The cure for pessimism
I'm seventeen years old. I have been homeschooled for the past 4 years. Next year I will be senior. I have three younger sisters ages 16, 15, and 12. We go to a small church with only about 35-40 people on average, with mostly older people filling the congregation. I realize that I can learn a lot from these people and gain from their wisdom. I have this vision in my mind of me when I am older. In a way, I want to have a life similar to yours... Being happily married and I plan to have a home-based business when I am married so that I can keep the home my first priority, and I want to homeschool my children. Since I am home all day with my sisters we tend to always be at each other's throats! I tend to slip into a state of negativity and get very impatient when everyone's not doing what they are "supposed" to. I know that I should be concerned about other people's business but it's so easy when I'm home all day. I try to think of things to do so I don't get consumed in pessimism. I was wondering if you have any ideas of things I can do that will be meaningful and beneficial. Anything to teach me how to be more patient and loving towards everyone. I really stuggle to not be impatient and bossy and just plain rude. What helps you to be so optimistic? Everytime I need encouragement I log on to your website and when I see how unselfish you are and what a blessing you are to everyone and how you actually seem to have a genuine care for others, I get inspired to try to be that way, too. Hearing from you will be of great encouragement. Thank you so much! -Miss B.P.S. I love to read and I have mostly all the books you sell, but is there anything else you recommend to read that has helped you?
Thanks for writing, Miss B., and God bless you!
There is so much I could say to respond to you but I wanted to start out with what I feel is the most important thing I can encourage you to do - Spend this season of your life deepening your relationship with the Lord. I encourage you to spend quality time everyday in God's Word and in prayer. Memorize and meditate upon Scripture. Dig deep into God's Word. Pour out your heart to Lord. Make Him your heart's desire. Do a word study on all the verses which have to do with patience, joy, and longsuffering in Scripture and then ask God to help you develop these qualities.
Bloom where He plants you! You can waste your days longing for something you don't have or you can invest your days for God's glory. Look at what you have been given - you have a wonderful family to love, sisters to be your friends, a church fellowship to be encouraged by. Maybe someday you won't have any of those things. Make the most of this season. Live today as if it were your last. Don't look at what you don't have, make the most of what you do have.
Invest in your sisters. Develop close relationships with them. Love them, as Christ loves you, even when they are unlovely. Pray that God would help you to overlook their faults and shortcomings and ask God to love them through you. As the oldest, you have a great responsibility to set an example. They are watching you and looking up to you.
Pray for and seek out ministry opportunities. Start in your own home: Ask your parents how you can be a help to them. Go to your mom and ask her what you can do today to help ease her load. Take initiative. Be the first to offer to help, don't wait to be asked. Maybe there is a needy family in your community that you could reach out to by caring for their children and helping the mother with cleaning and cooking. Maybe you and your sisters could start a ministry for young children or the elderly in your area. There are thousands of ministry opportunities available and once you start praying for the Lord to open your eyes to them, you will be amazed! Ask your parents for their ideas and direction in this.
Start living your dreams! Don't wait until you are married to start being the woman you want to be. Learn to submit to your dad and honor him and help him in his endeavors. Learn to be a selfless servant in your home. Make your present abode a haven for your family. Cultivate domestic skills in areas you may be lacking. Invest in little children (perhaps you could even help with the schooling of your younger sisters?). Talk to your parents about pursuing a home business while you are still at home. Throw your life into loving the Lord by serving others and you will soon find that pessimism is a thing of the past! "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
As far as books I would recommend, if you have not read So Much More or my newest book, Handmaidens of the Lord, I would highly recommend you start with those. Next, I think you would be very inspired and encouraged by the CD, Home is Where The Heart Is. Another must-read is The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs (You can download a copy here. It appears the book is in its entirety.) I also would suggest any books by Amy Carmichael (especially her little volume, IF), missionary biographies of men like Adoniram Judson and Hudson Taylor. I also have very much appreciated the writings of Oswald Chambers, Charles Spurgeon, and Robert Murray Mc'Cheyne. I know there are so many other wonderful books out there, but those are some which have really impacted me.May the Lord richly bless you, Miss B. He has a wonderful, incredible plan for your life. Delight in it!
posted by Crystal Paine at 1:13 PM
10 Comments:
I would add one thing, there are at home businesses she could start now.
It sometimes takes years to grow a business - why wait? This can be part of your homeschooling curriculum.
I can relate to Miss B. I was very restless in my teens and fought with my sisters. We didn't fight too much but there was a lot of bickering.
I did spend a lot of time studying the Bible. I also spent time outside in gardens and reading and writing. Once you are married your time for doing that is very limited.
One thing I always regretted doing is not learning a second language. That would take up a lot of time. Maybe all of the sisters could learn one together.
I think abundanceinsimplicity is beating herself up right now. Don't try to be what other wives are. Be the best wife to your own husband. If I told my husband I was to start up a home business he would absolutely forbid it. I don't handle finances well at all!! It is actually a joke in our family how bad I am. I am not crafty at all and never have been, though I did try to learn when I was homeschooled. My sister, on the other hand took off in this area and can knit or sew just about everything. I have learned that I have talents in other areas that are beneficial to raising a family and taking care of a man.
I never lived alone and have always been disorganized with house cleaning. It is gradually getting better, but I don't beat myself up about it. I was a terrible cook when we first married. I have gradually learned to cook better and am quite good at it. As long as my husband is happy and me and my babies are happy that is all that matters.
Allan: Absolutely - I mentioned that briefly and I think it can be highly profitable to encourage your children to begin their own business in their teens or to have them participate in a family business.
Abundance: Lord-willing, I'll answer your question in a more indepth blog post in the next few weeks. Stay tuned.
Zan: I totally agree with you that a home business is not for everyone and I hope I make that clear enough in what I write. Some women (and men!) aren't cut out for it, most definitely. There are also different seasons in life - some when it wouldn't be wise for women to add something additional into her life and she needs to focus on other God-ordained priorities. I used to have a lot more time to devote to business things before I became a mom. I'm glad I learned what I did and started what I did then, because I have much less time to invest in it now and I forsee spending less and less time in the future and handing it over to other capable assistants and also hopefully involving my children as well.
oooh, Abundance...girl, don't let Satan trick you into believing that you're lacking or anything in homemaking skills. I was in the same position you were...lived alone for 5 years throughout college...
I want to be at home, desperately. But I work full time, and while I'd love to believe that God doesn't want me working outside of the home forever, right now and after much prayer between my husband and myself, we've realized that this is the season God wants us to work hard, and for me to work outside of the home as well as be the keeper of my home. I only work 30 hours a week, the DH works 40+. I make sure dinner is ready (even if it is tacos and raw veggies!), that the house is picked up, and that I do one load of laundry a day. Start small....get the Homekeeping journal Crystal sells in the store...I ordered it, and it is very helpful! Don't worry...God has you where you are for a reason; sit and be still long enough to listen to what He's telling and teaching you. :)
Thank you ladies for all the encouragement! :)
There is a homemaking journal?
Crystal, thank you for writing this post aimed at the younger set of readers...us daughters! I can relate to Miss B. I also am 17, have two teenage younger sisters, and am sometimes impatient and bossy with them and others. I long to get along with everyone in perfect harmony, but it is difficult. Thank you for all the advice!
Yes, there is! Its wonderful! Its by Martha Greene...
Right on, Crystal! Could please let Mss B. that I'm keeping her in my prayers?
In Him,
~Rebecca
http://withallofthyheart.witnesstoday.org
Dear Miss B.,
You and I have a lot in common. Same age, same church situation,and a lot of the same struggles. Our family has also just moved to this area so friends are few. Through it all though, the Lord has taught me(He still is teaching me)sooooo much. Some of the things I have finally learned are:what a blessing my family is(I never knew what wonderful realationships I had been missing when I was surrounded by friends), to trust God fully even when I didn't see all the reasons, to devote my life to serving my family a little more selflessly(I still have a long way to go), to become a better homemaker (maker of the home) along side my mom, and what joy could be found in taking up my cross daily and following my Savior wherever He may lead.
"I tend to slip into a state of negativity and get very impatient when everyone's not doing what they are 'supposed' to." This sure sounds like me and my brothers. But my gracious Lord has been teaching me to be more patiet with them. I am so fickle when it comes to this area, I am quick to see others fault and slow to excuse them, yet slow to see my own faults and quick to excuse them. I try and remember this when I get irritated with my brothers, it puts things in prospective and teaches me to love to my brother as myself.
There are lots of books that the Lord has used to teach me these things, the main one being His word, but also the books "So Much More" and "True Womanhood" from Pearables. "So Much More" the Lord used to help me to build realationships with my family, and "True Womanhood" He used to help me to become a better homemaker. I hope this has helped you along with Crystal's advise (which was VERY biblical). May the Lord bless you through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Lydia
www.homeschoolblogger.com/pearlgirl/
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