When you don't get what you want
I loved this post by Mrs. B, Childless but not barren.
Her attitude is so wonderful and we can all learn from it - whether we are childless or not. All of us have things in our life where we don't get what we want. Maybe we desire marriage, or children, or to live in a different area, or more fellowship, a better church, or a myriad of other things.
Related: You can read many other testimonies and encouragement for those struggling with infertility which were posted last November here.
Her attitude is so wonderful and we can all learn from it - whether we are childless or not. All of us have things in our life where we don't get what we want. Maybe we desire marriage, or children, or to live in a different area, or more fellowship, a better church, or a myriad of other things.
I remember when I was first diagnosed. It was so surreal...I mean this wasn't anything that I had even remotely considered in my life. The shock. The sadness. The disappointment. The bewilderment. And then I figured out that I had a decision to make. Was I going to let this define me and depress me or was I going to accept what I can't control and go on and live my life?------I have chosen the latter. I remember reading in the Psalms how when David was going through such difficult things he often said "I will trust in You." It was always "I will....." That showed me that I had a choice.....a decision. Will I trust and move on or will I wallow in what I don't have and be miserable? It seemed to be a matter of the will. Oh, of course there are times I feel sadness.....and it's perfectly normal and o.k. to feel sad. But it's just a feeling and it doesn't have to define me. I don't have to get mired down in the sadness. I acknowledge it then I turn it over to my Heavenly Father because His shoulders are MUCH broader than mine.This hit home to me. I remember so vividly experiencing a similar feeling when we went through our own journey through infertility. I posted about in November and wanted to re-post what I had written below:
Many of you know that about 2 1/2 years ago, we moved away from our family, friends, church, and financial security for Jesse to go to law school in a town where we knew no one, had no church, and had no idea where the resources to survive for the three years of law school were going to come from. It was also around this time that we were told by doctors that they could not give us hope or help with our infertility struggles unless we were to take some very drastic, costly measures. We did not feel a peace about doing that, nor did we have the funds, if we had felt at peace.
This was a very, very difficult time in my life, to say the least. It was during this time that I wrote the following journal entry:I am struggling today... Everything just seems dreary right now. I have prayed so hard for friendship and fellowship with other believers here and it just seems as if God is silent. I have prayed so hard for children, that we may raise them in the way sof the Lord, and it seems, once again, God is silent.I look back on this time of intense struggle and see how God used it in great and mighty ways. I needed to learn to find my fulfillment only in Christ -- not friends, not children, not money, not even my husband. God had to strip most everything else away from me so that I could learn to be content in all things.
I know my most important work here and now is to honor my husband and make him successful, but I am really struggling with feeling fulfilled. Life is so quiet and yet such hard work. I try so hard to rejoice... but so often I am on the verge of tears.
Sometimes when I am driving in the car, I look at other drivers and wonder, "Are they lonely?" I so wish there were people we could get together with and have in our home.
But, will people satisfy this need? Will people make me fulfilled? Will children, will pregnancy, will friends?
I know in my heart that it must be Jesus alone. I must look to the Lord. I must find my strength in Him.
He is testing me to see if He alone is enough. I fear I am failing the test.
I was thinking this morning what it would be like to be Corrie ten Boom or Darlene Deibler when they were in solitary confinement and also enduring torture, distress, and hunger.
"Lord, I believe, help Thou mine unbelief."
Little did I ever dream of the blessings and wonderful opportunities and friendships God had in store for us that would have never been possible had we not moved away from everything we had known all our lives. But, I first had to learn to be content with where He had me. I have by no means mastered this, but I can say wholeheartedly today that I am truly happy, joyful, and fulfilled in the life that God has given me to live.
If I had gotten what I wanted - to live close to my family, to easily have children, to live where there were lots of friends and opportunies for fellowship, I would have never learned so many lessons. I most certainly would not have started writing or blogging or selling books. I would have missed out on so many opportunities to trust the Lord, so many struggles which deepened my faith and reliance upon God, so many blessings which resulted.
Related: You can read many other testimonies and encouragement for those struggling with infertility which were posted last November here.
posted by Crystal Paine at 12:23 PM
5 Comments:
I can relate to this so well! About 11 years ago, my husband and I desperately wanted another child. We had 1 child and at that time didn't have any problems. However, after she was born and we had wanted another child soon, I went to the Dr. He said there was a very good chance we wouldn't have any more children and that it was amazing we had had our 1st child with no problems. Having another child was all I could think of. One morning I was praying and asking the Lord to show me what he wanted to teach me through all of this. I felt like my desire was a Godly one..to raise up children for Him, in a Christian home, etc. In my Bible reading that day, I read I Kings 3:5-15. In a dream God asked Solomon if he could give him anything what would Solomon desire. I stopped reading there, and prayed "Oh Lord, you know what my one desire would be!!" and THEN I continued reading. Solomon asked for a discerning heart, to be able to discern good and bad to be a better leader for His people. This was such an eye opener for me!! I realized my desire was NOT wrong, what was wrong was that my #1 desire was not the Lord and what HE wanted for me. If the Lord would've asked me "Above all else, what can I give you?" My answer would've been so focused on ME, not on what HE desired to give me!! I immediately changed my prayer and started praying for HIS will, and that I would be perfectly content and at peace with HIS will. AND because THAT became my prayer, I started accepting the fact that we may have just 1 child, and that was ok, and I wanted to be what the Lord wanted me to be (even if that meant the mother of 1 child instead of a whole army of children). It's not wrong to tell the Lord the desires of our hearts and to strongly desire a houseful of children, but when THAT becomes our focus instead of the Lord, that's what brings discontentment. Eventually, the Lord granted us our desires and gave us a beautiful baby boy, and then as a HUGE surprise to us and my DR., just 2 yrs. after that we had a baby girl!! After that, we really didn't think the Lord would bring any more bundles of joy to us...but I did keep on praying!! And then 1 1/2 yrs. ago the Lord brought another beautiful baby boy to us when he was 3 weeks old that we were able to adopt. The Lord is so good!! His ways are so amazing!!
Thank you Crystal....I'm honored that you thought my post worthy to link to. I pray that God gets the glory and that others will be comforted.
Blessings,
~Mrs.B
Thank you for posting about infertility. My husband and I have struggled with secondary infertility for 3 1/2 years now. Loosing one baby and my fallopian tube to a tubal pregnancy. He has been faithful to lead us to adopt, but the desire to bear another child in my womb is heavy on my heart. Thank you for your encouragement.
God bless,
Jenny
Thanks for this post. I liked reading the series that you blogged about last year.
Thanks for your post. It was really helpful to me to be reminded to continually turn my struggles over to the Lord. I have been waiting for a child for almost eight years and of course still waiting. But the Lord continues to mold me through this and I have grown closer to him.
The Lord always knows best and I praise him!
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