Self-Centered Individualism
We were shopping today at a clothing store and I saw a T-shirt in the teens department which made me want to weep. It read (I wish I had taken a picture so you could get the full effect):
What is wrong with our society? This t-shirt is supposed to be funny? There is nothing amusing about it. This is the attitude that I see prevalent among the modern teenagers.
In an age of self-centered individualism, many children no longer see themselves as contributors, they are free-loners-- expecting their parents to pay for everything, provide them allowance, buy their first car, pay for their gas, give them a credit card, pay for their cell phone, and even pay for their college tuition. After everything these parents have done and are doing, this is the attitude towards them?
Parents For Sale
Slightly Damaged
Buy One, Get One Free
Slightly Damaged
Buy One, Get One Free
What is wrong with our society? This t-shirt is supposed to be funny? There is nothing amusing about it. This is the attitude that I see prevalent among the modern teenagers.
In an age of self-centered individualism, many children no longer see themselves as contributors, they are free-loners-- expecting their parents to pay for everything, provide them allowance, buy their first car, pay for their gas, give them a credit card, pay for their cell phone, and even pay for their college tuition. After everything these parents have done and are doing, this is the attitude towards them?
posted by Crystal Paine at 5:11 PM
12 Comments:
Argh. That IS devastatingly sad. It's amazing how little respect, love and appreciation children have for their parents these days.
Just the other day I overheard some girl saying how her father tried talking to her about her spending habits (he's paying her way through a private college and obviously giving her as much money as she wants) and according to her, "Oh, I just cussed." I couldn't believe it. She's definitely not going to be blessed.
Thankfully, her friend told her that was terrible of her to do and she was surprised her dad didn't cut her off.
May God help us to honor our parents!
My aunt was engaged to be married to a wonderful guy (not a first marriage for either) but it was called off for this very reason - he didn't have a problem with his fiance, but with her daughters. They are given everything they ask for whether they need it or not and whether their mom can afford it or not. He comes from a family of hard workers and although he has done very well for himself in business he still expects his children to earn their way not be given everything on a silver platter. My cousins simply expect to get whatever they want whenever they want. It just would not occur to them to work to earn money or not to buy something because it is not in the budget.
My daughter Lauren and I were just skimming through the blog and read this current post. She made the comment that it just goes to show that raising your children in God's way - training, teaching, nurturing in God's set parameters - is not a priority in many parents lives these days. Even in the Christian population.
I would say too, that many, if not MOST Christian parents know even what God says about children, just because we are so far away from Biblical teaching in the church. It seems the modern day church is so activity/program oriented that we easily forget the Bible basics.
It is so sad to see things like this, but on the other hand, to have a wonderful, honoring daughter like mine is such a blessing to me, her father and her family. God has been so gracious to keep lifting her up, especially when I am failing as a mother in my "Godly" example or teachings!!! :-)
I find your angle on this interesting. You've made it appear as if the fault lies entirely in the hands of the teenager. While I agree that to a large degree this is where the action lies, we can't, however, discredit the fact that this is not where it starts.
It starts with the parent, no? Parents might sook about their children not honouring them, but hey, have they ever taught them to honour them? It's a bit like kicking the dog for not moving when you haven't taught it to respond to your call.
Another thing we have to take into account is how many parents today don't actually honour their own parents. I read an interesting comment by one lady in the Above Rubie magazine once. She said, "At first I couldn't understand why my children loved their grandfather so much. He wasn't particularly funny or loving. But then I realised it must be because I never said anything derogative about my father. I upheld him to my children and they picked that up."
To fix this problem we can't aim merely at the teenager and crouch at them for not honouring their parents. The disease is more widespread than that.
There is actually a tv show starting up on one of the "womens" networks called "Daddy's Spoiled Little Girl" which shows girls who are given everything they want like diamond, platinum watches and outrageously priced cars.
To take Lydia's thought a little farther. Let's take a look at the life of a typical child in America. A child is born and shuffled off to daycare at the age of six weeks. This child spends the next five years in daycare and is then shuffled off to the local school with its before and after school programs and all day kindergarten. This child then spends the next 12 years of their lives switching teachers every year and looking to their peers for something like love and support and spending a lot of time in front of the tv which has a new level of advertising that encourages materialism to the extreme which even goes so far as to promise "if you only have this, then you'll be happy." This kid takes their cues on how to act from all these other sources...not their parents (who are too busy working all the time) and we wonder what is wrong with children today. It seems to me that they are the end product of the world we have created.
I know the above scenario doesn't apply to all people (especially to readers of this blog!:)) but it is very common today. I think we all know people who live this lifestyle: Parents work, kids raised by others, Parents give their kids everything they want, out of guilt, kids hold parents in comtempt because all they really want is their parent's time and attention.
But even when parents have taught their children to respect them and honor them, there seems to be a culture that it is not "cool" to respect them and love them.
I think this is a good reason to make sure you are careful of who your children are friends with. I want my children to be different than the general culture and I am told it is impossible, but I don't really think it should be.
So, what makes our children different than the general culture and thought processes?
Speaking from my own experience with raising children to adulthood (a term I use loosly here).....as a parent you HAVE to heed God's Word. Take it very seriously, apply it, mess up, apply it again and again and again. You have to be very persistant to be a good parent and for myself, I have come to the realization that you can't do it without God.
Our first child who is now going to be 23, is pretty wayward. Drugs, wild lifestyle, un-accountable attitude, humanistic, etc, etc. Very, very sad situation. My mistake in raising him?? Not following/knowing what God has to say about children. Even if I had known, I probably would of blown God off, because I wasn't a Believer at the time.
One thing I have learned over the years is this: If you DON'T have your childs HEART (basically from the start) you will fail no matter what you do. Lots of church, "good" friends, christian education (whether at home or in private school) setting a good example, etc.....if you don't have the heart, then all you have is a shell that obeys on the outside but not on the inside. Sort of like the Law in the old testement.
It IS the parent's responsibility to set forth the foundations for obedience and honor in their children. But they too, have to have the right attitude (heartitude if you will). You can't just go ordering them around and beating them with a spoon when the disobey. That is just as bad to me as the dishonoring child or teenager.
People just don't get it sometimes. I know I didn't for a long time - especially with our oldest, but now God has given me the grace to glimpse just a little of what He does mean by loving and training up a child. I am so glad to be older and having more children. I feel very blessed by Him.
You should be your childs best friend and best mentor, best protector - nobody else should EVER take the place of you. Friends come and go, but a wise parent always strives for the top spot in a child's heart (with of course, the exception of Christ when they are old enough and come into an understanding of Him). YOU must be the constant vision and reflection of a loving Messiah in your childs life. Constantly - not just 2 or 3 hours a day.
Jesus was with His disciples constantly. He was never far away from them during the time of His teaching. That is the example we should follow too. :-)
CA: Thank you for sharing that, it touched me. This quote especially impacted me...."One thing I have learned over the years is this: If you DON'T have your childs HEART (basically from the start) you will fail no matter what you do."
Looking back, one of the things that had the biggest impact in my life, with my parents, are the times I remember them apologizing to me when they had messed up.....all parents do(they're just human, after all), usually the kids know it, and for me, it was when I respected my parents and their authority the most....like CA said, they 'had my heart'.
Great thoughts, everyone!
And yes, definitely, I don't think the teens are completely to blame many times. I wrote on this in a previous blog post titled, "The Myth of the Modern Teenager."
I'll copy it below:
Yesterday, we were privileged to get to hear CS Hayden preach at our home church while we were visiting our family. His sermon was: Plants Grown Up in Their Youth: An Examination of Historical, Cultural, and Scriptural Views of Maturity and Development and he shared the Biblical pattern for young people and how we have digressed.
It was very timely for us as my husband and I have been discussing this topic ever since we listened to The Role of Children in the Meeting of the Church (highly recommended!).
There is this prevalent myth that between the ages of 10-20 or thereabouts all children will become selfish, self-serving, irresponsible, independent, and disrespectful creatures. I have heard Christian parents say with this sort of awful forboding look, "I have teenagers." Like, I am supposed to feel very sorry and sympathetic with them because of it. What is wrong with our society today? Every time I hear something like this, it breaks my heart.
But, when I look at the "modern teenager" I have a clue why parents feel this way. Most "teenagers" are selfish, self-serving smoochers. All they live for is themselves. All they care about is themselves.
Does it have to be this way? NO!
In Biblical times, children were considered adults when they turned 13. There was never this "in-between" age. When they were old enough to contribute, they were required to contribute.
As CS Hayden said, "Adolescence is a cultural product."
Steven J. Hayhow says:
"We need to understand whence the idea of adolescence originated. Essentially, our largely humanistic culture and society leads us to expect it, and to look for it as a trait of normality. So much so that children that fail to produce the characteristics are classified as abnormal. Teenagers are almost programmed to expect that in their teenage years they will become moody, difficult, and that their parents won't understand them. They are told (especially through the youth culture, the media, teenage magazines, and the state school system) that this will happen and that it is perfectly normal. Moreover, they are told, "There is nothing you can do about it. It is really just part of your development. You are just expressing your desire for independence from parental authority."
CA, I think there is more than "having a childs heart" I think is them having a heart after God. If their heart is turned towards God, then it will be different. I know parents that have seemed to do everything right, yet their children strayed. Later though they come back to God and the truth, because their parents did teach them the right way. I think sometimes we judge parents whose children stray and say "well, they didn't teach them the right way- they were too strict, too loose, didn't dress right, they didn't have their heart" etc. I think that there is no cut and dry formula for parenting, but if they can learn the fear and love of God, you will put something in them that will last a lifetime.
The reason I mention the importance of good friends- yes, they come and go, but the ones that are around need to be good friends. One of the biggest influences in a persons life is people they are around. Parents, brothers and sisters and others. If you have no friends and all you see are people in the stores, library, books etc. you start to think differently. When others are around you that encourage you in the same beliefs as your parents are teaching, it helps to encourage these beliefs.
I know what you mean about persevering in parenting! I do everyday with one of my sons, who is a wonderful boy that is very high energy and tests everything I say or command, it seems from birth!
I am just thinking these things through as I am young, but being the oldest of 11 and somewhat helping raise my brothers and sisters too, it seems at times. These are just thoughts!
Dear Martha A.,
I disagree with you regarding a child's heart. (Saying that in a kind way, of course :-))
If you don't have your child's heart, then how in the world will God have their heart?` From what you said, I don't think you have ever experienced the "teen" years yet of raising a child.
I also don't think it is fair either to assume just because the parents have "done everything right" that they are at fault.....like I said, when a child comes into an understanding of God, who He is, etc., then the child has to be accountable too. There does come a time when they make their own decisions and go the way they want. But I will say that 98% of parents with children astray, have only themselves to blame because they didn't complete the mission. That is why I said perseverence is prime. :-)
Oh, and also, they short-cut God's Word too. (I am not perfect either, just making a well informed observation). Oh, and I am also talking mainly about "Christian" parents too. I don't expect the world to be raising Godly children.
It's a problem I've always referred to as an "entitlement complex". Schools and society are teaching our kids that it doesn't matter what they do or how they do it. All that matters is that they feel good about themselves, and the world owes them just for existing.
People think I'm being mean because I've already told my kids they'll be buying their own cars, and if they want to go to college they either need to get some scholarships or join the military. Personally I'd like to see them go the military route more than anything else.
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