Not your typical first-time mom
I saw this on GirlTalk and got a chuckle out of it:
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't' t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month
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The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing
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Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
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The pacifier thing reminds me of a time that Kathrynne dropped hers on the floor at church. Without thinking, I picked it up and wiped it off with the blanket and started to stick it back in her mouth. This mother of nine came rushing across the room, pulled the pacifier away from me, went and washed it with soap and water, and brought it back to me on a paper towel. I about fell over and didn't want to admit to her that I never worried about washing it when it dropped! Oops.
Am I the only somewhat unfirst-time-mom-like, first-time mom, or are there others of you out there lurking? I wonder if it means that since I'm so nonchalant about things now, I'll be a really bad mom by the time I'm on my fifth child?
posted by Crystal Paine at 11:27 AM
29 Comments:
Hi Crystal
I also had a good chuckle when I read this, but it is so not true of me! I have a two year old son and am expecting our second one in May. With our first one, I´d also just pick the pacifier up off the floor, dust it off and pop it back in his mouth, and he´s such a healthy little guy - no problems there! Also didn´t do all the baby activities, and he´s quite happy with the "everyday outings" we do. I believe it´s a good thing to be a relaxed Mom - makes it a much less stressful experience. I also don´t think it´s good push our babies too much with too many activities - the "everyday outings" with Mom are stimulating enough, and I believe hom should be a happy place for them to be. As for the babies to follow, I reckon they´ll be just fine...
Thank you for the chuckle Crystal!!! I don't have any little blessings yet, but knowing my luck, I would be like that mom of nine at your church. I am such a germaphobic! LOL. God Bless you!
Whenever one of our boys dropped a pacifier, my husband would always pop it in his mouth first to wipe off any germs! By the time our 4th son broke his arm (he was 2), my rule of thumb was if they were back out playing in 10 minutes not to give it a second thought. He continued to throw a ball and hang on the swing set. It took us a WEEK to realize it was broke! One of the Dr.'s in the emergency room commented that some parents are just really laid back. I assured him I was not so laid back that I would intentionally let a broken arm go a week!
I am so glad I am not the only mother who's forgotten to change diapers!!! :) And I've never worried about the pacifier thing either, by the time they are scooting around on their own they put anything in their mouths from crumbs to dirt, let alone not so sterile pacifiers. We haven't used them the last couple of times but I can't see how I could have gotten more lax on that one ;). On the other hand, we're on our fourth now and I am a lot more protective over him than I was with my first one. I very seldom forget to check his diaper and I pick him up much more quickly when he cries which makes for a happier everybody :).I had no idea about attachment parenting with the first one. Don't worry, your parenting style will relax in many ways but I know from experience that with each child you actually become a better mother :). I had to laugh about the maternity clothes thing, I have some maternity shirts that look really nice and they are some of the most comfortable things I own, I wear them all of the time :). Did I mention we just had our fourth? Heehee...
Some of us are just a little more laid back, aren't we? :)
Krystal - I was pretty laid back too even the first time around. Part of it is personality and part of it was being so much older than my baby sister - I was pretty used to babies.
I was pretty laid back with both of my babies. I didn't do any of those first time mom things except I did worry about them sleeping. I would always check the crib a few times a night to see if he was OK. I hate maternity clothes and stay far away from them for as long as possible. I don't take either of my babies to baby activities, The outings I take them on are walks and the store. The pacifier harldy ever gets washed now. Both my babies have been extremely healthy.
I love to stare at babies. I don't think I could ever get tired of staring at my newborn, no matter how many children I have.
Here is a way of looking at it:
"Germs build imunities."
-Miss Kait
This gave me a good chuckle. There is so much truth in some of these. I have definitely become a much more relaxed mom with each child. However, I can identify with the pacifier thing--even with my first I didn't often bother to wash it before sticking it back in the baby's mouth, especially if the baby was crying at the time (my oldest is ten, so I guess it hasn't affected him too negatively)! I have spent plenty of time over the years staring at my babies, and after four of them, I still find each one absolutely beautiful. I am also pretty bad about changing diapers. My poor baby #4 does not get changed nearly as much as she should be. And I must admit, I have actually become worse with each child about leaving them with a babysitter. My first baby was so colicy, it was a relief to get a break, but I now find it agony to leave my sixteen-month-old baby for just a couple of hours!
We mom's are funny creatures, aren't we?
I'm pretty laid back too. The post about maternity clothes made me giggle. I started at 6 weeks PG with my 3rd since I still had a pudge anyway. My baby will be 1 in a couple weeks and I'm wearing a maternity shirt and skirt.
Though I still spend time gazing at my baby (and his two big brothers every day), I have occasionally thought of the bathroom as my private refuge. ;-) I'm pretty laid back in general, but every now and then I'm fussy about a few things - like naptime! You will sleep when I tell you to sleep!! LOL. :-D (Ok, ok, I'm kidding... sort of.)
I am a semi first time mom. I have had my youngest since birth and he is ten months old now. All the other children came to me after they were a year old. I have to laugh because I still act like the third time mom even though he is my first baby if that makes any sense. LOL
Crystal,
I think some of it has to do with the fact that you grew up with a large family. You were used to babies and realized that all your younger siblings survived just fine with dirty diapers and germy pacifiers! :-) And I'm sure your mom didn't bother with Baby Gymnastics either :) Gracious, I'd never even heard of such a thing till this post! How rediculous! lol.
I agree with your maternity clothes philosophy also: much better to let the world know you're expecting a blessing than to let everyone think you've gained weight ;-) LOL.
I remember my sister when my first baby was sick and she was checking on him every few minutes and I was so tired...I just couldn't!
I think it may depend on if you have siblings that you cared for also. I am the oldest of 11 and I had changed lots of diapers before, dealt with pacifiers. I got a suspender clip and clipped it on all his clothing, but then they all started to get rust spots from the metal, but they stayed on!!!
So, no, you are not the only laid back mom! I think sometimes actually you get worse the more you have as you realize how much trouble they can get into the more experience you have!
I am about 18 weeks with my first. I held off on the maternity clothes for a while, being told that I would hate them by the end. I am at the point now though where I can't button regular shirts without looking like a button is about to pop off the chest, and regular waistbands are a thing of the past. I love maternity clothes! So comfortable! I can totally see wearing elastic waistbands for the rest of my life. We'll see how I feel at 47 weeks pregnant...
And I think I'll be pretty chill. I'm the oldest of five, and I was a nanny, so I have a pretty good idea of the relative indestructability of kids - I remember rolling my eyes at some of the hyper moms I babysat for, thinking they were neurotic. Now just waiting to see how many of my words I'll eat!
Gracie
I think this depends a lot on whether the mother is an only child or one of many. I am the third born of ten children and practically raised my youngest sibling until she was about 5 yrs. old. I changed her diapers, got up with her at night, potty trained her and everything else except for nursing. :) I suppose I won't be the typical mom when it comes to having my first, second and third child.
That's funny Crystal, I had similar thoughts after I read the post on Girl Talk! With my first baby, I held out not wearing maternity clothes until about 24 weeks because I had it in my head that I would get sick of maternity clothes (and back then I had pretty tight abs, so I didn't really show until then anyway). This time, I am 11 weeks pregnant and already considering going for the maternity clothes - they are so much more comfortable and I'm with you - better to let bystanders know I'm pregnant rather than getting chubby!
I was also not fastidious about the pacifiers. Once I was over at a friend's house who is very clean and I figured she would be appalled if I didn't rinse of Hannah's pacifier when it fell to the floor, but as I moved toward the sink my friend said conspiratorily, "You know, sometimes I don't rinse pacifiers off either." :)
I figured that Baby Gymnastics and all that were things that moms who don't get to be around their babies much do to feel like they are getting quality time or make up for not being around much. Since I'm home with Hannah all day, I teach her things myself. So far she doesn't show any developmental problems despite not having had Baby Yoga, Gynmastics, baby music lessons, and whatnot. :) Isn't it funny that some people think they are incapable of teaching their children to clap?
Ok, I have to laugh. My first and only child, a duaghter, was born with a cleft palate (among other things) so nursing was out of the question. I was unable to pump successfully so she was formula fed.
I never had problems with the inconvenience of bottle feeding because...I NEVER HEATED HER BOTTLES. That's right, I kept a supply of cold formula in the fridge and when she was hungry I would shake the bottle to mix it up and voila! Food for the baby. I did receive many a "bad mom" comments about it and finally asked her Ped about it. His response-"Don't worry about it. There is no nutritional benefit to warm formula. If she will drink it cold, why not save yourself the trouble?"
There are many more sagas I could tell, but the answer to your question is YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Hope you are doing well!!!
Kim in WI
oops, forgot to add. I did, however, stare at her for hours as a newborn. I still do that as she quite takes my breath away. I still check on her at least once a night to make sure she is breathing, even though she is 4 yrs old. I still think she is the most magnificent creature I have ever laid my eyes on.
Kim in WI
This one is definately going to get printed out to my SIL who just had her third! When we were visiting in the hospital I was holding the newborn and dropped his pacifier on the chair, and told them they had better wash it off with soap. They just laughed at me and said "What for??...It's fine". In a hosptial of all places! They are definately third time parents, lol!
Just a comment on Baby Gymnastics or other "baby activities". I was shocked at how competitive they were , just like being in high school again! The Moms were they bad ones " My baby did does this and hes only x months old", "my baby has all the latest toys, name brand baby clothes etc." I got sick of the competitiveness of the Moms.
This made me laugh. I have sometimes felt bad because I definitely was not your "typical" first-time mother. I wondered how I got to be so weird! I am sooo laid back, and had my third baby 8 1/2 months ago. I have to say, I am having the most fun with this one for some reason. Pacifier never gets washed unless there are crumbs on it. Diaper gets changed when it stinks. I do love to watch my children sleep, and have always checked on them when they were babies to make sure they were still breathing. I guess that was my one fear, of SIDS. Other than that.....some people are shocked by how laid back I am, but I am trying to realize that it is just the way I'm wired. I am the second of only 4 kids, but I did babysit alot. Oh, I guess I stress out about accidents, though. I'm not good with blood and guts!!
Anyway, it's been good to read that I'm not the only one like this, because I, too, thought I was weird. =)
*Sigh* all these babies....and the talk of it. I feel like I'm ready, but so far, no go...*sigh* I WILL be content...
Although this post was so true...I come from a huge family with tons of cousins, and half the time, we just "rubbed some dirt" in ouchies. ;)
No, it doesn't mean that you will be a bad mom....I'm now expecting my 9th. I think that the comments for third time moms are somewhat accurate and though funny, some are really pretty realistic...with experience, also comes the wisdom to know what really is important!
Some things just aren't! Perhaps your own family experience gave you that wisdom a little earlier than those of us who were from small families, or in my case an only child! :)
Blessings!
Tracy
I am pretty laid back, and think that since I was a nanny before that my son is actually my "third" child....I have never sterilized anything. I am only fussy about keeping the diapers changed since I hate dealing with diaper rash, but definitely not every hour...oh, and I used tap water to make bottles too. He is very healthy.
My son loves going to church, grocery shopping and getting the mail from the mail box with daddy. Thats about all the outings he needs, I think. ;-)
Every time I read this I think the same thing. With my first child I was like the mother with the third child. I've always been laid back--much to the dismay of my MIL.
LOL! These brought back some funny memories. Thanks for sharing them with us.
I loved the pacifier story! I too worry that I am too laid back, but I think it can be a good thing. You are a terrific mother, Crystal. Everyone just has their own level of ease about certain things.
I can't stop laughing. While I'm not a biological mom (firstborn stillborn) I'm a foster mom and I can relate to much of this.
When I was pregnant I did wash and color coordinate all the clothing. Then by foster baby #3 I took all castoffs and would just check for the "darkest stains".
I've been caring for someone under the age of 1 year for 3 years now! (we only care for babies)
Thank you for the great read Crystal!
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