"At My Wit's End"
I was wondering if you or any of your readers have any help for me. I am at my wits end with my ten month old. She is a very good baby except that she thinks that all I have to do in life is to hold her. I do spend plenty of time holding, cuddling and reading with her, but usually when I put her down she immediately starts crying. Other times she waits for a few minutes. I always make sure that she doesn't need food or sleep so I KNOW there is nothing wrong. I am expecting my second in August and am trying to avoid an very early delivery that I went through with Alissa. That means I am supposed to take it easy and not carry her constantly. What can I do to get her to like to play by herself some of the time? ~Jennifer
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:20 PM
5 Comments:
I sympathize. Our little guy just stopped doing this. Don't get me wrong, he still doesn't like to be alone for very long (no baby that age does...as far as I can tell), but he does let me leave him alone now, without crying, to do the laundry or take a shower.
I usually put him in his playpen when I'm leaving the room, but if I am doing my own activity in the same room as him, I just leave him on our carpet w/his toys. Depending on his mood, he will now play alone for 10-15 minutes.
Honestly, what made the difference was the amount of quality time I was spending w/him. I thought I was spending a lot of time during the day caring for him, which I was, but I guess he needed more "play time". This potential problem was brought to my attention when another blog-reader was referred to the "raisinggodlytomatoes.com" website.
Anyway, about 2 days after I started scheduling some serious play time (30 minute to 1 hour blocks of time), he started being less needy. Now, when he occassionallly fusses when I put him down to play alone, I can almost always attribute it to the fact that I was over-scheduled that day, so I re-prioritize and sit down to have some fun w/him.
If you know you are playing enough w/him, he could just be going through separation anxiety b/c he's not old enough to know where you are when you aren't in the room. If that is the issue, I think you're in luck b/c this stage passes relatively quickly - at least it did w/our son.
I was going to recommend wearing her in a sling, but then I read where you aren't supposed to carry her too much. I guess that won't work!
When you are in the midst of it, it is easy to feel frustrated, but these times won't last long. I've been where you are right now, so I understand, but I've also got to tell you that I would give my eye teeth to go back to the time when my little one wanted me to hold him all the time. Now he is a rambunctious "always on the go" toddler and I dearly miss those days of cuddling. Hold them while you can. They grow so fast. Plus, when your new one arrives, things will never be the same. Get in that time with your first one now, because you'll never be able to give so much of yourself once you have two.
daybreaking
Ha! I was going to say sling her too.... can you sling her on your back? Many pregnant women I know do that. I suppose that wouldn't be any easier than carrying her, but maybe ask your obgyn or midwife. Otherwise I can just say... she loves and needs her mommy and its all worth it. :)
I sympathize with you! I have a 18 month old who was very much like that and still is to some extent. I will let you know what helped me and my daughter Nora.
Around a year old I was told by a doctor that she was allergic to cow's milk. This was a doctor I just starting seeing for myself and didn't quite trust him yet (he is an alterative health doctor). Nora was just about a year old and in the process of being weaned from the breast. I shrugged my shoulders and gave it a try. I put her on goat's milk and took her off anything dairy (except what she would get through my milk). She slowly became better. Not as clingy, she would accept other people to hold her and generally she was just a happier child. The change was so gradual that I didn't realize it till her birthday party when I let her have some whipped cream. For three days after that she was a crying, fussy, clingy baby. I experimented once or twice more just to be sure, but alas she is allergic to cow's milk.
Another suggestion is to read Dr. William Sears book "Parenting the Fussy Baby and the High-Need Child" My Nora didn't fit into this category, but it sure gave me ideas and made me feel better that things could be much worse!
The last thing that works for me is to just let her sit down an cry. I don't believe in letting a baby cry it out, I believe that when a baby cries it is for a reason. But I have come to learn that a some point between 6 months and 1 year they learn that crying will solve all their problems. It is a very sensitive thing to let a child cry and not pick them up. I believe that only the mother can make the decision. Only she knows her baby well enough to know when the child should be let to cry and not. Some babies should not ever be let to cry it out. That is something you have to decide based on your child's temperament, your ability to handle it (I NEVER do it if I feel guilty, I believe that God wired us to respond to our child in need.)and the situation. I make a point to hold Nora and play with her during the day as often as I can. We even nap together. So that when I have to finish dinner and can't pick her up I know that I have met her needs throughout the day and she can wait just a few more minutes. She doesn’t like playing by herself, something that causes her to want to be with me all the time. Trust your instincts. God gave them to you for a reason. If you don’t feel comfortable with crying it out then you need to decide if you are over attached to your child or if it is the wrong thing for your child.
I have used a sling in the past also a backpack that she rides in. All with good results. She is just getting too big to carry around. Sometimes I set her on the counter so she can watch me cook or clean. Well I don't know if I was of any help, but I do know what worked for us. Best of luck and I will pray for you.
Ruth Baker
ruthlbaker@yahoo.com
Hi, I know you asked the question a few weeks ago, but I thought i would offer my comments just the same. I am 36 years old, have two daughters of my own (6yrs and 13yrs old). I am the lead teacher in the infant room at a daycare center. My babies are approx. 6 weeks to 15 months old. I am also back in college and very close to having my teaching degree (for secondary ed).
Please do not jeopardize your pregnancy by carrying your daughter too much. It is obvious that she is requiring a lot of attention from you right now, and the other ladies have given you great advice on giving her quality time over quantity time. I too disagree with letting a baby cry it out when they are very small, but by the time they are your daughter's age they are using crying as a ploy (nothing is more desireable than having mom holding you all day :) ). However, I am not suggesting you ignore your child all day (not that you would, you are a very caring and nurturing mother, that is clear).
What I am suggesting is that you start looking into something that will help your children and yourself for the next few years. I am talking about baby sign language. Babies will get very frustrated because they do not have a way to communicate their needs to you (which is why they cry). I am doing a research paper on this topic right now and have been amazed at what I have learned. I have begun using some basic signs with my babies at work, and after a week a couple babies are already signing back! Usually it takes longer than that but they are a little older (11 months).
This type of signing is for hearing babies and their families, though it would also be beneficial to those with hearing impaired family members. Children who learn to sign will be less frustrated than their non-signing counterparts, and you will feel so much closer to your baby being able to communicate with her. Studies have also shown that babies who sign will speak sooner, and perform better on intelligence tests than their non-signing counterparts.
I won't get into all of the data, but please consider this as an option. I have found that my girls were using signs right along, even though I did not know about baby signing until recently. It is becoming a great tool in my current classroom, and the parents are right on board!
Lastly, bear in mind that children go through many "phases", and many times by the time we figure them out, they are on to something else.
Best wishes with your delivery, and all of your parenting adventures!
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home