The Myth of "Me-Time"
As I began reading, I found myself being motivated and inspired and starting to think, "Wow, I really like this author. She seems to have it pretty much 'altogether' -- she seems to be a great mom, a great wife, a great homemaker. I wish I could be like her."
I kept reading, and I found myself getting almost pulled into what she wrote. But, little by little, I started seeing how unbiblical it was. Yes, maybe she does have a clean home, maybe she is a great wife and mom, but do you know what almost the entire last half of the book was about? You guessed it -- "Me-Time."
We live in a self-centered culture. The mantra of most seems to be, "It's all about me." Yes, I'll admit it, the thought of having a few hours of complete quietness to just do whatever I want to do with no responsibilities whatsoever does sound enticing on occasion, but do I deserve this? Should I regularly be scheduling plenty of "Me-Time" into my life? I'm selfish, by nature, but just because something sounds good, doesn't make it right.
As Christians, we should be seeking to imitate Christ. He lived a life poured out for others. He came not to do His own will, but the will of His Heavenly Father.
How contrary this is to the world's philosophy! As Elisabeth Elliott says, our whole life should be lived following Christ's example, "My life, for yours."Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
posted by Crystal Paine at 6:16 PM
15 Comments:
Crystal,
Where is the Biblical support to show that regular "me time" is wrong?
I personally L-O-V-E my personal time! It's refreshing and very relaxing.
I'm not sure why, if someone is a good wife, mother, and homemaker her personal time would be wrong?
I do agree that we live in a society saturated with "it's all about me"; however, linking that with personal time throughout the day (especially when everything else is in check) seems a bit much.
Just my thoughts :>)
Even Jesus had time to himself. Didn't ask his disciples to stand watch so that he might go off alone to pray?
I don't think a half-hour or an hour a day is being selfish. As long as it's not interfering with anything else.
Crystal
This is legalism!!! If people have to live like this their joy will be stolen because there will be nothing to look forward to. People would not live up to their potental. Why invent or create anything if your only purpose is to live for God and serving people and nothing more. Please get some help or just get out of the house. Stay off the computer and get some air.
I will pray for you. It grieves my heart to see such an intelligent young woman being so impractical. I urge you to step back take a break temporarily. You are taking this much too far. Maybe this summer you can visit me in New York.
I think I didn't clearly explain myself!
I'm not talking about taking quiet time to spend before the Lord in prayer or reading His Word or taking time to refresh your spirit. I'm talking about this selfish notion of "me-time" that is pervading female circles -- that I need to have regularly scheduled time for my pursuits, my hobbies, and my own life apart from my family. That I need "my space." That I should look out for myself first. That's what this book was purporting.
Shouldn't all of our lives be spent for the glory of God? Wouldn't any "me-time" -- where I am the focus and what I am doing is for me and me alone, contrary to what our life as Christians is to be?
As the verse I posted says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."
"I will very gladly spend and be spent."
I'd rather burn out, than rust out!
I don't think you are being legalistic. I think I know exactly where you are coming from.
Of course, time to paint your toenails or read a book is great...and I think it a lot of leisurely things like that can refresh our spirits.
I agree with you about "Me-time", in that it's a slippery slope! Recently on the Choosing Home forums there was a thread about how it never ends. If we get 10 minutes to ourselves...we want 20...at the end of 20 minutes we get irritated because the baby woke up and we just wanted 10 more minutes!
Now, sometimes if I look bedraggled my husband will ask me if I need a nap! I often take him up on it, because I know I need refreshers. But it can become an idol of sorts.
By the way, I read your courtship story today and thought it was lovely. :)
Crystal, are you talking about FlyLady? If so, I DEFINITELY agree with you!
Here's an article on LAF critiquing FlyLady, posted before Jennie went on her sabbatical:
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/article_1751.shtml
Oh, my link didn't come though...
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/article_1751.shtml
If it doesn't work, go under "Homemaking and other practical topics" and scroll down until you see "A Friendly Critique of FlyLady."
I think you hit the nail on the head Crystal when you said, "where I am the focus." I think we must be VERY careful about insisting on having time to FOCUS on ourselves. Again I'm saying when you INSIST on ME time. Not when it happens that you get some time to spend on your own pursuits, but when you DEMAND it.
I am a person who gets energized by alone time. I really felt I needed quiet time each day to be able to function. But then aren't I making myself a god? Aren't I putting myself before whatever else is needed? I'm not saying personal time is all bad, but I am saying that if you tell the world to stand back because this is YOUR time then you are being selfish. We have to be willing to bend for the Lord. Maybe what he has planned for me today is to give my time to my husband's needs or my family's needs and not to myself. I find that when I turn my time over to God and let him plan my day that he does give me what I NEED. Maybe not what I want, but what I need. Trust in the Lord and he will provide for you. You don't have to demand it. And if you do, you will never find the deep satisfaction that is in the rest HE provides for you.
I see what you are saying! I think it is important for me to sometimes sit quietly or else all the actviity can make it so I can not be as good of a mom as I should be. But I didn't need this as much when I only had one or 2 children. I thnk now with all I do everyday with the boys, I start to get worn down and don't have the time for a shower which is usually my "me-time" or if I want to really be pampered, I will take a bath! I tend to neglect myself, bible study and all more than I should.
I think though that some moms seem to focus on the " I need my space" and you can tnd if you were the child to not feel wanted or like you are always infringing on your mom. I am trying to do more things with the boys instead of constantly trying to do things in spite of them. It makes things easier actually to do! So, I had better go as I need to go make bread with my son! = )
I think the ultimate debunking of me-time has already been written. It's the book The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, Self-Image, by Jay Adams. This is a fantastic book. Addresses the silliness of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Highly recommended!
In Christ.
what was the name of the book?
As my pastor repeatedly says, "Self-esteem is NOT a Biblical concept!"
This has made for quite a lively discussion. I understand, and agree in part with what Crystal is saying here. In my view, however; "me-time" (maybe better called personal time) is not inherently bad. I, like Jill above, think it's how we view that time that becomes the real issue. Are we grateful for the time we have, as much or as little as there is? Are we flexible and are we willing to give that time to someone else if the spirit leads? Do the things that we do during that time benefit those around us? For example, if I spend that time lesson planning or reading a book about homeschooling or child training, my children benefit from that time. Or, perhaps, I spend my time organizing a room in our home so that we can have friends over to fellowship more comfortably. Or, maybe I spend that time painting my fingernails so I look nice for my husband.
Perhaps, I use that time to write a blog and encourage those who read it.
Those are all activities, reading, organizing, painting my fingernails, writing, that I find easier to do without my kids help. My husband, if he is able, is always happy to support me in that way.
It seems to me that we may be getting caught up in symantics here.
Just a thought.
Excellent thoughts, Brandi, Jenn, and Jill. That's what I was trying to communicate -- it's not necessarily what we do, but why we do it. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, and I believe Brandi and Jill haven't commented before, or not recently that I can remember, so welcome!
Theodora -- I loved that article on FlyLady! Actually, this particular book was a lot worse than FlyLady's book in my opinion and has gotten a lot more press. But, the basics concepts of self-esteem and me-first were similar to FlyLady's book (I definitely still appreciate some of her ideas and helpful hints and have learned a lot from her, I just think we need to be cautious to not get caught up in the "ME" thing). Thanks for your comments.
Crystal
I just read this older topic.
In coming from an 'older' woman's standpoint I couldn't agree with you more! We get so sucked into what the world tells us we are 'entitled' to and 'deserve' in life that we end up embracing the ME time concept slowly and insidiously without realizing it is actually stealing our joy.
cleaning the house or a room, spending a few moments making oneself attractive for hubby or having a quiet time with the Lord isn't ME time. ME time can start as simply as watching the news and grow into several hours of television a day. It can be doing something along the lines of scrapbooking for your children and grow into neglecting fixing dinner so you can finish a page or tell the children to go watch a movie so you are not bothered.
It is indeed a slippery slope we find ourselves on when we try to justify our selfish needs - they become more and more easy to justify and also become more and more detrimental to the peace in our homes as we focus on self and not on others.
We find excuses not to clean, shop when needed for groceries, attend bible study and eventually can't be bothered with church etc. Or we may attend these things but our homes reflect disaster as we strive to show up looking 'good' each time.
Kudos for touching a subject that by the responses is along the lines of taboo. More of us should do some self examination of what we spend our free time on and in and when we find ourselves getting angry or irritated in justifying same - maybe we should look at why we feel that way?
It never ceases to amaze me the depth of your thoughts at such a young age. You were truly blessed to be raised by a concientous christian mother. My prayer is that my daughters will be instilled with these values at your young age as well instead of coming to the Lord late and learning the hard slow way as I did.
blessings
shanelle
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