A welcoming life
I'm loving life in the "land of the living" again. I forgot how nice it was to be able to get up and do more than two things in a day before crashing due to lack of energy and nausea!
Since we have a new home, which is much more suited for our needs, I'm amazed at how much more productive and efficient I'm able to be. Not having my office in the center of our home constantly calling out my name has been a huge blessing. Now it's down in the cold dungeon of a basement and it suits me perfectly. I can do my work during the set times of the day and forget about it the rest of the day. And I love it!
Kathrynne and I have been busy cleaning and cooking and getting everything organized in our new home. We're not completely there yet, but almost.
Yesterday a blog reader brought us dinner. How cool is that? Jill and I have been corresponding a little bit over the last few months and when she found out we were moving to her area, she's bent over backwards to help us - giving us extra furniture, introducing us to the best places to eat and shop in town, and then bringing us dinner. How thoughtful and welcoming of her!
Speaking of welcoming, I finished a really great book this week, A Life that Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Home and Heart to Others.
From ChristianBook.com:
This book was very encouraging to someone like me. It not only inspired me to look for more opportunities to reach out to others, but gave lots of practical ideas of ways to make hospitality happen and to become more proficient at it. I really appreciated the emphasis on your heart. The more we love the Lord, the more we will love others and genuine hospitality easily flows out of a heart of love.
Since we have a new home, which is much more suited for our needs, I'm amazed at how much more productive and efficient I'm able to be. Not having my office in the center of our home constantly calling out my name has been a huge blessing. Now it's down in the cold dungeon of a basement and it suits me perfectly. I can do my work during the set times of the day and forget about it the rest of the day. And I love it!
Kathrynne and I have been busy cleaning and cooking and getting everything organized in our new home. We're not completely there yet, but almost.
Yesterday a blog reader brought us dinner. How cool is that? Jill and I have been corresponding a little bit over the last few months and when she found out we were moving to her area, she's bent over backwards to help us - giving us extra furniture, introducing us to the best places to eat and shop in town, and then bringing us dinner. How thoughtful and welcoming of her!
Speaking of welcoming, I finished a really great book this week, A Life that Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Home and Heart to Others.From ChristianBook.com:
When it comes to hospitality, it doesn't matter what size your house is, how it's decorated, whether or not it's spotless, or what you cook or don't cook. The secret to making guests feel comfortable is more about the condition of your heart than the condition of your home. Ehman gives you valuable tips on how to decorate well within a budget, make the most of your space, be prepared for unexpected company and create delicious, simple dishes your guests will enjoy.Having a welcome, hospitable attitude is an area I really am seeking to work on. Being an introverted, perfectionist person by nature, hospitality is not something which comes naturally. Most who know me wouldn't necessarily peg me as "introverted" but it's been a lifelong struggle for me and an area I'm constantly asking the Lord to help me with... to break out of my shell, stop focusing on myself, and reach out to the needy and hurting and lonely around me. As my friend Melanie said the other day, "Shyness is thinking of ourselves first."
This book was very encouraging to someone like me. It not only inspired me to look for more opportunities to reach out to others, but gave lots of practical ideas of ways to make hospitality happen and to become more proficient at it. I really appreciated the emphasis on your heart. The more we love the Lord, the more we will love others and genuine hospitality easily flows out of a heart of love.
posted by Crystal Paine at 7:02 AM
18 Comments:
Crystal,
Right now in our women's class at church we are study a book that I think you would like. It is all about the home. The first chapter is on the "Table of Hospitality." I'll have to get all the info on it to share with you. I think you might enjoy the study.
Sincerely,
Serena
Hi Crystal~
I too struggle with my introverted self..but I would have to disagree(and generally I agree with most of what you say, so I'm not trying to be harsh here)with the statement that "shyness is just self-centeredness". I had an abusive experience as a young child and throughout most of my preteen years, which caused me to be even more shy than I might have been. In some ways it was a protective measure in others, I just didn't know how to reach out. It isn't so bad for me now, but when I feel the onset of shyness, it isn't because I don't want to help others(that is the one place I rarely am shy) but that I'm just uncertain how to approach them.
I pray that the Lord continues to work in me, because I agree that I need out of my shell and to be more hospitable. But let us keep in mind there are many reasons people are shy, not just because they are self-centered.
Blessings,
Sommer
I struggle with this, too. And since we have moved so often since getting married (we're probably about to move again--the 3rd time in 3 years), it's gotten very hard for me not to just hibernate here at home. It's very easy, especially since we don't have any children right now. I pray that God will help me to get out of my self-centeredness.
Johanna
I agree with Sommer that shyness is not self-centeredness – it’s fear. I struggled with extreme shyness when I was growing up. I wanted desperately to reach out to others and become close to them but had no idea how. There was a time when even saying hello to someone made me very nervous. I have prayed a lot over the years that God would help me overcome my shyness and as an adult I am much less shy than I used to be.
I also think it’s important to distinguish between shyness and introversion. Shyness is fear of social interaction. It usually develops because of bad experiences. Introversion, on the other hand, is an inborn trait that cannot be changed. A person can become less shy, but they cannot become less introverted. An introvert doesn’t necessarily fear social interaction. They just draw their energy from spending time alone, as opposed to an extravert, who is energized by spending time with other people. This doesn’t mean an introvert doesn’t like people or can’t or won’t be hospitable – far from it. It simply means an introvert needs more time alone to “recharge” after social interaction. An introvert is also more likely to have a few close friends rather than a large circle of acquaintances. Needing more time alone than an extravert is not something that needs to be “fixed” – it’s the way God made you.
Of course, we should all make an effort to reach out to others and be hospitable. But one doesn’t have to become an extrovert to do so if that is not one’s natural tendency.
I remember a pastor sharing about shyness his wife dealt with really being pride. For anyone that has ever had debilitating fatigue, they know it isn't always about embarassment with company arriving to the imperfect appearance of a person or home...or about not wanting to be hospitable. Having the best interest of others can very well be the priority of the heart and wrongly judged, just as it can be with other issues.
Sommer: Thanks for sharing a different perspective. I appreciated hearing it and realized that the statement, while true of me, could very well be a hasty generalization. Although I think that shyness is often self-centeredness (and I definitely know that is the case for me - when I'm feeling reclusive, if I examine my heart, it is because I am worried about what other people might think, not wanting to be vulnerable, feeling sorry for myself, etc.), that doesn't necessarily mean it is always the case for everyone. Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to you and all others who have experienced abusive relationships. I honestly can't imagine the pain involved.
Crystal,
Just wanted to add....I'm not sure the term "self-centeredness" is the best way to describe how I look at shyness. I think what I said was shyness is "thinking of ourselves first", which isn't necessarily the same thing. And with any understanding of sin, you will see that putting ourselves first is at the heart of most human shortcomings. I suppose this is why we are commanded to love others "as we love ourselves", instead of "as we love others". It is in our human nature to love ourselves and to think of ourselves before others. This is the heart of what we struggle against as redeemed sinners.
Fear (as we are talking about it here) usually comes out of the same weakness, doesn't it? We are afraid to share the gospel, because of being concerned with what others might think. We are afraid to step out of our comfort zone, because we can't guarantee the outcome. We are afraid to try something new, usually because we are not trusting enough in the Lord. Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You."
I say these things out of experience....as someone who has tried to work through them myself and also because of experiences in my personal relationships. I am married to a man that I (and others) always considered a introvert before his conversion. The Lord has wrought wonderful miracles in his life and transformed him into an evangelist and teacher who is never afraid to share the truth in love, even with those that many of us wouldn't speak to. He is truly bold for the Lord, in a way that I would love to emulate.
My experience also extends to my extremely shy daughter, whom we have tried to deal with in sensitivity but also firmly when it comes to her shyness. Many times her shyness borders on rudeness, and therefore becomes a heart attitude that we cannot ignore or excuse. I have seen great strides in her also, proving that the Lord can help us overcome even our greatest weaknesses.
Looking to Him as author and perfecter of my faith,
Melanie
I too would have to say that my shyness if that is what it is called is not self-centeredness. I have struggled with this forever and worked really hard to overcome it.
When I attend a church function, I have a really hard time thinking of the right things to talk about. I used to as until I was about 23, let my sister talk for me. Honestly..... It was easier that way. She knew what to say, where as I would stumble on my words and put my foot in my mouth. I still feel that way, but can carry on conversations with people without my family there. I long to be not shy, I pray that God will help me to know what to talk about and how to say it because although it is hard for me when I am not writing to think of how to say something sometimes. The best thing that happened to me was when I was away from all of my family and had to learn how to be with other people. I never really think about what caused it, but I used to be a very talkative - not shy at all young child, but people told me alot I talked alot and that bothered me as I figured it was bad so I worked hard to quit talking. It is much easier to be quiet than talk! I guess that is whay people like me as a doula!
Anyhow, that book looks really good! I would love to have more people over, but the fear of having awkwad silences has scared me so I never invite people over pretty much.
Thank you for encouraging me to try to come out a bit!
Sorry for the misquote, Melanie. Fixed. I think it stuck in my mind like that because I know that is what it is for me.
Oh and I am going to email you back - sorry, I've been way behind on emails. I know my phone number now, though, so I'll try and remember to give that to you. :)
Not a problem at all, Crystal. I'm not sure there is a ton of difference between self-centeredness and thinking of yourself first. Maybe just that self-centeredness can be an philosophy of life, and thinking of yourself first can be in isolated situations?? Just trying to think that one through myself.
As to the email, YOU are helping ME with my greatest weakness....impatience!! :) No hurry, whenever you get more caught up.
Melanie
I'm adding this to my reading list. Thanks for the recommendation.
God has surely given us different life experiences that result in what some may consider us being "shy" or being the "life of the party". When a child, we lived mostly where there wasn't anyone near my age...in fact very few children were in the neighborhood, for that matter. The teaching was to be seen more than heard when others were around(and when they weren't)...whether with my parents at a church or social function with adults, visiting others, or when adults were more the main visitors at our home. As a result, outside the computer realm while others from church fellowship may chit chat up a storm with several interacting, or be in the throws of planning invitations for get togethers at home or elsewhere, you might have seen me more seeking out someone in those settings that looks struggling to find an opening...or helping with a chore that doesn't interest most dying to learn the latest about such and such or so and so...or (insert anything that is more an individual service or involves observation). For those times when I've been limited physically, those that aren't could easily misinterpret that as not hospitable or wanting to participate in an activity(which is far from true having a friend once say I had wheels under my bottom to be on the go). It isn't about shyness or pr"I"de in many instances. Just how and where God has me at a particular time in the journey with Him leading. Graciously, early year experiences have been a plus for me and the family unit with later changes of life that could cause someone else not privy to the same to implode with the quietness. Others could share of themselves from their experiences and how God has used the past for good with others in the present...while onlookers might have a different idea of and for them from a cursory look see.
We too oft judge personalities and deeds hastily and incorrectly rather than taking the time to learn otherwise about each other. We are God's workmanship, and shouldn't get in the way when it comes to that with ourselves...or with others. We aren't meant to be all parts of the Body of Christ wrapped up as all things to all people and of our own doing or because of expectations of others. Just love and enjoy His being sovereign even in the timing He ordains for any change for His glory. There is simplicity in Christ for us all.
Long and paragraph lacking, I know. :-)
Just for any frugal women out there who are considering ordering this book: the current christianbook.com price is cheaper than the amazon.com price at the moment. $9.99 compared to $10.78 at amazon...
This looks like a great book Crystal. I'm sure it would make a great housewarming present or a gift for a newly married woman.
Diana
I'm a fairly shy person by nature & my husband is really "out there".I think that's why God put us together.I do stuff as part of a "we" team that I would probably never do on my own & now I just go with the flow if my husband says someone is coming over.
We've started a home bible study since moving to our new big house& have people coming from next door to as far as 30 km away.We have 4 different churches represented by the people who attend. Ten years ago, I would never have done this. Praise the Lord!
That book sounds exciting! :) I've been thinking a lot about hospitality lately... trying to come up with a good blog post about the topic, but I imagine this book is more thorough than I could ever be! :)
I'm glad you recommended this book, Crystal! I just signed up to attend the author's workshop at the Hearts at Home conference in March and am now looking forward to it more than ever!
This is an awesome post. I really needed to hear some of the things everyone has said. I am an intovert and have been reflecting on why it has been worse in the last few years. God has really used you all to show me that I have a wrong focus. I am worried about what others think of me. You see, I have gained about 50 pounds since getting pregnant w/my third child and I am feeling so bad about myself. I know I have some friends who talk about it, but it is not for me to worry about--I need to please God. God sure has some work to do on me!! :)
I was going to bring up what Valerie finally said-shyness is often worrying about what others think of you. For me, that translates into low self esteem.
I was very shy as I child and really struggled with self worth. I felt unloved by my mom who was not an affectionate person and I am. Now I know she "didn't speak my love language" but I've struggled with self worth issues my entire life and I'm almost 46. I've always absolutely detested speaking in front of people, for example. I have been working on this and have gotten somewhat better in the last year. I'm trying to feel worthy of love because of what Christ has done for me but still-it's hard to overcome years of childhood thoughts and feelings about yourself.
So, for me, shyness is a lack of self worth and confidence. Not pride.
J.
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