My heart is at home
Spunky has a great post up in response the Noer/Corcoran debate:
Sorry Ms. Corcoran, but Mr. Noer won this debate in our home. We're encouraging our boys to follow his advice with the addition that they also marry a Christian. An we're encouraging our daughters to choose home when their heart is swept away by the man of their dreams. I'm sure that sounds pretty narrow minded, but it's the way we see it. A house divided cannot stand.For those of you who are stay-at-home wives and/or mothers, why did you choose home? Have you always been at home or did you work at one point? What blessings have you received by being home? Do you have any regrets? Do you feel like you are missing out on things by staying home? What encouragement and advice do you have for those women who would love to be home and it seems an impossibility at the moment?
And I have to say, our lives are pretty exciting as well.
We may not be "beaching it" in Maui, or "hitting the slopes" of Vail; and no, we don't have a cleaning lady to do wash the bathrooms while we trade office gossip over dinners out. But we're not exactly lacking in excitement ourselves. Like the day I taught my child to read, and he hugged my neck and said, "Oh thank you, momma! Now I can read the Bible for myself." Or the day my husband carried our sixth child into the waiting arms of her five siblings. That same little girl is now nearly three and just recently that realized that seeds really do grow up to be sunflowers. I gotta say, those were pretty exciting days. No match for an office meeting I'm sure. But exciting to us.
They'll be time enough for exciting mountain adventures and oceanside retreats long after our children are grown and gone. After all, they haven't changed much in the last couple hundred years. A few more years won't matter too much. But children are a lot like sunflowers, you blink and they're four inches taller!
And the working world, it'll just have to get along without me I guess. I'm sure there are enough women out there who wouldn't want the drudgery of my life to more than make up for my absence. I'm sure of one other thing too. No secretary or school teacher will ever take my place as wife and mother.
My heart is at home with my family. And my husband, he seems pretty glad he didn't marry a career woman.
Graphic from Art.com
posted by Crystal Paine at 5:18 PM
8 Comments:
Crystal,
I could share a whole lot about this subject but what I will share I hope will help someone else.
I lost my only child suddenly several years ago. I was able to be a SAHM/SAHW and I thank God for that because I would have felt guilty for not being able to have that time together.
People never think that something like this can happen to them. Yet, it can because we do not know what life has in store for us. One has to live fully in the moment, not for the moments in the future.
I chose time over money. We lived very frugally and I still need to even now that I am remarried.
I have no regrets about being home full-time. I only wish my child and I had been blessed with more time together, but that was not God's plan.
If it's possible I think every mom should be home if they can. I feel very strongly about this. I am sure you can understand why.
Sincerely, Lyn
I'm not yet a SAHM or wife (no kids, and not married) but I intend to be. My motivating factors for being a SAHM are:
1. So I can homeschool my kids (lots of different motivating factors for that one)
2. Because my mum was always complaining how hard she worked and how no one was ever grateful. She's right, we weren't - why would kids be grateful that their Mum is spending all of her time away from them?
3. I know how guilty my Mum felt/feels about missing out on our various special moments. She didn't even get to read to either of my brothers. My youngest one only got that because I read to him. And she always said how sad she was that she missed that. I don't intend to miss a single moment of my kids lives.
4. Money is elastic. It stretches to encompass whatever you need it to encompass, and no matter how much or little you earn, most people end up with the same thing (next to nothing) left over by the end of the paycheck. Why should I work so we can spend money on stuff we don't need, don't really want and would not miss? Why not spend all that wonderful time with my wonderful children?
Is it possible to carry over some of the discussion from the debate post here? If so, please let me! I just wanted to reply to the women who want to become homemakers but whose husbands "won't let them."
I was in this position for several years, and still (nominally) am. I wanted to briefly caution women against developing a defeatist or 'martyr' attitude against our husbands because of this. I quickly learned that this was the quickest way to negativity in my marriage. Basically, God put me (and any other women) in this position in this season *for a reason*. As long as our hearts are still directed home, and we remain firm in our desires to make our homes our focus and our husbands the king of them, then things are as they should be.
If my husband asks me to work outside the home, or prefers that I do, then I should do so happily. It is of course prudent to make all efforts to appeal in this regard, but in the end, I think our ministries to our husbands demand we accept this task as happily as we do any other.
I'll also add a side testimony: I have been the primary breadwinner for the last two years while my husband builds his business as well. It has been a wonderful learning experience! I am blessed to be able to provide for our family while still working from home, but the hours have been quite difficult. My dear husband, seeing the toll it has taken on me in the last several years, has become even more motivated to (as he puts it) "earn money so you don't have to work so hard." We both work at home, and by God's blessing, have a stronger marriage even if we have't followed the exact path I would have intended.
In conclusion, ladies, it's the heart (not whether you work or not) that matters.
Humbly,
Wendy
Thank you Wendy for your comment. I am a homemaker at heart but I work outside the home on a very part time basis. As a nurse. my husband and I feel that I must work a few days a month in order to
keep my skills up. Also my husband worries about me staying at home all the time. Im ok with this. It makes him happy and that makes me happy.
Rebecca P.
Crystal~I have always wanted to be a SAHM. Until recently I had not done so. We never felt we could afford it, but the Lord convicted us that it was time to step out in faith and for me to quit my job. I did so in April of this year. I am in a state of happiness and contentment that I never had working. I always hated being there...and now I am happy.
I wanted to be a SAHM because my mother was one and I wanted to give the same quality of care and love and family to my children and husband. I am now homeschooling, which I put off originally because I was working. I want to provide my family with a mother and wife that is happy and unstressed(of course I still do get stressed at times). I want my daughters to be raised desiring to be home and to also be able to care for their home as it should be.
There are so many other reasons...but this is what comes to mind now. I think women who choose career over family are making a mistake. However, I do realise that there are some that must work or their family may be without a home or starve. I pray that the Lord will change their circumstances so that they may come home.
Blessings,
Sommer
Wendy, as I just stated in the Don't Marry Career Men thread, I completely agree. I tried really hard to approach this issue in a way which would not alienate or offend women who are in a situation currently where they must work (i.e. They have made previous unwise choices such as debt and are working to get themselves out from under an enormous financial burden, or their husbands ask them to work, etc.).
I think these women will agree that it is harder - often much harder - to work full-time and still fulfill your role as a wife and mother, as I initially made the point along with the article.
I'm still working on finding the delicate balance for how to approach these types of issues without alienating or offending those who are truly seeking to honor and glorify the Lord and who might be in less-than-ideal situations at the moment.
I am one of the ones whose husband wants me to work. I don't resent him in the least. I am honored that I can help him in that way and it would but an even greater burdon on him if I even hinted that I would rather stay home. We've talked about it and I can sense that if I push it, it burdons him and I don't want to do that.
However, Crystal is abolutely right. It's very difficult to work full time and be a good wife. Nearly impossible. Thankfully, his standards are not unreasonable.
I totally believe that a woman's true place should be in the home. That's certainly where I would prefer to be but I do resent the tone of some commenters that seem to think that the only reason women work is to fullful their own selfish ambitions, greed, or to buy things they don't truly need.
Crystal, I'm certainly not referring to you. I don't get the impression that you feel that way, but I think there are some that do. I just wanted to point out that there is another side to that coin!
Wendy,
I just read your comments on working because our husbands say we must. I can't tell you how much your comments blessed me. I've been cherishing resentment against my husband for years because of this (and against stay-at-home moms who I felt had the attitude Marilyn mentioned "She works because she's selfish). I've known that my husband has had a difficult career life and feels very inadequate to support our family and that my working has helped him feel more financial stability for us, but I've resented it anyway. Although I've known my attitude was wrong, it really took reading comments from another woman who has been in my shoes to show me how I should face this. Thank you.
Katie
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