What a Lie!
Our society today has such a low view of children. I've been appalled to receive comments from people saying they think the government should limit the number of children people are allowed to have. This sinful, selfish view of life is a direct result of humanistic philosophy which permeates our society and begins in the public education system. People are trained to believe that me, myself, and I are number one. The general consensus I've picked up on is that children take so much time, work, and effort and cost so much money, that you should do everything in your power to limit your family size. What a lie!
For one, raising children is the most rewarding vocation anyone could have. It is also the highest and most noble calling you can have in this life -- to train and raise the next generation up for the glory of God! If you do not believe this, I urge you to read the Bible through and notice how a multi-generational vision is the pervading message of Scripture. We are to train our children, so they can train their children, who will in turn train their children, and on and on down the line. Of course, it is a lot of work, but the rewards far, far outweigh the sacrifices.
Secondly, having a lot of children does not have to cost a lot of money. Where does the Bible say that children need to have a lot of things or that parents have to pay for a college education for their children? This is another myth we've been fed by humanistic teachers. Children don't have to cost a lot of money and God will provide what you need for the family size He's given you. Giving your children love and quality time (and don't tell me that you can't spend time with your children if you have 16 of them -- Think about it: If a mother stays home with her children and the family is home-centered, she'll have plenty of time to spend with her children. She will be with them, spending time with them all day every day. On the other hand, women who are gone all day long and who give up their mothering responsibilities to other care providers and then spend the extra available time shuffling children all over town will be guaranteed to spend a lot less quality time with their children, even if they only have one or two.) and teaching them Scripture is the best gifts you can give to your children-- worth more than anything money can buy.
There are plenty of alternatives to expensive health insurance. (Check out Samaritan Ministries for one such alternative.) You can grow your own food (and when you have a lot of children, you'll have plenty of helpers for your garden!), you can sew your own clothes, you can assign your children to find the best buys on household appliances as part of their school projects.
A couple hundred years ago, the more children you had, the wealthier you were. Why? Because all members of the family contributed to the family. It was a joint-effort. Today, parents are expected to pay for everything, and often to give their children allowance and extra spending money on top of that. Children should be taught from birth that they are not an independent free-for-all smoocher. They are an integral, needed asset to the family. They should be taught responsibility by having to earn their own money to pay for their own things. When they are old enough, they should be required to participate in helping to run the household (cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, fixing things, and so on). I know of five-year-olds who can cook basic meals, clean bathrooms, wash dishes, and do their own laundry.
In our family, once we were old enough to help, we were required to help. It wasn't an option. It was just expected. We learned the value of hard work and that by working together, we could get a lot more done. I think it is almost harder for me to run a household of three with just a baby and no help, than it was for my mom. For years, she never did any cleaning, cooking, ironing, or laundry. Her chief responsibilities were to be a wife, spend quality time teaching us and mothering us, and, as she was able, minister to other women. I'm so grateful that my parents gave us the responsibilities they did from an early age. Sure, I didn't always want to do my chores, but I learned so many valuable life lessons by doing so. My parents were raising us to be responsible adults. And, we got so much more done, working together as a family. We could minister to so many people and do so many things, because we all worked together.
posted by Crystal Paine at 2:30 PM
23 Comments:
Wow, it's interesting to read comments that you made a year ago and see how you've changed. My 2 comments were a little negative but I've now changed my views on the Duggars. After seeing them on tv I don't see children who are 'lacking' for attention. And I don't see that the older children are 'missing out' on childhood either. What's sad is how our society is trying to prolong childhood by not giving older children any responsibilities and making their lives one big trip to an amusement park....looking for the next thrill for the flesh.
I do still believe that if you are going to have lots of children than you must train them to behave and be valuable members of society...which the Duggars have.
I did a post on the Duggars the first week I started my blog.
This comment was from the original blog entry:
"God is in control of the womb and God declares all children to be a blessing from Him, while barreness is almost always a curse from Him for disobediance."
I don't know what else to say except, as someone who has prayed daily for a child and has been trying 7 months to get pregnant, this hurts me deeply. Daily I pray that God will help me wait on His timing in opening my womb. This doesn't make me feel better...
Back to the Duggar family: I applaud any family, no matter the size, whose chief goal is to raise those children to the glory of God.
Wasn't this originally posted in October, not May? Regardless of when it was first posted, I remember quite enjoying the ensuing discussion :).
... anyone read "Chaper by the Dozen" lately? :) They so made it work...efficiently and intelligently...
Anonymous: I encourage you to search the archives for infertility -- it is something I am accutely aware of and very compassionate about having experienced it myself. I've posted my own story and a number of other stories which will encourage you. Hang in there, keep looking to the Lord, and know that He has an incredible plan for your life and your future. I pray the Lord blesses the fruit of your womb!
Susan: You are right, don't ask where my brain was when I posted that. Sorry! Corrected. :)
Crystal--thank you. I have been praying about having a 4th baby since losing a baby at 3 months pregnant this past January. I kept telling myself that now we couldn't try again because we didn't have the money.
You just helped me realize that God will provide and that I really do want another one. :)
xoxo
I love this post! It is so sensible and well written.
A family like the Duggar family, is a perfect example of love and trust in God. People can say all they want about how the kids aren't getting attention, etc, etc. but when it comes down to it, that family has what most lack today-Unity. There is great power in numbers. God Bless that mother and her great faith!
I guess I don't know how to deal with the whole children need not cost much money idea. We are not big spenders on our son, but children cost money: for clothes, shoes, necessary equipment ie car seats, beds etc. Even food costs increase: our son is only a toddler but our food bill increased when he joined our family. Not everyone gets given things by wellwishers or can find things in thrift stores. I've been in correspondence with mothers of large families who have told me they need to use government/taxpayers' money to support their families and still struggle to feed their children. I would not want to be feeding my children with food that some other tax payer has had to fund and even then to be feeding them ramen noodles.
Isn't it more true to say that having children - no matter whether one or a dozen - is a sacrifice financially as well as physically and emotionally. I think it is worth it, but we are poorer in financial terms as parents than we were as childless people.
In Him, Lucy
Mrs. B -- Isn't it interesting to see how we change? I read over this article and realized how much I have changed in just the last 6 months. My writing style seemed to be more harsh back when I wrote this.
Lucy -- Sorry if I wasn't clear on this -- Yes, of course, children cost money! But, they don't have to cost the hundreds upon thousands of dollars per child that everyone says they do. You know what I mean? That's what I was getting at. And, eventually, children should be contributing to the family -- not draining it.
Having children takes a lot of sacrifice, no one will deny that. But it is one of the most worthwhile and rewarding sacrifices anyone can make!
Anonymous,
A nurse friend of mine has been trying years to get pregnant. They tried many fertility treatments. They finally decided to adopt two babies. After the second adoption she found out that she was pregnant. I have heard of these kind of stories before.
I don't think you are cursed because you are not able to get pregnant right now. There are many women in the Bible who had difficulty conceiving who were not cursed. God had plans for them regarding their fertility. I can think of Sarah and Hannah.
God does control the womb but if he withholds children from a couple for a time it does not mean they are cursed.
My opinions about big families have changed a little over the past few weeks. Having a second is really challenging when your first is only 21 months.
I decided to quit cooking from scratch for now. Dinner time has been way too stressful with a screaming baby and a toddler who keeps getting into things. I have been in tears just about every dinner time.
My husband and I are going to take measures to space number three a little farther from number two. maybe when the kids are older it will be easier but right now it is really hard. I have basically been a basket case.
I saw the special on the Duggars building their house. They must have some serious income to have a house like that. All I got from the show was that the father was a realtor. Anyone know where they got all the money for the house and all the furniture and appliances?
Hang in there, Zan! Do you have someone who could come help you for a little while? Those first few months are very difficult, especially with a young child. Maybe some other moms where could give you some encouragement.
I know the father was in government before and they said he was a real estate person. I think the TV programs helped alot with the furniture and I know they mentioned that the commerical kitchen equipment they bought at a auction used.
I have lots of opinions on large families and the money it costs to raise them. I personally do not think it is deprivation to not dress children in clothes that are from brand name stores, have lots of expensive toys etc. My boys are happier with dirt and a bucket and balls then the more expensive toys I have bought! I think it is what they see and expect! It takes alot more imagination to get them to be able to do things that are fun with a large family without spending a fortune, but it is possible!
some people shared things they do instead of watching TV, maybe people could share outings they like to go on that are free. We have enjoyed things like community choir, community plays, the library has things like Teddy bear picnics, cheap excursions to the local musuems, a family pass can be cheaper than the one time paying on many things!
I think sometimes people misunderstand the "infertility-curse" concept. If I refer to barrenness as a curse, I'm not implying that God looked down on a couple and said "Look at those bad people. I think I'll curse them and close thier womb!" Now, he did that a few times, but that's not to say that all infertility is a result of God laying down a specific curse. Remember, Crystal said "almost always", not always.
Saying that barrenness is a curse is saying that it is a bad thing, a hard thing to endure. Hannah endured the curse of barrenness. Was she a bad woman, that God cursed her? No! She was a Godly woman and the Lord honored her prayers and perseverance.
If we say infertility is a curse, we are not judging barren women and saying that there is some sin in thier life that God is specifically cursing them. If I had to go through barrenness, I would definately call it a curse, in the sense that it is something hard to bear, not in the sense that God is punishing me.
See the difference?
Now, on the subject of children and expense...yes, parenting is a sacrifice. But whether children cost "too much" or not is a matter of lifestyle choices.
I have been amazed at what I can do for free. You just have to look around a little.
Freecycle is a great thing, and relatively new. Also, every town has thrift stores, and if you're really wanting to save, you can head for the nearest metropolis and check out several different ones. Our local thrift store has a .75c sale every Saturday. Whoo-hoo!!! :D
Living on a miniscule income takes work, but it can become a game, if you decide to take it as a challenge and have an attitude of joy.
We are living on 24K in Pittsburgh, and have not had to use government money to feed our kids. However, we don't think there is anything wrong with families who do use services if they need help temporarily. Actually, I'd rather see our tax dollars going to a family who is raising a horde of kids in a Gody environment with mom at home than to the welfare-leeches (able-bodied men included :() that live on our street and live off the government entirely so they can spend thier under-the-table cash on cigarrettes, beer, drugs, condoms, and brand-name gangta attire, sending thier kids to state subsidised daycare and then letting them run wild when school is out so that they can spend thier days smoking on the front porch.
A large portion of everyone's income is being taken by the government for such programs, and as long as it is, I'm glad to see it being used by good families who need a little help. Honestly, my parents being physicians, even if we had 10 children, and had foodstamps and medical coverage from the government for all of us, we'd never use up a fraction of what my parents had paid into the system. My mom sometimes tells me I might as well see if we qualify for government programs, so she can see that her tax money has been used for a good cause. ;)
zan, I just saw your post.
My two are 24 months apart. Believe me, the chaos doesn't last forever, and some of your feelings are probably the postpartum internal chaos that goes on with those hormones.
My second is almost a year old, and we've survived. I'm not afraid of another one, even though I was in those first few months and I *really* had to trust that God knew best and remind myself of that whenever I'd remember we weren't hindering fertility.
Cappuccinolife - all excellent comments, and I particlularly appreciate your comment about the barrennes-curse thing. I've never thought of it like that before - that though it's not always a "curse" handed down from God, it feels like a curse and something difficult to bear. Excellent explaination.
Thank you cappuccinolife for clarifying the "curse of barrenness". As someone who suffers from infertility, what I read earlier cut me to the core. We have two adopted children and hope to adopt more and pray that God will open my womb.
I really liked all of your thoughts cappuccino of life!
People saying it's a curse always bothered me too...but your take on it makes more sense.
I also thought that maybe the curse part falls into that ever since the fall our bodies are dying and we have sickness and physical problems due to the fall. I think infertility can be lumped into all of that too.
I am unable to ever have a biological child, and I think much of what people say about infertility as a curse is going to be something God will be taking up with them one day. What was it He said about stumbling blocks?
There are Biblical examples where God closes a woman's womb for a specific reason. Perhaps He still does this today - we can't know, because we don't have the primary source of scripture to confirm it.
We live in a world full of sickness, disability, death, infertility, environmental catastrophe, pain and sadness. That is the result of the fall. Sure, we all sin. I am a sinner. But I believe my infertility is not God's punishment for something I did or did not do, but a result of living in a post-Eden world.
Those who say infertility is a curse upon infertile women or men are speaking out of turn, I think. They cannot know that. And by saying so they deny others the gift of peace and love which Christ brings to believers.
Sorry if I sound stern about this, but as a child I was told by a family member that my medical condition which causes my infertility was God's curse upon my parents for their sins. That was a lie which lay between me and God for much of my childhood.
In Him, Lucy
Lucy, thanks for sharing.
Just FYI, in case it was misunderstood, by anyone, I did not make the comment about infertility being a curse. That was someone else who commented to that discussion weeks after we had moved on to other things -- that's why it wasn't addressed by me or others there.
I believe that there are specific places in Scripture where barreness was a curse for that specific woman, but I cannot look on a woman today who cannot have children and think that it is also God's curse upon her. That is not my place. I think that God often will close someone's womb because He has something great for them to do which they cannot do with children, or He wants them to adopt children, etc.
That's just my limited view on it. I cannot imagine the pain and trial which would come along with knowing I could never give birth. That would be a very heavy load to carry and to go to the Lord to grant me the grace to bear and to rejoice in.
I've been reading this discussion with interest, but haven't taken the time to post yet....
I did want to share another perspective on barrenness. My husband and I have been together since we were 20 years old. We had our first pregnancy when I was 29. That is 9 years of surgeries, medication, dr. visits and so on trying to treat my infertility (endometriosis).
And after all of that, I can look back and say that the Lord was faithful to work His best in my life. The reason? After five years of trying to get pregnant, we were given the opportunity to adopt a wonderful infant son. Had we already had a number of our own biological children, this opportunity likely would not have been given to us.
Crystal has met my almost 13 year old son, and knows what a blessing he is, not only to us but to those around us. I can't imagine life without him.
Now, when I was in the throes of the infertility treatments, I despaired and felt the Lord had abandoned me, was punishing me, whatever. All those thoughts I have had at one time or another. As I look back now I can see His hand working in my life through hardships, developing character, directing circumstances.
There have been many other hardships of one form or another since then. And each time, it becomes easier to trust in His will for my life. And each time I can remind myself that someday I will be able to look back and see what it was He intended me to learn through the experience.
Keep moving forward, so that one day you too will be able to look back to see His will for your life!
As a side note, since age 29 the Lord has blessed us with three biological children and we are hoping to adopt two more children from Liberia in the not too distant future. He is gracious indeed!
Melanie,
Your comment made me cry! What an inspirational testimony! It's amazing how in the midst of despair we tend to feel like God is punishing us. Usually when we look back, we see that it was all part of his unique plan for our lives! God is good!
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