Do Feminists Control Women?
A couple of commentors had alerted me to the recent outrageous statements on well-known TV shows degrading hearth and home and women who love to stay there with their babies and husbands. I could hardly believe it was true (Why should I be surprised with all the humanistic, feministic garbage the current generation is being fed? I guess I'm still a little naive, still hopeful that it really and truly isn't as mainstream as it appears.), but here's the scoop.
I thought this was a particularly interesting quote from the article:
Hat-tip: Homeliving Helper
I thought this was a particularly interesting quote from the article:
Also, Hirshman advises, find Mr. Mom -- a guy who's into diapers and dirty dishes. "You can either find a spouse with less social power (read: money) than you or find one with an ideological commitment to gender equality (read: gender sameness)."And one more great quote:
I can just picture the personal ad: "Feminist seeks socially inferior, self-neutered male who believes that men and women are emotionally androgynous. Objective: A matrimonial merger and the production of one child, who will be raised by the proverbial village on The Feminist Mystique and Our Bodies, Our Selves (between viewings of Thelma and Louise and G.I. Jane)."
In the '80s, young women had a word for such fine specimens -- "wimp."
Here's the ultimate irony: Feminists are anti-feminine. They reject hearth and home, procreation and childrearing (unless it's done by "professionals"). They deny the maternal instinct. They condemn the feminine urge to nurture and to create a safe haven from the perils of modern life. (They also deny the male imperative to serve and protect.) Everything that's distinctive about their sex, they abhor.Don't just read these quotes, though. I recommend reading the whole article.
Because they hate their nature, they are self-loathing. Most are miserable -- and deservedly so.
Hat-tip: Homeliving Helper
posted by Crystal Paine at 1:58 PM
30 Comments:
Crystal,
That was a great article. This morning the Today Show had some-sort of mommy-war thing going on, as well. I didn't catch a whole lot of it, but the part I did catch was a viewer question-answer segment. The two female guests on the show were actually defending stay-at-home wives and mothers(very nice for a change). Like I said I didn't see very much, so I'm not sure what else was said. I generally don't take anything I see on television very seriously(whether it's news or not), because I know how liberal most of it is. Again, thanks for the link:)
This was a great article!
That was a great article. I had been so upset after reading what Hirshman had said.
I just finished reading, "Women Who Make the World Worse," by Kate O' Beirne. It was great and showed how messed up these women are. Most of the feminists today had very poor male examples growing up and have a twisted view of men. I had a very healthy and strong male influence during my informative years. I really recommend the book.
Most feminists don't even know their own history. Did you know that Margaret Sanger, though a racist and a bigot, was pro-life?
Anyway, Good Morning America IS a very liberal news show. I have seen other news morning shows have similar subjects about staying home and they have been a lot more balanced. Hirshman just really shocked me with a lot of the things she said. Especially the part about only having one child. When someone says something like that I would really love to know what their childhood was like. Their parents must have been very neglectful, as well.
Here's my perspective as a working woman:
(Before I begin, please note I am a Christian, unmarried, have no children, and I must support myself. Working in the home is not an option for me, I try to balance that by working for a non-profit that does very valuable work in the community. I didn't plan it this way - I always thought I'd get married - but this is how it is right now.)
I've been in the working world for a good long time and I have yet to meet one single woman who shares the views of Linda Hirshman - that one solution, working, is right for all women. This is the most ludicrous statement I've ever heard.
I have met many women who, upon having their children, decided to quit work and stay at home and raise them. In ALL cases these women were met with overwhelming support from their fellow cowrokers (and a bit of jealousy, I might add). I've never heard anyone say "oh, she's not smart" or "oh, what a terrible decision, she will regret it." And ladies - I live in New York City, the working women capital of the world!
Now, maybe this is because of the environment I work in - non-profit. But honestly? When one of my friends or coworkers decides to stay home I applaud her decision and encourage her. When one of my friends is considering staying at home but says "I don't know how we can afford it" I point out that WORKING COSTS MONEY. Childcare, food expenses, clothing expenses, gas...the list goes on. But most women seem to be able to figure this out on their own.
This Linda Hirshman person thinks she has all the answers, and I resent that. Women who stay home are not stupid, they are realistic. They want to participate fully in the most important thing in life - raising their family. They realize in the grand scheme of things what's important. And I think that more and more women are beginning to recognize this.
In the 80's we as women were told to "do it all", remember that old jingle for the perfume? "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you're a man?" Yeah well, most of the time those women were too exhausted to cook let alone help the kids with homework and then have time to make their husbands "feel like a man" (LOL). The rewards of a paycheck only go so far. I think a lot of women are realizing that "success" must be taken in CONTEXT.
I'm sorry if this is rambling but reading that article really got me thinking a bit. Thanks for posting it, Crystal!
Crystal,
A wonderful book on the perils of feminism is "Feminist Fantasies" by Phyllis Schalfly. And Ann Coulter wrote a great forward to it.
That was a great article, and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing, Crystal.
This past week, I was lovingly informed that I needed to quit homeschooling and get a job, so I can be financially independent. Sometimes even the most loving and well-meaning ladies can get it all wrong. *sigh*
instead of us reading articles blasting these incredibly lost women... why don't we talk about ways to reach them? ways to help them? or instead of talking about different ways... actually do it and help them?
I am a frequent blog reader, Crystal, and enjoy your posts very much. I agree: even the liberal media seems to be backlashing against Hirshman article -> the Blogging Baby website features an interesting series of articles by women who were "highly educated elite" but decided to be stay-at-home mothers in reaction to the piece. Even the very liberal Salon.com presented a balanced (for them) picture of the Mommy Wars debate.
Personally, I think she just wanted her fifteen minutes of fame, and found it be defaming women and mothers.
Crystal the hatred that comes out of you regarding feminism is worse that feminism itself. People are people you cannot put them into a box. The author of those articles is a man also full of hatred. Please get off the internet for you have way too much time on your hands to come up this this hatred. Your arrogance just shines!!!!!!!!!!!I can just see the smirk on you prissy face. UGH!!!
Thanks for the excellent comments and thoughts, everyone.
Anonymous 1: I happen to be reading Feminist Fantasies right now. Great read! I'll probably share more from it in the months to come!
Leah: I think the most important thing we can do is first to pray for these women -- something I do on a very regular basis. We also need to expose their error, though, and confront it with better solutions -- something I try to attempt to do through this blog and, more importantly, through my life. "Evil prevails when good men {and women!} do nothing!" Sometimes being a quiet living example is the greatest affronts on our feministic culture -- being a joyful wife, mother, and/or daughter, delighting in being a woman, promoting beauty and femininity in our life, and seeking to glorify God in all we do and say!
Anonymous 2: I don't usually post comments like this just because I don't want to send anyone's blood pressure through the roof but I every once in a while I think it's good because comments like yours are a perfect example that feminists are not here to support women -- just their own agenda.
Thanks for posting. I thought you said you weren't going to read my blog anymore -- I'm glad you are still here, though. I think you still don't have me very pegged, sorry to say! I don't have hatred for feminists, just a despising of their beliefs because I see how it is ripping apart families an, ultimately, our nation. And, don't worry, I have plenty of things to do besides be on the internet. Blogging is a very miniscule part of my life -- something I do in the little snippets of time that pop up throughout my very full and fulfilled life as a wife, mommy, and homemaker.
Thank you Crystal for this post. I have really been struggling lately as to if I am a feminist or not. I thought that if I believed woman should have rights and it was okay for them to work outside the home, I was one. But I was very relieved as I read your article to finally decide that I am NOT ONE!! Yes, I believe that there are circumstances that do not allow the mother to stay home and YES woman SHOULD have rights. We are human beings just like men.
I really feel sorry for Hirshman because she will never allow herself the joy of having children, being there for them twenty four hours a day. She'll never have the warm feeling of holding her nine month old and having her give you the biggest grin just because she knows who you are. She won't ever get to teach her child to read, to play games or get to see them graduate.
So maybe we homemakers are a little uneducated. Maybe we have to do all of the laundry and dishes and most or all of the care for our precious little ones. But I wouldn't trade jobs with Hirshman on her best day and my worst one.
~Jen
To Anonymous2 -
I think, before I called Crystal prissy and full of hatred, I'd take another look at what you just wrote. I was highly offended by the rude, nasty way you spoke to her. It's one thing to share concerns and another thing to spew forth hateful comments. Your post was not "sharing concerns," it was just downright nasty.
In the past, I have sometimes misunderstood the way Crystal spoke against feminism (and have at times shared those concerns), but the more I have read her material, the more I have come to realize it is feminism's destruction of the family she is fighting so hard against, not the feminists themselves. Nonetheless, one thing I have learned is, if you have a concern with someone's approach, you need to share that concern in a spirit of love and humility.
I think for now on, I better sign my name to my posts, as I certainly don't want my "Anonymous" complaints to be connected with the ones of "Anonymous2."
Lastly, I don't consider it hatred to speak out against Hirschman. She has made the choice to be VERY public with her bashing of those of us who chose to be SAHM's and as such, has opened herself up to be scrutinized. Personally, I am so angered by what she's said that I cannot even read more on it.
As far as "helping" her, rather than speaking against her, of course we would want to reach her for the Lord, but at the same time, that doesn't mean we cannot speak against the wrongness of her message. We can still pray for her and ask God to touch her heart, but at the same time, making it clear that her message is destructive to families. If someone was trying to poison your family, wouldn't you do everything possible to protect your family and speak out against the one trying to harm your family? Hirschman is no different. Her message is a poison that could harm our society if people adopted her views. Thankfully, most of the working moms I know do not at all agree with Hirshman, but instead fully support my decision to be a SAHM. A large majority of them often share sadness that they feel they cannot be SAHM's due to financial constraints.
daybreaking
As I read that article (which was delightfully tongue-in-cheek - a fun read!), I wondered what Hirshman's view is on women who run and work in those daycare centers. Why is it that the "drudgery" of childraising tasks is suddenly so fulfilling when it's moved out of the home and into a daycare? How is the actual care of children worthwhile work for a "complicated, educated" woman when she's caring for 30 other people's children, but it's not worthwhile for one woman caring for her own children? That doesn't make any sense.
I was told recently that I just needed to just "Get a job" rather than trying to make money from home so I ccan homeschool and be with them, because "My children need the structure of a daycare anyway" I was really hurt and took it as a comment that my parenting must be lacking, but as I thought about it more I realized that was not really the case. I do not want that type of things in my childrens lives or I could give it to them at home, I do not want my son sitting around with 10 other bored boys thinking of all the things that idle hands tend to do.
I dislike the attitude that it is a shame for a woman to stay home and sacricfice things and money in order for her children to have their mother available. I just wrote a blog post on what kind of memories will we make for our children, will the things, the way we dressed, the way we provided make their memories, or will it be the amount of time we took away from other things to spend with them and take them places?
It is not a shame, but one of the greatest sacrifices a mother can take, to be a SAHM and wife. (I know sometimes it is just not possible, but I think these are the exception rather than the rule.)
Just one more quick comment! A man can be what some people call a "Mr. Mom" and not be a wimp! My husband is disabled and has to stay home all the time instead of working. He changes diapers and does housework with me and he is no wimp! = )
Martha, My husband is the champion diaper changer. He is no wimp. He is one of the strongest men I know. : ) I think any man who loves his family would want to help out in the home as much as he can.
Anonymous 2: Stop throwing food. Why don't you try forming a constructive argument? It would be better received and the readers here would atleast have a little respect for your opinion. Your comment smells of immaturity and inexperience.
Lindsay: You were right on. I have never met a single woman I worked with as a nurse who thought it was ashame I was going to be staying home full time while my kids were young. They all expressed envy and or said, "Of course you should. I stayed home when my kids were young." One of the beauties about being a nurse is the flexibility in your schedule. My mom worked part-time, as a nurse, and homeschooled us. I think that is the biggest reason I became a nurse. Actually, the only nurse I worked with who thought career should come before family was my former boss who had her only son drugged with ritalin and being brought up in a daycare center. She was on her second marriage too. Too busy climbing the ladder of success to concentrate on family. When she refused to let me stay at home with my sick baby that is when I knew 100% that I would leave and stay home full time. She thought it was perfectly reasonable to let me leave a sick baby. I would really hate to be her son.
Martha: The "Mr. Mom Wimp" we are talking about here is the man who has no desire to protect or provide for his family and he's happy and content to let his wife "wear the pants" -- make the money, make the decisions, make the rules.
I'm sure in your case, if your husband could do more to provide, he would do more. He's not disabled by choice, you know what I mean?
Diapers and dishes aren't a wimpy thing for a man (Believe me, some of those diapers are a real macho job!), so long as they aren't abdicating their other roles.
I just wanted to say that I came up against lots of criticism from my family and some friends when we decided I would be a SAHM. I've had people say that I was wasting my education, that their kids would drive them nuts if they were with them all day (!), and ask me if I'm bored. Some of these comments come from Christians. So it actually does happen.
Zan - I disagree with the idea of women who leave the home and family to work as nurses. Both my mother-in-law ans sister-in-law have done this for many years. I have seen the effect it has had on their families. A woman who has to be out working and then doing the full-time job of a wife and mother cannot possibly do a good job at either one. It is my belief that the Bible speaks clearly about women being keepers at home.
The other thing I wanted to mention was that I have a very different take on Margaret Senger. From what I have read, she not only was not pro-life but was involved with raising money for euthanasia as well as the abortion of minorities. If you are curious, read Killer Angel: A Short Biography of Planned Parenthood's Founder, Margaret Sanger by George Grant.
Leah, I love what you suggest- amen and amen. And I think Crystal's mode of living quietly and graciously in her own vocation as "protest" is commendable too. The combination of the two sentiments would be a greater outreach from the "Biblical womanhood" home, in showing hospitality in every way to those who do not think the same way. My mother and I have been discussing this a lot over our vacation breakfasts. Anti-femminist women need to open their homes and reach out beautifully to the women they hope to "change."
I am friends with quite a few self-identifying "femminists" - many of whom are gentlemanly, godly men- but the many young women that I know who share this "femminist" perspective are gracious, lovely, intelligent women. They "deserve" the best that God has for them in His mercy, not to be miserable! Their lives are in many ways exemplary for me.
I noticed that Anne Coulter was promoted on the article... my father is secretly trying to groom me to be just like her :), so I'm wondering whether she constitutes a "femminist..." for purposes of this discussion. What is a femminist, anyway?
MM: I believe that women and men who are not living according to God's design and plan for their lives cannot live happy fulfilled lives. It is not possible, you know what I mean? When you kick against God's model, it will only lead to misery.
But, we shouldn't just condemn these women to misery, we need to expose the error and offer a solution -- through Christ and His atoning work on the Cross --only in Christ can we live according to God's beautiful, Biblical plan for the family.
As far as the definition of a feminist -- I have a pretty broad definition there -- probably broader than most. That is probably fodder for another blog post. My daughter just woke up and I need to go be a mommy now. :)
I figured that was! It was just my first impression when I read that was it could be taken that way, so I thought I would interject a comment!
Some of those diapers.......I don't know.....they are not something for faint-hearted!
Zan- my sister is a nurse, when she became a single parent of her 2 girls she decided nursing would be the best way to make money and yet still see them. She works nights for this reason.
Crystal, happy mommying this afternoon :) I would only add that "in exposing error and attempting correction," Christian humility and charity would probably demand that "we" remain open to learning something even from "those" "femminists" - whoever they are :)
Mary,
I got my info about Sanger from the book, "Women Who Make The World Worse." She was not praised at all in that book. You are probably right about the euthanasia thing about her. I have read many awful things about her. She left her husband and children to have multiple affairs and such...
I should've been more specific when I called her pro-life. She was merely against abortion. She called it barbaric. She also called abortionists "bloodsucking men with M.D. after their names who perform operations for the price of so-in-so." She also called it "the killing of babies." I got this info from the above book mentioned. But maybe, being a woman, she changed her mind?
As far as the nurse comment. Our family did not suffer from my mom working off shifts as a nurse. I do not work now because of having little babies. It is very important that mommies put their families first even if they have flexible schedules.
I am sure you have seen families suffer because the nurse does not put her family first. For instance, I would never work in the ER at night if I had little babies at home. The stress would be way too much and it would rub off on my family. However, I might work a couple weekend shifts a month as a visiting nurse changing needed bandages and dressings at patient's homes. This is very low stress and very flexible and very necessary. Do we just let the non- Christians do this work or the men? If we just let the men than the nursing shortage, which is critical, right now, would be impossible.
I have always believed it to be very hypocritical that Christians who use the verse "keepers at home" would than take the care of married nurses at the hospital, nursing home or home health care. The next time you are in the hospital you should only request a male nurse. You might be in for a long wait.
Believe me, you can still be a great keeper at home and work a couple night shifts a month to bring in some extra income. When I did work 2nd shift I left my son with my mom. I only worked a couple shifts a month. My husband approved and never said that I was depriving or neglecting the family.
Like I said before, I don't work now because I am very pregnant (still) and my previous job in the ICU was not mommy friendly. In fact mosts of the nurses who worked there had grown children.
Your comments are not news to me but I would ask you to be consistent and request male nurses only when you have you next medical issue.
I am going to jump in the deep end here, and state clearly that I am a feminist. I believe that women, and men, should be allowed to have the choice of their careers. There seems to be an underlying assumption that women wont choose to stay at home and raise families....this is so not true! You can be a feminist, stay at home, do housework, cook, raise a family and still love men!!!! Feminism is about choice.
I am in a loving committed relationship with a man I will spend the rest of my life with. At the moment, I am not working (but am looking for full time work after finishing university in Dec and taking the summer off), but my partner is working. So does he provide for me...yes. Do I do the lions share of cooking and cleaning...yes, but partly because I have more time, and becuase I enjoy cooking (and am better at it!!).
I am tired of only one view of feminism being put out there....the truly radical feminists are likely few and far between, but they get the most press because of their radical statements (eg men are unneccessary). Feminism can take many forms, and exists on a sliding scale.
Women who stay at home, often seem to have the complaint that the world views them as uselss or as watching tv all day. Those women would make up a very small proportion of the women who stay at home and so the majority should not be judged by the minority. Just as the minority of radical feminists should not be used to judege the majority of less strict/less radical feminists.
I am a feminist, I love my man, I dont hate men. I cook, I clean, I love children, I enjoy being feminine and pretty, I think women should be allowed to choose their career (be this staying at home, or working). I dont think women should be put into a single box, but I dont think this of men either. I dont think I am superior to men, nor do I think I am inferior. I dont look down on women who stay at home, nor do I applaud those who go out to work. We have to be empowered to make choices that are right for ourselves and our families,, in line with our belief systems.
All I ask is that you dont judge me for being a feminist, after all I am living the same life as you at the moment. There are more similarities amongst all of us than differences. We are all women, we are beautiful creatures, we deserve to feel and give love, we deserve to live our lives the best way that we know how.
(I havent tried to offend anyone here, but wanted to give a differnt view of feminism, than the radical one that is often given as a template of all feminists.)
M
I was pointed to your blog by another website, and although my religious and political beliefs differ in many ways from yours, I find your honesty, humility and genuine love of life make your blog a pleasure to read.
I'd like to offer a different perspective on the 'feminist' viewpoint:
The popular view of feminism is one of strident harridans lambasting women who choose more traditional roles or prefer to live lives in a religious, or more 'traditional' way. I want you to know that not all feminists feel this way. There are many of us who feel feminism should and CAN embrace ALL choices women make. Feminism should not be about trading one thing for another, or 'right' or 'wrong' choices or lifestyles. It should be about allowing women to be empowered to make choices, to work, or stay home, to have children or not and supporting that choice, regardless of what it may be or how they may have come to that decision. It disturbs me greatly to hear women who 'bash' stay-at-home mothers and wives. They have made a legitimate, private choice, and they have no doubt agonized over their choices just as much as the CEO of the Multi-National Corporation with a nanny and husband she rarely sees. Their choice is, by far, more demanding and requires a lifetime of comittment and sacrifice.
To me, a true feminist isn't self-loathing, or hateful. She embraces her femininity, celebrates her differences from men and supports her family, friends and community with love and respect.
You have chosen a path that not many women seem to have the fortitude to follow in this day and age. You are honest, forthright, and open about your struggle to arrive on that path and to walk it every day. I, as a feminist, applaud you.
Kate,
I'm all for choices too. However, I beleive that women who are making the choice to rarely see their husband and higher a nanny to raise THEIR kid is the WRONG choice. Not every choice is right just because an individual feels it is right. Some women are forced to work and some women choose. I feel that the women who choose work over family are making the wrong choice and, unfortunately, families are falling apart.
I know that all feminists are not femi-nazis. But, I strongly believe that if a women is to have a family,whether she be Christian or not, her family needs to come first not her career.
If feminism is teaching that women can choose to raise their children as they choose istead of how they should, than, frankly, I think it is a more dangerous message than the one that Hircshman is preaching.
Zan,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I understand that you're coming at this issue from a different perspective than mine. I should tell you, I am an atheist and a humanist. I do believe that family and a stable, warm home life full of love are the most important beginnings you can give your children and your family, and that homeschooling is not only a valid, but correct choice for ensuring the proper education of your children. But I do not ever wish to impose my choices/views on another with a label of right or wrong.
I don't believe that one person can determine what is right or wrong for all women, (Which is why I cringe at those fami-nazis who blather away on T.V.). I understand how you arrived at your point of view, (At least, I'd like to think I do.), and I understand that for you, walking the path you do is right for you. I, however, believe it is better for women to embrace and understand each others choices and the reasons for those choices, and to share our knowledge and our resources, so that no one ever has to hire a nanny, or work 50 hours a week, or send their children to a school full of violence, drugs, and abuse.
To foster caring and support, to embrace and understand, to truly love one another in the christian sense has always seemed, to me, to be to be the better choice, rather than pitting ourselves against each other in a war of ideals. Frank, honest and open discussion (and education) have always gone farther to change someone's mind and open their eyes to your own perspective
than to say "You are wrong." and hope they see it your way.
I've been reading Crystal's blog, and a few other blogs from women who have a different world view from myself, and am greatly appreciative of the opportunity to 'take a peek' into their lives and their thoughts, hopes and dreams. I hope, Zan, that you will continue to share your thoughts with me, on feminism, child-rearing, marriage, politics, religion and whatever else you may wish to. Again, I want to understand, as much as I can, how you arrived at your opinion, and why, and what you feel women can do to make this world a better place.
Thank you, to both Crystal and Zan, for sharing your thoughts with me, and allowing me the opportuity to share mine.
Thank you, Kate, for your comments.
I just have a moment and wanted to mention one thing. I also don't believe that any one person should dictate what others believe. Instead, I believe that the Word of God should be our standard for morality. If everyone is left to make their own choices based upon their own definition of right and wrong, I believe that this will quickly lead to the destruction of our society. It will lead to anarchy for everyone will do what they believe to be right in their own eyes. We must have a standard for morality. I believe that the only infallible standard we can look to is found in God and His Word. All other standards are insufficient.
Thanks for reading and commenting. God bless you. :)
Kate,
Crystal summed it up better than I could.
There are just some things in this life that I cannot be wishy washy about. If you are putting career before family I think you are wrong. I can't see anything right about it.
We do need some sort of standard in this world or we will have no values or morals. Look how VT has turned its back on the little girl who was molested for 4 yrs by that monster. The judge (calling him sick and saying punishment would do nothing for HIM)gave him 60 days in prison for ruining a little girls life. This is a perfect example of how someone has lost any clear definition of right and wrong.
BTW, I am not saying that career-oriented moms are equivalent to pedaphiles.
I do not want to force my beliefs on you or anybody but I'm not going to dress them up so they don't offend. I have always believed that love and living by example is one of the best ways to draw someone to Christ.
I have no problem discussing anything with you in the future. The only thing is that I may not be blogging much for awhile as I am ready to deliver my 2nd baby any day. Had a bunch of contractions last night but they went nowhere.
When I do have him I know I will be so overwhelmed at first.
Ladies, please pray for me. I have never been this anxious in my life.
I think it's important to realize that there exist multiple different forms of feminism, and though many share characteristics, they are still unique.
I would absolutely consider myself a feminist, no doubt about it, but I nonetheless have a huge amount of respect for stay at home mothers.
I took a womens studies course at university, and an entire section of the course was dedicated to the study of housewives and their importance in the modern family. A feminist and a family-hater is not the same thing.
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