Being faithful
Thanks to Jennifer for sending me the link to this interesting article on the new "Quiverfull Movement."
I found it interesting and disturbing at the same time. As Christians, we should be known for our love for God first, not our family size. My problem with the whole "Quiverfull Movement" is that it very easily sets up large families on a pedestal.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that having a large family is wonderful. My husband and I would love to have many children to raise up for the glory of God and we want God to be sovereign over this area of our lives. We want to willingly and joyfully accept as many children as God gives us, for we see children as gifts from the Lord. However, it's not about the family size to us, it's about being faithful to what God has called us to.
I know of some families who would love to have many children and God has only given them a few. I know of some couples who would love to have children and can't have any at all. Does that mean they are less Godly or less faithful? No. Not all Christian families are called to have 12 children, but all Christian families are called to be faithful and obedient. Faithfulness and obedience are of much greater importance to God than how many or few children you have.
However, all that said, I haven't rescinded anything I believe about birth control, and I'm very grateful for the many families who are embracing the Biblical view of children, I just post this as a reminder to myself and others that we never hold up something like family size as of greater importance or spiritual significance than it is.
I found it interesting and disturbing at the same time. As Christians, we should be known for our love for God first, not our family size. My problem with the whole "Quiverfull Movement" is that it very easily sets up large families on a pedestal.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that having a large family is wonderful. My husband and I would love to have many children to raise up for the glory of God and we want God to be sovereign over this area of our lives. We want to willingly and joyfully accept as many children as God gives us, for we see children as gifts from the Lord. However, it's not about the family size to us, it's about being faithful to what God has called us to.
I know of some families who would love to have many children and God has only given them a few. I know of some couples who would love to have children and can't have any at all. Does that mean they are less Godly or less faithful? No. Not all Christian families are called to have 12 children, but all Christian families are called to be faithful and obedient. Faithfulness and obedience are of much greater importance to God than how many or few children you have.
However, all that said, I haven't rescinded anything I believe about birth control, and I'm very grateful for the many families who are embracing the Biblical view of children, I just post this as a reminder to myself and others that we never hold up something like family size as of greater importance or spiritual significance than it is.
posted by Crystal Paine at 10:00 AM
75 Comments:
I really appreciate the humility and wisdom of your perspective. Thank you for finding the balance of boldly holding to your convictions, but not being defined by them as opposed to the gospel of grace.
Good Morning Crystal!
I am a longtime reader, (but new comment leave-er!). I believe there is a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to the "position", (or rather conviction), of "quiverfull". I have read several articles on quiverfull families, both by secular authors and Christian authors, and the thought I have been left with each time is, "these families are out to have a multitude of children". And yet, I have found that is not the case in the vast majority of quiverfull families I have talked to or read about. I want to caution readers of these articles, (possibly yourself included), who may become concerned with the picture they come away with - that quiverful families are about numbers... they're not. Quiverfull, as a "way of life", is essentially trusting God. It matters not if you have one child or twelve children. What matters is this: do you trust God in every area of your life? Our culture does not value children and there is a lot of fear surrounding having them - whether having too many or any at all. I understand the world's stance, but it stuns me how Christians have embraced the idea that it is up to us to determine our family size. When did it become okay for us to play God? Who is the creator of life? Who are we to say this life should or shouldn't be? This subject is near and dear to my heart, so I find it easy to run on and on - I'll stop. *smile* Quiverfull is not about how many children you have, (I have talked with families of 10 who are not "quiverfull"), it is simply this: are you willing to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him..." (Prov. 3:5-6a)?
Have a wonderful day!
Stacie
What are your views on birth control? It seems to me that the "quiverfull" movement is not necessarily about purposing to have a large number of children but simply avoiding any kind of birth control/planning at all.
Anonymous: If you'll read the post again, you'll probably pick up on my view of birth control. :) Because we believe that children are a blessing from the Lord to be trained in His ways to His glory, my husband and I committed before we were married to willingly and joyfully embrace however many children God sees fit to give us. It has been a walk of faith and one of the best things we've ever done in our marriage. And God's timing has been so much better than our timing could ever be.
By the way, Stacie, I completely agree with you and if you've been reading my blog for anytime, you probably know this is a subject I'm very passionate about, too. However, I'm concerned when the tendency is to bond around family size, not around Christ. I don't want to be known as Quiverfull, I want to be known as a follower of Christ.
As in all things, balance and keeping the focus on Christ is so important.
I share your sentiments exactly on large families. If I am defined by anything else than my love for Christ, I haven't achieved my goal. As humans, our flesh is deceitful and we try our hardest to belong or take part in some "club" whether it's the stay at home club or the birth at home club, etc. and use it as a form of righteousness. Yuk. Anyways, I couldn't tell if the last poster was agreeing with you or rebuking you????? lol
Hi,
I guess then my question is how is that view different from the quiverfull movement? It seems to me that both views advocate no use of birth control whatsoever, and the quiverfull movement just assumes that women are able to have a large number of children.
By the way, please make sure when you comment that you are kind and loving and thoughtful. Comments blasting those who are "quiverfull" will not be accepted as that is not the intent of this post. I also am much less likely to post a comment posted anonymously without a signed name. We have plenty of trolls around here who post their daily dose of anonymous hate and spite and the topic of birth control is one which particularly riles them up. Therefore, I expect to be deleting lots of comments from this post. If you are not among the trolls and are here to share and contribute and learn, we welcome your thoughtful, considerate, and kind comments. Thanks. Any questions, feel free to email me.
Anonymous: Once again, go back and re-read the post and you'll see that I'm not saying I'm not "Quiverfull" - My point is that we need to be careful not to hold up numbers ahead of obedience and faithfulness.
I fully agree with your concern Crystal. From my observation, the focus on number of children seems to come more frequently from outside the quiverfull movement than from within, (though I have seen it within as well). My husband and I fit within "quiverfull guidelines", (if there are any), but we don't identify ourselves by a movement. We have simply said, "Lord, have Your way in our lives." Our journey to this place of willingness to accept any children He gives us has been long and hard. I'd be happy to share our testimony, but it would take up too much of your comment section. *smile* Suffice it to say that our ways our not His ways nor are our thoughts His thoughts. (By the way, now that we have acknowledge that He is in control, I am finding it much harder to wait on His timing. It was so much easier when I thought I was in control!) *smile*
I appreciate your blog so much. It is always a delight to read. May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you.
Stacie
I read the article last week and almost sent it to you,but decided against thinking that it would bring up debates and could go to arguments.
Thanks for posting it and putting your thoughts down.
Amen. I just read the article to my husband today. He was turned off by the "mentality" of it. I think he got the same impression you did. We both wholeheartedly agree that we should honor the Lord (and have even been questioning if we should not let God take over the "family planning" in our household lately), but the number of kids you have is not an indicator of how good of a Christian you are. ;)
Thanks, Crystal, for your thoughts on this article about quiverfull mentality. I couldn't agree with you more. We have many large families in our church who love the Lord and are walking by faith allowing Him to bless their home with children as He sees fit. Other families in our church have only one child due to different circumstances, but they too are walking by faith and learning and trusting the Lord daily. Seems people want to get hung up on different issues when our focus should always be on the Lord and bringing glory to Him. The lost world doesn't want to hear our thoughts on birth control; they just need to see the Love of Christ manifested daily in our lives and see true Christianity. May we all be mindful of eternity and the difference we can make in someone's life.
We have a couple at our church who had three childrn and while pregnant with the fourth a boy found out that their son had muscular dystrophy and that the mother was a carrier so any boys she had would have muscular dystrophy. I forget the particular type but their oldest son died at 17 and their fourth child who was a boy has exceeded his life expetency at 18, his health is deteriorting so it seems only a matter of time. Since the mother was a carrier for the disease it was possible that she passed that gene onto her daughters. One daughter did not inherit the gene but the younger daughter did. So if this daughter has sons they will have MD. Should this daughter ignore what medical science knows to be true and trust God and go ahead and have children?
Another couple at our church had a perfectly healthy son and while trying for baby #2 expereinced three miscarriages. The doctors said it was a miracle that they were able to conceive a healthy child together because their blood types are completely incompatible. The third pregnancy was what's known as a molar pregnancy - just cells developing but not a baby and the mother had to undergo chemotherapy. Should this couple completely ignore their doctors and just leave it up to God and risk the mother's very life?
If the answer is "Yes trust in God because He does perform miracles." Do you just ignore your doctor for any type of medical advice. What do we need doctors for as long as we have faith? Couldn't the question be asked are you trusting God in every area of your life, including your health.
I'm really not meaning to be snarky, I'm very curious how those of you who think that God should "control the womb" would react in this situation.
Our wedding is coming up in less than a month (I can't believe it...), and we have decided that we will let the Lord decide when to give us children. This is such a huge step for us, as pretty much *everyone* (including our parents) we tell this to thinks we are crazy. We are completely against any sort of chemical birth control. Several years ago I had a doctor put me on "the pill" for medical reasons, and it threw my body and hormones completely out of whack. Then I read about how it actually works... and that was enough for us. Right now we aren't looking much past the first child and sort of have a "let's wait and see" attitude about not using any form of birth control ever.
I suppose you can't describe us as "quiverfull" because of this, but I definitely think we are leaning that way. This is very new way to think about children to us both, but we are especially excited about leaving at least the first up to God. Baby steps, right? :)
(this is Harmony, by the way -- I'm on someone else's computer and I can't remember my password right now! lol)
After reading the article and then poking around the quiverfull.com website, it might be worth considering that Newsweek(thought of as having a liberal lean) might not be portraying what the organization "really" believes and encourages? It's probably just as valuable to consider that God has given us what we need to follow in the Bible as far as fellowshipping with other believers that provides the ultimate in Biblical accountability.
Harmony: You don't know how it warms my heart to read that! God will bless your obedience, I promise. It breaks my heart to hear of so many young people who go into marriage with such blatant selfishness - "We don't want any children or maybe just a few, we have so many other things we want to do with our lives." Looking at my little Kathrynne I can't understand how anyone could willfully reject such a
precious gift from God. Being her mom has grown me up so much, forced me to rely upon the Lord so much more, and brought Jesse and I so much closer together. Jesse and I both expected that no birth control meant we'd have a baby right away, but God's timing was much different than ours. (Kathrynne was born a little over 2 years after we were married). And looking back now, we see how His timing was so much better! Isn't that how it always goes?
Hello!
Just popping in for a quick comment since I have a very messy kitchen awaiting me ;-)
I just wanted to add an Amen to Stacie's comments. Remember, the Newsweek article is written from the world's perpective so I would caution folks not to use that as a good description of families who are trusting the Lord for their family size. I am on the QuiverFull Digest and there has been quite a lot of discussion on this article there lately. Most of those commenting on the article have said that it misrepresents the mindset (and heartset) of those who believe the Lord should have control of this area of their lives. The sentiment that I have seen expressed over and over again by those on the QF Digest is that it is NOT about the number of children one has, it is about trusting the Lord. In fact, I can't think of a family who believes this way that I know personally or know OF who would say that it is about having lots of children. I think this is a common misconception... a straw man argument if you will by those who would not agree with our view (I don't mean you Crystal.. I'm talking about the article!) I don't care for the term " QuiverFull" as a label either, but I think what is more true of this term is that, rather than being meant as a "Club" it is simply a easy "nutshell" way of explaining one's view of children.
While it ISN'T about numbers, My husband and I, and I know many other "quiverfull" minded families do HOPE and pray for many children to raise up for the Lord. It truly is a walk of faith though and that is the bottom line!
Lets just be very careful not to let the world label us, and then disagree with each other based on the world's erroneous description! Let's leave them out of it altogether,take what they say with a grain of salt and then go to the source themselves before forming our opinions.
Heading to that kitchen now :-)
Jennifer
Betsy: Someone always brings up these kinds of questions in this discussion and here's my answer:
Situations like the one you described are fairly rare. We can spend all day discussing exceptions to the rule. There are always hard questions and not always easy answers, however, God is God. That I know. I also know He can be trusted. No life can begin or end without His ordaining.
Just as we've trusted God's timing for our children and trusted His provision, I also feel He could be trusted to either open or close the womb in a difficult situation. I've never had to deal with something of that nature and maybe someone else would do differently than me in a situation like that, that is between them and the Lord. The majority of the time, people are rejecting the blessing of children in normal circumstances because of selfish reasons - not because they've sought the Lord and searched the Scriptures, or because this is the decision the husband is making for his family, etc. I do not often hear people give Biblical reasons for why they are using birth control in some form or other.
I'm so thankful that my parents were willing to make the sacrifices to love me, give of themselves for me, and train me up in the ways of the Lord. It is because of their love and faithful example that I now want to pass on their faith to their grandchildren. They received all sorts of ridicule for having 7 children. That never deterred them and their children rise up today and call them blessed.
Jennifer, thanks for sharing. Good perspective and helpful to hear what those from Quiverfull.com are saying. I'd seen the article lauded various places as a great article on large families the "quiverfull mindset". While not necessarily a negative article, I really thought it completely missed the point and yet, sadly, I've seen a lot of families judge other families by how many children they have. I guess being on the smaller end as far as families go, I've maybe seen this more.
By the way, thanks to all of you who have shared your perspective on this - very insightful to me and encouraging, as well.
Crystal,
I really liked your perspective.
I have a question. It is sincere and I am not trying to start a fight with anybody.
I have recently been reading various blogs of "quiverfull" families.
I do not know of any quiverfull families in my town. All my friends use birth control. there are alot of 2-3 child families in my church. I was taught to use birth control from my OB/GYN, starting two months before my wedding.
Here is my question, what do you say to the argument that God's natural law says that if you do not use birth control and ovulate regularly, you probably have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. So, you could potentially have many children. A non-believer has the same chance if they do not use birth control.
If the couple agrees they are happy with their family size and do not want any more children, are they sinning? If God wanted them to have more children, do you think he would put it on both their hearts to have more children?
I hope my question is understandable and not offensive.
Crystal -
This is a topic that we have dicussed before and I felt I had to add my two cents (although I couldn't find my Blogger password to sign in *smile*). My husband and I are "quiverfull minded", meaning we believe in allowing the Lord to plan our family size and do not use birth control. We would love to have many children, and hope to add to our family in the future through adoption. However, it appears that the Lord has decided that four is the number of children we will have for the present (one adopted, three biological). I have medical concerns that are putting me through an early menopause (I'm currently 39) and our youngest is 3 now.
Time and time again, I have had younger mothers with larger families speak about how they had to talk to thus and such person for advice (simply because of family size) or make comments about how it would be nice if there were other "large" families in our church and so forth. The mothers I'm speaking of seem totally oblivious that *I* (yes, even with ONLY four children) might be able to advise or that I consider families of any size a blessing to our church).
I have definitely seen what I would consider a bias in the "quiverfull" movement against families that have not been blessed with a great number of children (most see this as 7 or more). And, just like you, perhaps I see this a bit more clearly because we are one of those "smaller" families.
In fact, I have often in recent months felt that I would like to write an article on this very subject. Hoping to enlighten those that the Lord HAS blessed with a great number of children, and perhaps cause them to be a bit more aware of the fact that the Lord can (and does) use families of all sizes (even singles) to serve Himself and others. A large number of children does not equate with godliness.
Hi, MrsQuigs, Thanks for your question. Maybe some others could answer as well. I'll just share a few of my thoughts.
First off, I think that our society has ingrained in most a very wrong perspective of children. Children are seen as burdens. Maybe people wouldn't come right out and say that, but their attitude says it all. All throughout Scripture, we see a completely different picture. Children are blessings. They are gifts from the Lord. They are to be treasured and trained up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
We only have one life to live. As parents, one of the most powerful contributions we can make in our lifetime is to raise up warriors for the glory of God who will stand strong and fight in this sin-darkened world.
Since the beginning of this year, I've been reading through the Bible specifically searching for Scriptures pertaining to children and family. I have been amazed at how much God has to say on this!
It has really gotten me quite excited, like never before, at God's plan for families and the multi-generational vision Scripture gives.
My encouragement to you specifically and anyone else who might be considering this issue is to pray and ask the Lord to give you His direction in this. Seek God's heart concerning your family size and search the Scriptures on this.
One book which I've really appreciated is by Nancy Campbell, Be Fruitful and Multiply. She gives many, many Scriptures and Biblical examples on the family. Even if you don't agree with all of it, you will probably find it fascinating and enlightening.
Most importantly, search the Scriptures with your husband on this. If your husband doesn't want anymore children or doesn't want anymore right now, trust God to work through His leading.
First off, I think that our society has ingrained in most a very wrong perspective of children.
Crystal, I was one of those people and then I found your blog! I'm not saying I've switched over to the absolutely no birth control side yet (I'm still mulling through it all in my mind and heart) but my attitude has *definitely* changed. I used to see large families as strange and now I see them as blessed. Especially when I learned from you and others that the children are expected to be an important part of the function of the family, not just little 'moochers' (as you used to word it). And after seeing the Duggers on tv I really came to see things differently.
That said, I really appreciate your post and I fully agree with you. Whatever your position on this issue, Christ *MUST* be the most important.
Blessings,
~Mrs.B
Hi Crystal,
What an excellent post! I agree that a family no matter how big or small can serve God. I feel that our society has become too focused on "convenience" where convenience is not a good thing. That includes the use of contraceptives that cause more harm that good. I wanted to mention that the popular oral contraceptives (the Pill) work as abortifacients and they can cause infertility long after stopping their use. All the more reason to NOT use them!
By the way, has anyone noticed how much I've written in the comments section today? I think it's the most times I've commented in a very long time!
Guess why? I'm having a very good day!!! Still somewhat preggo sick, but not the awful, awful sickness I felt almost every single moment of every single day last week. I'm so happy to be thinking clearly for a few hours at a time that I guess I'm in a jibbery-jabbery mood!
I made myself drink this morning sickness herbal potion last night and then got a good night's sleep, made myself get up and go out and walk, and have been drinking pregnancy tea all day. I have no idea if any of those things contributed to such a good day, but I'm really happy for whatever it was. Not planning it will last, but just enjoying it while it does! I even ate food and it tasted good! Wow!
Enough off-topic rambling, I just had to share. :)
I thought this article was very good, considering it was written from a secular viewpoint.
The only time I hear Quiverfull described as "having as many children as you can" are from people who are opposed to it or making fun of it. I have never met a QF-minded believer whose focus was on having a huge family. The point is making Jesus Lord of All or not at all. If this fourth child I am carrying is my last for whatever reason, I will have the peace of knowing that I have exactly the number the Lord had for me at exactly the right time He planned. I would not be inferior to a family with 14 and I have never heard this attitude condoned on the Quiverfull digest.
Thank you for the link to the article. I love finding things like this.
I too have a messy kitchen so I won't say much. But so far, I agree with what Stacie and Jennifer have said. I'm sorry, Crystal that you've felt prejudices from others for having fewer children. I know I get excited when I see larger families, not because of the number of children necessarily, but because it is easier to see that they are probably sympathetic to my views, which is great because I know I won't be receiving any "don't you know what causes that?" comments. I suppose that might be what others are feeling as well, and thus we are coming across like we are discriminating against smaller families. Anyway, just a thought :)
Blessings, Emily
from celina in canada
I really dont know if i should post this,,,and i'll trust crystal to delete it if she feels it would cause waves.....i'm at risk of post partum psychosis which the next and all those after pregnancies...after my son (second child) i raged for months....til i finally got help...and i believe it is by the grace of god and he gave me the courage to admit it and get the help me and my family needed.......my dr is very scared for me to have another a) i rage when i am off my meds.... b) the dose of the medicine that works for me needs to be increased each time you wean off of it...and that reaches a peak amnt and cant help further...
adoption has been in my heart since i was 5....meanwhile my dh as a child always felt adoption would be a road to chose for him....so we would welcome sibling sets of an older age (and there harder to place) into our homes.....we chose to be quiverfull that way...and it feels right and after prayer seems to be the right way for this family.....
there are several obstacles in the way...like they believe we have "enough" kids with 2 and cant seem to understand why we'd want more and that the adopted children would NOT BENEFIT from my children.....but that is for another soap box post...
thanks for this post crystal....i have felt excluded from "quiverfull" folks....i believe in inclusion....and you seem to welcome all in the name of christ
Celina from Canada
Many believe birth control will prevent God from being "THE One" in control of the opening and closing of the womb. Instead there are many children born to couples that have used the rhythm method, pill, had their tubes tied, and had vasectomies. On the other hand, there are couples that do every fertility dance the medical community offers and remain infertile. So birth control or no birth control(remember Hannah and Sarah?) or even when He isn't recognized as being Lord, He is still Lord.
He knows what we need before we ever acknowledge the need, He gives us the desires of our heart(the desires that He works out in His perfect way and fulness of time), and can be trusted to lead us by still waters even concerning the numbering of the heritage(they are a gift belonging to Him) of the Lord. None, one or 20 arrows in the quiver...life remains His even when we think we cast the deciding vote. We're exhorted to be content in all things, though. :-)
I was reading some of the comments at the bottom of the article. Made me so mad. The common one against having a lot of kids is, 'Why not adopt? It is unChristian to have so many of your own kids when there are thousands of starving kids in the world." My first response to those people are, "So, how many kids have you adopted?" Most of the time the answer is: zero.
I do think that if you have a REAl medical problem and it would endanger your life if became pregnant you should be allowed to use some form of birthcontol. My view is like that Southern Baptist guy. My scripture for this is "Thou shalt not kill."
Zan, I love that adoption line. :)
Great post! It amazes me when people say they trust God in their choice of a mate, a church, college,or even what house to buy but not in someting as simple as how many children they should have.
Hello Again!
Pausing for a moment in the midst of kitchen cleaning (it was REALLY messy and the five dear little arrows in my quiver have been interrupting the process ;-))
I just wanted to add an "amen" again, this time to Emily's comment. I was thinking along the same lines while I was washing dishes :-)
I also wanted to address Melanie B's comment.
I do feel very much for your position. As a young mother with a growing family I thought it might perhaps a bit if I explained where I am coming from, since I have a hunch it might be true of many others like me.
Since, in our culture,it IS more unusual to see a large family they do stand out. Also, most people who see children as a blessing DO have a larger than average number of children.
As a mother with a "smaller" large family, I know that when I see a larger family I immediately wonder if they are of the same conviction as we are in regards to children. I guess what I am trying to say in a rambling way is that those "quiverfull" minded families who have more children stand out more than those of the same mindset who don't have as many children. I certainly do feel for those of you in this position since I know that must be a very frustrating situation. I would just like to assure you that I am sure that most of those with a few more children would most certainly NOT look down on you or think less of you and would MOST certainly enjoy likeminded fellowship with you.
However, because having a larger family brings its own set of challenges there just simply are things that can only be truly understood or experienced by those who do have more children. This isn't meant to exclude anyone at all! It's just a simple fact of life that is true in many, many areas of life.
Since I do have five little ones, and Lord willing, will have more, I will naturally look to a mother with as many or more children as me for advice or encouragement when it comes to many of the unique issues and logistics of managing and caring for a larger than average family. Also, since it is a lonely path for the most part, I do also wish that we knew more larger families, just because it is encouraging.
However, there sure are things I would ask the advice of mothers of smaller families! If I saw a mother whose children were well behaved I would ask her advice on child training. If she was an expert on the Charlotte Mason method of homeschooling she would find me an eager listener. If she could teach me how to be a better cook I'd be most thankful... etc. It's just that when one's family size is a little larger than normal it really does affect most everything else in your life! How you cook, how you homeschool etc. so I guess that while I would still be glad to look to a mother of any size family on these (and other issues) I would still naturally head for the mother of a larger family.
I have five children ages five and under and I don't know anyone in real life in a similar situation. If I met a mother who has, or had, children close in age like mine I would head straight for her even above the mother with 12 children ages 35-2 ;-) When I do "meet" a mother in this position online (Emily, the duchess of fife for example :-)) I instantly feel a kinship with her even if I never actually talk to her; simply because I know that she is sharing many of the same things I am, that we are a minority and that others, no matter what their mindset, just simply can't understand in the same way.
My own dear mom (and dad too!) has eight children and is 100% supportive and of the same conviction that we are. However, she had 8 children in 18 years, not five in just under five years, so even she just can't quite enter into the challenges that this brings.
Again, this isn't in anyway meant to exclude those with smaller families... just trying to explain where we are coming from.
I had best stop rambling now.... my little ones are in sore need of my attention. I hope this has made SOME sense and has come across in the spirit in which it was intended. I have had small people talking to me almost the whole time so I'm not sure if this is clear or not!
in Christ,
Jennifer
Lela,
I must say that I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that we need to trust the Lord in every area of our lives... but sometimes it is not as simple as it seems. :-) It can be a little harder to trust Him with family size than just about any other area I think!
I used to think it was pretty cut and dried... I would get married, trust the Lord for our family size and we would have babies every two years with no problem and live happily ever after ;-)
We were quite shocked to have our babies arrive so quickly! Our 5th was born a week before our eldest turned 5 :-)On top of that I have had serious complications with the deliveries of our four eldest (twice life threatening). I have never been more tired or overwhelmed in my whole life than I am these days. Common sense screams out "STOP!!!" However, we have a God who has a wisdom far above common sense. I have already been blessed to see this and can see His hand in the lives of each of our precious children.
Anyhow, I can see where it takes a BIT more faith than the purchase of a house, etc ;-)It is a real and daily struggle at times. However, it is far more rewarding and a far more blessed thing than buying a house, etc. :-)The blessings exceed the faith a thousand fold.
As one who has trusted Him both for a husband and in our family size,I can say that - while you may be in for the ride of your life- I would HIGHLY recommend it.:-) I would not want to live any other way ever... even when it can be kinda scary. I pray that He continues to help us to trust Him fully in every area of our lives, as I said, sometimes it is a daily - no, HOURLY struggle... and now I had REALLY better get off this computer!
Jennifer
Popping in ONE more time! I realized that my last post sounded like I was patting myself on the back. That was NOT my intention! The point I was TRYING to make (and ended up rambling) is just that it is sometimes not so simple as it seems to trust the Lord for one's family size, and I can understand the struggle.
Jennifer
Crystal,
Thank you so much for posting this today. This subject is on my mind more than I would like to admit. We have three children, and would dearly love to have more, but the Lord has closed the womb for now. The youngest is 6, and sometimes I imagine that biological clock "ticking" very fast. I know the Lord, I know He is in control. He has not taken away my desire to have more children--seeking infertility help and adoption are things we have not sensed His leading in, and so to do so would be following our own agenda. I often think of Sarah in the Bible, and how she felt she needed to step in and "help" the Lord to produce an heir with Abraham. It's at times pretty painful psychologically for me to go through the monthly cycle again and again with no pregnancy. At times I do much better with leaving it completely with the Lord than at other times.
I felt instantly freed by the comments and wise, Biblical perspective that having a large family isn't an indication that those parents are more spiritual or deserving. Certainly those folks, especially with grown children, have wisdom that we can glean from. I've noticed that it used to be families with 7 or 8 children whose books and products were "features", and now it's families with more--like 14 children. It would be easy (although mistaken) to get the impression that unless you have that many, you don't have anything worthwhile to share, or if you don't have that many yet, that you really can't know what you are talking about.
I've really appreciated the perspective and sharing from moms of families both of large numbers and small. Thank you for that--I sense that the Lord showed me a bit of truth today that I hadn't seen before.
Krista
A lot of ladies with messy kitchens commenting, here. I can SOOOO relate. ; )
Jennifer -
Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly to my comment. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I understand the difference in the logistics of raising 8 children vs. 4 children. I also know that because one has 8 children, that doesn't mean they have things together by any means. In fact, some of the mothers I know with large families would be the very LAST ones I would ask advice on anything having to do with running and operating a home. *smile* I'm sure you can appreciate what I'm saying here.
Unfortunately, it seems that (at least in my personal experience) larger "quiverfull" families tend to overlook smaller families as a resource, not only of things that are unique to larger families (such as scheduling and meal planning), but also of things that are common to Christians of any family makeup (such as the struggle to be a godly wife and mother). I was sure when I posted that I wouldn't make that clear.
I often, in fact usually, am made to feel as though I couldn't possibly measure up to the mega-families just because I *only* have four children. The worst part of that whole issue is that we would dearly LOVE to have more children, but the Lord has told us no (at least for the present).
I believe we (as "quiverfull minded") need to spend less time looking at family size and more time looking for godliness in the family in general. Hence the end of my comment about a large number of children not being equivalent to godliness.
I have just been disappointed that like-minded mothers of any size family can't find a kinship in Christ and in striving to serve Him and our families, rather than finding a kinship in the number of pregnancies brought to completion.
Blessings to you and your five dear little ones.
Just for clarification: Quiver full=large families? Wrong!
The "Quiverfull movement" (if you want to call it that...I am talking here about Christians that trust God for their family size for biblical reasons-as such were portrayed in that article) is not about large families; it is about trusting our Lord and Savior enough to let Him give us as many children as He sees fit, be it 2 children or 12 children. “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them……” Psalm 127:4-5 That word “full” in Hebrew means-to be full, be accomplished, be ended. The Lord may decide that your quiver is full at 0 children or at 10 children.
First of all we must strive to live for Christ and love Him. And if we love Him, we will obey His Word, which includes “Be fruitful, and multiply...and have dominion...over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” Genesis 1:28 and “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him...” Psalm 37:5 So if we obey his word, we will be willing to trust Him and surrender to Him every area of our lives, including when he decides to open and close the womb. I believe that my God is loving enough, worthy enough, and wise enough to decide that for me.
Do you really think that our God, who designed us with extreme detail down to every little cell, would make a mistake and design our bodies to do something that wasn’t intended?.......something that many of us try to “fix” unless if it is convenient. He says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14
Having said all that, let me say, Crystal, thank you for warning us against upholding anything above Christ. Even if it is something that He has commanded us to do, it MUST not be placed on a higher pedestal. We all need to be reminded of this often.
-Another longtime reader, but first time commenter
Hi Crystal,
I am glad to hear you have had a good day today!
I read an excellent article written by Albert Mohler called "Can Christians use Birth Control?"
Here is the link http://www.crosswalk.com/news/weblogs/mohler/?adate=5/8/2006#1395525
I have read Nancy Campbells "Be Fruitful and Multiply" and have read many other articles online from various sources but the article above was one of the best I have read which is suitable to pass on to Christian friends who do use birth control.
Take care :)
In reading this article, I am reminded that in whatever circumstance we find ourselves, it is about our "heart's attitude". I certainly do not want to be a
"respector of persons" because a family has a large number of children or they have none.
In the same circle of quiverfull families will be the homeschooling issue. There again, are we being "a respector of persons"?
Thank you Crystal for your post. As a mom of two children, it sure made me think about my "heart attitude" and has given me an opportunity to look a little deeper and make some adjustments.
After reading about the importance of discernment on another site this morning, the Lord had me think of this discussion. Overwhelmingly, in varied wording, the postings here were pointing to being kept focused on God and what He says and means in His written Word rather than focus on the family or anything else that can easily become an idol. Too often it "seems" easier to go to commentaries of those with good intentions rather than dig for precious Truth in the Bible. Sometimes those commentaries are a bit or much off course yet embraced as the absolute standard of Truth because of the charisma of the leader/author or a connection to personal circumstances with "birds of a feather flocking together" camaraderie.
There is none good but one...that is God. We can offer thanks(praise) to Him always for how He works toward genuine Biblical unity(rather than segregating into cliques) in Him with His adopted children planted around the globe. We are so blessed, aren't we?
Thought this should be highlighted from Al Mohler's article:
"Therefore, Christians may make careful and discriminating use of proper technologies, but must never buy into the contraceptive mentality. We can never see children as problems to be avoided, but always as gifts to be welcomed and received."
I am a regular reader of this blog and never once have I read anything that really made me want to respond for others to see. However, as I have read this blog (I am on #39) I have to say that this is the first one to make me feel badly about myself. My husband and I chose to stop having children after 2. We both agreed to this choice. We are Christians and I have never felt "bad" about the decision. The comments that I have been reading can make me feel that I have committed some major sin. I am very happy with the 2 wonderful children that we have been blessed with. We homeschool and personally I feel that 2 is a handful (for us). We aren't concerned with the number of chidren but on the way that we raise up (train up) our children. We will be successful if our children grow up to follow our Lord and Savior. Sometimes I think that too much emphasis is put on the number of children and not how we raise the ones tha we have. BTW I am not in any way saying that any bloggers here are not doing their best job of raising their children. I just want to stress that it isn't about how many you have but in how your raise them. I have several friends with larger families and they have never, ever made me feel bad about only having 2 children (by choice). I also do not feel that I have "killed" any child by making this decision. I do not wish to offend anyone but several of your comments have offended me. I will not let this stop me from being the Christian and Mother that I am or from reading this blog. I have learned much from many of you and Crystal. May God Bless you all and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Blessings,
Sonya, PA
I disagreed with some of Mohler's conclusions (when does using contraceptives not become buying into the contraceptive mentality? I haven't figured that one out. It seemed inconsistent to me.), however, I think that Louise's idea of giving it to those who are using birth control already was good. It's at least a good start in the right direction as far as the heart attitude towards children goes - something which, sadly, we don't hear a lot of in modern Christendom.
Crystal, This article was written from a worldly perspective. But, it is good that they wrote it and there were lots of nasty comments left below the article. It seems that satan is very upset about these families that are trusting the Lord with family planning. The world cannot understand spiritual things, so they have to put people in little boxes so they can have a label for them. One of the problems is there is very little unity in Christianity today so the world can label small segments of the Church and call it odd. What if all Christians were more welcoming to children, this would not even be a movement. But, revivals have to start somewhere. This is simply a revival of trusting in God.
You are right though Christians should have Jesus as the center of their lives, just like a wheel and the rest of these topics are spokes on the wheel.
I had a talk with my husband last night concerning this subject. He is not a "purist" quiverfull guy even though he came from a family of 10 kids. I can't go into all the points we talked about due to time. I understand that children are a blessing, but where in the Bible does it say that Christians should never control the number of children they have? For instance, in other countries that are extremely poor, it is hard to feed an entire family. If you study the history of Ireland, there was a time that the Irish were so hungry that the priests would tell the married couples to remain celebate. There were children dying all the time of starvation and it was not considered wise to bring in more mouths to feed. Did these people not trust God enough? If a woman dies in childbirth, did she not trust God enough? I get a little uneasy when Christians say that we need to leave it all to God. This view can get extreme.
Another thing, a woman's body was designed to have children. That is right. However, our bodies ARE NOT PERFECT! Since Adam and Eve, we live in a fallen world. There are women out there who have more imperfect bodies then normal and they do risk their life having kids. I do not think it is wise for Christians to encourage such couples to leave all the number of children up to God. God gave us wisdom to use.
The bottom line is: where is your heart in this matter? Are you numbering your children to elevate your own selfish wants or are you numbering them for the true benefit of your family. I don't see in the Bible that this is sinful or forbidden.
I know a women who is in a mental institution. She thinks all of her kids are dead because of her deep mental illness. I know there are Christians who don't believe in mental illness and just say it is a spiritual problem. Well, of course it is. She is a sinner like the rest of us and is living in a fallen world. This women has children living at home and a little baby. I, sincerely hope that she does not have any more babies until her illness (or sin) is resolved.
This kind of hyper-Calvinistic thinking gets me nervous. It is all God's will and we should do nothing to stop it (like we can stop God's will). If He wants someone to get pregnant they will.
I'm rambling now. Just because there are no examples of people controlling numbers of children in the Bible (except Oman), it doesn't mean that we should never do that.
I think it all goes back to the motive. Why are we doing it? What is the condition of the heart?
If anyone has any scripture, other than children are a blessing, I would like to know.
BTW, the Bible does say that children are a blessing. So, does that mean that bareness is a curse? No matter what the reasons for your bareness, it must always be a curse. It seems logical.
I want to get these answers from the Bible.
Lisa Metzger....
As a "Quiverfull-minded" family, I want to make clear that we do NOT look down on families who have fewer children than we do. The whole "true philosophy" of being quiverfull is that GOD plans the family! God will give you as few or as many as He sees fit.
****One of the best verses in the Bible to point out that only GOD knows when our quiver is full is this: "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord keeps the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." Psalm 127:1
* The word “builds” in Hebrew is “Banah,” which actually means “to obtain children.”
* A form of "banah" is also used for the word "house," which is translated as "especially family."
* Then, the word "keep" is shamar" which is translated, "hedge about/protect/preserve."
* "In Vain" is "shav" = "or shav {shav}; in the sense of desolating; evil (as destructive), literally (ruin) or morally (especially guile); figuratively idolatry (as false, subjective), uselessness (as deceptive, objective; also adverbially, in vain)"
****Remember, This is also the same Psalm that talks of how happy a man is who has a quiver full of children! Wow! Amazingly laid out all in that one short chapter! God knows when you will be truly happy with the number that is in your quiver! The purpose of the "quiverfull mindset" is that God will plan our family and we are to have no hand in planning how many or how few we are to have.
We have 3 bio and 1 adopted and are trying to adopt another sibling set of 5. Through all of this, we have suffered 5 miscarriages and one ectopic as well as dealing with conception issues. We know that God will plan our family through the leadings to adopt or through birth. God may choose to give us 10 more or no more. Either way, we are to be happy and content!
By the way, another book that is EXCELLENT on this subject is "Birthing God's Mighty Warriors" by Rachel Giove Scott.
Lisa Metzger, keeper of our home, help meet to Mark,
2nd Generation Homeschool Mom to:
Annalise (14 - adopted from Kazakhstan at 10), Kaitlyn (7), Ethan (5 1/2) and Julia Claire (13 months) &
MORE TO COME (God-Willing)! Currently preparing for a domestic adoption of an unknown number from the U.S. foster system.
Visit us at: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/carolinametzgers/
As a "Quiverfull-minded" family, I want to make clear that we do NOT look down on families who have fewer children than we do. The whole "true philosophy" of being quiverfull is that GOD plans the family! God will give you as few or as many as He sees fit.
****One of the best verses in the Bible to point out that only GOD knows when our quiver is full is this: "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord keeps the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." Psalm 127:1
* The word “builds” in Hebrew is “Banah,” which actually means “to obtain children.”
* A form of "banah" is also used for the word "house," which is translated as "especially family."
* Then, the word "keep" is shamar" which is translated, "hedge about/protect/preserve."
* "In Vain" is "shav" = "or shav {shav}; in the sense of desolating; evil (as destructive), literally (ruin) or morally (especially guile); figuratively idolatry (as false, subjective), uselessness (as deceptive, objective; also adverbially, in vain)"
****Remember, This is also the same Psalm that talks of how happy a man is who has a quiver full of children! Wow! Amazingly laid out all in that one short chapter! God knows when you will be truly happy with the number that is in your quiver! The purpose of the "quiverfull mindset" is that God will plan our family and we are to have no hand in planning how many or how few we are to have.
We have 3 bio and 1 adopted and are trying to adopt another sibling set of 5. Through all of this, we have suffered 5 miscarriages and one ectopic as well as dealing with conception issues. We know that God will plan our family through the leadings to adopt or through birth. God may choose to give us 10 more or no more. Either way, we are to be happy and content!
By the way, another book that is EXCELLENT on this subject is "Birthing God's Mighty Warriors" by Rachel Giove Scott.
Lisa Metzger, keeper of our home, help meet to Mark,
2nd Generation Homeschool Mom to:
Annalise (14 - adopted from Kazakhstan at 10), Kaitlyn (7), Ethan (5 1/2) and Julia Claire (13 months) &
MORE TO COME (God-Willing)! Currently preparing for a domestic adoption of an unknown number from the U.S. foster system.
Visit us at: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/carolinametzgers/
Barreness was always seen as a curse in the Old Testament. However, it is true that hard situations do come up. But, for the most part children ARE NOT seen as blessings with most Christians that I have met. The problem as you said is always in the heart.
The world hates life, hates children, hates God, hates Christian families, etc. So, these people who have more than the worlds norm are seen as quite strange because they are living out faith. Faith that God will provide their needs and take care of their bodies.
I have more than the worldly norm and I get comments wherever I go about how many children I have. Most comments I get are very nasty, from unsaved or even church people who cannot believe I have "so many" children.
I am no way putting down smaller families who have also trusted the Lord but only received one or two children.
But, the problem that I encounter just about every day I go out with all of my children is a hatred/shock towards children.
This is where the Quiverfull movement, if it must be called that is doing a good thing. Yes, child bearing should never be elevated above Christ, but the hatred I see towards children is a symptom of a much greater problem.
For those of us with alot of children and alot of persecution because of it need to know that there are others out there who are doing the same thing. That we are not alone in this.
once again, a great post crystal! I agree with laurie (the first post)... Thanks for sharing this!
This post is starting to go in the direction of birth control versus non birth control and that is not the intent nor my desire. I've allowed various comments through to give some varying perspectives and interesting questions/thoughts, but I think much of what should be said, has been said. If others have perspectives and Biblical insight they'd like to share, feel free, but I can't promise I'll post it. See our comment policy, if you are not familiar with it:
http://www.biblicalwomanhood.com/commenting.htm
I enjoyed dialoguing on this subject yesterday more than I usually am able to, but my time is limited and I most certainly don't have all day to spend discussing subjects on the computer! I know you all can relate.
We've discussed birth control/ no birth control at length in the past - feel free to read through the archives if you want to read lots of lively discourse on the topic. I encourage each of you to search your heart, search the Scriptures, and follow the Lord. Be willing and open to however He leads you.
Thanks so much for the thoughtful discourse. I've appreciated it.
If you have any questions on anything, feel free to email me privately. I always welcome emails from those who disagree or are offended by what I've written. Sometimes it is hard to communicate what I'm trying to say to a faceless audience!
I think it's a good idea for Christians to have a lot of kids b/c if we do, maybe someday we'll be the majority of the population instead of the minority!
I was blessed w/three only b/c I have such uterine damage from two ruptures that I can't carry a fourth baby long enough to live outside the womb. But, I'm not complaining. How can I when our wonderful God blessed me w/three wonderful girls! I must admit, I have to pray and ask God to help me w/my jealousy over those who have more kids. Kids are a blessing. Some people need to realize that. Remember, they're the ones who will be caring for us when we get old!
Huh. We must have missed out on all the legalistic QF folks. I know that people who talk about QF, and the QF conviction think that it is all about pumping out babies, But as stacie said in the second comment, that's not the reality. It's about obedience and trust. Even the Newsweek article stated that rather clearly, I thought.
We have only come across one family who questioned our committment to our convictions. They were new to QF and couldn't understand how our kids could be 2 years apart if we didn't space them deliberately.
Other than that, I have never, ever felt even the slightest bit condemned by other, larger families because we have such a small family right now, and our children are spaced so far a part.
The real condemnation I have felt comes from people (Christians, sadly) who like to make it abundantly clear how very stupid and legalistic I must be for letting God be sovriegn over our family planning. :(
I have found that the biggest issue that comes up within the "quiverful" circles is that you are only quiverful if you have a certain number of children. My dh and I totally believe in leaving that up to the Lord. We have not been blessed with any children biologically but have been blessed with 2 by adoption so far. We both feel wholeheartedly that the Lord has opened the door for adoption for our family. Believing in the sovereignty of God, we know that these adoptions would not be possible without HIM. I have been rejected by online groups because I only have 2 children and they are both by adoption. I have had women tell me online that if you don't have any children biologically then you must have a curse upon you. Things like that are what leaves a "bad taste in your mouth" regarding the quiverful movement. Personally, I believe we are quiverful because we are letting the Lord decide the number of children for our family. But there are lots of women in the Bible who didn't have 12 children and it doesn't mention any curses.
Tracy
So far we only have one child, but I would love to have more. I agree with the quiverfull mentality of allowing God to be in control of having children; however I think there is an aspect of stewardship that should also be considered. This blog speaks often of trusting God to supply our needs financially (I agree), but it also includes recommendations to use a budget and practice good financial stewardship with the money he provides for us. I believe it should be the same for our bodies. Many traditional cultures made a point of spacing children 3-4 years apart to allow plenty of time for the mother to recover her nutrient stores and strength from the previous delivery. This spacing of children was done without outside birth control devices, as the mother had extended amenorrhea (lack of periods) while nursing. Some American women say that extended nursing infertility is rare, but that seems to only be the case in the Western world. Studies of traditional cultures have shown breastfeeding infertility that lasts 20-35 months. These cultures use what has been termed "ecological breastfeeding," which means no pacifiers, bottles, or scheduling, among other things. The American lack of nutrient dense foods and exposure to chemicals may affect the length of infertility, as the average length of nursing infertility in a study of ecologically breastfeeding American women was only 14.5 months, with a range of 2-30 months. (For anyone interested, I practice ecological breastfeeding and am still infertile at 20 months postpartum.) Longer spacing between children also significantly increases the survival and health of the next baby. I believe that it is very important to naturally space our babies (including temperature and cervical mucus charting if needed) to allow for a full recovery of our bodies and the best possible start for each new pregnancy. It is definitely right to put God in charge, but sometimes we don't give ourselves enough responsibility in the process. If you would like more information, you can read the book "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" by Sheila Kippley, or check out http://ccli.org/nfp/ebf/spacebabies.php and http://ccli.org/nfp/ebf/summary.php . Sorry this is so long; this has been on my mind for a while. Thanks for reading!
Crystal,
First let me say I am rejoicing with you in your expecting another blessing from the Lord!
I also wanted to tell you I so very much appreciated this blog topic.
I am expecting our 6th child due the end of January. It has been a journey for us. We didn't begin our marriage desiring to have a large family. Over the past few years God has challenged us and convicted us to trust him in ALL things.
I recall sitting in a revival service, and the preacher was speaking about giving all or our life over to God and how we have a tendency to hold our thumb on one corner and declare "God you can have everything but this little corner of my life." I instantly knew God was speaking directly to me about trusting Him with our family size, as I had struggled over this issue for quite some time. I began to read through the Old Testament and passages I had skimmed over before seemed to jump out at me. Passages about God closing the womb of one woman and opening the womb of another. There it was in black and white...God opens and closes the womb, He is in control of all things, including this!! What a blessing it was to me to discover this new truth in scripture.
Sadly, we began to be challenged in this area right away. My husband is a pastor. Some fellow pastors and leaders in the church began to heckle us for having so many children (at the time we had 3 expecting the 4th). A church leader, essentially my husbands boss on the district level, came right out and told my husband he should have a medical procedure to prevent any more children since this would surely interfere in his ministry. As you can imagine this was a very hurtful, discouraging time for us. We began to feel we were the only ones who had this conviction. We had been "accused" of having a Catholic mindset because of our desire to trust God with how frequently we would concieve and the spacing of our children. This is not to say we don't lean on some forms of natural family planning, but ultimatily it is in God's hands. We too have read "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" and this worked well for us until our 4th child didn't nurse vigorously and I was expecting our 5th soon after. They are spaced 13 months apart. We are still learning and growing and trusting. It was so refreshing to find others speaking out with this conviction. Thank you all for your posts!!
Trusting God with all my womb,
Kathy
What about a husband who doesn't want any more children? My dh is six years older than me, and we're expecting our 5th child in Feb. Technically, this is our 6th child, b/c I miscarried our 5th. We were using a diaphragm when we conceived this baby, and dh didn't want anymore children, but I had been praying for another child, a girl. Well, this baby is a girl! I would love to have at least one more, maybe even more than that, but dh says 'no more'. He's not getting a vasectomy, and he would never ask me to get a tubal, but I am heartbroken whenever I think about dh's decision. I don't but him about it, but I do think about it a lot. What do you suggest?
Mrs. H: Great question, I am so glad you brought this up. I thought I had written on this yesterday and when I went through what I wrote, I realized I didn't. This is so important and something I am glad you brought up so I could clarify.
If your husband doesn't want anymore children, my advice is to trust God to lead through him. Ask God to help you joyfully serve and love him and be the mother to your children He has called you to be. Let it rest in God's hands and know that He can change your husband's heart or He can give you complete peace and contentment where He has you.
If you have a good relationship with your husband, perhaps at some point you could talk with him lovingly about why he doesn't want anymore children. He might be trying to protect you or maybe he is feeling financial strain. Maybe there is something you could do to help relieve his burden. However, the best thing you can do is to not judge his decision in this, but to willingly and cheerfully accept it. And God will richly bless you for following your husband's leadership.
Hang in there and enjoy your new precious soon-to-be-born baby girl!
I agree with the thoughts expressed regarding:
1. Our responsibility and stewardship
2. Quality of care rather than quantity of children
3. The health implications of not spacing your children
I've know few large families, but I've been put off the idea by the ones I've known. The children have suffered from lack of quality of care. The older children were forced into doing the work their mother should have done in raising the older ones.
I'm not saying this is at all typical, but it has made me believe that we should only have as many children as we can provide quality care for. And with the added responsibilities of building their characters to be fit for heaven, and my plan on homeschooling, I feel at this point that I can raise two children fit to serve God. And I believe my conviction on this has come from God. (I have one four year old daughter and a son on the way in February. Both planned, when we felt God's blessing.)
I used birth control between my daughter and up until 6 months before becoming pregnant again, and I totally regret it. It did terrible things to my body and I won't use it again. I will go back to what I did before my first daughter was born - natural family planning.
My belief is that giving up my responsibility and saying it's up to God is a bit like gambling or presumption, because through the changes in a woman's body we can naturally tell when we are fertile.
For me, in my opinion, it's like me saying I'll put my life in God's hands and not look both ways before crossing the road, because if I happen to be run over, it must have been God's will.
I want God to be the opener and closer of my heart and my mind - and He's given me stewardship over my body and health.
This is how I see it. It's just my opinion.
If you want to relinquish all control (and in my opinion, responsibility) over your wombs and have a whole bunch of children, God bless you and help you. And please don't take offense at my point of view, but please prayerfully consider your responsibilities as a steward.
Hi Crystal,
I your website has been a blessing to my life. Thanks, and keep up the wonderful work!!!
After reading lots of the replies to your posts about having "quiverfull" of children, I decided to post as well. When it comes to talking about family size and planning, many people can get real touchy. (As I'm sure you know.) Let me share with you (and others that read this), the beautiful and awesome way to plan your family 100% naturally and in accordance with the Creator.
My husband and I have learned and practiced "Natural Family Planning" ever since we got married 7 months ago. What is Natural Family Planning? Natural Family Planning (NFP) refers to the practice of avoiding or achieving pregnancy according to an informed awareness of a woman's fertility. It can also refer to the spacing of pregnancies through Ecological Breastfeeding.
It is a huge blessing in our life, and in the lives of many other Christians. There are so many wonderful things about NFP!!! It is medically safe, all-natural, it gives you increased health awareness, it is highly effective, very inexpensive, morally acceptable, and marriage-enriching. I won't go into any details, because I could probably end up writing a book, but here are some great websites:
One More Soul: www.omsoul.com
Couple to Couple League: www.ccli.org
www.sweeterthanhoney
-Beth
Beth: Thanks for commenting.
Just to give our perspective on this:
My husband and I do not feel natural family planning is right for us because we do not see any difference in it than other artificial birth control methods. Yes, maybe it might be more "natural" and I'd much rather see someone use this method than the Pill. However, it can be very detrimental to marriages (a husband and wife are to satisfy each other physically - NFP can put much strain and stress on couples in this regard), but most importantly, the goal is the same as artificial methods - the prevention of pregnancy. We do not feel that we can, in good conscience, knowingly do something which would prevent life. I do however, believe that breastfeeding is something which God has designed to naturally space children. Although I would also say that can be taken too far if a woman is specifically breastfeeding so that she won't get pregnant again.
I know others disagree with us on this issue and that is okay. You have to seek the Lord, search the Scriptures, and answer before the Lord for your own actions and decisions. And just so you know, whatever you feel on this subject, you're still my friend and sister in Christ. :) I hope that you all know that and can love me, too, even if you adamantly disagree with me on this. I am always cautious to bring up this subject because, even though it is one I am passionate about, I don't want others to be unnecessarily alienated or offended. My apologies if anything I said did not come acr