The consequences of messing with God's design
Why is it that in the case of abortion, divorce, and things like sperm donorship, the children are never considered? I fault the me-centered society for this. Adults often only think of one thing, "I want what I want and I want it when I want it and I don't want anyone to tell me I can't have it." Come to think of it, doesn't that statement pretty much sum up the roots of feminism?I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the "parents" -- the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his "donation." As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right?
Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies -- conceived in the late 1980s and early '90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish -- are coming of age, and we have something to say.
I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter to the "products" of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.
We offspring are recognizing the right that was stripped from us at birth -- the right to know who both our parents are.
My heart goes out to the thousands upon thousands of children who are being raised in such messed up homes and families. I know that broken homes don't have to make broken people, but is it any wonder when you look around at the problems in our society that things are so "out of order"? It starts in the home, in the family. If we don't have strong families, we have no hope for strong churches or a strong nation.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I understand that not all parents who opt for donor-conceptions are doing it for utterly selfish reasons and I completely understand the great longing to have children of your own. However, I think it is very dangerous when we use science to mess with God's design. And the resulting consequences to the lives involved, especially donor-conceived children, have to be quite devastating many times.
posted by Crystal Paine at 2:46 PM
21 Comments:
Interesting post. I wonder if the parents ever thought of what the child would think. We've been praying for a child for 5 and a half years and are trying to figure out if being childless is what God wants for us or whether we should adopt a child.
Crystal, I really appreciate your web site. It has been a real blessing to me.
Kerry Leise
However, I think it is very dangerous when we use science to mess with God's design.
I completely agree. Sometimes we need to remember that just because we can, doesn't mean we should.
<<"I want what I want and I want it when I want it and I don't want anyone to tell me I can't have it." Come to think of it, doesn't that statement pretty much sum up the roots of feminism?>>
In a word, no.
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, as well as a majority of people (men and women) who self-identify as feminists, the roots of feminism are "belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes." You may or may not agree with the ideology, but that doesn't justify misrepresenting what it is. As you yourself state in a later post, "it can become wearying to be constantly mischaracterized in our beliefs." Yes, it can, no matter what our beliefs happen to be.
This is what seems like an inherent source of hypocrisy to me--that a website (LAF) that has specifically set itself up as being "against" a particular ideology (feminism), rather than being FOR one (such as Christianity or biblical womanhood--as you have wisely done) points out the tedium of constantly having to correct misconceptions about their beliefs put out by those who disagree with them.
In general, Crystal, I can tell that you are a loving and fair-minded person, which is why as a regular reader, I do feel obligated to point it out when it seems like you are taking knee-jerk "cheap shots" when I know you are capable of such thoughtful, articulate and well-supported responses.
Just my two cents, from someone who believes differently than you do but has a great amount of respect for who you are.
Ooooo, Mrs. B. took the words right from my mouth ;-)
If the world would step back for a moment before making the decesions they make, their wouldn't be as much chaos and confusion as there is now. Meaning instead of acting on the spur of the moment and their "feelings" at that time, they should evaluate their actions before proceeding.
Kerry Leise- I am in the same boat as you. We have been married for almost 5.5 years and still no baby for us either. However we figure maybe God has a special plan for us, so we aren't fretting about it. Maybe adoption is in our future afterall. ;-)
If the Bible says children are a blessing- aren't they always a blessing, even if they come from a sperm donor? Or are only some children blessings?
Hi Crystal,
Amen to what Mrs B. said.
We as human beings tend to get carried away trying to "improve" on God's methods.
Take Care,
Trixie
I hope these children take comfort in their heavenly Father. :)
I think anon sperm donating is immoral. Period. From the s*xual immorality (if a man is doing s*xual activities that are not involved with his wife it, is s*xual immorality)of the process of donating sperm, to the child not knowing his real father or where he gets his genes is wrong, wrong, wrong! I saw a bunch of unmarried women on TV who all had used the same "man." They had picked him because of his physical attributes. They wanted a bright child with a father who could tan and had a high IQ. If the child came out with Down's or ugly, would they still have loved it? I cannot imagine how I would feel if I was conceived that way. My parents did not pick me out like a pure-bred puppy. I was concieved out of love and they loved me because I was their child not because I was "perfect."
If a married couple cannot conceive on their own they should pursue adoption. If they have the funds to do artifcial stuff, than I think they should be able to afford adoption.
Katie:
What I said was in a no way a knee jerk reaction or cheap shot at feminism. My view of feminism has been formed a great deal over spending much time the last few years studying feminism, conversing with feminists, and reading things written by feminists. I have not come to my conclusions lightly, please know that.
Although dictionaries can say whatever they want, the bottom line is clear: Feminism is about selfishness. It is about women doing what they want to do, making their own choices based upon what they want, what they think is best, and about their rights. If this means they sacrifice their marriage, their family, their home, or their children in the process, that is okay because what is most important is that you make a choice to do what you want to do.
This is why I believe feminism is rooted in selfishness. It puts me and my interests first, ahead of everyone else.
Happy Feminist raises a good point in regard to the feminism-equals-selfishness argument:
"Men don't generally have to prove a lack of selfishness in order to enjoy status, rights, and opportunities. Why should women have to bend over backwards to slavishly prove that they are good mothers or that they are 'unselfish' in order to enjoy the same privileges men take for granted?"
I would add: Each of us makes the choice to be selfish or non-selfish each day--whether or not we define ourselves as feminists. We can get wrapped up in home-based businesses and chores to the detriment of family, friends, and relationships just as we can become over-invested in work outside the home. The freedom to make our own choices does not set us along a path to selfishness unless that is what we individually choose. On the other side of the coin, there's no reason to believe that limitation of our rights (as anti-feminists seem to advocate) should translate into magnanimity.
Elizabeth:
From a Biblical sense, men are called to be so much more unselfish than women, you must understand that. They are called to lay down their lives for their wives. God doesn't let them off scott-free, believe me! My husband has so much more responsibility before God and that means so much more unselfishness on his part.
You are right in that we can all be selfish and whether I stay at home or pursue a career, I can be selfish. However, as a Christian who is seeking to glorify the Lord in my life, I want my decisions to not be based upon my own personal desires or wants, but upon what the Lord would have me to do. That means laying down my selfish ambitions in order to do His will. I am called not to look out for my own interests, but the interests of others, for His glory, not my own. Pursuing one's own ambitions has no place in the life of a Christian. That is what I am getting at. And that is why feminism is anti-thetical to Christianity.
Anonymous: Nowhere in my post did I say that these children aren't blessings. The Bible gives no caveats for children being blessings. However, Scripture is clear that conception (and the act of conception) is to take place in a married relationship between a husband and wife. Anything else (besides the virgin birth, of course) is sin. Children conceived in sin are still blessings, but their parents will bear the consequences for their sin and very likely the children will also suffer negative affects due to the parents' disobedience. That was my point. You can't mess with God's design without suffering negative consequences.
I was just discussing the whole issue of feminism and selfishness with my husband and he thought it would be good for me to make the point that the attitude of selfishness is wrong for men or women. Whether you are male or female doesn't matter. If a husband is putting himself and his interests above those of his family, his marriage, his children, etc. that is just as equally wrong and detrimental.
Crystal,
Hear, hear to your last post! You are absolutely right that selfishness should be frowned upon regardless of gender. Yet if we also accept the doctrines of anti-feminism, particularly the dictate that women should be discouraged from working outside the home while men should not be, we are left with the conclusion that women are somehow less capable of doing the work of discernment that is necessary to avoid selfishness—i.e., balancing work and family in a manner that shortchanges neither. Is this in fact what you believe?
Good luck with the moving adventure. You will have a lot to do in the next few weeks, but I know you will make it through!
Elizabeth
Elizabeth:
I believe that men and women were created by God for two separate and unique and beautiful roles. Try as we might, we can't get around the fact that men and women are different.
Men were created by God to be the leaders, the providers, and the protectors. As such, they are to lay down their lives for their families, to love and cherish their wives, to be the spiritual leaders of their families, and so forth. Women were created, since the beginning of time, to be the support and help to their husbands, to be the nuturers of their home and family, and so forth.
So much of the time, the feminists get caught up in what exactly a woman can and can't do in this sort of "complementarian" marriage relationship. That is completely missing the point. Men and women were not created to be two independent beings constantly warring and competing with one another, rather they were created to work together in beautiful harmony with one another. They need each other to fulfill the roles that God has called them to. By working together, instead of competing against each other, they are so much more stronger as a unit, than they could ever be by themselves. Being married to a Godly man who is the leader of our home, who gives of himself everyday to care for me, to provide for me, to love me, has made me so much stronger as a woman. And the same could be said of my husband as well. We have both blossomed in this relationship as our gifts and talents are expressed together for the glory of God. It is truly a most marvelous thing!
When we follow God's design in a marriage, it is so much more beautiful and wonderful than anything that the world tries to concoct through equal rights and egalitarinism.
When we were told we'd be infertile, we NEVER considered test creation of a baby. To us, our genetic heritage was not as important as our spiritual heritage... therefore our three boys (3, 1, and 2 months) are adopted. They were adopted out of the innercity so they do not look like us yet they ACT just like my husband (which is a good thing LOL).
We have friends who were diehard test tube people, to the point of even 'borrowing' a womb from someone. The poor baby suffered terribly in the 2 hours he lived. This couple then proceeded to gather eggs and sperm from siblings to create more embryos (I know that sounds cold... it's still a sore point between us as friends). They now have twins but one is 'less perfect' than the other. Never once did they consider adoption even though the husband has lots of money and they have supportive families.
I truly feel for the children of anonymous yet intentional conceptions. One of my son has an anonymous father due to us being unable to locate him. However we have his name should Ozzie want to hunt him down later. My other two sons, we know the identity of both mom and dad.
In our case, there is not going to be any big surprise of "oh, I didn't know you were adopted; I couldn't tell" since they look nothing like us. If our boys have questions about their family of origin, they can call their birthmoms on the phone and ask.
KEEP IN MIND, this does not work for most families but the Lord laid it on my husband's heart to be open to the birthmoms. In exchange, he has allowed us to witness to both women and present the Gospel. Both women are now sisters with us in God's Kingdom!
Katie in Ohio
mom to Ozzie, Nolan and Aaron...forever
I would never condemn anyone who has used invitro (and I do believe all children are a blessing, regardless of how they are conceived) and having never suffered the pain of infertlity I don't really feel qualified to give an authoritative opinion. But I thought I would mention something that hit me like a load of bricks in regard to invitro. Not very long ago I watched a documentary chronicling the beginnings of invitro technology and I was shocked to consider how many babies were killed to further it. Obviously nobody knew what they were doing in the beginning and thousands of babies were "made" just to be killed by mishandling, being put into a "hostile inviroment", and even by simply pouring them down the drain. I don't know but I think that puts a really ghastly spin on the whole thing :). I don't think that experimentation should ever have been done with such tiny, vulnerable, children created in the image of God to begin with and today we have all heard the many, many more recent instances of babies being destroyed or implanted in the wrong mother, etc. and they are supposed to "know what they're doing now! This is why I have a of a problem with invitro.
Oops! That was supposed to be a frown, not a smiley in my last post. Looks a little tacky, doesn't it?
I guess that's what I get for trying to type one-handed with Baby ;).
I agree that in vitro is wrong. A very high percentage of embryos do not survive the thawing process.
Hi Crystal,
I read your blog often but leave comments very rarely.
I was just curious to know if you think its okay to use medicines if you have an illness. Do you see taking medicines as against God's design? Or a better question would be, do you see death & illness as part of God's design.
-DAE
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