Input requested: Post-partum blues
Many times, I get emails from people asking questions which I cannot answer or have no experience in. Today I got one from a Christian mother of a three-week-old (who has several other children as well), who is dealing with severe anxiety. She is desperate for help and encouragement and I have no experience with this and thus, no advice or help to give. I am sure that at least a few of you here have experienced something of this nature and could give some advice and encouragement to this woman. If you would be willing to help this woman and give her some encouragement, could you email me? biblicalwomanhood{@}sbcglobal.net Thanks in advance for reaching out to another mother in this way.
posted by Crystal Paine at 7:26 PM
35 Comments:
I'd like to tell the mom who is having post-partum problems that it will get better! I was fine w/my first two kids, but w/my last child I just went into a funk. I'm usually always making people laugh, but I was just a wet blanket. I talked to my hubby and he agreed w/me that I should see my doctor. I did go on an anti-depressant after talking it over w/my hubby and some prayer and after a few wks, I felt better. This may not be the route for you, but talk to your husband and see your doctor. As an RN, I can tell you it could be hormonal and that you'll probably "even out" as time goes on. Nursing will help, too. Ah, the many benefits of nursing! Just know you have us praying for you!
Amy, this woman is already on Zoloft and from her email, that didn't seem to be helping much. She tried nursing and couldn't deal with it because of how stressed she felt. Any other thoughts?
I used wild yam cream to help restore the natural hormone balance. It can be obtained at a health food store. Honestly being so tired with the combination of low hormnone levals was what really did me in. If at all possible find someone that can come a few hours a day to help you.
She needs to discuss this with her doctor. Zoloft and other anti-depressants can take up to 2 weeks to really be effective so she shouldn't stop if it hasn't been that long. If it has, maybe the dose needs changed--Zoloft has a pretty good reputation. It is great to find encouragement from other BTDT moms--I certainly had the baby blues after my second child--all the guilt, hormones, etc. I recommend she get out of the house for walks if possible, sleep, eat, call her OB or the hospital for a recommendation for a social worker to assess for PPD. It is hard to tell at such an early stage and without a lot more information if this is the blues or something more significant. She needs a friend, family member, therapist or physician to keep in close contact with her.
Brenda
Anti-depressants can often take more than a few weeks to have their intended affect. Also, her doctor may have to increase her dosage. My best advice is to ask for and accept help from family and friends. Also, try not to feel guilty about the feelings she is having. It will get better and she is not alone. Many women experience post-partum depression.
A close family member of mine started suffering from anxiety and really awful panic attacks after her second baby. It has gotten better over time but never completely went away. I think the first and most important thing to do is see a doctor.
This could be hormonal or there may be another cause. In my sister's case she can trace her first panic attack back to the c-section she had for her second baby. The theory is that her c-section experience caused some mental trauma. Any time she felt confined (like she did during the surgery when she couldn't move)it brought back memories of surgery and caused a panic attack.
I don't have any grand advice to give, but I wanted to comment and say I'll be praying for this lady.
I really hope she has some help nearby. By that I mean friends or family who would be willing to come over to visit, clean her house, bring her meals for the family, make her a cup of hot tea, or just chat. Being alone (or just with the little ones) is rarely beneficial for depression... post-partum depression ISN'T logical and people CAN'T just pull out of it by themselves.
I'll pray that this lady has the help she needs to get her through the next few weeks or however long it takes until she feels back to normal!!
As a mom of five children and assuming she has several young children in addition to her newborn, I would hope and pray that their is an older woman in her life who she can call on to come and help her during this time. Admitting that we need help is not wrong. It is is usually only for a season and can have remarkable results. I pray that she has someone who could come over daily and care for the needs of her family while she rests, takes walks etc.. Just the sheer demand of a growing family is overwhelming at times, let alone a newborn baby. Most importantly she is not alone in her feelings and this does not make her any less of a loving mother.
I have been where she is. Some anti-depressants can take up to 4 weeks before you start getting relief. I have been on Prozac after all 3 of my pregnancies and my doctor even started me on it in my 7 month of pregnancy to try and stop it from being so bad. It worked. It was by far the best post partum experience I have had. With my first child it was pretty severe. I was totally stressed I didn't know how to deal with a baby and everything else in life after having a baby. I was put on Zanax for anxiety and Prozac for the depression. As far as the anxiety I would start shaking and be a nervous wreck if anyone came to see the baby. I didn't want anybody coming really. I would go and hide in the bathroom and cry my eyes out. I just couldn't deal with it all. I too was told by my GYN to stop nursing because it kept my hormones from getting back to normal faster. I suffered somewhat after the next pregnancy but nothing like the first. The 3 was the most calm. This is why I cannot have anymore children. I told my husband I just couldn't go through all that again. It can be very devastating. I would definately talk to my doctor if I were her about changing the anti-depressant if she feels it's not working but like I said it can take up to 4 weeks. And it did during my first pregnancy. It actually took more like 6 weeks to start working. I did take something different about a year after my second pregancy because the prozac just wasn't working anymore at that time. I took Paxil CR for a couple of months. I know I'm not a regular poster on this blog but I felt I had to say something as this is soemthing that tugs at my heart strings. I don't ever want anyone to suffer as I did. There were other things I didn't mention like after we came home from the hospital I didn't like my house or the way it was decorated anymore, my husband called me "mommy" one night and I totally lost it crying and such. I had an identity thing going on. So anyway I would be happy to help anyway I can.
Wendy
Hi Crystal,
Does this lady have a church family or someone who could serve as a mother's helper? Could we possible blog a petition to recruit someone to help her out? It sounds like this dear woman is overwhelmed and in need of some genuine assistance for a few months. I will say a prayer for her.
Hi Crystal -
Please pass this on to your friend:
Anti-depressants are often prescribed for PPD but they aren't always necessary or helpful. If out of whack hormones are the cause, the anti-depressants act as a 'band-aid' but do not address the root - the hormonal imbalance problem.
Using methods that are used in NFP, it can be determined if there is a hormonal imbalance and solutions can be employed to bring them back into balance. Sometimes the solution is very simple.
I would have her start by viewing this page and contacting them at the info on the page:
http://www.fertilitycare.org/napro/index.html
If they cannot help her online/over the phone, they will be able to refer her to help that is more local.
They have offered hope and healing to many women for varied female conditions.
I will be praying for her! God Bless. mhcallard [aT] hotmail {D0t} com
Crystal -
I'm sorry - I forgot to put in this link as well.
This details one of their approaches to PPD.
http://www.fertilitycare.org/napro/depression.htm
No wonder she is feeling BLAH.....zoloft is notorious for exaserbating (sp?) depression problems.....I would seriously say get off the anti-depressents and opt for some spiritual help. No kidding.
My second suggestion would be: Where does she live, and call the homeschooling group closest and get her some "real" help in the form of mothers helpers or even just some older mothers that can come along side her NOW. I am good at doing this type of thing - hooking up others, so if you want me too, I can work on that tomorrow.
There is nothing worse than feeling so alone and helpless AND then feeling guilty about it. Lets really try to help her out in a practical way and that would be "people help" now.
I also would say to try to start up breastfeeding again when help arrives. She can gradually get herself and baby back on track with time and rest. This will help her HUGE in the depression area. We all have hormone drops when we have a baby and then crazy hormones after....adding those so called "happy drugs" is not a good thing....your milk dries up and you fall apart.
Oh and best of all: Lets pray for her and speedy help for her and her family and new baby.
Not to be rude, but you don't have a book you published to refer this mom to?
I feel a little hurt by the fact that I wrote you an email asking for serious help. Poured out things that I normally wouldn't, to you, a stranger, because I felt in my heart that God put you in my path. I felt I could trust you. The only thing you wrote back to me was a link to buy one of your books.
Well, some of us don't have money to spare, and the money we do have to spare we use to get by.
This has been bothering me for awhile and needed to put it across to you. I just feel it's terriably rude to refer someone to buy a book off of you when someone reaches out to you for help. It's as if you just want to make money. I, could never in good conscience, do that to anyone, rich or poor.
As far as the mother with PP depression goes, she needs to be directed to a DOCTOR not a blog full of women. PPD is NOTHING to mess with. Women may hurt themselves or their babies. Please ask her to seek PROFESSIONAL help immediately. As in, NOW, today, pronto. There are too many women being doctored over the internet for something they need a serious evaluation for.
Hi, I have written an article in my blog about post natal depression.
http://spendingtimewithglenys.wordpress.com/2006/02/07/way-beyond-blue/
I strongly suggest seeing the doctor again. This is too important to let slide- if mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy! I will pray for this lady. Blessings, Glenys
While I don't have any children, and in light of much of what is said on the board...
I'd first contact her priest, pastor, etc. Discuss this with him or her; perhaps there is some sort of a mother's helper group (usually its those wise little ol' ladies who are more than happy to help!) within her church that can help. I'd also mention to the pastor type person that she is isseking medical treatment. Often, prayer and successful medical treatment go hand in hand!
Third, I'm praying for her. I know that this is a VERY SERIOUS issue, and to pull a Tom Cruise and downplay it in anyway is not beneficial. I pray that she has the support of this online blog community, the support of her hubby (let him be loving and understanding), and the support and help of her family (let them be there for her when she needs them!). I pray that God sends a mother's helper her way that is a godly woman, one who has experience and knows how to help cope.
Dear, if you are reading. You are not alone, and you have all of our love and prayers.
I would like to say that "out of whack hormones" can certainly be and most times is ppd. And anti-depressant's don't act as a band aid they do address the problem. I know there are alot of people that don't think you need to take them because they won't help but they do help. I hate to take medicine I have to be about on my death bed before I will go to the doctor and get medicine for being sick. But with something like this I knew there was no other way. Getting out of the house, going for a walk, it doesn't always work. I tried this and would end up crying the whole time I was gone. I had tons of help from family and friends but it made no difference. I know every case is different but we need to be careful when telling people to get off of medicine that their doctor prescribed when he knows there symptoms/ problems she is having. I prayed dillegently during that time for the Lord to please help me and make it go away and I think that the medicine was the answer. Some things are there to help us for a reason.
I can sympathize. I had PPD with my first child but it wasn't too severe. I have had panic attacks and anxiety this last year. It is a terrible thing to experience. But there is hope. His name is Jesus.
I've never used anti-depressants, but I've heard a lot of negative about them. I would recommend trusting the Holy Spirit. He is our Comforter. I have found Him to be a very present help in my time of trouble. I just memorize and quote scriptures that pertain to the peace of God. He is faithful. I am so thankful that He is mindful of me. She will be on my heart in prayer.
Anonymous: I have no clue who you are and wish I didn't have to do this through my blog but since I have no other way to contact you, I'll answer here.
I'm sorry that you felt slighted by my response. I wish you would have responded and let me know so that I could have tried to explain more. This might seem like a cop-out, but it is the truth: I get hundreds of emails each week, usually hundreds each day, many of them from women who will share their life stories and ask for serious counsel. I'm just one little woman on a journey of faith. I don't have all the answers nor do I have time to give lengthy answers very often. I do the best I can do, but you must understand that writing a lengthy response, much as I would love to for every email I receive, is not always possible. In addition, many times people will ask for input on something which I am in no way qualified to respond to. That is usually when I will direct someone to a book or article by someone much more qualified than me. Which is what I imagine I did in your situation. However, if you couldn't afford the book, you should have just let me know and I would have sent it to you for free. Any time someone mentions that funds are tight, I will always offer (if possible) to send them the book for free. I want to be a vessel to help as many women as possible with the extra time and resources God has given me. We send out many books per month to those who can't afford them - that is one reason we are in business - to be able to help those who need help and can't afford it.
Please know that I feel terribly sorry if my response seemed hurried or short or uncaring. I often write up lengthy responses to people in my head while cooking or cleaning, which I'm never able to actually type up, for lack of time. And yet, often, I know that the best thing I can do for these individuals is to pray for them while I'm going about my day. Please write to me and let me know what book it was and I will be more than happy to send it to you.
This woman is seeking medical help already - I'm not trying to give her any of that, however, I was trying to also find some encouraging women to put her in touch with and to share their stories with, so that she could know she is not alone. She desperately needs to know that.
One thing to look into is after my first son was born, I just crashed. Major anxiety, shaking, etc. It never has gone away, (much better, and I'm finally on meds) but what I found out is that I have low adrenal glands, and low thyroid. Please see a DR. and get some help, and PRAY! Low adrenal glands can come on in a situation like this, where your body is taxed, and the stress of a new baby can bring the sypmtoms on. Something else to think about.
What worked for me was stopping breastfeeding, having someone with me 24/7, and having someone help with the nighttime feedings. I was not left alone for at least a month. The girls were immediately placed on schedules and trained to sleep through the night. This was not a question. It was a necessity. By 1 month to 6 weeks they were all sleeping 6 plus hours. The mom needs her to sleep to heal and get her body to be able to balance the hormones. People from the homeschool co-op and our church brought meals for at least 6 weeks. Meds didn't work for me at all. As soon as I took one pill I had the worst side eefects. I was told to stay off of SSRI forever. But, that is not to say they do not help. By far, see a professional first AND bring in all the support troops possible. This is NOT something to mess with. I went through it 3 times. The panic attacks 10 + times a day; crying; inability to take care of yourself, the baby, or the other kids; etc. When I called the doctor I had a nurse focusing completely on trying to find some sort of psycologist (sp?) that would be willing to see me. None were. I had to wait 6 weeks before I could see one due to being a new patient. ALWAYS get an appt. set up prior to delivery if you know you have a history. The system is messed up. I couldn't even get in to see any of the free state agencies. I was told to go to a support group that met once a month. Um, I couldn't even shower myself or drive. Now you want me to talk to a bunch of other women that are going through the same thing with no professional support? Totally insane. Much prayers go out to this woman.
Seek professional help immediately! There are so many meds available to help. If one doesn't help after a couple weeks, try another until something clicks. I have taken anti depression meds several times over the years. The length of time varied but when I felt ready, my doctor helped me wean myself off it.
Crystal,
Your response to the hurt and offended "anonymous" was very humble and kind. You do a great job balancing the many responsibilities in your life. Anyone who thinks you are "just in it for the money" should take an honest look at the amazing amount of free literature and resources you offer on your website. BiblicalWomanhood.com is full of information and helpful articles and you blog is wonderful!
It's completely reasonable that you sell some books, especially those by other authors! I have read several of the books you offer, and they are well worth the money. But besides that, you have blessed us and so many others by generously giving to us during a very rough (financially) year. I dind't come to you asking for a free book, or begging for a handout, but you knew some of what was going on in our lives and generously offered to send me two books for my little children.
Just wanted to say thanks. :)
Crystal,
I want others to know for a fact that you are caring and generous with your materials, because you had to send me a hard copy of some of the ebooks because of a glitch in my computer; and you did it at your cost! You didn't have to attend to the problem so quickly or kindly, but you did. That anonoymous lady has to know in her heart that you couldn't take care of your husband and daughter if you answered personal mail all day long. You do a wonderful job on your web site, just by doing what you are already doing. You never said you were Dear Abby with a full staff of helpers! We love you for who you are. Now about the mom with PPD:
I am an older lady with grown children and I was a mothers helper (free of course) for a mom with PPD for over a year. I considered it a ministry, and truly loved getting to know her and her family. Yes, she was on meds, but they don't replace the need for another caring human. She told me most people ran away after they heard about her troubles! Older sisters, we need to rally around these young gals and really love them in practical, hands-on ways!
Miss Ruth
This poor woman needs to RUN to her doctor, and with her husband continue to address this issue medically. She may need her nedication altered, changed or additional therapy. Please don;t wait, and good for you for realizing you need help. I had PPD after the birth of my daughter and became totally irrational, but physically functioning. No one, not even myself, realized I needed help. I finally began to feel better after ONE YEAR, but it was too late to save my marriage. This is something that I am only now, four years later, ready to talk about. PLEASE keep trying to get help, for your health and your family's.
You are in my prayers.
Kim
DONT OVER SPIRITUALIZE post partum depression... Get help from your doctor fast... It is ok and this does not mean you are a failure becuase you are seeking medical attention. PPD is real and God can can help you too, but seek medial attention immediately, also anti-depressants take about 6 weeks to get into your blood stream so do not stop taking it AND paxil or a generic is much better for anxiety! God bless you dear little mother... I wish I could come and cheer you up or take your kiddies away for a day... This will pass but at this present time it is miserable AND it is real, so get some help momma so you can continue to take care of the little ones, but take care of you first too right now! I will be praying for you, get outside in the sunshine and if it is not sunny I highly suggest going to a tanning facility or getting a full spectrum light in your house...
xoxo
Homemakerang
I agree with many the posts here about seeking out the medical help you need immediatly. While I never had PPD, after a long term major stress, I did develop anxiety and depression that was so dark it is impossible to put into words. Many have mentioned hormones, but not specific ones. I was exceedingly low in progesterone, which is our natural anti anxiety hormone. The pharmacist told me progesterone is our God given anti depressant. I have been boosting my progesterone as well as significantly increasing fish oil while on anti depressants, that way when I come off (hopefully) I won't have any underlying physiological causes going untreated. I will add my regular Dr. felt my progesterone was in a normal range, but because that is so wide and needs to be in relation to your estrogen I found a compounding pharmicst to be far more helpful. Nothing will work quickly though, so know that many of us are praying for you.
Laurie
I have no children, though I am expecting one in 2 months. I have no experience with PPD but throughout my pregnancy there have been days (sometimes several at a time) that I feel so down and I don't know why.
On these days I try and get as much sun and fresh air as possible and I sing. Usually hymns and as corney as it sounds it is very uplifting. Sometimes I'm at work but I hum under my breath or sing in my head. It doesn't cure it, but it makes my heart lighter.
That said, of course there many times are actualy physical/hormonal things beyond our control and I beleive that is why God gave us doctors.
I hope this lady does know the Lord because everything is much easier to bear when we can lean on him through life's tough challenges.
Jenn
PS. Crystal, you do a great job and you've bloomed where you've been planted. You're not superwoman but you've done (and do) what you can with the talents and abilities that God has given you and there are MANY who are blessed by you and what you do.
I had the baby blues after my first child but wouldn't classify it as PPD. But after my second child and while pregnant with the third I started having panic attacks. The wonderful Dr. we have told me my adrenal gland was barely functioning because of chronic stress on my body, three kids in 3 1/2 years, and not getting enough sleep. He put me on a product called Serenagen and it has been so much better. If I don't sleep enough or get to stressed with the cares of this world I still can fell uneasy but it is so much better than before. I encourage you to seek a doctors help there is something wrong with you. Don't make this to be a spiritual issue. Yes I believe the LORD teaches us thing and tries us but because of sin in this world you don't always know why things happen to us. Pray, sleep and seek help. If you live in Michigan I can give you the name of a wonderful homeopathic DR. who has helped your family.
You are not alone, Esther
I've never had a baby and therefor no PPD, but I've struggled with depression pretty much all my life.
Here's the thing: when you've got minor to medium blues, blahs, and anxiety, exercise, help with overwhelming work, prayer, chocolate, and bubble baths will do the trick.
But there's a certain point where your brain chemistry gets so messed up that participating in the activities that would normally cheer you up is too much of a strain. And at that point, antidepressants are a godsend.
The thing is, everybody is different, and what works for one person might not work for another, which is one of the reasons that there are so many kinds developed. I would encourage this lady to work closely with her doc, and if one drug doesn't seem to be working, give something else a shot, or combine things, and keep trying until she gets something that works for her. Above all, don't give up.
This can be kind of a "lightening rod" issue, as many women have experience with it, and what works for one person might not for another. I think everyone here has given good advice, and I don't think anyone should slam someone else's advice, just because it wasn't what worked for them.
Post-partum depression can be serious, but it isn't for everyone. Only the individual with the condition knows how she feels. Depending on the severity of the situation, I would try dealing with it in the following fashion:
-prayer: in my own case, I knew prayer could at least help a little, and perhaps lead to a solution...but even though I knew that, for some reason it was so hard for me to pray. I think Satan takes advantage of us in weak states, and makes the situation as bad as he can. I got so bad I made excuses not to go to church. I force myself to go now, because it does help, and it is vitally important both spiritually and emotionally.
-diet: some imbalances in the body can be due to what you eat, in part
-exercise: I hated it when my doc suggested this, but it's true, exercise helps, if you can make yourself do it
-spouse: try to get across to your husband how you are feeling, how serious it is, and how you need his help...he can't help if he doesn't understand
-family and friends: find someone willing to listen or help out in some way...some women are too proud to seek help
-vitamins/supplements: fish oil has been known to help with mood, but a naturopathic doctor can help with this...regular doctors don't know about this stuff, although they should
-herbal/homeopathic remedies: this has helped many people...St. John's Wort, 5 HTP, and others are known to help...however, I strongly suggest consulting a professional,such as a naturopath, because if someone is nursing or could be pregnant there are some herbal remedies/supplements that shouldn't be taken
-pastor: if you have a pastor who is familiar with this kind of thing, he can help. My priest, great as he is in some situations, didn't understand this one--but another priest did and put me into contact with a mom who had been there
-therapist of some kind: it helps to talk to a professional who deals with this kind of thing...but be sure to choose the right one for you.
-doctor: if at any time you feel that this isn't just a mild case of postpartum depression, or you have tried everything else and the situation worsens, absolutely go to the doctor. If he has no appointments, tell his nurse that the situation is very serious to you, they will make the time.
-when things really get to be too much, find a way to get away. If you can't find someone to stay with the kids for a little while, put your children in separate rooms (so they don't argue) in a safe way, with toys to play with or a movie to watch, and put the baby in a crib. If the baby is crying, go to the furthest part of the house, turn on some music, and do something to relax. This may sound mean, but it is not...which is better, to let your children cry for a short time, or to let yourself get to a point where you totally lose it? A good mom is not one who never loses it (none of us is perfect), but one who knows her limits and removes herself from stressful situations before she reaches it. After you are able to calm down, then go give your children some affection and attention, so they know everything is okay.
There is always a debate over the appropriateness/effectiveness of anti-depressants. I would suggest doing your own research before you go to the doctor, so you can be familiar with any drugs he might prescribe.
Unfortunately, instead of following the above steps, I let things go until they got pretty bad for me. Not really bad, but bad enough that I was having a hard time functioning. I finally realized that although I was not a danger to myself or my children, there could come a point where I might, who knows...and if I did, would I have enough control of my faculties to see it coming and stop it?
I think that was Andrea Yates' mistake. I think she was a good mom who missed her chance to get the help she needed, and when she finally got so bad that she became dangerous, she was too far gone to see it.
There are so many causes of post-partum depression, and in my personal opinion there are probably often more than one cause. Part of the problem I think is that our society is a mess...in the old days, the family and society was structured in such a way that when a woman gave birth, she received a ton of ongoing support. Nowadays, you're lucky if you get your husband home for two weeks and maybe some friends or family members who bring over casseroles. And it doesn't help that many of us feel ill-equipped for our role as homemaker to begin with. Many of us were never taught the skills we need.
In my case, all my kids were c-sections, and although my husband was wonderful, after two weeks I was left at home with a bunch of small kids, a new baby, and a body that felt "broken". On top of that, I felt inadequate as a homemaker. I had no friends or family nearby, and for whatever the reason, no one from church thought to offer to help, or even come by to see me (though they helped out other moms who DID have friends and family nearby...go figure). Gee, no wonder why I was depressed!
Even now it comes and goes, but is much better. I was on Zoloft for a while, and it did help. I was lucky in that it helped some, and I had no side effects or withdrawal symptoms when I chose to go off of it. I am trying some herbal supplements instead, but I would go back to the meds if I needed to.
I think everyone's suggestions here are good. The depressed mom may have tried some of them already, but hopefully some are helpful. Sometimes it's worth trying something twice. But I don't think we should put down someone else's suggestions, because we're all different, and different things work for different people.
But one thing we can agree on...if you ever feel that it's getting really bad, don't wait til it's too late...RUN to your doctor and get the help you need, immediately.
Dear Crystal,
First of all I would like to thank you so much for your blog, which I read every day and thoroughly enjoy. It is so refreshing to read something daily from a Christian woman whose perspective is so biblical. I am 30 years old, and wife to Chris and stay at home mother to 2 year old daughter, Hannah. Staying at home full time to bring up children is a rare thing in the UK and I always find that it encourages me to read your blog and refocuses my attention on what it means to be a Christian wife and mother.
I have struggled with postnatal depression myself for the past few months….not after the birth of my daughter but after I lost another baby to miscarriage a few months after Hannah was born (I was 14 weeks pregnant). It is only now that I am tailing off medication (antidepressants), which I really found did help me very quickly after I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I had huge problems with panic and anxiety which seemed totally out with my own control and seemed to come totally out of the blue. (Normally people would describe me as very calm, ordered and level headed). I felt that if I only just tried a bit harder or had a bit more faith, then I could just beat this on my own, until I realised that I just could not. Thankfully, through absolute necessity and desperation I did start medication, which took about 3 weeks to start making me feel better and I gradually started to recover.
Thankfully understanding Christian friends at church encouraged me to take and persevere with the medication. I think it is extremely important to talk through anxieties with understanding Christian friends and also to thank God for the medical intervention available these days to treat such illnesses.
I’m not saying that the lady who has written to you definitely has depression, but sometimes depression and anxiety are so closely linked it is almost impossible to separate them. However, I also knew someone recently who had a baby and was very anxious and low 2 weeks after the birth of her baby, and a week or two later the anxiety just seemed to lift and she was fine again (I think that is what is known as the baby blues and is more fleeting than a true postnatal depression).
I just wanted to write and say that my sympathies are with this woman, and that I am praying that she will feel much better again soon. Postnatal depression/anxiety is a very debilitating condition, but it is treatable and I can now see that having been through it myself.
With kind regards
Karen
While I did not have post partum depression, I have suffered from depression and anxiety disorder, so I kind of know a bit about what I am talking about.
I am SO RELIEVED as I read the post and first couple comments to see that she has talked to her doctor and is taking steps to get help, that is wonderful, and she deserves lots of credit for having the courage and strength to do that!
Things that help are to yes to everyone who offers to help – then give them the grocery list, errand list, or even chore list around the house. People offering meals – sounds great! Accept all these offers.
Say no to things that are too much for you, it is okay! Just do what you can, and if that means that your hair does not get done, fine.
My OB/GYN assured my husband that me sobbing was perfectly normal, after labor women have an emotional hair trigger that means we laugh easily and cry even easier. So realize this, and rent a funny movie.
Get lots of rest, all things are always better with rest, so just keep laying down to rest!
Get a little bit of fresh air, even if you just go sit outside for 5 minutes.
Spend time in community, even if just on the phone, it does not let those thoughts of I am in this alone take root.
Spend time in God’s Word. It is hard to concentrate on the Words, but if you can get one on CD and just play it that would help tremendously.
When not listening to the Bible on CD, listen to praise music.
These are just little things that might help. I still have trouble getting the Bible study time in that I need, and my daughter is 16 months old. It seems like to have quiet time in the morning is almost impossible, so I leave a Bible open on my kitchen counter, and catch a couple verses here and there. It helps a lot. I still try to remember the rest and community things when it all gets too much, and often play praise music in our house, sometimes filling our 5 disc player and hitting the repeat button so that it goes all day, I just turn the volume down lower when we rest.
K
HI
I have put off writing because this is not an easy topic for me go back to, but I know the Lord had me got through postpartum depression for a purpose.
I have dealt with postpartum depression after three of my four children’s births.
My first son was born ten years ago by unplanned c-section under general anesthesia due to severe preeclampsia. It was a necessary surgery, but I was left feeling like I had some sort of post traumatic stress thing going on! I did not talk to anyone about it, not one around me seem to understand the feeling I did share, but wanted me to be grateful and happy. It was an amazingly difficult time. I was not praying. I just thought I was crazy.
My daughter was born eight years ago. I still had the same hopeless feelings from before, but was functioning. My daughter was born by c-section due to fetal distress after laboring with no epidural (by choice) and pushing for almost two hours. It was disappointing, but I was so thankful to have had that laboring experience. About six weeks later, I started to feel angry and depressed. I spoke with people this time, but no one seemed to understand. I had a friend online I had met while pregnant. I know the Lord sent her into my life. She supported me and understood. We are, still, friends who call , write and e-mail today. (My husband calls her my imaginary friend! LOL) I did not seek treatment, but my anger and sadness definitely affected my marriage and my parenting. I was still devastated and didn’t want to be. You cannot “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” during this. I was functioning.
My third son was born four years ago by scheduled c-section. We chose this after being again diagnosed with severe high blood pressure. I would have to have magnesium sulfate during and after birth like I had with my first child. This medication is used to prevent seizures possible with preeclampsia, but is also used to stop labor. My husband and I prayed and prayed because I so wanted to have a VBAC. I was disappointed. We prayed for the Lord to give me joy. He did! I had already spoken to my ob/gyn about the ppd. He told me to let him know if it returned. Six weeks to the day of my son’s birth I had the same sinking feeling, the same sensation of falling into a pit of hopelessness and anger and “what is this all about- no one understands.” I called my friends and pastor who prayed over me and for me. I called the doctor and was prescribed Zoloft. It did help quickly. It was also difficult for me to wean myself off of. I was able to function.
When I became pregnant with my fourth child, I was 100% prepared to take the medicine if I needed it. I was ready for the ppd. I had done research of weaning of the meds. I had spoken with the doctor. I rallied the prayer troops! By this time, I had talked to lots of people about the trouble I had had. During the pregnancy, I still occasionally felt hopelessness about my mothering, c-sections, the vbac that would never happen. The difference between just feeling upset and the ppd was during the ppd, I sank.. I couldn’t get out of it… it affected every thought I had and everything I did. During this pregnancy I began to realize that this was an attack by satan himself. My husband and I were seeking to raise a godly family, you know, the kind satan hates. Postpartum depression is very real.
After my fourth child was born, I waited for the depression. Everyday, I waited for that feeling. My husband was on the watch for it and my friends were by my side, praying and watching over me. You know? It never came. It was weeks and months and I realized one day… it never showed up. I thank the Lord!!! I don’t understand why though. Don’t get me wrong I am so ecstatic! I just wonder why now? We had prayed before. Know what I mean? Our fourth child is 14 months old and I am still amazed, in wonder and confused.
Anyway, (sorry-that was so long) my purpose is to ultimately say some of words that did help me…. Talk about your birth, your feelings and the depression with someone you trust and someone who is a believer. Medication is helpful but it doesn’t solve anything else going on in your heart and, you know what else, there may not be any human that completely understand how you feel or what you went through, but God is a rock. You are on a journey and He will not leave you.
Float sister, float in His arms. Pray without ceasing. Ask Him who you should speak to and what you should do. He will not fail you. I do not understand why my life had to include this agonizing time, but I am asking you… don’t give up.
Susie
Susie....
Beautifully said! I really enjoyed your post. Especially this comment:
Float sister, float in His arms. Pray without ceasing. Ask Him who you should speak to and what you should do. He will not fail you. I do not understand why my life had to include this agonizing time, but I am asking you… don’t give up.
Thankyou for saying this.
Wendy
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