"Against Abortion 100% of the Time"
I just love Carmon! She always has some excellent insight to share. Don't miss her latest post, Rolling with the Controversy.
Here's a snippet:
Here's a snippet:
This week Christians are mourning the 33rd anniversary of the infamous Roe v. Wade decision. Our family is not able to participate in any prolife rallies or activism as in past years, but I am grateful for those who continue to keep this issue at the forefront of the public discussion. I am against abortion 100 percent of the time as it is always the taking of an innocent life. I’m sure it’s no surprise to my readers that I am also against birth control in most cases, as I believe that it is God’s perogative to control the womb, and that we can trust Him to give us the children He wants us to have. Each life He gives is an eternal soul and a potential citizen of heaven. I say this as a woman who has had nine difficult pregnancies involving bedrest each time.As an aside, we visited a new church yesterday (Some of you know we've been church-hunting for the past few months) and it was so exciting to walk in and see children everywhere... especially children who were so happy and lively and friendly to us, yet who sat quietly as a family through the entire service. What a refreshing sight! In talking with some of the families afterwards, I think I found a family who wins the "Be Fruitful and Multiply Prize" of the month -- she was pregnant with their seventh and their oldest twins are five. I wish you could have seen how radiant and happy they were! Needless to say, I do believe we've found a church home. God is so good to answer our many prayers. Even if it is over an hour away, it's very much worth the drive to be able to fellowship with like-minded believers!
posted by Crystal Paine at 2:46 PM
29 Comments:
It must be nice to know everything, to have such absolute certainty.
Friends, I have a strange physical problem. When I went through puberty, my uterus never grew. It's the same size now that it was when I was eight or nine years old. If I ever become pregnant, I must abort, or else I will die when my uterus explodes in my body.
In addition to having to live with this knowledge, I must face a life alone (do you know a Godly man who doesn't want his own biological children) AND a life with my sisters in Christ preaching against birth control and condemning abortion "100% of the time."
That tells me that, should I find a Godly man willing to build a family strictly through adoption, if the birth control we will have to use fails, my sisters in Christ would condemn me first for the birth control and second for what I would have to do about a pregnancy.
My deepest temptation is finding my friends and companions in the world instead of the church. It's very, very hard, because in the church I am utterly alone.
Anonymous
According to this message "Against Abortion 100% of the Time" if you get pregnant you and the fetus will die. You keep your relationship with Jesus and don't concern yourself with your sisters in Christ. Jesus will never condemn you. You are not alone.
Anonymous and Georgia...
Of course, if you were pregnant in such a situation where you and the baby would surely die, the right thing to do would be to try to save one of you, even if both of you could not be saved. No Christian would want to see both mother and baby die if one could be saved. I think this is a matter of semantics. Surely the spirit of this message does not indicate what you are suggesting.
Crystal...
That's wonderful that you have found a great church! My husband and I are still looking, and have been for months. It's not always an easy process:oP
Erin, what does 100% of the time mean? Does it not mean 100%, no exceptions, period? If there is agreement among my sisters in Christ that sparing my own life is a justification, why do I not hear that? Even secularists who are against abortion (and there are some!) will acknowledge that the life of the mother is a special circumstance wherein abortion should be legally permitted. It gets to the point where I think the secularists value human life of those of us who are already born less than the body of Christ!
Forgive me if I sound bitter. I'm just frustrated. Birth Control is not ideal, and abortion is a tragedy whenever it occurs, but these are not 100%, all the time, purely black and white issues. They just aren't.
I meant to say...
....where I think the secularists value human life of those of us who are already born MORE than the body of Christ!
How about surgically removing uterus so that there will be NO possibility of conception at all?
Honestly, the tone of your message is rather sarcastic and leaves one in doubts...
Anonymous, I'm sorry about your situation. It must be difficult.
I cannot speak for all Christians, but I have never heard other than the following from my fellow believers, and I believe it is the biblical perspective as well:
Abortion is ALWAYS horrible.
The only thing worse is allowing BOTH mother and baby to die when medical intervention could have saved one of their lives.
Nobody should be made to feel guilty about having to choose the lesser of two evils--in a case such as you are describing, medical intervention to protect the life of the mother would be the most humane and respectful action in regards to the sanctity of life.
However...in any case where the mother and child would not both die if the pregnancy were to continue, Sanctity of Life demands that abortion is NEVER the answer.
We have such an uphill battle within our culture to fight for the lives of the unborn. Perhaps some, in their zeal, do not account for every exception. And you must admit that these exceptions are EXTREMELY rare.
I believe that your life is valuable.
I hope to be able to have my uterus surgically removed at some point, eliminating the possibility altogether. My current insurance will not pay for it, however, as it's not medically necessary in the eyes of the insurance company. (They did say they'd be willing to pay for birth control pills, and if I get pregnant, for an abortion. I told them that only when I sent in a name change form, indicating that I've gotten married, would that be an issue.) If I am ever blessed with the chance to get married, saving the money to pay for that procedure will be a top priority.
I am sorry that I appear sarcastic to you. I am sad, discouraged, and lonely. This is a hard topic to discuss, and your calling me a liar is just one more reason why I am so sorely tempted to find my solace outside of the church. I know that's wrong, so I don't, but it's a deep temptation.
Erin, you're right about the circumstances being rare. However, consider this -- according to Operation Rescue (who I support financially on a monthly basis), the "hard cases" (like mine) represent 3-4%. If we have 2,000,000 abortions a year in this country (the latest statistic I've read) that's between 60,000 and 80,000 women A YEAR faced with abortion under tragic circumstances, not for convenience. 60,000 to 80,000 women a year that we the church are alienating because of our rhetorical zeal. That's such a shame.
This discussion is too painful for me to continue with. My brother just walked in on me crying and gently asked me to stop after this post. So, I will just close by asking all my sisters to remember that the "hard cases," while a small percentage of the overall abortion problem, do exist.
Some of us sit near you in church.
Anonymous,
I pray for your comfort.
Anonymous, have you ever thought about how God has an exciting, wonderful plan for your life? He does! If He has planned for you not to have any biological children, He has an incredible ministry opportunity for you that you could only do if you were unable to have children.
Maybe He plans for you to adopt children or to help other mothers. Who knows? All I know is that He has a wonderful plan for your life. He did not call you to loneliness and deprivation.
I know what the pain of possibly living a childless life is like. I was once there. It was hard and yet I also knew that if the Lord never intervened, He had an incredibly opportunity for me to minister that I wouldn't be able to do were I to have my own children. I was able to serve as a mother's helper to families in the first part of our marriage when we were unable to conceive. What a wonderful thing to be able to reach out and support other families, to play with these children, to teach these children, to love these children.
God is a wonderful God! Look to Him in your loneliness and discouragement. A husband or children can never satisfy you like the Lord Jesus Christ can. He is the God of comfort and the God of peace.
Anonymous, I just wanted to add...
I'm sorry if I sounded hard or cold in those comments. Sometimes I get stuck on the facts of a topic and don't speak as gently as I should to the PERSON involved.
All of us struggle with something. Maybe not the exact same thing you do...but something that's big to us none-the-less. I pray that you may find some Christian friends who will come along-side you and offer you some of the comfort you need. We all need that sometimes. And as Crystal says, God is the BEST friend you can have. It's hard to remember sometimes to focus on Him when we're in pain...but that's when we need Him the most! God bless you. I hope you will return to see these comments.
Anonymous --
My heart goes out to you, dear sister in the Lord! I will be praying for you. :::::hugs:::::
anonymous:
my heart goes out to your in your pain...
please, please...don't give up on the church and christians...search for those who will love you and support you and ignore the criticism of those who just plain don't understand.
Jesus understands...and there are those out there that have His heart...
praying that He will send some your way...
We are not against you anonymous, and your situation is one I can never imagine. But like Crystal said, it's obvious God has an awesome plan for your life. And there are Christian men out there who would love to be with you, children or not. Some men may already have children from a previous marriage that you could be step mama too. Of course adoption is a wonderful avenue too but very expensive. God provides though.
Even if you do get married, you don't have to go on birth control. You can always do NFP (natural family planning). It's safe with no side effects or chemicals going through your body and it's really accurate, at least for me it was before my hubby left for Iraq. That's an option you can pray about. :-)
God bless you!
Crystal, I wish we could find a church like that. In our church, such a family (7 kids under 5) would be the subject of much ribald joking from the men, and disapproval from the women.
anonymous--I'm very sorry for the condition you find yourself in. The prospect of never bearing children, and the fear of death because of accidental pregnancy must be one of the worst things a woman can go through. I do wonder though who told you your uterus would explode and you would die-that just smacks of fear mongering and it's a shame when that happens, especially when physicians do it. Like my friend who's been scared off having more children because her first was born by c-section and she was told she couldn't have a normal birth because her uterus would explode, killing her and the baby. Normally, even with only nominally restrictive uteri, it is the baby, not the mother, that suffers the effects.
I do think there are times when life calls for choosing between a lesser evil and a greater one. Perhaps your situation, like that of an ectopic pregnancy, would be one of them. However, it is very important that we remember that God is a God of miracles, and not jump immediately to choosing between evils before we have sought Him, on our face, for something better.
Since it was my original post that started this discussion, I wanted to clarify a few things.
Anonymous, I am truly sorry for the hard providence you are given. Cheryl's words about the blessings that can come from it are very true. I have not had to deal with your circumstance, but I do know that it is in the trials of life that we can grow closest to our Lord and experience His comfort and love. There are many godly women who have been an inspiration to me who lived lives of singleness but great fruitfulness for the kingdom of God. Fanny Crosby and Anne Steele are two hymn writers who come immediately to mind.
Next, let me say that your medical condition is one that is very rare. When you cite the statistics about the hard cases, I believe Operation Rescue is referring to what the world calls the "legitimate" exceptions for keeping abortion legal: rape and incest. I do not (nor does OR) believe that abortion should be allowed even in these "hard cases." The taking of the innocent baby's life would be compounding sin upon sin; there are many testimonies of amazing works of God in the lives of those who have been involved in these difficult circumstances when the babies were allowed to live.
Another hard case where abortion is seen as the only solution is one which has been mentioned here and presents more difficulties for us, as does your unusual circumstance: tubal pregnancies. We must be careful to be compassionate and seek God's wisdom on this. We must also remember that the medical environment today is more prone to see it as cut and dried (have an abortion) rather than present all the options and possibilities. I would like to share the words of a good friend (once an ICU nurse) on this, as she has done a lot of research on it and has some wisdom which may help. I will add that in the next comment as this is getting long.
My statement "against abortion 100% of the time" was written because we frequently hear "prolife" politicians say they are against abortion except in cases of rape and incest. So-called exceptions and hard cases cannot be used to make law, as over 45 million aborted babies testify. Notice that I also said I was against birth control "most of the time." That is because I do know of a few (and I think we have to be careful when deciding that we fit into that category) cases where women are not able to physically continue a pregnancy. In those cases, very careful use of non-hormonal birth control should prevent conception.
I'm sorry...I thought tubal pregnancy had been mentioned, but I think I was the first one to bring it up :-). It *is* the most-mentioned circumstance where the life of the mother is considered at risk and abortion seen as the only solution. If anyone is interested in reading what my friend Valerie has to say on that topic (dealing with some of the medical as well as ethical considerations) I can post it, but it is rather long, so I won't do it unless Crystal wants me to.
Let me just give you one quote from it, though:
"At the point of true, immediately maternally life-threatening, hemorrhagic rupture, I do feel that surgery and gentleness and respect are justified. At that point, surgery takes the baby from a place where he cannot survive to a place where he cannot survive. That is not murder, imho."
Anonymous,
I am really sorry for you. You must be in a lot of pain.
I just wanted you to know I will be thinking of you and hope Christians will be more charitable to you. I am sure if Christians knew your situation they would speak differently around you.
I am not going to try to make you feel better because I know that I cannot (stranger on the internet and everything). I do want you to know that I will pray that God will comfort you and maybe even send a godly man your way. You seem to hope that you will meet one. My brother-in-law is a testicular cancer survivor and he found a godly woman to marry who accepted him knowing they would never have their own children. They were able to adopt two babies.
God bless you. I hope and pray that God will richly bless you.
Hi Zan:
I'm so glad to see you comment again, I was a little concerned when I haven't seen your comments around for awhile....you had been in my thoughts and I was hoping you were ok. (o:
Oops...I meant "Crystal's words." Who's Cheryl ;-)?
Not feeling well today so maybe I ought to put up the keyboard now. But I will be praying for you this evening, too, Anonymous, and I'm sorry if my words led to misunderstanding or caused you further pain.
Nice of you to think of me. I haven't had much blogging time. We have been having some snow storms up here and my husband has been working from home to avoid the hour commute in the snow to work. I am not able to be online because he takes up the phoneline. I have also been trying to get the house ready for the baby and I pulled a muscle in my abdomine that prevented me from standing for very long. I spent two days in bed. Not fun. The baby is due very soon. George was early so I could have this little guy pretty soon, maybe less than six weeks.
I just wanted to share a story of someone at church. I was talking to a very godly woman about my pregnancy and how my husband and I would love a big family. She was very supportive of me but than told me about her birth experiences. With each baby she had a very high-risk pregnancy and was very close to death with her last one. After a lot of prayer her husband and her decided that they would take measures to prevent anymore pregnancies (I think she had tubal ligation.) She is very sad that she will never be able to have children but she felt that she needed to take care of her health so that she could care for her family. She also had broken her back in a car accident and everytime she got pregnant she was putting alot of stress on her back. I could tell that she was very emotional about this. She also told how many women she knows look down on her for only having three children. I don't blame her at all for doing what she did. She views children as a blessing and did not sterilize herself for material reasons. I think, sometimes, Christians of the quiverfull position, which I am, need to have a little more grace when they preach their view. I knew a childless couple who were treated like second class citizens at one church because they didn't have any children. the congregation didn't even consider that they were not able to conceive. I'm not accusing anyone here of being overly judgmental but some people who know they can't have children are very sensitive about that fact and we should be very aware or that.
I also wanted to say that some people would suggest to anonymous that if she left everything to God and had more faith she would be fine. Those same people thought that if my grandmother had more faith she would not have died from cancer. God has given the medical field great knowledge of how to care for humanity and not all of it is evil, in fact, most of it is not.
Just FYI: for those of you who don't know me I am very pro-life and think that only a few types of birth control should be used for various reasons.
I agree with you Zan...well said.
As one of those who hasn't been able to have children, it's amazing the insensitive things people say to me. I usually don't get hurt over it because I realize that most people are not trying to be hurtful.....one of the things I get tired of being asked is 'Why don't you just adopt?'....like it's just a simple and easy thing to do. Adoption is EXTREMELY invasive and expensive.....it's not a simple or easy thing to do. Do I wish we had children? YES!! We both love children but I must say that we (my husband and I) have peace about our situation of not having any. Our lives are not 'meaningless' and 'empty', we've just accepted and have peace about our situation and we are quite content with our life....we focus on the advantages instead of what we don't have and I believe that is how we've gotten through it without depression or despair.....I'm so THANKFUL to be married to such a FANTASTIC man!
I agree with the last couple posts, there are some hard situations we cannot even begin to understand and fast hard rules cannot apply sometimes. One of my SIL's had a tubal pregnancy, she was 8 weeks when her falopian tube burst and she almost bled to death, I think they said a few minutes more of bleeding like that they did not think they could have saved her. Or another relative who had a c-section done in Italy and they messed her up somehow and at 5 babies there was something I cannot even understand, but when they cut her it took part of her uterus so there was not much left after 5. She was not able to have more children and since they were Russian and belong to a church where it is better to die than make yourself not have children...she was somewhat of a outcast. I always thought it was sad, because if she had cancer that caused her to not have children they would not have said the same things to her.
Carmon, thanks for taking the time to come and clarify some things for others. I appreciate it.
Great thoughts and discussion.
Mrs. B, I appreciated what you shared especially since you understand this probably better than any of the rest of us. You are such a blessing! You have a great opportunity to be able to minister to other women who can't have children since you understand them and can comfort them with the comfort the Lord has given to you. If I ever come across as uncompassionate towards those who cannot have children, I do hope that someone will be kind enough to let me know.
I always think that those whom God chooses to not given children to (or only gives one or two) have such a unique opportunity to minister to other families. Jesse and I have been able to do that many times -- before we had children and then now only having one child. We are much more able to help other families and reach out and minister. I don't want to waste any opportunities God gives to reach out and help!
Crystal, you are such a sweet lady....THANK YOU for your kind words! And no, I've not found you to be 'unkind' to anyone...you have a very loving, compassionate, and humble spirit towards others.....I've learned much from you.
I'm new to reading and commenting on blogs and I really enjoy it! I've learned so much about really listening to someone else's viewpoint--(which involves not just 'hearing' but trying to understand where someone is coming from instead of just trying to prove them wrong so that I can be right). Commenting can be tricky...sometimes it's hard to get across what you're actually trying to say. I'll read stuff that I've written and think 'Wow, I didn't mean it to sound like THAT!'
The only comments that I've felt could be a little hurtful with regards to being childless is when people say things like 'how empty and sad your life must be without kids' or 'your life must have no meaning'. I do realize, though, that the reason someone might feel that way is because God hasn't given them the grace to go through childlessness because they don't need it....He gives us grace to endure the trials we bear.
The bottom line though is that this is your blog, Crystal, and you have the right to take your blog in any direction you choose. I must say though, I think you keep a good balance of varied topics that can apply and be helpful to ALL. I read this blog of my own free will and if I ever found it to cause me pain (constantly focusing on what you don't have is not emotionally healthy or wise) or no longer uplifting then I would stop....it is my choice.
Anonymous...I don't know if you'll be back or not but please don't lose hope....there ARE Godly men who are content to not have biological children.....I'm married to one!
That's a nice sentiment, but tell that to a woman who would have died had she continued with her very wanted pregnancy. Its a VERY VERY small percentage, but we still exist out there. IMHO, people who say they are against abortion 100% of the time (meaning no exceptions, EVER), haven't really thought through the issue.
Of course, I posted my comment before reading Carmon's clarifications... Sorry :-)!
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