk with them like, "Mommy is going to make bread today, let's put on our pretty aprons! It's going to be fun!" Also, like some have said here already, having books and art around the home that are appropriate. My daughters have a big poster of Ingall's family having a "around the hearth" sing-a-long. :)
On the flipside, I talk about daddy as being the "hero" and the "big strong daddy". We talk about how he works hard so we can have a nice home and food to eat. We talk about how we are his little ladies so we need to act like it.
During discipline times this helps a lot because the worst thing you can say to my 2-year-old is, "That's not very ladylike!" She will change her tune right away...she's very into being girly.
She has told my husband, "Daddy, I'm the princess and you're the king!" It was so sweet until she said..."You're the king who brings me candy!" Afterall, she's still two!
:)
I don't see why wearing pants should make someone be considered less of a lady. I don't think wearing skirts/dresses is the answer to making someone more lady-like. I have seen many girls in families that required wearing skirts/dresses all the time be far less lady-like (and very immodest as a result) while wearing skirts. It's more an attitude of the heart. I think when Scripture talks about not adorning ourselves outwardly it can carry over to what we wear. True femininity comes from "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit", not from the wearing of pants or skirts.
I am curious, why, as a mother, you would require your daughters to not wear pants, but wear them yourself? Or did I misunderstand what was said about wearing "wind pants"?
I might be a bit different in how I raise my daughters to be lady like or Godly women in general.
As for clothing: modest clothing is about the only requirement I have for them. I would never attempt to have them wear dresses exclusively. Much like I would never expect my boys to wear the type/stlye of clothing considered to be "manly" according to biblical examples. Modesty is the key and they do quite well with that. :>)
I also believe in a good college education for my girls because they might be called to singleness. Which, of course, means the whole banana is on their shoulders.
It's also a good idea in case their husbands decide they want a different life and walk out.
I forgot to add that I, too, teach the girls about how to be a keeper at home, in case they are called to be married.
Sorry, I meant to say "track pants" vs "wind pants".
I have 4 daughters, the oldest being 13. When I try to picture of how I would like to communicate femininity to them, it has a lot more to do with the things I am teaching them. I think dresses are good. We are "mostly" dresses, but it has more to do with being able to nurture, having the skills to nurture (like cooking well, and seeing it as a blessing to make a good meal, not a burden) loving babies (which we have a very good time doing,) looking for ways to serve their Papa (like taking him food or typing something for him). I want my girls to see how their brothers get excited when they make cookies!
I want them to see that being a wife and mother is about loving and serving those in your household, not about seeking your own private goals. I talk to them about how they will have their own children to homeschool someday.
And that it is the best way for them to change the world.
It is not always easy, because I have to deal with my own flesh too. But this is the ideal I strive for.
I do love to see them in dresses, and their Papa, especially has a lot to do with that, in praising them for it. But I think we get distracted when we make that the focus.
Deborah,
I too am one of the least likely to have a large family in my family! So, far I have the biggest with 4 children...but we are all young still!
I was quite a tomboy and hated it when someone would tell me to be ladylike...because a girl could be just as good as any boy....so I am thinking that there has to be more to just telling them to be ladylike and wearing dresses. Dresses never stopped me from doing anything..I climbed trees, fences, ran, played hard and I loved it! I never wanted to get married and disliked playing with babies.
My grandparents looked at me now and say, you never were into children...how did you end up with 4?
So, with all that, I have to confess even raising me in dresses didn't help much. That is why i said example! I believe that is why I did get married, want to be a homemaker etc. I saw women I loved and trusted being what God created them to be, ladylike and femminine. I still don't think it means you have to sit in a lacy gown doing nothing. I lived in MN for several years without electricity and running water in rough conditions and still had to try to be a lady! You kow what , it was fun! It was a challenge that i know I can face!
I have not worn pants since I was about 7 and I have done all sorts of things even volunteered on a ambulance team.
I think though part of being a woman is letting yourself be humble enough to be served by a man and lettting him be your head. If we as moms can show we reverence our head, submit to the headship then I think our daughters will want to be like us and then in turn want to be what God created them to be, women and rejoice in being feminine and strong!
re: nicb
It's just that I was raised wearing pants for the most part but I would like my daughter to be more lady like than me. Track pants was just one part that came to my mind that I was looking at.
However I think from reading more of the comments that I should focus more on the heart of my daughter. Training her to do and enjoy lady, girl, womanly, homemaker things.
I have to say that I learned most about Christian womanhood and manhood from my father, who always allowed and encouraged me to go with him on his business trips and on early-morning cattle round ups on his ranch. I learned so much about polite conversation, adult interactions, and about the world in general under his protection and guidance... and I especially learned about the flexibility, modesty, courtesy, and ability to transcend cultural situations which mark a true lady. I learned how to be a "helpmeet" to a godly man while on hoseback and at business meetings! It was great, and I am so grateful to my dad for his generosity to me.
I don't have a daughter yet, but I sure hope to someday. :-D I've spent a lot of time contemplating how I want to raise my sons, but not as much time about a daughter I may someday have. Thanks for getting me thinking!
Curious. It's gone again.
Perhaps you are having trouble with your comments?
I Peter 3:
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
How feminine you are has nothing to do with how you LOOK. If you teach your daughter that she must wear dresses all the time in order to be a woman, you turn her focus to the outer appearance. Teach her to build up her inner woman, to be pure and submissive, to be able to do without the best of everything, to be humble and giving.
Otherwise, she will be spoiled.
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