Recapture the nobility of home
I am getting married to a wonderful man in several months. We have been praying about our marriage and seeking God's guidance through His Word. I have read your new book Handmaidens.... I loved it! When reading it, I was reassured that a woman's place is in the home. But what about women who don't have children yet? We are planning on me staying at home when we have our first child, but what about that time in between marriage and children? We are discussing this option, and praying about it and preparing financially. My fiance, though, is a bit skeptical about what I will be doing at home all day. I tell him, "I will have the most important job in the world--being your wife..." I think he is looking for a more solid answer, though. :) Is there any advice you could give about this matter--about being a stay at home wife, without children? Did you have to go through this? -J.
Hello, J! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and how wise of you and your fiance to be discussing these matters. In our current culture, home has become so neglected that many people haven't the slightest idea what its purpose is outside of a place to sleep, relax, and sometimes eat. Home has lost its noble place in society so much so that people can't imagine what there is to do there all day long. Any woman who dares consider staying home full-time is made out to be a unintelligent woman living with half her brain tied behind her back.
Whatever happened to home being the center of the family, a haven of refreshment, a thriving metropolis of productivity? Instead, we have elaborate McMansions that are devoid of life. They might look pretty to the observer (thanks to hired maids and interior decorators), but they are usually just houses, not homes. They sit there empty and lifeless while the occupants live a hectic, frenetic, 100-mile-an-hour life in the fast lane - trying to get ahead, trying to get to the top of the corporate ladder, trying to squish in as many activities as can possibly be had outside the home.
We don't have to follow along in this madness. Our families deserve something better - they deserve a beautiful, welcoming home which is the heart of the family and the center for outreach to the world. Maybe our home isn't furnished very expensively and maybe it isn't very big, but we can do our best to recapture the nobility and rightful place of home in our society, beginning with our own home.
Mrs. Stanley Sherman says in her article titled "Plenty to Do At Home":
Being a "keeper at home" does not imply a woman is chained to the kitchen sink and never steps foot beyond her doorstep. Instead, it illustrates a beautiful picture of the most important role a woman can have - that of glorifying God by nurturing the culture of her home.
As Lanier Ivester says in her article, "I am a Stay-at-Home Wife":
By being a stay-at-home wife and/or mother, we should not be draining our husband, instead we should be a powerful contribution to him. If we are wasting our husband's hard-earned money on frivilous purchases, carelessly misuing our time by "gadding about" with other women - either on the phone, in person, or on the computer, if we are letting our home go to ruin and are content with sloppiness, this is not bringing honor to our husbands or to the Lord.
Practically speaking, I was a stay-at-home wife for about two years, before we had Kathrynne. I had no lack of things to keep me productive and useful! It was so wonderful to be able to devote the bulk of my time and energy to helping my husband and easing his load. By being home, I had time to plan menus, shop frugally, and make nutritious meals for my husband. I was able to make sure he had his shirts ironed and clean socks to wear. I was able to research out the best buy on items and make phone calls and run errands for him. I was able to take the time to make a nutritious sack lunch for Jesse to take to school or work everyday, saving us hundreds of dollars in food bills. So many times, he would tell me stories of how the other guys would comment on his food not believing that I actually made homemade cookies or muffins or main dishes for him to take in his lunch everyday. Many of them would mention how they wished their wife could stay home in order to do the same for them.
Not only was I available to meet my husband's needs, but I was able to expand his ministry. With school and work, he didn't have much extra time to be able to help and serve others, so I could do things as his "ambassador." I was able to go and help other families in their homes with their laundry, cleaning, cooking, and homeschooling. I made meals for needy families and took care of the details of our home so that we could practice hospitality. I also spent a great deal of time reading, keeping up with current events, writing, and studying in order to help facilitate interesting discussions around our dinner table. It was during these two years that I was able to learn basically everything I know about starting and running a business. One of my husband's dreams was for us to have a home business and through this time I had at home before children, I was able to make his dream a reality. If I had been out pursuing my own career, I never would have had the hours to devote to this.
So, J., there are a thousand of things one can do from home. The most important thing is that you seek to make your home a God-glorifying place and you devote yourself to doing everything you can to making your husband successful. Focus on these two things and you'll never run out of things to do. And I can imagine your husband will not be disappointed either!
Related: Take a moment to read these beautiful articles:
"I am a Stay-at-Home-Wife"
Plenty to Do at Home
I also highly recommend the CD Home is Where the Heart Is
Whatever happened to home being the center of the family, a haven of refreshment, a thriving metropolis of productivity? Instead, we have elaborate McMansions that are devoid of life. They might look pretty to the observer (thanks to hired maids and interior decorators), but they are usually just houses, not homes. They sit there empty and lifeless while the occupants live a hectic, frenetic, 100-mile-an-hour life in the fast lane - trying to get ahead, trying to get to the top of the corporate ladder, trying to squish in as many activities as can possibly be had outside the home.
We don't have to follow along in this madness. Our families deserve something better - they deserve a beautiful, welcoming home which is the heart of the family and the center for outreach to the world. Maybe our home isn't furnished very expensively and maybe it isn't very big, but we can do our best to recapture the nobility and rightful place of home in our society, beginning with our own home.
Mrs. Stanley Sherman says in her article titled "Plenty to Do At Home":
When you make a determined decision to dedicate yourself to marriage, home, and family, the list of things to do at home is endless.I concur. Although children are a wonderful addition to the home, children do not make a home, nor should children be the only reason for staying home. If your husband wants you to work outside the home and he is not open to any creative alternatives, by all means do it. However, I think most men would readily give up the small amount of money brought in by a second income to have a wife who truly embraced her role as a "keeper at home."
Being a "keeper at home" does not imply a woman is chained to the kitchen sink and never steps foot beyond her doorstep. Instead, it illustrates a beautiful picture of the most important role a woman can have - that of glorifying God by nurturing the culture of her home.
As Lanier Ivester says in her article, "I am a Stay-at-Home Wife":
According to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance, the word "keeper" means literally a guard, a stayer at home, one who is domestically inclined. We women are gatekeepers - no matter what battles are raging in our culture, we have been entrusted with the culture of our own homes, a culture within which tremendous ministry can take place, both to our families as well as the ones God brings into our lives. And for me, even though He has not blessed us with children yet, that is a full-time job.I believe with all my heart that home is about so much more than scrubbing floors, washing dishes, and bathing babies. Although those are definitely usually parts of our duty as homemakers, we need to look beyond the day-to-day activities and see the bigger picture. We have the incredible opportunity to bring glory and honor to our husband and to the Lord through how we use our time at home. Take a few days and study Proverbs 31:10-31. What an example of productivity, frugality, and abundant, fruitful living this woman was. I doubt she wondered whether there was enough to do at home all day!
By being a stay-at-home wife and/or mother, we should not be draining our husband, instead we should be a powerful contribution to him. If we are wasting our husband's hard-earned money on frivilous purchases, carelessly misuing our time by "gadding about" with other women - either on the phone, in person, or on the computer, if we are letting our home go to ruin and are content with sloppiness, this is not bringing honor to our husbands or to the Lord.
Practically speaking, I was a stay-at-home wife for about two years, before we had Kathrynne. I had no lack of things to keep me productive and useful! It was so wonderful to be able to devote the bulk of my time and energy to helping my husband and easing his load. By being home, I had time to plan menus, shop frugally, and make nutritious meals for my husband. I was able to make sure he had his shirts ironed and clean socks to wear. I was able to research out the best buy on items and make phone calls and run errands for him. I was able to take the time to make a nutritious sack lunch for Jesse to take to school or work everyday, saving us hundreds of dollars in food bills. So many times, he would tell me stories of how the other guys would comment on his food not believing that I actually made homemade cookies or muffins or main dishes for him to take in his lunch everyday. Many of them would mention how they wished their wife could stay home in order to do the same for them.
Not only was I available to meet my husband's needs, but I was able to expand his ministry. With school and work, he didn't have much extra time to be able to help and serve others, so I could do things as his "ambassador." I was able to go and help other families in their homes with their laundry, cleaning, cooking, and homeschooling. I made meals for needy families and took care of the details of our home so that we could practice hospitality. I also spent a great deal of time reading, keeping up with current events, writing, and studying in order to help facilitate interesting discussions around our dinner table. It was during these two years that I was able to learn basically everything I know about starting and running a business. One of my husband's dreams was for us to have a home business and through this time I had at home before children, I was able to make his dream a reality. If I had been out pursuing my own career, I never would have had the hours to devote to this.
So, J., there are a thousand of things one can do from home. The most important thing is that you seek to make your home a God-glorifying place and you devote yourself to doing everything you can to making your husband successful. Focus on these two things and you'll never run out of things to do. And I can imagine your husband will not be disappointed either!
Related: Take a moment to read these beautiful articles:
"I am a Stay-at-Home-Wife"
Plenty to Do at Home
I also highly recommend the CD Home is Where the Heart Is
posted by Crystal Paine at 10:50 AM
17 Comments:
Crystal~I wish I'd had this post when I was a new wife. At the time, we financially needed me to work..but my attitude was not as it should be.
Today as a mother of two and one on the way, I still find myself struggling to honor my husband in how I care for our home. Some days I am very productive and others I just feel like I had a huge lazy moment.
This is an area I need so to work in and your words convict me.
Thanks Crystal,
Sommer
I was a stay at home wife for four years. I loved it! There were people who didn't understand why I was home when we didn't have children, and sometimes their comments were hurtful. But, my husband fully supported me being at home and that's what really mattered :)
I kept very busy (sometimes too busy) with volunteer work for church and the local music festival society. I went back to piano lessons, took my first Royal Conservatory exams, and taught piano and music theory lessons for about three hours a week. Plus, or course, there were the usual jobs of cleaning, meal planning, grocery shopping, gardening etc.
I don't think you'll have any trouble filling your time :)
Oh Crystal,
What a marvelous post and good advice for J. and all engaged and newlywed women.
I have been married for a year and a half, but worked full-time outside the home as a nanny until just a couple of months ago (I had some school loan debt to pay off). So many times coming home after 8-10 hours of work, I would be totally exhausted, and coming home to a messy house made things worse. I wanted ME time and wasn't able to focus on my husband or my home the way I should have.
Our marriage has benefited tremendously from my being home now. I can arrange my schedule to fit my husband's. I can make lunch for him if he is home. I can have dinner ready for him at whatever time he chooses. I can keep our house tidy not just for us, but also so we can have company over. I am available whenever my husband wants to talk or cuddle.
I think it's healthy for a young couple to accept and enjoy their God-given roles right from the start. Something I am struggling with right now, as a result of working outside the home for a time, is trusting God and my husband to provide for me and the baby growing inside me, instead of trusting my own ability to bring home a paycheck. I am learning to pray, pray, pray really hard for God to keep providing work opportunities for my husband (he has a home business), and that I can support and encourage him in his role as provider.
For J. and others, there is a list of books at Women at Home University (look for the four-year plan) that would be very helpful for a young wife looking to fill her time productively.
Dear J,
I have been a homemaker for almost 15 years now. I will tell you, that even without children you will have much to do. I presently have many projects that I cannot tend to yet because of some limitations. I just keep having my lists and do things as I can.
There is always much to do though. I have never understood how some see staying home as "boring" or "unfulfilling". I am my own boss and I'm able to do in my day what is important to my husband and to myself. I am here to please God and my husband and that's it! I don't have to abide by someone else's rules and I have a lot of flexibility. I really enjoy it. It is very easy to fill up one's day with good & productive things (I am sure you will find this out quite quickly). You can be preparing even now by starting to think of what you would like to accomplish at home.
God bless you in your upcoming future.
Sincerely, Lyn
Oh Crystal! You did a fabulous job on this post!!! I love the part about being an "ambassador" of your husband. I always view myself and our children as an extension of my husband. When we serve others I truly believe he'll recieve part of that reward! And isn't that a beautiful picture.
I was just thinking what a beautiful place our world could be if all ladies had their hearts set on home and others!
Is the bar exam completed yet? How soon will you know the results?
Keep on living for Jesus!
The home is the church's mission base in society, and wives who have the privilege of staying home, while without the time demands of caring for children, can be some of the church's most effective emissaries- IF involving themselves in the ministries that their husbands care about, but for which their husbands may not have time.
Childless wives are uniquely situated to cooperate in the ministry of widows and virgins by reaching out to the infirm and imprisoned. A wife who is at home can set up a home office for the ever-urgent fundraising needs of the church's ministries and missionarys. She can boost her husband's social status as well as the ministries of the Church by hosting beautiful fundraising and networking events from her home. Her home can provide housing for travelling missionaries and a meeting place for local ministries. She can devote hours to prayer. She can spend time in learning counselling skills, and can open her doors to single young women in need of counsel. It's an endless and truly exciting list of options once the intention of the heart is turned towards outreach and service...
Crystal-
I have been quite encouraged by your blog. Thank you. Also, it is wonderful that young women have someone with whom they can relate. They are getting much needed biblical advice from you. You are truly living out God's call to us to encourage one another.
May God bless you as you continue.
Sincerely,
Benita
www.homeschoolblogger.com/Benita
Oh how I wish I could go back and have some months as a wife to get my household organized. My daughters both consider that a priority for their future families.
I too wish that I had an article like this when I was a young bride. I worked until I was a mother (about five years) and although we used this time to set up a one-income lifestyle I didn't set about to learn homemaking skills until I actually came home. Since then I've never had a lack of anything to do or to learn. Eventhough I've been home for 13 years now, I still have personal aspirations to learn new things and master new skills.
I am so blessed that my beloved wants me to stay home regardless of whether we have children or not. But the people around us are encouraging me to tak eup a job once I finish my studies, they understand I want to be a stay-at-home-mom. But they don't understand that I wnat to be a stay-at-home-wife.
This is a great article! Being a "stay at home wife" has many benefits, one being opportunity to practice a single income lifestyle, frugality, homemaking, and other tasks *before* a child arrives. You home can be organized and you can have routines in place before this major life change!
I left the full-time workforce to work from home one year before my son was born, and while I was quite busy with freelance work, I was able to invest much more time in the home than I would have been otherwise.
If you must work, work part-time or from home, or try and develop a unique and sustainable home or freelance business. I recommend banking *all* of this income, and living on your husband's salary until you quit working.
Congrats on your marriage!
I'm sitting here at the computer, with my time as soley a stay at home wife passing since our first child(little boy:) will be born in about 3 weeks. I wish too I had read this article when I first got married as I often feel I have failed in the areas of spending money wisely and keeping on top of things like ironing and lunch meals for my husband. I guess it is never too late to start though and I pray that every woman who feels the same way as me will remember that instead of giving into despair! Thanks Crystal!
My husband continues to say, "When you go back to work." and it breaks my heart. I'm so happy to be home now and raising my son, I will continue to pray (just as I have for six years) that I will be able to stay home.
I work harder now than I did when I had a full time job. And the money has never once been a problem.
I think I'll print your comments out to read over it (not much time to sit still today).
Also congratulations on working so hard through your husband's study. I'm sure you are celebrating and I know you'll have good news soon.
I am so glad I found this post! I have been married for a few months and we made the big decision for me to leave the full time work force. I will work part time for now, but I am seeking God's guidance on whether I should remain at home full time instead. This is absolutely a post I needed to read, thank you!
Good post!
I was a sahw for 11 months before our first was born. There was no lack of things to do! I was able to get the new household (and all of our lovely wedding gifts) organized, the apartment decorated, good meals on the table etc. I wish I had spent more time on establishing a better system for filing paperwork and bills.
J. - DO A HOUSEHOLD ORGANIZATION BINDER. DO IT NOW - while you have time....once kids come its hard to find enough time at a shot to really get everything together for it. Get your systems in place now!
I also spent one afternoon a week volunteering at our local Crisis Pregnancy Center. This was something my husband encouraged me to do to help reach women in need.
I also had the freedom to help out young moms or moms with several kids in the church - an extra pair of hands for a couple hours can really make all the difference.
Best Wishes to you J.!
Fantastic post Crystal!
I was just thinking about one of the many dangers that has come about in our age. There are many women in the workforce who are dying to be full-time homemakers and mothers...and their husbands will not here of it. I read a blog from one such woman this morning. They are not strapped financially and she is totally exhausted trying to work full-time and clean, cook, mother, etc. full-time. This is so sad to me because there was a time when a man who have been ashamed to have his wife being the breadwinner.
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