True Freedom is Found in Dependence
In response to Shannon's letter, Mrs. J sent me an essay she had written, along with this note:
That last post was so familiar--I wrote an essay when I was 23 on being single and what I thought were the best ways of fighting against the postmodern mandates. This essay is directed more for women who don't live with their families and are fighting the battles that S.S. and I fight and fought. It might be encouraging to know that when I wrote this, I was living one of the lonelinest life-chapters I have known thus far, so if it sounds prescriptive and preachy, I was preaching to myself.And, here is her essay, especially for the encouragement for unmarried women:
One more thought: I am convinced that single women (who for whatever reason don't live with their families) are one of the church's most neglected groups. Very seldomly (in my limited experience) are the single women invited to non-single family activities or gathered into family Sunday dinner when they're new at church. My husband spent many years as a bachelor and definitely had many more Sunday dinner invitations than I did as a single woman. Granted, he's more outgoing than I am and there could be many reasons for this, but it seems generally assumed that bachelors need to be taken care of while single girls fall by the wayside. I haven't done any studies; I was merely the new single girl in several churches during my 9 years of independent single life.
So another thing to examine in this issue (for married women) is whether we are reaching out to the single girls in our spheres of influence. However, this by no means is a reason for single girls to wait around until they are invited. I learned that the best way to keep my apartment clean as a single girl (and it still works in married life!) was to have someone over--not necessarily a family with 6 children, but another woman or a couple or a group of students. These things kept me busy, my space pretty, and generated some return invitations! -Mrs. J
I was, until recently, a single woman. By the accepted standards of Hillary Clinton, Warner Brothers, and
A.W. Tozer speaks of a shrine within all humans, the sacred void which is our need for a Savior, the only true Love. The empty shrine destroys and debilitates all pursuits of happiness on earth, relational, successful, or even sacrificial. Often the loneliest woman is the Christian woman, married or single, because she has neglected the greatest and most vital core of the faith, which is complete dependence on Christ alone, and her desolation is a conscience reckoned with such neglect. Although she has an understanding of salvation and a decent relationship with her church, the shrine will remain void if the deep love and longing for the Savior is not strengthened and maintained. To expect a husband, church, ministry, or workload to fill this need is to welcome nothing short of emotional and spiritual disaster. True satisfaction is only found in the most simple and mysterious wonder of the Christian life: read your Bible, pray every day. He was, is, and will always be faithful to respond.
Second to the ultimate and eternal joy of dependence on Christ, is dependence on family—if she is still living with her parents this is easy, but in the postmodern land of isolation the church must play a larger role. Of course the church is our great family and body, but for a single woman, it is wise to invest in one family with whom a closer and more dependent relationship can be formed. Couples with children out of the house are wonderful families, as the companionship is pleasurable for both parties, and older couples have much experience and wisdom that is better shared. For situations where a married woman would approach her husband for counsel, adopted church parents are a God-given gift that should be accepted and enjoyed. While the single woman has the option of whether or not to heed such counsel, the relief of sharing burdens is something to be treasured, and it will be more valued if those on whom she depends know her well and have a close relationship with her.
Having established great efforts at total dependency upon Christ as the Sole Soulmate and accepted the guidance and love of an immediate family (provided she does not already live with her parents), the single woman will find that her needs for communal dependency will culminate in a living Biblical church. Some churches are certainly living, but they are not Biblical. Other churches were founded upon the Rock, but have decayed into fossils. A Sola Scriptura longing for Christ will be the greatest aid in discernment, and humility will be an important tool in following the former. A living Biblical environment, which is recognized through a living Biblical relationship, supports and enfolds the single woman in a body. In a healthy body, she can grow even more dependent upon Christ through worship and teaching, accept the guidance and friendship of many older Christians in an extended family, and enjoy relationships with siblings of all ages, depending on her God given gifts and interests.
The farce of feminine independence is a deadly weapon that slashes gaping wounds of need in single women. Those who buy into the myth of the urban shopping, leopard toting, coffee sipping, self-sufficient, happy single woman have a long and frustrating search in store. True freedom is found in dependence, and the dependent freedom of the Christian woman is a joyful paradox upon which to meditate daily as we all groan with the earth to anticipate our Bridegroom’s arrival.
posted by Crystal Paine at 4:12 PM
5 Comments:
Dear Mrs. J,
Thank you so much for responding to my post. I am so touched by the outpouring of support from everyone here. I really enjoy writing on my views and am especially honored that Crystal would publish my writing on her blog! Bless you all!
This was really good!
Even though I'm married it is always good to be reminded about Whom I should depend upon for my joy.
Thank you Mrs. J (o:
Shannon,
Thank you for your courage and honesty in voicing a need that is too often silent. I too am honored to be published on this amazing blog that draws Christian women together in such meaningful ways. Do you have a blog yet? Keep us posted on how God works out His grace in you.
Amen and amen, Mrs. J. Wow.
So proud to have been there.
So much has been said that I don't need to repeat. I often wish I had more single women as friends. We follow the pattern of the world when we only seek out people we have a lot in common with. The only common ground we need is our devotion to Christ.
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