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A Libertarian?
What do you think of this article? Thanks to blog reader, Cheryl, for sending it to me to post. She said: I think it makes some really great points as to why the government isn't our "Master" as some people on the blog think it should be. I also think he makes great points in explaining why thinking from a Biblical point of view is much more logical and just than the worldly view so many Christians (and non-Christians, too) take. It would make some people think - I think.
And the Finalists Are...
 Sallie put up the finalists for her Blogs of Beauty contest tonight. I was humbled and quite surprised to have been nominated for some of the categories and be a finalist for three categories:
Best Biblical Exhortation
Does the best job of bringing biblical truth and exhorting others to walk closely with the Lord Jesus. (Blog does not have to be exclusively a theological blog.)
Best Discussion
Has the best discussions in the comments sections.
Best Quiet Spirit
Demonstrates a beautiful, quiet spirit through her blog entries.
To whoever was responsible for nominating this blog, you are very kind and I just wanted to express my gratitude. I don't know who you are, so I will just publically thank you. Be sure to go and cast your vote for the winners.
A Lop-Sided Map
Did anyone else notice that my map of blog-readers is quite lop-sided for the US? Amusing. I wonder if that means something significant? Hmmm... Are there any readers from South Dakota, Wyoming, New Mexico, Utah, Idaho, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Maine, or Nevada? I think those are the only states no one has signed the map in. I may have missed a few. This map thing has been fun to follow. I usually don't get so excited about such trivial matters. Funny what blogging will do to a person!
Recapturing Biblical Womanhood
 Though no bullets have been fired, we are witnessing the unilateral surrender of our daughters to a ferocious cultural, religious, and philosophical enemy. Here a little and there a little, inch by inch, ever progressively downward — the twenty-first century Church has largely capitulated to the feminist vision of womanhood. This capitulation is evidenced by (1) a lack of visionary leadership proclaiming and modeling the nobility, influence, and significance of biblical womanhood; (2) an unwillingness to defend the doctrine of biblical womanhood exegetically from Scripture; and (3) the communication of a false dichotomy — namely, that our daughters can either choose to be relevant and fulfilled independent career women, or they will be relegated to irrelevance preparing to be unfulfilled mothers, wives, and keepers at home. Now, thanks to a groundbreaking new book by Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin, Christian women are discovering that there is “so much more” for the daughters of Zion. The biblical vision is neither that our daughters become useless, mindless ornaments, nor that they behave like men as soldiers, but that they play a crucial role in the rebuilding of a visionary Christian culture by recapturing the biblical model for noble and victorious womanhood. The book is entitled So Much More: The Remarkable Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God, and it is the number one best-selling Vision Forum book since its release four weeks ago. Today, countless young ladies face difficult problems and challenging questions. While many long for godly purpose in their lives, their bewilderment mounts when they observe broken homes, distant fathers, overwhelmed mothers, degrading college courses, and a lack of spiritual guidance — both at home and at church. As hope for security and stability fades, it is no wonder that many young ladies feel orphaned, unprotected, and without hope for their futures. But So Much More is not another Christian-teenage-girl “survival guide.” So Much More shows how Christian girls can wage war with the world and win. In this groundbreaking new work, the Botkin sisters focus on how young women can rise above their God-hating culture and change it for the better. So Much More smashes stereotypes of the Left and Right. In the spirit of the principle of semper reformanda, So Much More is a reflection of the current great Holy Spirit work of Christ-focused family revival where a people are being made ready for the Lord as the hearts of children are turned to their parents and parents to their children. Indeed, God is at work, even in the midst of a paganism-loving, saltless Christianity which has all but embraced the worst vision of womanhood in the name of cultural relevancy and personal rights. So Much More recaptures definitions of biblical womanhood which have been under attack by feminist saboteurs both beyond and within the camp of the faithful. It presents a forward-thinking and distinctively biblical vision of Christian womanhood which transcends time and culture. It adds further clarity in answering the question: “What’s a girl to do?” Destined to be despised by feminists, post-moderns, and anti-patriarchs, but beloved of those who cherish the biblical ideal of womanhood in all of its beauty and influence, So Much More is the kind of literature we should be placing in the hands of our noble daughters. Within the pages of this book, girls will discover practical, biblical solutions for the young woman who wants to do so much more than just “survive” in a savagely feministic, anti-Christian culture. Readers will find the answers a girl is not likely to get from her church youth group, her peers, or her culture.
-From the Vision Forum email newsletter. Click here to subscribe.
Through tomorrow, you can order your copy for 20% off - only $14.40!
One Thing
This morning in my Daily Light I read, One thing have I desire of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life... (Psalm 27:4a)
There are a lot of things that press into our life daily calling for our attention -- the family, the neighbors, the to-do list, the friends, the relatives, and yes, maybe even the dog. There are a lot of things to do and needs to be met. But, in all the hustle and bustle, let us not lose sight of the most important thing to be living for-- our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! There is only one thing I want to spend my life living for. One thing alone is worth seeking after. One thing only should be the desire of our hearts as Christians -- to love and serve the Lord and walk in holiness before Him. Nothing else is worth living for. Everything else is "wood, hay, and stubble."
From Sunday's Sermon
Here are a few random notes from yesterday's sermon which I scribbled down on a piece of scrap paper while nursing Kathrynne in the nursing mother's room: "God doesn't want to be prominent -- He wants to be preeminent!" "Sin always bears an inflated price tag." "It is not enough to say 'God I want to know Thee.' We must also be willing to say 'God I want to love Thee.' 'God I want to serve Thee.' 'God I want to cleave only to Thee.'" "Religion is the easiest thing to promote if all you promote is a religion. You cannot just promote religion without a relationship with God." "No one comes to Christ outside of the Word of God."
Neglecting This Blog For More Important Things
I've been busy the last few days and completely neglecting this blog. Neglecting it so that I could do things like puncture my thumb and almost have to go to the hospital for a tetnis shot and stitches (Note to self: Don't try peeling sweet potatoes with a 25-year-old rusted metal vegetable peeler), neglecting it so that I could be sick and in bed almost all day one day and plain "miserable" for the next two days, neglecting it so that I could take care of my sick husband and my sick baby (her very first sickness, kind of traumatic for this first-time mom!). Things like that. Oh, and while all that was going on, we also travelled to visit our families for five days during which time we celebrated Thanksgiving two times, my sister and I sewed four skirts and an outfit for Kathrynne (I think that was the total amount right Gretchen?) plus cut out some other patterns for me to bring home and sew (hopefully!), baked 16-20 dozen cookies at Jesse's family's house, went to church with our family and got to spend a little time with the Haydens (always a pleasure!), and spent hours talking and catching up with our families (amidst my sniffing and complaining -- did I say I don't like to be sick? I'm not a happy camper when I'm sick. I need to work more on being content and joyful in all things!). Inspite of my cold (which, gratefully, did not appear until after Thanksgiving day), it was a lovely Thanksgiving break. But, I'm glad to be back home again. And, did you hear the news? Only 16 more days and Jesse is finished with this semester! Woohoo! He will only have one more semester of law school left and then passing the Bar. You can't even imagine how anxious he is for the day to come when he doesn't have to wake up and go to school!
Babies and Grandparents
 One of the highlights of Thanksgiving was getting Kathrynne and my cousin's baby, Andrew, together for the first time to play. This was also the first time they were able to be together with their great-grandparents (Which the above picture portrays).  Kathrynne and Andrew and their respective Grandmas have fun discovering the piano!
From My Inbox
I wanted to let you know that I have LOVED reading the testimonies you've been posting! I also REALLY appreciate you sharing something to deeply personal to you and this quote right here...."I know my most important work here and now is to honor my husband and make him successful, but I am really struggling with feeling fulfilled. Life is so quiet and yet such hard work. " summed up my feelings so perfectly! Most of the time I'm content and just fine but occasionally I feel JUST LIKE the sentence you wrote. While with my husband's family over Thanksgiving one of my sister-in-laws said to me "you have always been so children-oriented, ...the type of person who should have 10 kids because you'd be so good at it." I didn't really know what to say, she's not a Christian and when I've told her about being content in God's will, in the past, she looked at me like I'd lost my mind, so this time I just smiled and shrugged. -Anonymous
Ministry Ideas Needed
Blog reader, Carrie, is a young stay-at-home mom with a small child. She emailed and asked if I would post the following for some input and ideas: It would be great to share ideas on how one can minister in/from their own home after the housework is done! I only have a car a couple of times a week and feel that most ministries at church require transportation. If anyone has practical ideas on how to minister to my family and to others from home that would be great! I'd love to hear your ideas, thoughts, and experiences on this. I hope to share more of mine later.
For Those Who Love Vision Forum as Much As I
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 6
Our Journey to Joy My beloved hubby and I married when I was 34. In the ‘olden’ days, that was considered to be ‘high risk’ for pregnancy but my Ob/Gyn assured me that the average of first pregnancy is now 37. Since my mother had me at 46, I assumed I’d have no trouble. We tried herbal remedies (I still gag at the thought of drinking ‘Fertila Tea’) and cough syrup. We tried medical routes (Clomid) and had several invasive procedures done before we referred to reproductive specialist who removed endometriosis and a two pound fibroid. When none of these procedures worked, we began a series of blood draws, exams, and injections. We also began the IUI (which, for us, had to be done at 6am in a hospital an hour’s drive away). I gave myself injections at home, inserted creams into my body, took all kinds of prescription meds, and missed a ton of work because I had blood drawn every 48 hours each month. During this time, we felt like “everyone” we knew was getting pregnant. One of my coping mechanisms was to write out verse after verse of scripture. I’d choose a word like ‘hope’ or ‘patience’ or ‘wait’ in a concordance, write out the references and then write out each verse in long hand. This kept my mind focused on the Lord. I really felt like I had no one to talk to about this except Him.
After a year or so, our church had a healing service. As soon as the opportunity arose, I felt my body walking the aisle following my husband. Our pastor prayed for God to start our family and to bless us with children. Thus our journey began… In three days after this service, we had several leads about adoption. One of the teachers I worked with came up to me on that third day and said “I don’t know why I am supposed to tell you this but have you thought about adoption? The Lord has pressed me to share with you the name of Jennifer B. who is an adoptive mom”. I called Jennifer B. and she told me about her experience adopting and gave me a phone number for an agency in Illinois that places black babies. I shared that information with my husband and he said we should wait one more month and see what the Lord had planned. During that month, the agency called every other day asking “Are you ready yet? We need a family today.” At the end of that month, my husband said he felt the Lord WAS leading us to adoption. We called the agency and they said they’d just been waiting for us to call; they knew we were meant to have a black child. Five months after our pastor prayed over us, our son, Ozzie, joined our family from Detroit, Michigan. He had big black eyes and several inches of long black hair when we got him at 24 hours old. We were in love from the moment we saw him. Once we arrived home, we had to learn to adjust to being watched a lot. People are naturally curious about our family. We have yet to eat a meal in a restaurant without at least one person stopping to chat; everyone has an adoption story! We enjoy this time and utilize it as a chance to witness to those who may not know the saving grace of Jesus Christ. This past summer, my husband thought it might be time to get another boy and FOUR weeks later, Nolan joined our family from Memphis, Tennessee. Our sons have brought so much joy to our family, our extended family and our friends. They are truly blessings. They are fun to be around and filled with such happiness; I can’t help but fall in love over and over again. When I see my husband holding his two boys, being gnawed on by 4 month old Nolan or tickled by 2 year old Ozzie, I know the Lord has truly gifted me in a way I do not deserve. Nolan’s birthmother asked me why I chose to adopt black babies. I answered her that I didn’t choose; God chose and HE knew exactly what was right for our family. Trusting the Lord is always the right thing! -Katie
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 5
My husband proposed to me in February of 2000. Just one month later I was in the doctors office being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS – a disease that contributes to infertility, heart disease, and cancer). I went undiagnosed with this for seven years with unexplained pain and irregular cycles. So, off the bat, we knew we may have some difficulty conceiving.
5 years, 5 rounds of fertility treatments with national experts, and 3 (necessary) surgeries later I still have not conceived. My husband also has male factor infertility. We both wanted a large family. Family is the most important to my husband and I came from a very small family and broken home – so I wanted many children. Many people prayed over us and anointed me with oil and we prayed for healing. In 2004, we began the adoption process, we signed on with an agency looking for an open adoption. As it turns out God brought our first son to us for free through the foster care system. Anyone who knows us knows that we are all a perfect match. We are currently looking for our next child to adopt. I’ve never been pregnant. I don’t know if I ever will. One thing that does hurt is to hear people say, “Now that you’ve adopted you are going to get pregnant. It happens all the time.” Frankly – I’ve been through quite enough ups and downs hoping day after day to conceive and it doesn’t help when people say this to me. I may never get pregnant. But God will give the barren woman healing. And she’ll dance with joy like the mother of children. -Amanda Davis
You can visit the Davis Family's Adoption page here and the blog about their son here. In addition Amanda said: "Since PCOS affects many more woman than once thought I want to get the word out about the disease. Visit the PCOS Quilt for stories from other women who are affected by it."
From My Heart...
After reading Mrs. Pinnington's article on their journey in trusting God through infertility, I wanted to share an entry from my journal of 2 years ago. Many of you know that about 2 1/2 years ago, we moved away from our family, friends, church, and financial security for Jesse to go to law school in a town where we knew no one, had no church, and had no idea where the resources to survive for the three years of law school were going to come from. It was also around this time that we were told by doctors that they could not give us hope or help with our infertility struggles unless we were to take some very drastic, costly measures. We did not feel a peace about doing that, nor did we have the funds, if we had felt at peace. This was a very, very difficult time in my life, to say the least. It was during this time that I wrote the following journal entry: I am struggling today... Everything just seems dreary right now. I have prayed so hard for friendship and fellowship with other believers here and it just seems as if God is silent. I have prayed so hard for children, that we may raise them in the way sof the Lord, and it seems, once again, God is silent.
I know my most important work here and now is to honor my husband and make him successful, but I am really struggling with feeling fulfilled. Life is so quiet and yet such hard work. I try so hard to rejoice... but so often I am on the verge of tears.
Sometimes when I am driving in the car, I look at other drivers and wonder, "Are they lonely?" I so wish there were people we could get together with and have in our home.
But, will people satisfy this need? Will people make me fulfilled? Will children, will pregnancy, will friends?
I know in my heart that it must be Jesus alone. I must look to the Lord. I must find my strength in Him.
He is testing me to see if He alone is enough. I fear I am failing the test.
I was thinking this morning what it would be like to be Corrie ten Boom or Darlene Deibler when they were in solitary confinement and also enduring torture, distress, and hunger.
"Lord, I believe, help Thou mine unbelief." I look back on this time of intense struggle and see how God used it in great and mighty ways. I needed to learn to find my fulfillment only in Christ -- not friends, not children, not money, not even my husband. God had to strip most everything else away from me so that I could learn to be content in all things. Little did I ever dream of the blessings and wonderful opportunities and friendships God had in store for us that would have never been possible had we not moved away from everything we had known all our lives. But, I first had to leanrn to be content with where He had me. I have by no means mastered this, but I can say wholeheartedly today that I am truly happy, joyful, and fulfilled in the life that God has given me to live. I don't usually share such personal things, but the Lord prompted me to so today and I pray that it might have somehow been an encouragement to someone somewhere who is struggling.
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 4
For us our journey with infertility started at different points: I found out I could not conceive when I was 11, and I told my now-husband when we met and realised that we were going to have a life-long relationship aged 16 and 17. Whether or not we would ever have children was always to us a side-issue, compared with our certainty that we were ideally suited in every other way that mattered to us. Some people would say that we should never have married, knowing that we would never procreate, but we believe that Eve was made for Adam as a companion and helper first, and as a mother for his children second, so to us a marriage which is not blessed with children is every bit as precious in God's eyes as one which fills a house with pattering feet. We have been married 10 happy years, and this June we adopted our beautiful son, who was aged 18 months at the time. To us he is the "cherry on the icing on our cake" and while we are thrilled to be his parents and wholeheartedly thank the Lord for blessing us with the chance to be his mummy and daddy, we would have continued to be happy and content and fulfilled with our childless marriage. For both of us, infertility was hardest when we fought against it. Accepting God's will for us might be to never have children was not a smooth journey: there would be weeks or months when we could honestly say we did submit to His will, followed by periods where one or both of us would become distressed and rebel against it. Acknowledging that there would continue to be times of trial and testing, moments when the pain was intense, helped us to cope and meant that we could enjoy the periods of contentment in peace. We found that often the attitude of many in the Christian community that childless marriage is somehow a shallow, empty thing wounded us: sentiment such as those expressed in the poem which was featured on this blog recently were very painful to us, especially as we knew that we had a happy, joy-filled home and no shortage of subjects to talk about. I believe that if in the period when a couple are waiting to see if God will send them children they do all in their power to enjoy the blessings they do have, such as the joy of companionship and loving intimacy with another human being, they would find beautiful richness and fulfilment in being a husband and wife: after all, there will be many years when the children are grown and busy with their own lives when the couple will be thrown back upon that first relationship and need it to be strong and successful. So often parenthood [and specifically motherhood] is held up as a supreme human relationship that is the only real fulfilment one can know - when the Lord uses marriage to illustrate His relationship with His people, more often than parenthood, suggesting how central and significant that relationship is of oneness and shared purpose. If we can embrace the wonder of Christian marriage, then Christian parenting can only be enriched and nourished by the love and understanding that continue to blossom between a husband and wife. To be gazing sorrowfully at the dreams we have, can mean that we miss the far more lovely reality within our grasp. Becoming a parent is as fraught with challenges and difficulties, with burdens as well as blessings, that we are wrong to cling to the thought "if only I could be a mother, I would be happy then" or "if only we had children I would be at peace". Just as the unmarried can look ahead to wedded bliss as a "happy ever after" moment, so those of us who wait for children can think of after the birth or after the placement for adoption as a "happy ending", when it is more of a beginning, and a start to an adventure which will have as many "bitter" moments as "sweet" ones. We feel the Lord has blessed us with a 10 year long honeymoon. Waiting ten years for our son often felt like second best, and people have indeed suggested to us that adopting is not as good as having "one of your own". But we see clearly how God's plan was the very best for us, and the idea that we might have had a biological child years ago and never known our darling son is an awful thought! To have missed the adventure of adoption and the joy of this particular special little man would have been to have missed a great blessing from God's hand. Whether one has one child or twelve, whether it takes years of trying or happens on honeymoon, whether the child is adopted or biological, whether the family stays a family of two or grows, that circumstance is God's blessing to that man and that woman, the very best He has planned for them. My prayer for those who share the journey of infertility is that God would send them little ones to raise for His glory, but more than that, that He would grant them a peaceful and trusting heart. The Lord has a beautiful promise for those who will never have children but who nonetheless live for Him and love Him: "Even to them I will give in My house and within My walls, a place and a name better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off" [Isaiah 56:5] -Mrs. Oscar Pinnington
10 Ways to Get More Hits
Amy over at Humble Musings (whose blog you really should read, if you don't!) posted today on the Top Ten Ways to Get More Hits. I especially liked this one: Act like you have something figured out. Even if your theory is correct 99.98% of the time, I personally guarantee that the .02% exceptions will find your site and tell you all about it.
Feminism Has Suffered a Setback
My husband sent this article to me from CWFA today. Here's a snippet:
Maureen Dowd’s book, Are Men Necessary, racked up disappointing first-week sales –– barely over 10,000 copies. The publication was preceded by great fanfare, a huge public relations campaign and a publicity photo of the author wearing a slinky black dress, net hose, starkly red high heels, and the sullen facial expression typical of today’s fashion models. What went wrong? A cutting-edge feminist and New York Times columnist, Dowd, wrote a book basically saying that feminism betrayed women. Dowd declared that while feminism lasted only a nanosecond, the backlash has gone on for 40 years with “American narcissism” trumping “American feminism.” Dowd’s personal bitterness is palpable. She thinks that feminism has “curdled”; that the promise of a “womanly life” that wouldn’t revolve around men “never quite materialized.” She alone saw things clearly and charted her own path. Other women are just too, too conformist –– in the ’60s, feminists looked and thought alike; today’s women, with a different message, look and think alike, too. Back when feminists reigned, Dowd was too fun-loving. With conservative women on the ascendancy, Dowd was too strong. Alas, men can’t handle a strong woman so, in her early 50s, she is still single; there is no justice in the world. Dowd subscribes to the men-want-to-marry-their-secretaries school; women, she thinks, are penalized when they are too independent and strong. Further, Dowd cites all the reasons that professional women get by-passed in the marriage mart –– a high I.Q. hurts a woman’s prospects, high salary or other signs of career success are detriments, or the daily grind of the fast track is not family-friendly. Then, with her typical arrogance, she writes that it is “exhilarating” to see women reject the “old idea of copying men” in order to reshape the world “around their desires.” But, she opines, it is an “irritating setback” when women “cosset themselves” in a narrow world and accept “dependence on men.” Read the full article.
A Beautiful Quotation
Thank you to Erin for posting this beautiful quotation from Elisabeth Elliot:
In the intimacy of marriage you offer yourself, continually and gladly. When you give yourself to your husband, you are actually giving him life. You are putting meaning into his life which was not there before and willy nilly (this is one of the most astonishing and beautiful of the inescapable facts) you find meaning in your own life because of this sacrifice. Your husband, loving you as Christ loved the Church--that is, laying down his life for you--gives you life and puts meaning into his own. An inexorable spiritual principle is set in motion. It is not the laying down that occupies your thoughts; it is the joy. Christ, when He endured the Cross, knew the joy that was set before Him.
You can't talk about the idea of equality and the idea of self-giving in the same breath. You can talk about partnership, but it is the partnership of the dance. If two people agree to dance together they agree to give and take, one to lead and one to follow. This is what a dance is. Insistence that both lead means there won't be any dance. It is the woman's delighted yielding to the man's lead that gives him freedom. It is the man's willingness to take the lead that gives her freedom. Acceptance of their respective positions frees them both and whirls them into joy.
If you can understand your womanhood in this light, you will know fullness of life. Hear the call of God to be a woman. Obey that call. Turn your energies to service. Whether your service is to be to a husband and through him and the family and home God gives you to serve the world, or whether you should remain, in the providence of God, single in order to serve the world without the solace of husband, home, and family, you will know fullness of life, fullness of liberty, and (I know wherof I speak) fullness of joy.
So, I'm Not Usually One to Follow the Pack...
I have started seeing these Frappr maps everywhere online and I finally broke down and made one for this blog. It's just a fun way to see where in the world you come from. So, whether you are a long-time reader or an occasional visitor, make my day and add yourself to our map.I have it set to only give basic demographics, so don't worry, no one will know any specific details on you and you only have to give a name (or make up a name), email address, and zip code to sign up. All of this is kept confidential. You can upload a photo if you'd like, but that is entirely optional. So go sign up, it will only take a moment.
Why Women Are Exposing Themselves
 I encourage you to read this very thought-provoking article by Dennis Prager on "Why Women Are Exposing Themselves." (Please note: Part 2 has some mildly explicit language.) Here's a small snippet: Thanks to feminist doctrines that pervade education from kindergarten through graduate school, men and women increasingly believe that the sexes are largely identical. Therefore, the arenas wherein women can feel and demonstrate their feminine distinctiveness have narrowed appreciably.
By showing more of their bodies, women can announce that they are women. There are other ways young women can publicly demonstrate their distinct female identity -- for example, by wearing feminine clothing and other feminine behavior, being a wife, being pregnant and being a mother.
But those ways are increasingly ignored, deferred and discredited. Among egalitarians, being a wife is no different a role than that of husband, and motherhood is no longer regarded as distinctively female. Husbands and fathers are supposed to play identical roles, and because of the movement for gay equality, mothers have been declared unnecessary -- two fathers, most well educated people now contend, are every bit as good for a child as a mother and a father.
So, for the young woman for whom marriage, pregnancy and motherhood are remote or even undesirable given the anti-traditional education she has received, her primary vehicle of proclaiming she is a woman is literally to expose the fact. Thanks to The Rebelution for posting this. Be sure to check out the comments on this articles as well. It is not showing up that there are any comments (at least on my computer), but there are some great comments and discussions there. By the way, I highly recommend their blog -- everything I've read is superb!
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 3
My mom was one of 14 children, and my dad was one of 5. I was the oldest of 5 children, and my parents were foster parents for 20 years, so I was always around children - lots of them. My parents had big hearts for children, especially hurting children. Some families raise their kids to become bankers or lawyers. I believed I was raised to be a mom. I wanted a big family, and I wanted to adopt. My dream was to give birth to 4 children and then start adopting. I wanted 12 kids, and I'm not exaggerating. My husband knew from the very beginning of our relationship that I wanted a big family. He never exactly agreed to 12, but he also wanted a family and said we would start and see what happened after that. We married in August 1997. It is now November 2005, and we have been trying to conceive for more than 7 years. I have never been pregnant, and we have no diagnosed medical reason for our inability to conceive. We have chosen not to pursue infertility treatments. For several years, we have been actively discussing and pursuing adoption. Due to the consequences of a tragic auto accident, we are unable to proceed with adoption for at least one more year, possibly longer. Almost every day we discuss our future with our children, even though we have no idea who they will be or how they will come home to us. We want to adopt children that are waiting in the U.S. foster care system up to age 7 or so. We have researched numerous special needs and attachment issues. We have researched the effects of abuse and neglect. We have discussed the pros and cons of adopting one child at a time or adopting a sibling group. We know more about a multitude of parenting issues than most of our friends who are parents. We pray for our children. We plan for our children. We dream of our children. We grieve for our children. We hope for our children. Someday, we will hold our children in our arms and tuck them into bed and kiss them goodnight. -M. A.
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 2
I would like to share a couple of thoughts based on our two-year experience with infertility AFTER the birth of our first child. I waited too long to seek the help of a reproductive endocrinologist because I believed God would open my womb. I regret this dearly. We were not willing to cross the line into assisted reproductive technology (such as IUI or In Vitro) and did not understand that infertility treatment does NOT have to cross that line. Finally a wise friend pointed out that if doctors found a physical problem, there would be no sin in fixing it. Is it wrong for a diabetic to take insulin because his body has an improper hormonal imbalance? What about a woman with a thyroid problem who needs medicine to live a normal life? How is that different from an infertile woman who needs hormones to heal her reproductive cycle or surgery to remove scarring from her tubes? As it turns out, I showed up at my first week of appointments two weeks PREGNANT. With the doctors' sophisticated testing, we were able to determine that I had probably been pregnant many times in the last two years. Due to a hormonal imbalance, I was not making enough progesterone to support the fetus. They immediately prescribed supplemental progesterone, and I am now almost through the first trimester. Like Naaman in 2 Kings, I had to lay down my pride and seek a treatment I didn't want. I'm so grateful I didn't wait any longer to accept the help God has provided through medicine. -M
Trusting God and Infertility - Part 1
I'm starting a series of posts on infertility because I know this is something that many of you have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience in your lifetime. Thank you to many of you who have offered to share your stories. I will be posting them over the next week or so. I pray they are an encouragement. For those of us mothers who have children, may they also be an encouragement to us to not take our little ones for granted and also to be more understanding, compassionate, and considerate to those who cannot have children.
If you have a story to share, please email it to me. My husband and I were married when we were 20 years old. At the time, I took birth control without even thinking about it. A little before my 23rd birthday, my husband and I decided that birth control was no longer an option for us, because we felt that in using it we were telling God that we didn’t trust His plans or His timing and that instead we wanted to be completely in control.
I got off of birth control in February 2003. I expected to be pregnant soon, but we also knew that we weren’t entirely prepared and that God may give us time to prepare. After the first year passed, I began to be a little more “frantic” and convinced that something was wrong. However, we had decided to trust God, so we continued waiting.
In August of 2004, I finally conceived with no medical help. (My husband and I did not feel that we needed to consult doctors – after all, if we were trusting God to decide when to bless us with a child, then we also needed to trust His decision to leave us childless at the time). In October, at 9 weeks, I lost the baby. Really and truly, the baby had stopped developing after just a few days and my body didn’t know to let it go. After a sonogram revealing this, we chose to go home and let nature take it’s course.
In February 2005, I became pregnant again, only to lose it at 5 weeks. My husband and I decided to go ahead and pursue adoption thinking that if God blessed us with a child from our own bodies, then so be it, but that we had the love to give. We had decided to wait until the first of the year (Jan 2006) to begin the long paperwork journey so that we could have time to finish paying debt, save some, etc.
Well…almost exactly a year to the date of my first conception, I conceived again! At week 11, we were blessed to hear a heartbeat. Now I’m at week 15, and I am anxiously waiting to feel this baby move. God is faithful. My body is in His control.
We are praying that all will be well in this pregnancy and that our struggle with “infertility” and miscarriages will be behind us. But…if God chooses to take this one, too, I know that He is bigger than we are and that He has bigger plans for us than we do for ourselves. I know that our little trip with infertility seems just that…little. But in our lives, it was HUGE. I have been extremely blessed in that I have never suffered through the loss of a close loved one. I have my family around me, and I have never lost a friend to death. So for me, the grief of losing my babies was more than I had ever felt. -T.S.
O Give Thanks
 Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year! I love the Fall weather, time with family, Jesse's time off of work and school before the finals rush hits, the time to reflect on the blessings the Lord has given us over the past year, and yes, I even enjoy the food. What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? What special Thanksgiving traditions does your family have? What are you serving for your Thanksgiving meal? Most importantly, what are you especially thanking the Lord for this year? What "great and mighty things" has He done in your life and the life of your family?
It only takes two minutes
What Kathrynne can do in less than two minutes...  I think we are going to install those hand-dandy child-proof cupboard locks. Kathrynne's current fascination is not only opening the cupboards and pulling everything out of them, once she pulls everything out, she get inside of the cupboards and tries to shut the door! My mom finds this very amusing because this was one of my favorite things to do as a child. That and pull all of the toilet paper off of the roll -- another one of Kathrynne's delights. We are working on training her not to do this, but training doesn't happen overnight, as I'm sure all of you parents know. We are just beginning to learn what the word "consistency" is really all about!
Blogs of Beauty
 Sallie over at Two Talent Living is sponsoring a Blogs of Beauty Contest. The focus of these awards is honoring the female bloggers who bring beauty to the world of blogdom. The categories are: Best Biblical Exhortation
Does the best job of bringing biblical truth and exhorting others to walk closely with the Lord Jesus. (Blog does not have to be exclusively a theological blog.) Best Design - Contemporary
The most beautiful blog of a contemporary design. Best Design - Traditional
The most beautiful blog of a non-contemporary design. Best Discussion
Has the best discussions in the comments sections. Best Encourager
Has the most encouraging blog content. Best Frugality
Has the best content regarding frugality. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about frugality). Best Homemaking
Has the best content regarding homemaking. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about homemaking.) Best Homeschooling
Has the best content regarding homeschooling. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about homeschooling.) Best Humor
Has the best humor. Best Meet for a Mocha
The blogger you have never met and would most like to meet in person for a mocha. Best Motherhood
Has the best content about being a mommy. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about motherhood.) Best Quiet Spirit
Demonstrates a beautiful, quiet spirit through her blog entries. Best Recipes
Has the best recipes. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about cooking.) Best Variety
Has the most enjoyable variety of content. I love this! What an excellent idea. How am I supposed to only nominate one blog per category, though? If you are interested, the Weblog Awards are currently going on as well. Thanks to Mrs. Happy Housewife for the link.
Cherish Your Children!
Read this touching post by Holly. Remember, the dishes and the laundry will still be there when your children are grown and gone. So will all those "ministry opportunities." Make time to take time. There are a lot of good things in life, but there are only a few things which are BEST. I'm off to read and play with my little princess!
Up for Debate: Welfare
I know we have discussed welfare briefly in the past, but due to recent comments and emails, I thought it would be a good debate topic. So, today's debate/discussion topic:
Is government welfare beneficial for society?
In addition to your thoughts, experiences, and beliefs, I'd love to hear arguments on whether you believe welfare is Biblical and/or Constitutional. If you believe welfare is wrong, are there some cases when it is acceptable? If you believe it is right, should there be limitations placed upon the recipients?
Encouragement for Single Moms
I know there are some single mom blog readers here and I can't imagine what your life must be like! I received a lovely email from Raylene, a single homeschooling mother the other day, and she included a link to her blog, which I enjoyed visiting. I especially appreciated her post on being a single mom and a keeper at home.
Something I Wrote Long, Long Ago
My husband has to ship in his laptop this next week to get it repaired and he was cleaning everything off of it. In the process, he has found some very interesting files that I completely forgot about. Here is one such file --I wrote this way back when we were first married. Some women on a message board were discussing saving money on groceries and here are a few snippets of my contributions to this discussion. I don't follow all of these things now, but I thought that some of you might enjoy reading it. Some of this I've already written here before, but some of it is new. It was fun to go back and refresh my memory about our very early married months. Excuse the bad grammar and hastily -written content. Inspite of the atrocious style, there were some good ideas here... if only I still followed all of them! There is a season for everything, though. Maybe someday I'll have Kathrynne start coupon-shopping for us.
Snippet 1: Budgeting
Before we were married, my parents encouraged my husband and me to make out a budget. Our budget allotment is $35/week, but I usually spend between $25-30. There is just my husband and I, but we do share a lot of food and household goods with others. Before I got married in January of this year, my mom had me plan the menus and shop on a budget for our family of 9. That was a really good experience for me.
I now am able to bless my husband with good food that doesn't also break our budget. We eat very well, and usually eat out (using coupons!) once a week or so when we have extra grocery money. Since we do not have children and we are just newly-weds, I have more time to spend than money to spend and so I try to use that to my advantage. I shop at two stores (Kroger and Aldi). I do my major shopping at Kroger and only buy at Aldi what is too expensive at Kroger. I know what all the prices are at Aldi and so when Kroger is cheaper, I prefer to buy it there. I shop the sales and use coupons and usually try to do both. And it is incredible the deals the Lord provides for us! This past week, I spent $26 and saved $60!
We do eat convenience foods---but only because I get them with coupons for basically nothing. For instance, I often get TV dinners for $0.35 each, so that is worth it to me. We also eat a lot of whole grains, whole wheat bread, and fresh produce. I try to always pray before I enter the store that the Lord would provide good deals for us, and He is always faithful, it is incredible!
I highly recommend Jonni McCoy's Miserly Moms book.... it has saved us a lot of money! From the way we live, you would never know we live on about $1000 a month for everything!
Snippet 2: You Can Live Within Your Means
My husband is in charge of our finances. He makes the decision and pays the bills, but I know how much we have in each budget category. We usually go over everything once every other month or so together to kind of see where we are as far as savings and spendings and see if we need to rework anything. My only financial oversight is in our groceries.
We made out our budget together (like I said) and then tweaked it after we were married, once we had figured out how much each category was really going to cost us.
We truly believe that you can live within your means, no matter how little they may be, with a little creativity, trust in the Lord, and the willingness to do without. A budget has been a wonderful thing for us...there is freedom when there are boundaries. Another motto I often adopt is, "You can always do it for less." There are so many things in life that people pay way more for than they have to. With a little work, research and creativity, you can figure out a less expensive route. It does take patience and perserverence though!
Snippet 3: Practical Ideas
Meat: If you purchase your meat at the gocery store, find out when it is reduced and shop at that time. I go grocery shopping early in the morning because I have found our store marks down meat and produce then and I can get the best selection. We only buy chicken or steak type of meat at the grocery store because we prefer high-quality ground beef. You can usually ask the meat dept. when they mark meat down and plan your shopping accordingly. Since we cannot afford high-quality ground beef, we just don't buy it. Although my husband would enjoy having it now and then, he realizes it is a sacrifice we must make at this season in our life. And we eat quite well without it. We make lasagna and spaghetti(We just add a can of chopped, seasoned tomatoes to the sauce for some zest) without meat. And just use refried beans in tacos. When I can get boneless, skinless chicken breasts reduced (which is usually every three weeks or so that I find a really good selection of them), I buy all of them that I can and then take them home and cook, chop, and freeze them in meal-size portions....that way, when I need chopped chicken it is waiting in the freezer.
Our menu for this week:
~Italian Chicken over Noodles
~Ham and Beans (one of my husband's favs and this is as cheap as it gets---we just boil a ham hock or small piece of ham in with the final cooking of a bag of Great Northern Beans, season to taste with salt)
~Homemade Pizza (Also extremely cheap---we just usally like pepperoni, cheese, and colored peppers on it--and I get the colored peppers whenever they are on the reduced produce rack and then chop and freeze---I can usually get about 6-8 for $0.49-0.99)
~Chicken Noodles Over Mashed Potatoes (Just make chicken noodle soup with less broth and serve over mashed potatoes)
~Lasagna
~Hearty Chicken Soup
Dairy: We drink very little milk (we try to use up a half gallon in about two weeks!) so that saves us a lot right there. I know there are mixed feelings about calcium and such, but my parents never gave us milk to drink when we were growing up and we all are very healthy--- my family of nine went through a little over a gallon a week. If you reduce your milk drinking, you can cut your grocery bill very quickly.). We do use cheese rather generously. I buy cheese from Aldis or get it when it is on sale in the pre-grated bags (you can freeze those).
Coupons, Meal Planning, and Stocking Your Pantry: I am a huge coupon shopper! But I NEVER allow myself to buy something with coupons that is not worth the price. Just because you can get 80 cents off does not mean it is a good deal. Another thing, time is money. If you do not have time to clip coupons, don't beat yourself up for not doing it. But if you do have time, it can save you a lot. Every Sat or Sun night (Since I go grocery shopping on Mon morning), I go through the store ad with my coupon box (I have a large tupperware tub with a lid that my coupons are organized in) and make out my grocery list and menu for the week. I always keep a running grocery list on the side of our refrig that I add to throughout the week as I notice we need to purchase something---(Since I keep a pretty well stocked there usually are only a few items on this list). As I go through the ad, I keep in mind what coupons I have in my box and if it seems to be a good deal, I pull out the coupon and stick in a envelope labelled "Coupons to be Used Today" That way it's all ready for me at the store in the morning. This whole planning and pulling coupons process usually takes me maybe 15-20 mins.
When I get to the store, I check the reduced items first and then go through every aisle of the store----starting from one end and working to the other. The reason I go down every aisle and scan all the shelves is because there are often closeouts or manager's specials that I would miss otherwise. I use a calculator to make sure everything is within budget.
About stocking your pantry, if you think it's impossible, let me tell you, it isn't. Try to just maybe start with just spending a few dollars each week towards it. Usually every store that I am aware of (unless it is some place like Aldis or maybe Wal-Mart), has a few really good deals every week. For instance, this past week, Kroger had Del Monte canned vegetables for $0.39/can (They are usually 0.99/can). Although Aldis is a few cents cheaper, I knew Del Monte is a better brand and so I bought some cans, even though I knew I already had some at home). Kroger also had Land O Lakes spreads for Buy One, Get one Free--(which at Kroger just means 50% off--if you watch how they ring it up.) So, the price of two was $1.79. I had a $1 off coupon for each one, so I got 13 tubs free! It is not uncommon that I find deals like that, and that is how I stock my pantry, refrig, and freezer. If you are willing to spend just a few dollars each week on extras, it will pay off in big dividends. For instance, I will never pay over $0.80 on a cleaner. But, when I find one for that price (on sale w/ coupon), I usually always buy it. By doing this, I have never paid full price for a cleaner since we've been married.... and we always have a cabinet full of cleaners!
Marriage Equates No Freedom?
My husband recently responded to someone who was encouraging waiting to marry so that you could be "free" and I wanted to share his excellent commentary: I will have to respectfully disagree with your assessment of marriage equating not having any freedom. One of the ends of marriage is for God to use two individuals together in ways they could not have been used separately. Stated in another way: the three-stranded cord of marriage is more strong and more useful than the single or even double stranded cord of singleness. To intimate that marriage is in some sense bondage will create hesitation and unwillingness to be used of God in this state and create an independence that leads to rebellion. Readers may think that I am being overly strong on this issue, but the modern view that marriage is evil and singleness bring freedom and personal liberty is contrary to the Biblical norms laid down first in Genesis. It is a lie of modern feminism that needs be diligently rebuffed. This said, "to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Use this season of singleness to the glory of God. He has placed you here and now for a reason. Glory not in the state of singleness for singleness' sake--rejoice in it because you are right now where God can best use you at this time.
More Commentary on Marriage
After my article on marriage was published on LAF, I received a lot of criticism and comments. I answered a few of these and thought I'd share these responses below.
“Dear LAF,
I wanted to comment on Crystal Paine's article "Marriage: Blessing or Bondage?" I got the impression that the only marriages she felt were blessed were hers and her parents. Also, I felt that she was putting down people like me (not homeschooled; non-Christian parents; divorced, etc) by the way she only talked in detail about her wedding (and courtship) and her parents 30 year marriage. ~Rosalind”
Dear Rosalind, Thank you for your comments regarding the article I wrote, Marriage: Blessing or Bondage. I am truly sorry if I came across in a manner which made you feel as though any marriage besides my own or my parents’ was not a blessed marriage. That is not at all my belief. I have been so privileged to meet a number of Godly couples through the years—couples like Matt and Jennie Chancey whose love for each other and the Lord radiates through their life. I am so excited to meet parents who are raising their young people to eagerly anticipate and prepare for marriage. The article was primarily written to address the overwhelming number of parents and young people who have a much different perspective. Their mindset is that marriage is something to be postponed in the name of “freedom to serve the Lord.” I am also sorry you felt I was putting down those who are from a different background than me. God has different plans for each of our lives. We do not choose what family we will be born into, nor who our parents are. My husband’s upbringing was much different than my own—his parents were divorced and he went to public school for a number of years. I am grateful for being raised in a Godly, Christian home, but that does not make me a better person, nor does it afford me a better marriage. None of us are perfect. Yes, I am blessed with a wonderful husband and am striving to be a Godly wife, but I fall so short. I am thankful that God is a merciful Heavenly Father and He continues to patiently teach me even when I falter. In Christ, Mrs. Jesse Paine
“Dear LAF, I truly appreciated the testimony that marriage is a beautiful, uplifting thing that allows both partners to be more together than either is alone. I understand the concern shown for well meaning people saying they plan to postpone marriage to give them more years to 'freely' serve the Lord. However, this belief is directly based on Scripture-- I Cor. 7:32-34. If Mrs. Paine has concerns with the way modern young Christians are using this passage, it would be a real help if she directly addressed it and stated why she believes these verses should not be used to postpone marriage for freedom to serve God. ~Cheri” Dear Cheri, Thank you for bringing up these verses. Since the article was published, a number of people have written asking me what my thoughts were on the 1 Corinthians 7 passage. I did consider and study it before writing the article, but the many comments and questions have caused me to take an even closer look at it. 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 says, “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Paul clearly states in the above verses a difference between the married and the unmarried. But is he saying we should postpone marriage and encourage others to do so? In the verses preceding verses 32-34, Paul makes mention that the counsel he is giving is “for the present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26). If you study the Church history at the time of the writing of this chapter, Christians were enduring great persecution. Because of this, Paul thought it wise to instruct the Christians at Corinth to not seek to alter the state they were currently in (whether married or unmarried). As John Gill writes on this passage in his Exposition of the Bible: “…Because this was the present case of the Christians, [Paul] thought it most prudent for such as were single to remain so; since they were often obliged to move from place to place, to fly from one city to another, this would be very incommodious for married persons, who might have young children to take care of, and provide for…” If you knew that at any moment you could be forced to flee from your homes, be without food, and live with the constant threat of being burned alive or fed to wild animals by those seeking your life, it would probably be best to not consider marriage. But, in our current times, in most countries, Christians can live in relative freedom and peace. In reading the entire passage in this context, I do not believe one can make the case that in this day and age, we should be postponing marriage. Regarding verses 32-34, yes, there is a difference between married women and unmarried women. A married woman does have many responsibilities she did not have when she was single, but I do not believe she is any less free to serve the Lord. In whatever state God has placed us in, we are to be faithful to serve Him. In marriage, a wife has the opportunity to serve the Lord by serving her husband and her family, and serving in ministry opportunities with her husband and family. My goal in writing the article was not to exalt marriage over singleness or to say one state is better than another. Singleness is a gift, just as marriage is a gift. God has not called everyone to marriage. Nor has God called everyone to marry by their 21st birthday. Some will marry later in life, some will never marry. Regardless of that, Christian young people need to be raised with an understanding that marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing. Marriage was God’s idea in the first place. He created it! He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). In Proverbs we read, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). My desire is to encourage young people by my life and by my words, to eagerly anticipate their own blessed marriage. In Christ, Mrs. Jesse Paine
Marriage: Blessing or Bondage
In light of some of the recent comments, I wanted to share this article that I wrote last year. It is a controversial subject, to say the least, but I believe it is important that parents and young people realize how feminism and humanism are destroying marriage from its very core -- even Christian marriages.-------------------------- In this post modern pop culture of selfishness, greed, and “if-it-feels-good, do-it” mentality, it is no wonder marriage is becoming less fashionable, and people are marrying at a much later age. What saddens my heart most is to see this mentality unknowingly creeping into conservative Christian circles.
I cannot tell you how many times over the past few years in speaking with some of the best and brightest homeschool graduates, I have been told, “God has called me to marriage, but not for quite a few more years because I have so many things I want to do while I am single that I won’t be able to do when I am married.” To hear such statements breaks my heart. Whoever said marriage is bondage? And when did singleness become equated with freedom?
Marriage is extolled in Scripture as God’s example of Christ and the church. Ephesians 5 paints a beautiful picture for us:
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to | | |
