It begins with the heart
I notice that your website talks a lot about modesty in which I am in total agreement. God has been working on my heart on that. However, reading other sites they stress dresses and femininity. Can you tell me, because I guess I don’t really see too much of it in the Bible, do you always wear dresses? Do you feel you have a biblical reason for doing so, if applicable? I like dresses and all and would have to do a major wardrobe change, but I guess I don’t see that pants are immodest unless they are skin tight. I guess I would just like to hear reasons why wearing a dress is stressed on some Christian websites similar to yours. -Jennifer
However, I do see in Scripture that women are to dress modestly and should be an outward reflection of an inward heart of purity, grace, and meekness. With that in mind, I have some basic guidelines I follow:
1) I dress to please my husband. He's my “modesty measuring stick.” I ask him what he likes and what his preferences are in this area in regards to style of clothing, colors, etc. Some husbands could care less about this and in that case, look to the Lord for guidance. However, most husbands will want their wives to dress tastefully (most husbands will get tired of sweats and big t-shirts all the time very quickly). Our outward appearance and countenance is a direct reflection on our husbands and on the Lord. What kind of message are we sending to the world?
2) I dress so that others can tell from across a parking lot that I'm a woman. God has created me a female and I am in no way ashamed of it. I want to be a beautiful testimony of femininity to the world.
3) I seek to dress in a way that would not cause another brother to stumble. Knowingly wearing something which could cause a brother in Christ to lust is a sin against God and against this brother on my part. Yes, men are responsible for what their eyes look at, but we women need to step up to the plate and do our Christian brothers a favor by helping them have fewer "stumbling blocks." Not sure what would cause a man to stumble in this area? Just go ask your husband, or your father, or your brother. You might be surprised.
4) I strive to focus on inner character rather than outward beauty. God is most of all concerned with our hearts.
The most important thing is that you seek to glorify the Lord and honor your husband in the way that you dress. For some, this might mean wearing dresses all the time, for others, this might mean something different. More than anything else, we need to seek to have our hearts right before the Lord for I truly believe that modesty begins with the heart.
Related: I encourage you to read two other articles I've writte on this subject - Adorned in Modest Apparel: It Begins With the Heart and Neutrality, the Christian, and Dress.
posted by Crystal Paine at 10:22 AM
7 Comments:
Crystal, I had question regarding your "Adorned in Modest Apparel" article. One sentence in particular really stood out to me: "I concluded that adorning ourselves in modest apparel would be apparel that does not draw great attention to one’s self." I really do try to wear modest clothing, but I have found that the colors that look best on me are bright eye-catching colors. Pastels and neutral tones wash me out and make me look terrible. Do you think it's a problem if your clothes ARE getting attention when you aren't making fashion your main goal?
I really liked reading how you decide want you will wear for modesty. I truly do believe it starts with your heart and it is important to know what your hubby desires. My hubby doesn't mind if I wear pants, but he encourages me to not wear revealing shirts etc. I have had to reexamine some of my wardrobe...it is amazing what is inappropriate.
Thanks for the post,
Sommer
Anonymous: Nope, no problem. I'm not advocating that we seek to dress drably! In fact, I think you should strive to dress in colors and styles that look good on you. I spent some time reading Color Me Beautiful some years ago and figured out which colors look good on me and those are the ones I wear. It has helped me to streamline shopping and has made life so much easier for me, plus, my husband loves "my colors" on me!
I read that book too! As a winter with my pale skin and dark hair, I found out that black, white, and bold or dark solids look best on me, and my fiance agrees.
By the way, what colors do you like on yourself, Cristal?
I loved your article. I have been trying more and more to dress 'femininely' by wearing dresses/skirts. My husband doesn't care one way or another. In fact, that's part of my question...my husband likes to buy clothes for me and pick out my clothes, but they tend to be more trendy, revealing, etc. Some things he's bought for me I don't even like to wear because they are way immodest, but he doesn't seem to understand when I explain why I feel uncomfortable in them. He is a Christian and has a walk with the Lord, but his taste is VERY different than mine. Any suggestions?
Anonymous (who has a problem with her husband's sense of modesty), I would suggest that you pray for your husband in this area. Ask the Lord to help him develop a more discerning sense of what is modest and what is immodest.
Secondly, perhaps you could find some ways to make the things he buys you a little more modest, so that you will feel comfortable wearing them. (For example, if something is too low cut, you could find an undershirt with a higher neckline to wear under it. If the pants are too tight around the derriere, you could wear a longer-length tunic style shirt or something... you get the idea!)
I would also recommend something called Hollywood Fashion Tape (I've seen it at craft/sewing stores or do an online search). It is a gentle but strong double-sided tape which you can use to help keep things in place! I personally use it to keep bra straps hidden and also sometimes on necklines that are immodest when I bend over, but I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to use it!
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