If Only I Were Perfect
I've wished so much recently that I could find a way to have a spotlessly clean, organized, and well-decorated home, serve delicious and elaborate meals on time three times a day, spend the necessary time to maintain a business, while at same time not in any way neglecting my relationship with the Lord, my husband, or my daughter.
I wish I could get out of bed every morning at 5 a.m. to an immaculately clean home. I wish I could shower, dress, and fix my hair before anyone wakes up. I wish I could spend a solid hour of uninterrupted time reading the Bible and praying before I begin my day each and every morning. I wish I could have the house all perfectly cleaned and in order by 8 a.m. every morning (though, I guess if I woke up to it immaculate, I wouldn't even need to clean!). I wish that the laundry and dishes magically washed themselves and put themselves away or that I had a live-in maid.
I wish that I never said an unkind word or had an unkind thought. I wish that I would never disappoint my husband. I wish that I could spend all day everyday playing with my daughter. I wish I were never tired and had a boatload of energy all the time. I wish that I could live on 3 hours of sleep or less every night.
Instead, I'm just me. My house is often messy and always in need of some type of cleaning. I'm always behind in some area. I never get to spend as much time playing or reading with my daughter as I'd like. I'm forever behind on the ironing. My husband comes home some nights and I'm exhausted, the house is messy, dinner is only a figment of my imagination, and I'm still in my pajamas. I often say and do things that I regret. I fail in some area on an hourly basis and can easily become discouraged and overwhelmed.
Yes, sometimes I wish I were perfect. But, then I realize that if I were perfect, I'd never have anything to trust God about. I'd never need anyone to pray for me. I'd never need anyone's help. I'd never have to cry out to God for mercy when I'd failed yet again. I'd never need comfort from the Scriptures. And, I'd never know the depths of God's grace and mercy to one so undeserving as me.
I wish I could get out of bed every morning at 5 a.m. to an immaculately clean home. I wish I could shower, dress, and fix my hair before anyone wakes up. I wish I could spend a solid hour of uninterrupted time reading the Bible and praying before I begin my day each and every morning. I wish I could have the house all perfectly cleaned and in order by 8 a.m. every morning (though, I guess if I woke up to it immaculate, I wouldn't even need to clean!). I wish that the laundry and dishes magically washed themselves and put themselves away or that I had a live-in maid.
I wish that I never said an unkind word or had an unkind thought. I wish that I would never disappoint my husband. I wish that I could spend all day everyday playing with my daughter. I wish I were never tired and had a boatload of energy all the time. I wish that I could live on 3 hours of sleep or less every night.
Instead, I'm just me. My house is often messy and always in need of some type of cleaning. I'm always behind in some area. I never get to spend as much time playing or reading with my daughter as I'd like. I'm forever behind on the ironing. My husband comes home some nights and I'm exhausted, the house is messy, dinner is only a figment of my imagination, and I'm still in my pajamas. I often say and do things that I regret. I fail in some area on an hourly basis and can easily become discouraged and overwhelmed.
Yes, sometimes I wish I were perfect. But, then I realize that if I were perfect, I'd never have anything to trust God about. I'd never need anyone to pray for me. I'd never need anyone's help. I'd never have to cry out to God for mercy when I'd failed yet again. I'd never need comfort from the Scriptures. And, I'd never know the depths of God's grace and mercy to one so undeserving as me.
posted by Crystal Paine at 5:02 PM
12 Comments:
Amen... that is a realization I have had to come to. Praise God that He is so patient, loving, faithful!
You know, Crystal, the other day, I was feeling bad about not having my house perfectly clean and not sticking to my schedule well enough. Then I asked my husband if he thought I needed to do a better job on the house and he said 'No, you do a great job. In fact I think you don't need to worry about it as much as you do.' I don't know about your situation but maybe your expectations for yourself are higher than your husband's or God's. I bet you do a better job around the house and all those other areas, than you think you do!
Beautiful post, and so true! Thanks Crystal!
I think it's easy to look at other women and think, "Wow she seems like she has it all together. I must be a failure because I'm struggling." But I think we often impose standards on ourselves that are unrealistic. Hang in there. It is hard after you have a baby. I'm sure that God and your husband will still love you if you have dusty furniture and unwashed laundry. Ask for help from others if you need it. You have a lot on your plate, don't be so hard on yourself.
I definitely struggle with this too. Like Mrs. B., I asked my husband what he thought and he thought I was doing a great job and it was more important to him that I spend quality time with our son than that the house be spotless and dinner on the table when he gets home. I still wish I could do everything and be the perfect wife and mother and housekeeper but I just have to take it one step at a time and try to look at the big picture.
Thanks for the encouraging post!
Crystal, I think everyone wants that. I want to read all the books that I say I will. I want to cook breakfast for my roommate. I want an immaculately clean bathroom 24 hours a day. I want to decorate perfectly, and do everything as it should be done. But I know I can't, and I know that even if I could, I wouldn't be satisfied. Nothing is perfect, and the most wonderful people I've met, are those that make mistakes, know their faults and can still be both glad and faithful about their lives. My grandmother, a very beautiful catholic woman once said that "you have to leave a little grime, because if God comes, you want to be sure he knows that you live there."
Cheers friend!
Oh how I know what your saying Crystal! Thank the Lord that He excepts me in the state I'm in. His Grace is overwhelming and I do not deserve it. But with His strength I can overcome my feelings of inadiquacy(I don't think I spelled that right at all;-))
I realise too that I expect more of me than my hubby ever has. He is just happy with the progress I've made right now.
Hang in there, you are not alone!
I liked that quote your grandma said at the end of your post Jessica!
I too feel at times that I have left myself, hubby and God down if things aren't perfect. My hubby really doesn't care how clean the house is, but he sees that I delight in having a haven for him to come home too, so I try to keep it clean and decent for him. But I do have my lazy days...and on weekends when we spend most of our time together, we both will end up dirting the house, but we clean it up together. As far as meals...he's never home for lunch (I make him one though to take with him to work), but I try to give him a small breakfast and dinner is usually done by the time he gets home.
I am learning though that what matters is my relationship with God and my husband, not if there are a few dishes in the sink or dust bunnies under the table. If tonight were my last night, I would spend it honoring God and being with the man I love. I think about that alot and we just never know when God is going to call us home, so I make sure my husband knows I love him with all my heart and soul (same with God)before I go to sleep at night.
I'm right there with you in desiring to be perfect. At the moment, I call myself a "recovering perfectionist." ;)
Excellent point(s) in the last paragraph!! Very, very true!
Crystal, in total seriousness and sincerity, it sounds like you really need to make an appointment for a massage-
All I can say is "Thank you!"
I needed this post so much right now. I absolutely love reading this Blog, but I must admit, I have overly-glamorized visions of all of you. Since I found this blog several months ago, I think I've been guilty of comparing myself to all of you, trying to "catch up" to all of you b/c I am newer to living for Christ than most of you. This post was just what I needed to remind me that God takes me as I am, right now. He's not waiting for me to be perfect...he knows better.
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