Can't Afford to Have Children?
Dear Crystal,
So many young married women I know have said lately that they "can't
afford to have children." I know that you and your husband have
managed to live and raise a child on $1,000 a month, with your husband
in school. If you can do it, I think many more people could too.
How poor is too poor for children? How much money does a couple need
to have in order to feel "ready" to have a baby? I think your insight
and experience with this could be encouraging to many women who desire
to be mothers yet are afraid of the cost and their income situation.
-Becky
Hi, Becky!
Great question. I, too, hear many people say that they can't afford to have children yet or that they aren't "ready" for children. And how sad this makes me. What joys these people are purposefully depriving themselves of. They are choosing to miss out on one of God's greatest blessings -- and they don't even know what they are missing out on!
I have seen God do so many great and mighty things on our behalf. It is almost mind-boggling! He truly has done "exceeding abundantly above all that we could ask or think." And the glory alone goes to Him.
So many people say they aren't "ready" to have children. Who defines "ready"? I personally do not think anyone should get married until they are ready to have children. If you are not ready to have children, you are not ready to get married.
God will never give you anything you cannot handle. If you entrust your family size into His all-knowing, all-wise hands, He will give you just exactly the number of children you need, in His timing. And, He will supply everything you need to properly care for and raise those children. I think we so often limit God by putting Him into our man-made timetable.
Doing things God's way rather than relying upon our own understanding is so much better. I know because I've seen it in my own life. If anyone had looked at our budget and standard of living before we had Kathrynne, you can be assured that they would have told us we weren't "ready" to have children. After all, many months we lived on less than $1,000 (and much of that was going towards our housing rent). We certainly did not have excess money. But, God was faithful to provide for our needs and we didn't have anything to complain about.
Inspite of our meager income, we had purposed to welcome any and all children God would give to us, whenever He chose to give them to us. We struggled with infertility for the first 15 months of our marriage -- we longed for children and were earnestly beseeching the Lord for them. Of course, there were times when I wondered how we would afford to pay for the costs of actually having a baby if I did get pregnant, but I sought to leave that in God's hands.
When we found out we were expecting, we were so thrilled. What joy flooded our hearts! We knew that this baby was from the Lord and He would provide for our needs. And what an incredible job God has done!
Just few examples of God's provision for us:
I wondered how we would afford maternity clothes. I prayed and asked the Lord and He prompted five different people to send me a box of maternity clothes or buy maternity clothes for me. I ended up with some very nice, name-brand maternity clothes -- all which I got for free.
We wondered how we would pay for the birth. We prayed and God allowed our student insurance to cover the majority of the birthing center costs (By the way, using a birthing center or having a home birth will save you a lot of money -- our total costs for everything including all prenatal and postnatal care and birthing classes was about $3200 before insurance.). A few months after Kathrynne's birth, we received a check in the mail from someone who said God had prompted them to send it to pay for the rest of Kathrynne's birth costs. We also received a check from our church and a few other individuals. God took care of the birth costs over and above what they were.
I wondered how we would afford all the neccessary baby items. We prayed and God provided. We ended up having three showers (I didn't think we'd have any since we don't have a lot of friends in the town we live in) and receiving gifts from people all over the world -- many of whom we didn't even hardly know! We have received hundreds of gifts beyond the essential items -- so many items that we were able to pass on many things to other needy families. Four families gave us practically their entire collection of girl's clothes from newborn to 3T! We have boxes of clothes in our closet for Kathrynne for the next two years -- and it was only recently that we went out and bought her anything.
I could go on and on and share story after story of how God has provided for us since Kathrynne has been born. We have been blessed beyond measure.
One thing that I have learned is that God doesn't often provide grace for tomorrow. He provides grace for today. Before I got pregnant, we didn't need maternity clothes, baby things, or more income. But, when we needed those things, God has provided.
We serve a big God. If He's big enough to provide for me, He's big enough to provide for you. You just have to step out in faith and trust Him!
For more encouragement, click here to read something I wrote awhile back on a similar subject.
posted by Crystal Paine at 11:59 AM
16 Comments:
I agree totally with Crystal. I found out I was pregnant with our son 2 weeks before my husband retired from the Air Force. We had no job, no direction or needless to say ANYTHING baby related since it had been 15 years since our last child was born.
God provided everthing we needed. Truly. We first moved to Tucson, and then my husband couldn't find a job - I cried and cried and cried - in a closet!!!! (wacky pregnancy hormones you know!!) Next, we went on a little "vacation" to my mothers in Kansas. My husband put in several resumes in a 2 week time. We decided while we were in Kansas to move back there (at least we were near family) and my mother opened her lovely home to our family to live for as long as we needed. So back to Tucson we went. Within the next 6 days we were packed up (biggest moving truck you can get, car trailer behind that filled to overflowing), SUV filled to the brink with pregnant wife and very helpful daughter pulling another trailer with household stuff.
Driving through New Mexico our son called on the cell phone and told his dad that Frito Lay had called and offered him a job!!! So at a rest stop, my husband called and accepted the job! Oh THANK YOU LORD!!!! The next day, we were about an hour outside our destination and my mother called said that a guy named Wally from a Nuclear Power Plant called my husband (this was on a Saturday) and wanted to talk with him about a position. You can't imagine how excited we were.
We got to my mom's, my husband went through 6 weeks of interviews and tests and finally got a wonderful job (at the power plant) AND we were in the process of buying a house.
Next, the house issue: The house was originally listed at $132,000. It was a beautiful restored old Craftsman home in the little town where my husband would be working near. When I called about the house, it had been lowered to $112,000 and still was out of price range, but we put in an offer anyway. Our offer was $105,000 and we got the contract! Then we lost our loan 2 times!!!!!
Red tape....ugh. Finally, in the very beginning of July, when our contract was to end, I called the bank we originally went with....they had dropped the ball with our loan and I was asking if another loan officer would consider putting our loan through again. She said "yes" and so we went forward. She called us back and since they wouldn't use the overtime my husband was guaranteed to get, they would only loan us $95,000 max......ugh. $10,000 below what we needed - and we had NOTHING in our bank account either. So we called the company that owned the home (a relocation company had bought it for $110,000 almost 9 months earlier) and told them the story. I just knew we weren't going to get the house, but just kept on praying anyway. To our amazement they took our offer and we closed about 3 days later!!! Everything worked out perfectly AND we had our own huge, beautiful home to bring home the baby too!
Next, we had some friend in Japan and they sent us boxes and boxes of clothes - baby boy brand new clothes!!!! It cost her over $150 to send them through the mail AND she sent new diaper bags, toys...you name it we had it! My mother bought us a brand new sleigh baby bed, a baby play yard (the kind with a bassinet you can put them in up to 20lbs, clothes, blankets she made, a Boppy and other things. We had MORE than enough for a new baby. I finally had our son in September and we had neighbors and people we didn't even know send us plants, cards, gifts.....the guys on my husbands crew stopped by with gifts and congratulation cards galore!
God provided WAY beyond ANY expectation we had. It is so amazing to even write this 2 years later and just remember what He has done for us. Now we are expecting our 5th child (a boy) in March and we have sold our home, moved to a different state, my husband is currently in college finishing a degree and working part time. We are confident that God will provide us with everything we "need" again for this child AND anything else in life He sees fit.
Trusting in God is an adventure. I sometimes think I would rather have no money and HAVE to depend on Him rather than have money and be "sort of" dependent.
When God gives us a gift, he never forgets to include what we are goint to need to enjoy that gift (like sometimes we forget the batteries or to take off the price tag, etc....hee hee).
Don't ever be afraid to live your life the way God intended you too. There is NOTHING to be afraid of, and there is NOTHING he cannot do for you. Life is good. :-)
My husband and I live on a very small income. And yet God always seems to provide at just the right time in just the right way. When people tell me they can't affor to have this many chilren I say...
We can't afford not too.
spunky
What an indpiring story Crystal. I love reading stories about people who put their whole trust in the Lord's hands. My husband comes from a family of 4 sisters and his mom and dad are migrant workers. My husband told me stories of how when there was no money they would live off of rice and beans and tea because tea I guess makes a person feel full. They always had a roof over there head and so much love towards one another. They made it through just fine. My husband even told me that if we ever become really poor for some reason, we can live off of rice, beans, pasta, and potatoes because they are inexpensive and keep very a very long time.
There is no monetary value on having children. You are correct Crystal, folks are missing out on the biggest blessing in their lives, by waiting till they become financially stable to have children. That may take forever! Just look at the Duggar family! 16 children, debt free, and not living on government expenses. and a heart for Jesus. The Duggar family inspires me to no end. I first heard about them in October and now I pray for them every day. There faith in God is something I strive towards. If they can do all that with 16 children, than we all can do it with one or two or five...LOL. Folks just need to stop living outside their means. One doesn't need a 42 in. plasma TV, nor spend $500 on a DVD collection or spend $800 on a certain breed of dog (a friend of mine has friends who just did that). Does one really need 5 or more credit cards? No way! Everyone should at least have one for emergency's. My hubby and I have 2, for emergency purposes or if we do see something we like on the Net that we can't get where we are (we are stationed in Germany), but we do not rack up debt. Our money is God's money and we need to be wise stewards of how we spend the financial blessing He has bestowed upon us.
ALL GLORY TO GOD!!! What amazing stories to point us to an ever faithfull God. I too have heard many Christians talk about having children as financially impossible. Don't they know what that says of how they think of God? I would encourage all those doutfull Christians to read a copy of George Muller's biography and see yet another example of how mightly God can provide for those that put their trust in Him.
" O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him." Psalm 34:8-9
Lydia
Thanks, Crystal, for addressing my question. This was very encouraging to me, and I will pass on this link to several of my friends.
I linked to this post from my blog today.
Crystal...Wow! This came at a very needed moment. I have two children and my husband and I would like to have more. I was pregnant, but lost the baby. I have of course recieved the bills for the care I recieved and just about had a heart attack. The cost is attrociuos, but I still want more children. I know that it will be a large cost and we might be strapped, but God has provided before and He will again.
With my first, we didn't have too many issues, but with my second we found ourselves needing to move in with my parents. They sold their home and then moved where we were, just to help us. That is a huge sacrifice and it helped us.
My husband is in the process of trying to get on a police force and I know that one way or another, God will provide for our needs.
I can't put a price tag on the blessing of children(and I started to this morning with the bill I recieved). I will have faith that God will provide as He always has.
Thanks again for your encouraging words.
Becky, thanks for the link. I enjoyed reading the comments on your Xanga as well. :)
Thank you to everyone else who posted encouraging stories and thoughts!
Wonderful subject!
We have *never* been "financially ready" for our babies. We started out in a concrete one-room apartment in Africa, with dh working part time for two different mission projects. I got pregnant (and very sick) right away. Shortly thereafter, we moved to the States and endured a looong period of unemployment for him. When we were doing our taxes the next year, we realized that we had lived on less than $11,000--His factory job pay, minus several hundred per month that we sent to his even poorer family. The Lord constantly provided for us through the generosity of others, even though we never asked for help, and made an effort to look well-fed and well-dressed. Dh was still at his poorly paying factory job when we concieved our second. Again, God provided. And since then my husband has moved to a much better job, we have 1 house with a small mortgage, and 2 houses paid for with cash, waiting for renovation.
After these first 3.5 years of marriage and seeing God's provision first hand, I have NO FEAR of the future, however many babies that may mean. :D
What great thoughts and inspiring stories. Isn't God good?
Someone once said to me that each baby brings with it it's own set of blessings. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!
Here is my problem with all of this... everyone is relying on everyone else to take care of their needs. I am a single parent (yes I was married when I had my children). My husband left me for someone else when I was eight months pregnant with my second child. Since then I have really struggled but I have ALWAYS provided for my children. I have never expected others to give me what my children need. I had the children... why is it the responsibility of others to feed, clothe, and provide other necessities for my children? I am a Christian but I don't think having children and assuming others will pay for me to raise them is a Godly view. Wow. I am amazed by that thought process.
Crystal, thanks for your beautiful insights. Since my husband and I got married, subsequently got pregnant, and announced our pregnancy just 7 weeks after we got married, there were some people who were shocked that anyone would want a baby right after they were married.
However, just like you, I have seen God provide time and time again.
Maternity Clothes:
--I prayed before I went shopping. God directed my paths to clearance sales at almost every store that I went to.
--The birth. We are birthing at home with a midwife. The total cost, including bloodwork and childbirth classes, is less than $2,000. My husband's work had recently starting offering health insurance benefits. Since the insurance wouldn't cover us getting pregnant sooner than ten months in our marriage and wouldn't cover a midwife and the other replacement plan we got was no good either, we dropped it and just used the money to cover actual expenses.
--Also, we looked on our taxes and realized that we would pay significantly less taxes, just for being married, and after the addition of the child, would pay much less taxes yet.
We have friends who believe that both husband and wife should work for at least a couple of years after they are married, and get financially stable, etc. before having children. The question is, who defines financial stability? We live frugally, share a used car, and live in a rented house that God blessed us with, that is roughly $100 less per month than the going rate of rent for most places in this area.
Now, having been married for 5 months and seeing firsthand how God provides, we're eagerly looking for the arrival of our child in just four more months and thankful that we didn't wait to have him/her.
Thank you all so much for such an inspiring website. My husband pays alot of alimony to his ex-wife and I worry and worry so much. We've been okay so far with our 1 baby, who's now 16months old. I was worrying about whether or not we could afford to have another. I truly believe, God will look out for us. I also believe that my father is an angel. Without him, it would've been very hard. My father is my guardian angel. God bless everyone reading and good luck to you and your families. Ellen
This is such an inspiration, and i am so blessed by the comments. Praise God! I so want to have a baby, but we are certainly not in the best financial situation, and i'm worried that my friends and family might frown on our decision. We were very torn as to whether we should wait or not...but i an so encouraged that God will provide all our needs as he has always done. Thank you for such great inspiration.
Congratulations Crystal, God is using this as a powerful ministry. God bless you and your family abundantly!
I am thankful to have found this site. The comments posted are what I needed to read.
I am 36 yrs old and my husband is 32yrs old. He has a 7 yr son that we have 50% of the time (every other week). My husband had a vasectomy before we met.
We pay $1,500.00/mo in house pymt and car pymt. $200.00/mo child support. $190.00/mo after school care. And then the "normal" house hold bills. And we would have to take out a loan to have his vasectomy reversed.
I've always been the person who sai, "I don't want the responsibilty" of having kids. Now, after having my stepson 2 weeks every month I know I can handle the resposibilty. So, now I say, "We can't afford to have a child." My Mother says for me to pray about it. I have prayed, "Lord, I see people that I KNOW make less money and they have kids-- how do they do it?" After reading these comments I know I need to change my prayer. I should say, "Lord, if it's your will that I have a child have me feel more comfortable with the thought." -- I don't know. I need encouragement. Please respond. Thanks.
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