What I have been given
It is so easy to focus on what we don't have, instead of what we have been given.
As most of you know, my grandma's funeral was Saturday. It was a beautiful day and the outpouring of comfort towards my grandpa and our family was incredibly encouraging. We spent Saturday afternoon and evening moving my grandpa back from his cottage on the nursing home grounds into his former home. I have never been to their home when my grandma wasn't there so it just didn't seem like their home anymore. My grandma was who made their home. She was the center and the lifeblood of their home. Life will never be the same for her family without her.
When we were at the funeral on Saturday it all of a sudden hit me -- I no longer have any living grandmas. My mom's mom died suddenly when I was 12 and now that my dad's mom is no longer alive, I am "Grandma-less." It was a sad sort of feeling as both of my grandmas were like my cheerleaders. They always cared implicitly about what I was doing and always championed on my various pursuits and interests.
I so vividly recall the day, twelve years ago, before my mom's mother died, we had gone to visit her in the hospital, never imagining that she wouldn't be coming home. She talked to me for a long time and asked how my violin lessons were going and wanted to make sure that I would play for her when she got home from the hospital. She died suddenly the next day.
A few weeks back, when we went to visit my dad's mom for the last time, she asked me all about how things were going with my business, what books I was working on writing, future writing projects and so forth. She always loved reading my blog and articles and it was always fun to share with her things I had written.
Realizing that I no longer have these special people to share my triumphs and struggles with made me very sad and yet, I quickly realized how blessed I am to have gotten to know them both so well and spend so much time with them while they were alive.
This was brought home to me even more yesterday. As is our tradition on Mother's Day, Jesse and I spent time at his mother's grave. (For those who may not know, Jesse's mom died when he was 11.) Kathrynne was with us and she helped us decorate it with flowers and then Jesse spent time telling her about her grandma -- the grandma that she never got to know.
All of a sudden I started realizing how selfish I was being. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because I only had 12 years with one Grandma and 24 years with another Grandma and yet, so many people, like my own daughter, never even get to know their grandma. Instead of lamenting that I didn't have more time with both of my grandmas, I started realizing how blessed I am to have such wonderful memories, pictures, and precious momentos from both of my grandmas.
As Jesse and I were looking around at gravestones close to his mother's, I came across one of a little boy that died when he was less than a year old. There was a picture of him on the tombstone and some little toy trucks and cars there, along with the flowers. I stood and stared at his little picture for a long time.
Then, this morning, I read this entry from Kimi Harris (please stop and take a moment to read it). I thought about the pictures I have of my husband when he was first born -- a scrawny little less-than-two-pounds 27-week old baby hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires.
Why did God spare my husband's life and not Faith Felicity's? Why do I have a perfectly healthy beautiful baby girl and yet, another family only has a tombstone with a picture and toy trucks?
I don't know the answers to these questions or to so many other hard questions in life. But I do know one thing: I need to never, ever take for granted those people around me.
Maybe I don't have two living grandmas, but I do have a husband whose very life is a miracle -- many times over. I do have a precious daughter, inspite of the medical professionals not giving my husband and I much hope that we would ever be able to have children.
Oh, how I want to not forget the blessings I have been given!
As most of you know, my grandma's funeral was Saturday. It was a beautiful day and the outpouring of comfort towards my grandpa and our family was incredibly encouraging. We spent Saturday afternoon and evening moving my grandpa back from his cottage on the nursing home grounds into his former home. I have never been to their home when my grandma wasn't there so it just didn't seem like their home anymore. My grandma was who made their home. She was the center and the lifeblood of their home. Life will never be the same for her family without her.
When we were at the funeral on Saturday it all of a sudden hit me -- I no longer have any living grandmas. My mom's mom died suddenly when I was 12 and now that my dad's mom is no longer alive, I am "Grandma-less." It was a sad sort of feeling as both of my grandmas were like my cheerleaders. They always cared implicitly about what I was doing and always championed on my various pursuits and interests.
I so vividly recall the day, twelve years ago, before my mom's mother died, we had gone to visit her in the hospital, never imagining that she wouldn't be coming home. She talked to me for a long time and asked how my violin lessons were going and wanted to make sure that I would play for her when she got home from the hospital. She died suddenly the next day.
A few weeks back, when we went to visit my dad's mom for the last time, she asked me all about how things were going with my business, what books I was working on writing, future writing projects and so forth. She always loved reading my blog and articles and it was always fun to share with her things I had written.
Realizing that I no longer have these special people to share my triumphs and struggles with made me very sad and yet, I quickly realized how blessed I am to have gotten to know them both so well and spend so much time with them while they were alive.
This was brought home to me even more yesterday. As is our tradition on Mother's Day, Jesse and I spent time at his mother's grave. (For those who may not know, Jesse's mom died when he was 11.) Kathrynne was with us and she helped us decorate it with flowers and then Jesse spent time telling her about her grandma -- the grandma that she never got to know.
All of a sudden I started realizing how selfish I was being. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because I only had 12 years with one Grandma and 24 years with another Grandma and yet, so many people, like my own daughter, never even get to know their grandma. Instead of lamenting that I didn't have more time with both of my grandmas, I started realizing how blessed I am to have such wonderful memories, pictures, and precious momentos from both of my grandmas.
As Jesse and I were looking around at gravestones close to his mother's, I came across one of a little boy that died when he was less than a year old. There was a picture of him on the tombstone and some little toy trucks and cars there, along with the flowers. I stood and stared at his little picture for a long time.
Then, this morning, I read this entry from Kimi Harris (please stop and take a moment to read it). I thought about the pictures I have of my husband when he was first born -- a scrawny little less-than-two-pounds 27-week old baby hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires.
Why did God spare my husband's life and not Faith Felicity's? Why do I have a perfectly healthy beautiful baby girl and yet, another family only has a tombstone with a picture and toy trucks?
I don't know the answers to these questions or to so many other hard questions in life. But I do know one thing: I need to never, ever take for granted those people around me.
Maybe I don't have two living grandmas, but I do have a husband whose very life is a miracle -- many times over. I do have a precious daughter, inspite of the medical professionals not giving my husband and I much hope that we would ever be able to have children.
Oh, how I want to not forget the blessings I have been given!
posted by Crystal Paine at 12:36 PM
2 Comments:
It's good to remember our blessings. Both my parents were passed on before I hit 35 and sometimes I feel very alone. However, I always wanted to be part of a big, quirky, loving family who spent lots of time together. Guess who I married? I man with a HUGE and VERY QUIRKY and VERY LOVING family! In fact, my inlaws live in our house now and I love every minute of it. It's like having a best friend around all the time.
On Mother's Day, the family made a special effort to help me feel included since I haven't a mother here on earth and I appreciated that so much. God's answers to prayers are so interesting and fun.
Katie in Ohio
Thanks for mentioning Faith on this post! I have found, through losing Faith Felicity, that I have gained a deeper appreciation for what God has given me. I am, for example, so grateful for the almost 8 weeks I did have with Faith. I am so grateful for my husband and family and church. God has given me a lot.
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