Stay-at-Home Wives
HomeLiving Helper has another wonderful post on Stay-At-Home wives (thanks to Mrs. B for the link). Here are a few tidbits:
[I]n a society where so many mothers consider it normal to leave their children in the care of others and search for fulfilment outside home, a wife who chooses to stay home even without having children is an object of great surprise. "Whatever are they doing at home???", asks the world.Read the full post here.
Ladies, there are enough things to do at home even without children. The duties of any mother are noble and sacred, yet the duties of a wife are noble and sacred as well. Mom of 9 wrote in her article on Woman's purpose that when the LORD God created the first woman, He was not thinking that somewhere over there a child needed his diaper changed, no, the woman was created to be a help meet to the man. Of course, it includes taking care of the children the couple will eventually get, but if they have none, she is still supposed to be a help meet.
What if the husband gets sick and must stay at home for a couple of days? There will be no one to nurse him, because his wife works. What if he is planning to surprise his wife, to take a day off and go somewhere with the two of them? The wife must first ask her boss's permission. What if the husband needs her help at home today, but the boss says she must work overtime? We all know, that if a woman doesn't choose her employer's wishes above those of her husband, she will be fired.
According to the Bible, the woman has to obey her own husband. When at the same time she works for somebody else, she is, in fact, trying to serve two masters. Holy Scriptures warn us that it won't lead to anything good. In fact, according to a research conducted in our country, the husbands of working women tend to feel neglected. The more hours the wife works, the more neglected the husband feels. It creates tension in marriage and can eventually lead to divorce.
posted by Crystal Paine at 1:59 PM
17 Comments:
... while on the other hand, women who work make an indispensable contribution to the growth of a culture, enabling society to better unite reason and feeling, and help to establish economic and political structures ever more worthy of God and humanity.
Um, no, I don't think you'll find a Biblical basis for that line of thought. :)
Crystal, really? Where and how does Scripture indicate that "women who work (cannot) make an indispensable contribution to the growth of a culture, (nor can they) enable society to better unite reason and feeling, and (furthermore must not) help to establish economic and political structures ever more worthy of God and humanity"???? I would be very interested to see such a claim established. :) :) :)
We have to start with fundamental principles -- what is the calling of women? I believe Scripture is very clear concerning the role of women. Modern feminism has sought to undermine these Biblical principles and say that men and women do not have distinct roles and callings, but God's Word still stands.
We've had extensive discussions on this in the past. I really do not have time or energy today to get into a lengthy discussion, I'll just copy and paste an excerpt from my booklet here which explains a tiny bit more of how I feel on this issue. If you haven't read other things I've written on this, please feel free to search the archive and you'll find many other thoughts and insights. If anyone else has thoughts or personal experience they would like to share, please feel free to email me. I also very highly encourage everyone to get a copy of So Much More by the Botkin ladies -- it has much more extensive thoughts and helpful encouragement in this area in a more insightful manner than I could ever hope to try and write myself. Here's my article.
A Keeper At Home
"That they [the older women] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:4,5).
What is a "keeper at home"? In many Christian circles today, this phrase has been passed around numerous times and translated to mean many different things to many different people.
The Greek definition for this phrase is "guardian of the home." In 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul says, "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house . . . ." The Greek word for "guide" means to "rule a household; manage family affairs."
Therefore, as writer and homemaker Jennie Chancey says:
"A woman cannot be the ruler of her home if she is rarely there or if her chief concerns lie in a career that requires her to give her children to someone else to raise, neglect her role as helper to her husband, and let the culture of the home be guided by others (pop culture, peers, television, etc.)." 1
Many parents have recognized God’s design for women to be fulfilling their God-given roles as a guardians of their homes and are seeking to raise their daughters with a vision to fulfill this calling. In training their daughters accordingly, they quickly run into the issue of whether it is wrong for a young woman to be earning money.
In Scripture, we find examples of women who earned an income while still fulfilling their God-given roles. The "Virtuous Woman" described in Proverbs 31 was certainly the ideal wife and mother ("The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her . . . ." "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Proverbs 31:11a, 28). Not only was she an exemplary wife and mother, she also managed a small home business. Proverbs says, "She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant" (Proverbs 31:24).
In the New Testament, Lydia is described as "a seller of purple," but more importantly, she was a worshipper of God (Acts 16:14). Scripture also gives us a beautiful example of a husband and wife team working together. Aquila and Priscilla served the Lord, while at the same time working jointly as tentmakers (Acts 18:2-3).
However, these Scriptural examples do not give a young woman license to go out and pursue a career. Rather, I believe there are some basic principles which must be followed in order for any young woman to be earning money in a God-honoring manner.
She Must Have a Home-Centered Mentality
As stated above, a woman cannot be the "guardian of her home" if she is rarely there. Not only must she be there physically; her heart must also be there. It is vitally important that daughters are trained to have a home-centered mentality. If they can learn sweet contentment in domestic duties now, they will be equipped to be wonderful wives and mothers in the future. For this reason, any job or business a young woman is to have should not take her heart or her focus away from her home.
She Must Not Neglect Her Own Home and Family
Before a young lady ever pursues starting a small business or God-honoring job, she must make sure that she is not neglecting her own family’s needs. Having a home business can be a wonderful endeavor, but it should never interfere with the responsibility she has towards those who ultimately provide for her.
She Must Work Under the Proper Authority Structure
I cannot stress this point enough. There is great danger in a woman working for a man who is not her husband or father. A staggering amount of marital infidelity has been caused by women working in such situations. God has established protection for women through their Biblical authorities.
During my life, I have held a number of different jobs but one thing has always been the same in each instance: I have either been working for my authority, for a Christian woman, or had my own business. I could never, under any circumstance, feel safe and protected doing otherwise.
It is also imperative that young women first seek the counsel and blessing of their authority before beginning any new business. If your authority has no desire for you to be earning money, I would advise you to pass this book along to someone else. God will only prosper those efforts done with the blessing of your authority.
It may appear at first that there are no jobs which would ever fit the above criteria. In actuality, there are hundreds of different opportunities and jobs perfectly suited for a Godly, virtuous young woman. All it takes to find one is a little creativity and determination.
Excerpted from Crystal Paine’s book, The Merchant Maiden: Earning an Income Without Compromising Convictions. This 32-page booklet includes ideas, personal testimonies, and encouragement for young women and women desiring to earn an income in a God-honoring manner. To order this book, visit: http://www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.com/
1. Chancey, Jennie, Can A Woman Ever Do Work Outside the Home?,
August 19, 2004
Amen Crystal, just trying to explore the nuances here, since some of my other comments seem to be spontaneously deleting :0 .. you offer a thoughtful exegesis and exposition. Of course St. Paul wants women to be good housekeepers, as a gift to their families, the Church, and the world. Absolutely!
I am still not convinced that Scripture goes so far as to "prohibit" women from holding meaningul roles in the larger society... and I wonder about the providential roles of godly women like Margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth II (who is doing a lot to rescue the Anglican Church from current heresies, BTW), and even, say, Phyllis Schlaffley... these women have contributed to their culture even in addition to being good wives and mothers. (as we note above, there is always Lydia...)
I have to say some of the arguments regarding a husband's need for his wife at home seem very odd. Especially the one where the wife should be available to nurse her husband in the event he is sick. Are men really that much more frail than women that they need nursing whereas women don't? Presumably the husband doesn't stay home when his wife his sick, right?
What a beautiful world it would be if all people would have such neatly dispensable lives! I could stay at home, my husband would be fulfilled in his outstanding talents, and God would give us children. The facts being different, I have prayerfully looked at the Proverbs 31 woman in a new light. Yes, she kept her household, but her overwhelming characteristic was that of producing increase in her husband's household. Keep in mind as well that a husband's authority is a sacred thing. His wish to have his wife be financially productive to increase his success in his choice of her workplace definitely overrides a preference to stay at home. The Proverbs 31 woman obviously must have had to leave her home to consider fields and buy them.
I have been a stay at home wife for over 4 years now and have gotten scorned as being lazy to mooching off my husband, this coming from people who have no walk with God, no sense of the Bible. Before I got saved I didn't know anything about a woman's role in marraige. Even after I found out I still kept my job for a little while because I didn't trust God enough to take care of my and my hubby (lack of faith, but then again I was a new Christian and was learning). God had dealt with my heart to quit my job on more than one occassion, but I would always ignore His voice. Eventually I realized I was rebelling against God and I knew what I had to do and that was quit working for the world, and really begin working for Jesus Christ. Sure we had some struggles at first, but God seen us through them. I have grown alot as a keeper at home and my husband has reaped the benefits. He doesn't have to worry about coming home from work to an empty house with no dinner cooked. He comes home to a neat home, clean clothes and a hug and kiss waiting for him. I ask him about his day and occassionally he will get a foor rub or back rub as he is telling me to relieve the tension of the day.
Because of my time at home, I have been able to research on how to be more frugal, hence, being just about debt free and finally be able to have a savings account that grows each month instead of dwindles down to nothing by the foolsih habits I used to have. I am researching and studying now everything I can about Christian homeschooling so when the Lord blesses us with children, I can be well prepared. I continuousally seek ways to be a better keeper at home. There's so much more.
There isn't really a need for me to bring in extra income, but I do occassionally by selling things at the thrift shop. Whatever sells we get a check at the end of the month for what it sold for. No, it may not be $1,000, but it's enouch to put into our savings.
The Bible is clear on the role of a Christian woman. Soceity and the church world today has distorted that and that's why many families are in chaos. Now, single moms, they have to work to provide for their family. My mom was a single mom and had to do that. They don't have a choice. But married women (esp. Christian) really should seek God's will (not their own) concerning this subject. In the long run, the family would be much happier as would be the wife. I am 24 years old and even though people think I may be throwing away my life because I am not "making my mark in this world", they couldn't be more wrong.
Dawn Marie--I liked your comment it is very well said.
During my marriage of five years I have both stayed at home and worked. I absolutly prefered staying at home, but before I realized that was my calling I always felt that I was just lazy. I went back to work in 2004 to help pay for the numerous medical bills I had cultivated. Once they were taken care of I wanted to come back home. But, my husband said he would rather I work. By this time I had learned to be submissive. So I continue to work under the request of my husband. I do my job, but I don't have many responsibilities as a church secretary. So, while I'm at work I am studying on-line to be a better wife and future mother and my thoughts are always of home and husband. I pray every day that my husband will allow me to come home, but until then I work out of obiedance.
Thanks, Bethanie and Dawn Marie, for your beautiful testimonies.
Just to clarify, I think you should always obey your husband first. He is your head and your desire should be to honor and please him and make him successful in every way possible. If he is asking you to work, by all means, obey. :) But, if you feel there is a time and a place for a wise appeal, you might consider that. Also, there are so many possibilities for working from home nowadays, and from experience I will tell you that you can save a lot of money by doing so and, in most cases, make a lot more money by doing so. I am amazed at how much money I can make by just putting in a few hours everyday. It is a way that I can bless and serve my husband at this season in our life and help relieve some of the burden off of him.
Crystal,
I'm so glad that you stressed being submissive to your husband in this. Sometimes in our zeal to do what we believe is Biblical and right we can ignore our main duty as wives which is to lovingly submit to our husbands and be their help in the way THEY decide they need our help.
I know it's NOT what you would want anyone to do but after reading about the issues discussed on this and other blogs it could be tempting for some to go to their husbands and say 'I learned the Bible says__________, so I'm going to do ________whether you like it or not!' As you said, that would not be being a good help to our husband.
I just finished reading "So Much More", it was excellent. I would definately recommend it to those of you who disagree with this post. It helped me understand many of the lies that I have been told (and have been telling myself), regarding women and careers. I am so thankful that God has laid it on my heart to research and re-evaluate my views on this subject! Thank you for bringing this post to our attention!
I appreciate the nuances that were brought up here; in my own story, my commitment to honor and obey my parents' authority has kept me OUT of marriage until rather late in life, in order to pursue graduate studies, extensive travel, and political work. My parents’ vision for me did not involve an early marriage or family life, often times much to my grief when likely suitors were sent away. However, I believed that my duty to honor my father superceded my own desires and the philosophies of various Christian family ministries. Thus I appreciate it when we allow that God’s will through our authority does not always follow a textbook pattern, however lovely that pattern might be. I have often longed that my parents had adopted a Vision Forum/"So Much More" model!... but I prefer God’s will through them even to those.
"I have often longed that my parents had adopted a Vision Forum/"So Much More" model!... but I prefer God’s will through them even to those."
AMEN! MM. I can relate to that statement too. Also, I really enjoyed what you shared in your last comment.....it made me feel as if I understand where you're coming from a little bit better.
Mrs. B, thank you :)
See, I want to be a Biblical Woman too!... God through my parents has just guided me towards a rather different context for living that Biblical standard out.
MM: I don't think anyone has ever said you don't want to be a Biblical woman. :)
So Much More was specifically written for people like you -- We can always trust the Lord to work through our authorities and, as we keep trusting the Lord and praying and seeking His face, God can turn the hearts of our authorities, if that is His will. If not, we can still trust Him and obey.
However, we should never use our authorities as an excuse -- I've seen that in women. Many times, we can make a wise appeal or find out why our authority is asking something of us and we'll find that we can come up with a creative alternative which will be perfectly acceptable to them and fit into their desires for us.
If God wants you to follow a certain path, He can make a way. :)
Like I always say, if someone is truly seeking God's face and truly searching His Word and truly desiring His best for their life, that's all that matters to me.
Ladies, I am 25 years old. I was taught (from observation) that women need to work to make their contribution to this world, to show that we have ideas and are not just fit to be in the house. But for me, I am very smart and every job I ever had was high paying and demanding on my time which in turn affected my conversations, my energy, and my ability to spend time with my husband. The House was always missing something. Everything revolved around how our days went at work. After a while I decided to quit my job, and we are getting along much better. I feel so much happier and I always have a smile for him and he says that I make him feel right at home and comfortable. I also feel great that our home feels so less tense now because there is a mixture of what we discuss. Sometimes hsi day wouldn't go so well and I would be light enough to make him feel better, rather than compound it with my share of bad news. He knows that I am smart else he would not have married me, so he has no problem with me staying home. I keep studying in school to keep up and have jouned one community organisation to keep me busy. I intend to keep part time jobs maybe over the years, somy resume is still acceptable and if I need to go back to work I can. But generally, there is no need fo rme to work, so I don't. Why should I? And he enjoys his job a lot.
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