Our Own Home Must Be Our First Priority
Have you ever been so busy helping other people that suddenly you realize that your own home is being neglected? We have been diligently helping others and to our chagrin we suddenly find that our husband's socks aren't in his drawer, his shirt is not yet ironed, and the floors need vacuuming. Yet, we have certainly not been idle. We have simply forgotten that we have a responsibility to our family under God that our own home should be running smoothly before helping others.
Why do we find helping others easier than doing our own chores? I think it is because it is something we can choose to do - we pick a job we are good at and we do that. We may be busy baking treats for the family whose mother is in hospital whilst our family goes without. Unfortunately, nice as it is to help others, we won't be getting any extra stars in our crowns! Our first responsibility is to our own family and home first.
No other activity outside the home should be undertaken until you have your own home in order. Then you can rejoicingly go out and help in outside ministry knowing that you have fulfilled your obligations in your own home. This is the spirit of Titus 2. There is a time and a place for outside ministry - after your home is clean and your family is well looked after. And only then with your husband's consent.
Which is another whole area of taking care of your own business first. You are to submit and help your own husband. It doesn't matter what the lady next door thinks you should do if your husband forbids it. Her husband may not require that she is home all day to answer the phone or whatever, whilst yours does. So she is free to be away. I can't tell you what to do for your husband to be a good wife to him because his requirements and likes will be different to mine. I iron Chris's shirts a special way because that is how he likes them. He likes them hung up. Maybe your husband prefers his shirts folded. That is just an idea of how complex and different each marriage is.
So we must serve our husbands and families and keep our home to suit our life-style and husband's expectations. And we must do that before we do anything else. God expects nothing less of us. We all long to be wise women and build our homes…minding our own business before getting involved in another's business is so very important in that building. Our family will flourish if we put them first in all things. All too quickly the time will pass and you will have ample time to help others.
posted by Crystal Paine at 12:41 PM
10 Comments:
I am STILL learning this lesson....I do hope the younger ladies take heed to this wise article. A woman's home is so much more than "just a place". While on earth it is the center of the universe for you & your family. There is no more important place you could possibly be...speaking within context.
How I wish I would have had this knowledge at a much younger age. :-)
What a very wise post!! I am still working on this.
While I agree that it is important to make sure that our primary focus is on making sure our own homes are in order, I do not agree that we should never help out other people until we have got everything together at home.
In the 15 years that I have been married I have NEVER ONCE had every thing to perfection, every single area all caught up! Many times my husband and I have chosen to do with a little less perfection in our own life in order to minister to other people. Sometimes it meant babysitting someone's children, taking meals to a family in need, helping with a large project, and so forth.
If I had followed this advice we would have never had any friends, never helped anyone else, never allowed our family members to come and visit, never gone to do anything. That's not the life we want.
One of our values is to care about people. While home is still our top priority, many times we choose to "be the church" to others. Sometimes it's a sacrifice. We do strive to keep home life in balance, but because we choose other things, home is never as perfect as it my theoretically become.
Sort of like Mary and Martha. One was looking after her home and making sure all was well in the kitchen and so forth. The other was with Jesus. Apparently Jesus felt that the household stuff could wait. We sometimes do that too. :)
I think this message is so valuable for women who are called to be wives and mothers. I also think that if the home is kept properly in view as a ministry in itself, which exists for a purpose beyond itself (which is the building and serving of God's Kingdom), there need be no dichotomy beetween "inside" and "outside" ministry. The Church is in desperate need of well-run homes as centers of hospitality for the Church's work- as meeting places for small communities, as havens for the suffering, and as shelters for missionaries.
DollyMama -- Thanks for your thoughts! I don't think that Glenys was saying we have to have perfect homes before we can ever help anyone else, I think she was just making the point that we need to put our families as first priorities. Maybe Glenys could further elaborate if she has a moment to do so.
It is easy to get distracted doing the good things, while neglecting the BEST things, you know what I mean? I thought it was a very good reminder to hear -- especially from a Godly older woman. I need to be reminded of this constantly!
MM - WONDERFUL thoughts! I agree whole-heartedly. I love the idea of the home as a center of ministry for our families and the church.
dollymama,
I understand what you are saying and know that it would be easy for some to use the thoughts in the post as an excuse never to go out and minister to others. At the same time, the post hit me right between my eyes. Just this week, my husband had an empty drawer of undershirts while I spent the week helping others. Ouch! The message also meant a great deal to me because I grew up in a home with a mom who was out most every night of the week, involved in this ministry and that. The church just loved her (and she loved being loved), but I always felt that she never had time for me. Not once growing up did we have devotions as a family and I almost never remember my mom teaching me to cook, clean, shop, etc. Most everything I know, I've had to learn on my own. While I just wanted my mom to be my mom, she was ensuring that no one at church was neglected. To me, this is the type of thing that Glenys was addressing in her post.
It is hard to find a balance, isn't it? I think sometimes I have seen one or the other. I think you for sure have to have a balance as otherwise we become like the Levite and the priest in the Good samaritan story. We have our schedule, our plans and forget about relationships with others outside of our family, because our family is most important. I think if our elationship with God is the right way and we are seeking Him on what we are to be doing then we will choose the right things.
So, how do you balance it the right way? I mean practically? Do you have one day a week you schedule you visit with people or do a family service project? How do you keep your family in the right perspective and minister to others in a practical way?
Dear Ladies, Crystal has explained where I am coming from. In no way was I meaning to have immaculate homes and use perfectionism as an excuse not to help someone in need. Obviously, daily plans are subject to change. If someone is urgently needing help, then I would be the first to help. However, some women use helping others as an excuse to neglect our first calling- our own husband, children and home. I believe we have our calling to be mothers, wives and homemakers in our homes first-then we can branch out to help others without being guilty of any neglect. I have seen helping others before looking after your own household become a stumbling block in happy family relationships- especially in having a happy marriage. Balance is the key I feel. Certainly I don't advocate being so perfectionistic in the home that you can't help someone in dire need. We have to be discerning and evaluate what is important and vital and then act on it. That's where prayer and commonsense come into play. Blessings, Glenys
This article is right on the money according to GOD's word -- your #1 is you home, God, Hubs, children --THEN and ONLY then, reach the world....an awesome wife, appreciative of her blessing WILL have this in balance so no one is left out...so, dont' do for others 1st, be the EXAMPLE through your own home!
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