Something bigger than themselves
I loved this post by Amy. It reminded me of something my husband and I were just discussing this past weekend. We were eating our lunch in this quaint little cafe run by these lovely older ladies when in walks this group of little girls, teen girls, and moms. We couldn't miss them - all the girls had on entirely way too much make-up (yes, even the seven-year-olds), overdone hair, and jackets sporting their names embroidered on them and something about a "Petite Miss America." Obviously, they had just been involved in some type of pageant and from casual observation of their behaviour, they very much thought they were celebrities.
The saddest part of all was that the moms just fed this mentality. What do you want to eat, honey? Oh, you don't want anything but a dill pickle. Okay, that's super; I'll get that for you. Oh, you don't like it? I'll get you something else. What do you want? And on and on it went. The girls just sat at their own table giggling and interrupting each other and talking about all things ME-related. When they left, they left a huge mess behind them - trash, plates, utensils, napkins, you name it. One of the older ladies had to come down and spend a long time cleaning up after them.
As Jesse and I sat at a distance enjoying our quiet lunch as a family, we couldn't help but feel burdened for these mothers and daughters. Is this the way the mothers were raised and they don't know any differently, I had to wonder? Do they realize they are setting up their daughters for a life of difficulty? Probably not. In their minds, I imagine they are just trying to be the best mothers they can be. Yet what they fail to recognize is that a child-centered world breeds a self-centered adult. There's no getting around that.
I'm so thankful my parents loved me enough to teach me that there was more to life than me, myself, and I. No, I'm by no means perfect, but I do know "it is more blessed to give than to receive" and that anything done for selfish motivation brings no joy or fulfillment in the long run. I'm thankful my parents didn't always let me get my own way, made me eat things which weren't my favorite, and taught me the value and satisfaction of hard work.
Parents, love your children and by all means sacrifice for them, but teach them to live for something bigger than themselves. You won't regret it and someday they'll thank you for it, too.
The saddest part of all was that the moms just fed this mentality. What do you want to eat, honey? Oh, you don't want anything but a dill pickle. Okay, that's super; I'll get that for you. Oh, you don't like it? I'll get you something else. What do you want? And on and on it went. The girls just sat at their own table giggling and interrupting each other and talking about all things ME-related. When they left, they left a huge mess behind them - trash, plates, utensils, napkins, you name it. One of the older ladies had to come down and spend a long time cleaning up after them.
As Jesse and I sat at a distance enjoying our quiet lunch as a family, we couldn't help but feel burdened for these mothers and daughters. Is this the way the mothers were raised and they don't know any differently, I had to wonder? Do they realize they are setting up their daughters for a life of difficulty? Probably not. In their minds, I imagine they are just trying to be the best mothers they can be. Yet what they fail to recognize is that a child-centered world breeds a self-centered adult. There's no getting around that.
I'm so thankful my parents loved me enough to teach me that there was more to life than me, myself, and I. No, I'm by no means perfect, but I do know "it is more blessed to give than to receive" and that anything done for selfish motivation brings no joy or fulfillment in the long run. I'm thankful my parents didn't always let me get my own way, made me eat things which weren't my favorite, and taught me the value and satisfaction of hard work.
Parents, love your children and by all means sacrifice for them, but teach them to live for something bigger than themselves. You won't regret it and someday they'll thank you for it, too.
posted by Crystal Paine at 7:14 PM
12 Comments:
Many parents too often portray that they somehow live through their children's looks and activities; there is nothing more worthy than God being glorified in teaching tender hearts to die to self for Someone that died to give them real life.
I find this hard to see in society..I hurt for these girls and what they will grow up to be.
My hubby and I have been discussing this lately, both for our sons and if the Lord tarries, the women our sons would marry. Especially in this season of Christ's birth, I find myself saying to my sons (and frankly to myself too often), "It's not all about you."
I get what you're saying and I'm sure my daughter has been the talk of coffee shops on the way to a competition.
But I'd like to think we do things differently. Dance competitions, for my homeschooled girls, are a chance to learn. We don't chose costumes that are risque or seductive. We don't choose to do moves that could be seen in Chicago (the musical, not the city :o) ).
I appreciate that you're not generalizing and saying everyone who participates in competitions are letting their girls behave so badly.
My husband and I were vacationing in a small tourist town this summer and we were in a little shop purchasing some souvenires. While we were in there, two girls came in alone, both looking about 10 and 11 and dressed like they were 18. They bought something and left, and the shop owner just shook her head and said, "I don't get parents that let their girls dress like that and then send them out to walk around by themselves. Seems to me they're just asking for trouble!"
I completely agreed with her, and as I look at some of the young girls' clothing these days I wonder why parents can't see the danger. My heart goes out to them - hopefully I'll be able to reach some of them myself, especially if I have daughters of my own.
The story about the young beauty pagent contestants had me cringing! The girls were so excited about their "beauty" and even had their names on their jackets. The mothers and girls were oblivious to the dangers they were inviting.
You see, in my first year of college I was a waitress and also lived in a dorm on campus with another girl. At my mom's suggestion, I entered a "Miss Firefighter" beauty pagent and there was a photo of the contestants (with names) in the newspaper. One afternoon at the restaurant where I worked, just before opening for dinner, someone phoned me. While my boss looked at me with disapproval, a threatening voice on the phone told me they had my college roommate (they knew her name!) tied up and were going to start removing her clothes - if I didn't leave work, walk down the block and enter a white van!!!!!
It turns out that someone called my mom about entering the "Ice Queen" pagent and she excitedly gave my phone number at the dorm. My roommate told them where I work. After being asked "what are you wearing, what kind of underwear, etc" I hung up, very distressed. Thankfully, it was only a bluff from a very twisted, evil person (I did see a van parked down the block, but the boss wouldn't call police, expecting a busy dinner rush).
Because we lived 2 blocks from this college for Catholic women, there were many "nutcases" hanging around. I was accosted twice while walking home from work. Once a man with a gun grabbed me and I barely escaped. Another time, walking up the road to our campus, a man jumped me and I got on my back, kicking and screaming, tearing at his jacket; until he got scared and ran away. Another time, a man simply started walking with me on my way home from work. The worst was actually getting raped, later in life. Very horrid story. There were other stories of college girls being raped on the chapel steps, men getting into the dorms, etc.
Mothers who encourage their daughters to be "tarts" should also be wary of the bad elements this entices. Remember Jon Benet Ramsey.
Use a "stage name" and don't allow your address, school or personal info to become public!
Now I have these awful memories - thankfully I'm still alive; but scarred.
I hope this helps others avoid the problems I faced.
Love,
Mary
So all the times my parents made me eat zucchini and squash were really helpful for me? ; )
Mary, that is horrible!!! I am so sorry for the pain you've suffered.
I'm glad my two older daughters prefer to dress modestly and don't want to wear make-up--except lip gloss or cover-up on a zit.
However, the do tell me about girls at school who are very interested in dating. They aren't...yet. Some of their classmates are allowed to dress immodestly, even to the point of wearing thong underwear! For the life of me, how that can be comfortable, I don't know. And don't even get me started on the make-up jobs and hair coloring. We are blessed, however, that there are several Christian kids for them to befriend at school.
My in-laws think I'm too strict on this topic b/c I don't allow mini-skirts, short shorts, or mid-drift baring shirts. I also don't let my girls color their hair. Not that they ever asked for these things.
One day at my mother-in-law's, my daughter forgot her bathing suit and borrowed her cousin's, which was a two-piece. You should've seen all the eye rolling when she wore her t-shirt over it. I, on the other hand, was proud of my girl's decision! And my four year old can't wait to wear the skirted suit pattern on your site, Crystal!
My girls look so confused when I ask them why they're modest. They just say that they're "normal" and can't figure out what I'm talking about. They also seem to have the same attitude re church attendance and daily Bible reading.
I really am thankful to God that he gave me kids who have good values.
This is why sites like this one are such a blessing for young ladies.
The fact is that not all mothers share these convictions nor are they all Christians. Kids aren't born with good values, they have to be taught. I know I've worn my fair share of immodest clothing as a teen simply because I didn't know any better. I just wanted to dress like my friends. It's unfortunate that our lack of understanding causes us to offend people at times. I'm so grateful that God put people in my life who were loving and gracious to me while I grew in understanding. I hope that many young ladies stumble upon sites like this that encourage biblical modesty.
The saddest thing to me is not that these girls will have difficulty in life because of their me mentality... it is that they probably won't. It seems to me more and more of society is designed especially for folks sporting a me mentality with their make-up and the designer clothes that probably put their family into debt.
Dh and I have discussed this often (both modesty and the selfish attitude of many in this culture).
I know that any daughters we may have will be *well* protected and trained, with dh leading the way. :)
I know firsthand how difficult it is to take the time to teach our kids to work with us and to serve others. But the rewards are SO great, even the immediate ones. I wish I had a picture of Asrat's glowing face yesterday, after recieving so much praise from his daddy on being mama's big helper and making such yummy cookies! :) There is just no way to capture the beauty of the moment when a toddler voluntarily shares his treat with his sibling, or proudly serves his dad's supper (with my help) or when my oldest bursts out with statements like "Oh, mama, this food is DELICIOUS! Thank you for cooking it!" :D Makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.
We all have our selfish moments, but even our pitiful attempts at being selfless make life so wonderful!
I had a similar experience yesterday too getting my haircut. I was just so disappointed in the attitudes I saw there. As the mother of 3 boys, I felt for the boys (not my boys) that would someday marry those girls. They will be taking on hard-to-please, demanding, socialites unless God does a mighty work. Which I've got to say that He's changed and grown me in ways I never imagined so there IS hope, but the cards are stacked against those girls when the women in their lives are not only allowing that behavior, but are actually encouraging it!
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