Biblical Womanhood: Are you a low-maintenance wife?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Are you a low-maintenance wife?

My friend, Nicole, shared her homemaking lens on Squidoo with me today. Lots of great stuff on there for homemakers.

And this article is too good to not pass on, if you've not seen it - Are You a Low-Maintenance Wife?:

Just think of where our country would be today if all women, underneath the wings of our Lord-serving husbands, were so low-maintenance that we would go anywhere, do anything, be anyone our husband would ask us to be, "Lord willing." And thrive without all the creature comforts that are so taken for granted. We all no doubt have missionary friends who go without electricity, cars, proper nutrition, medical care, and school materials, and do so with joy in their hearts. Can we in the day-to-day modern world consider doing the same? Even if we can financially afford these things, if we cut back and live frugally, simply, how much more time and resources can we allocate to the Lord's work by contributing directly to what others are doing for Him, instead of spending it on ourselves? Can we demonstrate to our children that when they have their families and times are even tougher, that they can be resilient enough, tough enough, perseverant enough, simple enough to continue on the battle for Christianity that we must pass on to them as our days are numbered?

It takes a low-maintenance wife to be the best helpmeet for a high-powered man of God. If we want our husbands to rise up and do their job, how much more so must we rise up first to our calling of total submission to Christ? Are we ladies doing our job in our homes to perform this great task now?
Read the full article.

Now obviously, we aren't all supposed to do all of the things listed in the article - that is the beauty of being a help meet to your OWN husband. Each husband needs a different kind of wife. My husband would much prefer to pay for me to go and get my hair done; he loves to spoil me in that regard. However, it's not because I expect it. I cut my own hair for years and would keep on doing it if it were not for the fact that he loves to pamper me by sending me to get my hair done every few months. However, when we couldn't afford this, I willingly went without.

Or take eating out, for another example: We don't eat out a lot by most people's standards, but we do usually go out as a family every Saturday morning. This is our special family time and my husband enjoys eating breakfast out once a week. Once again, though, this is not something I ask of him, this is something he wants.

And I think that's where the crux of the matter is: What are you expecting from your husband? How are you spending his hard-earned money? Are you wasting it on frivolous pursuits of your own? Are there things you could go without to allow your family to have more money to give to others and to invest in the Lord's work? Are you constantly on the lookout for ways to save your family money, be more efficient, stretch your budget farther? I'm being convicted myself of stuff as I write this so please don't feel like I'm just pointing fingers at everyone else!

16 Comments:

Trixie said...: Hi Crystal,

What a great point to make, about being the kind of wife that our OWN husband needs. We do not need to be or do anything that any man other than our husband would like.

Thank you!

Trixie; 4:47 PM
pfg blogmatron said...: Not all men and women begin the marriage journey together with years of being a believer behind them or Godly examples at their fingertips. It's good to remember that we are individually God's workmanship and apt for a growing-in-grace learning curve with Sovereignly orchestrated circumstances that may dictate differently from what our husbands desire as a little loving pampering for us. The Lord has a way of teaching us to be content and thankful regardless of our abilities or lack of them, too. Being sheep led by the Great Shepherd is a good thing for hubby and wife.; 5:12 PM
Lyn said...: I am not perfect, but in general I try very hard to cut expenses here at home. I was able to cut off over $600/month a few months back off of a very lean income already.

Although I like to be creative on occasion, I do not spend much money on crafts or buying things for the home. I think there is a lot to being content in one's situation. Not only do I not spend much time decorating, I am not spending more money. My home is simple, but nice. I am not always looking to make things better. When is good, good enough? For me, this costs money that can be put towards debt that we are working hard to rid of or even our future. I have the same curtains and furniture, etc. for the last 6 years. They are still nice and in very good shape. I am content with that. I have enough!!

I have done thrift shopping in the past too. However, again, I think this is an area that we can make excuses about, if we really don't "need" the items. Are they true needs, or do we just want to shop? We have to be careful to have that balance. Continual shopping is not frugal, no matter how we may try to convince ourselves otherwise. My idea of frugal is "making do" and using what you have as much as possible.

I am careful with what I have in my life and don't add what is not necessary. America is a spoiled society in general, and we tend to compare ourselves with our neighbors. I always try and compare myself to those who are truly very poor in this world, and I always come out rich!

I am in my mid-life now (with health issues) and I think how I feel comes from the wisdom of seeing what "stuff" really adds to one's life. Those bargains become "clutter", which causes one time that you don't get back, thus you are not spending time on what is "truly" important in the end. Not only is it imperative that I am frugal with my money, but also with my time, because I have limited energy. This is my permanent way of life and I am learning to be content with it. I can honestly say I am not "yearning" for anything. I am trying hard to lighten our material load. This is my 2007 goal.; 5:21 PM
Priscilla said...: That was very thought provoking. I'm not married yet, but trying to prepare myself for when that time comes. Thank you for the insights.

Priscilla; 8:50 PM
Father's Grace Ministries said...: What a great-though challenging article.My great grest grandprents were pioneers & I have a long way to go to live up to their example in deed & attitude!
Sometimes I pride myself on baking something that many of my peers couldn't be bothered with, & yet the Lord has seen all the grumbling & "Oh Nos!"that accompanied it-so really nothing was achieved.I still have a long way to go.
BTW hubby trims the hair of both my eldest daughter & myself when required & everyone comments on how lovely our hair looks.I shudder when I think how much money I wasted as a single Christian woman-that money could have gone to missions.
Claire; 1:45 AM
Nicole Seitler said...: That is a wonderful article. Thanks for sharing. And thanks for linking to my Squidoo lens! I hope others find it to be helpful, too. :); 8:41 AM
Lyn said...: I remember someone I knew a few years ago who would go shopping heavily at Target and other stores every pay day. When I visited she was always asking me to go to the stores with her. I started to politely decline because I didn't want to always be shopping.

She has a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood - her husband has a good job as well. It made me think though, how much she could further her husband & her family's future if she saved some of that money, or used it to help others, instead of squandering it on a home full of stuff. Although she has several children, there is only so much that children need, and after that it is just wasteful. She was always looking at the sales circulars.

I find if I am out and about a lot, and seeing things, I will struggle to want them - when in truth I really didn't want them at all until I saw them. So I find staying home helps a lot. It's when I am out looking that causes me the most trouble! I also don't receive the newspaper and the circulars & I limit my catalogs that are sent. It all helps!; 9:53 AM
CappuccinoLife said...: Great article. I am learning to be low-maintenance. Actually, I think God has been giving me some "unit studies" on the matter lately. ;)

And I have seen in the last couple of weeks what a blessing I can be to my husband if I can do life without complaining or nagging. We had a water pipe burst in our basement yesterday morning, and I know that he was super appreciative that I reacted calmly when he wasn't home, and didn't nag him to call a plumber (he wanted to fix it himself), or complain about having to haul water for the afternoon, or make a big deal about how is "fix" still drips water a little (he knows it does without my telling, and is searching for a better fix). A few years ago I would have panicked, begged him to call a plumber, and spent my afternoon sighing and complaining about carrying water upstairs for everything.

It's a good feeling to realize I've been a helper and a blessing to him, rather than a thorn in his side. :); 1:51 PM
devildogwife said...: It's very true that we need to be the best wife that we can be for our own husband. We also need to make sure that we are not caught up in judging others for what they are doing. We need to focus on ourselves and if what we are doing is pleasing to God, our husband, and our family.; 5:48 PM
Lyn said...: Gee, it's unfortunate that if we bring to light someone's behavior it is always considered to be "judging". It's almost like people don't want to be faced with the truth anymore, they would rather live in their own "truth", even if that conflicts with the bible.

The woman that I shared about, sadly, is more common than most of us are willing to admit. When I go to some of these stores I see MANY women that are purchasing things like crafts and knick-knacks at alarming rates. I am very doubtful that in the end these extravagances are helping their husbands and family. I walk into these stores when necessary only, and also I try and use a small-handled basket or no basket at all, so I can limit my purchases. I have not always been so aware in my life in my younger years. Are we communicating with our husband these shopping excursions that add up?

I found it highly interesting that this post by Crystal has only 9 comments, versus the post on having babies has over 40. Perhaps many are convicted? I know I am - I want to be the best helper to my husband, and not cause him strife by purchasing things unwisely. I think our husbands have enough to worry about, trying to provide adequately for us without feeling more pressure by our wants and desires. I would also like for my husband who has a blue-collar job to someday be able to retire, and to have total peace about that (and not be in his 80's like my dear next door neighbor who still has to work part-time to make it because social security isn't enough).

I by no means am perfect (& did state that). I just wanted to share what my years as a homemaker has taught me that perhaps it could help someone else. Isn't that why we are here - to share and to help?; 11:11 PM
Crystal said...: Lyn: I don't think that DevilDogWife was referring to you incase that is what you thought - I think she was referring to what I said about being helpmeet to our OWN husband and not holding other's up to our husband's standard for us.

For instance, my husband likes our home to be decorated - that is something I can do which honors him. However, he doesn't want me to spend an arm and a leg to do it, but rather to pray about it, watch for good deals, and spend the money we have allotted for decorating wisely. We waited until we had money to set aside for decorating before we started decorating, though, and that meant we went for the first four years of our marriage with pretty bare surroundings. We had love and contentment, though, so it made up for any lack of beauty in our home. :)

It sounds like you are doing a great job of honoring your husband and wisely using the limited resources God has given you. Keep at it and thanks for sharing what you are learning along the way!; 7:52 AM
Sandi, Punta Gorda, FL said...: Our family, currently, has had to make alot of adjustments in our finances...we were, before we had children, spent money on items which we pretty much do not have to show for it now. Three children later though, we quickly learned to live as low maintenance as possible.

When we bought our first home there was so much pressure from family and friends for me to get a job (and give up being a stay at home mom with a newborn) in order to help my husband that when I did, I neglected the home and shamefully so, was so tired that I never had energy or time for the children. I fell on my face literally! God had to show me that it wasn't my place or season in life. My time was with my family. You get into that mindset that money is more important than anything else that you focus all your attention on that. When I started earning income yes we were able to shop all the time for things we wanted etc. that we lost ourselves and mis-managed our money. However all that changed a few weeks ago when I left my job and became the wife and mother God called me to do. Though we are now back to budgeting ourselves, my husband couldn't be happier.

We are very active in our church and have had the most amazing advice and support from friends. As a matter of fact, my husband who is a musician was asked to join the orchestra. Unfortunately, since we are unable to spend beyond our means, my husband was unable to purchase the guitar he needed in order to join. A friend in our bible group came up to him yesterday and said "Brother, our business has been doing well and God has called me to buy you a guitar so you can join the orchestra because we would love to have you". My husband was speechless!

God provides and never fails......I am coming to learn that we should never hold on to things (our homes, prized possessions etc.) It may sound hard for some people and it did for me because the reality is that if we needed to sell our home because we couldn't afford it, I must be able to give it up.

Don't ever be ashamed to accept things offered from people (hand me downs, etc.). I have known people that were ashamed to take anything previously worn. I know a neighbor here who is also going through financial hardship and she is so afraid of what people will say if she fills out an application for reduced/free lunch for her child at school....If you can cut your children's hair do it! IF you can eat in versus eating out do it (we learned that one over thee years!) I have learned that God provides and never lose faith!; 8:42 AM
Johanna said...: I agree, devildogwife. The only husband to please is our own, no one else's. I had to smile at the haircut thing in particular. I get my hair cut every 2-3 months. My husband loves my hair long so I can get by with waiting a while between cuts. I have no guilt about going to a salon to have it done because we can afford this expense, my husband encourages it, and I know that he wouldn't come near me with a pair of scissors. I don't even have to ask; I already know. lol; 9:02 AM
Sally said...: Crystal, are you close enough to the LAF ladies to be able to reach them without going through their site? I don't think they are accepting comments right now. I would love to know how to find "Marriage to a Difficult Man", about Sarah Edwards. I wish author Shari McMinn had posted a link to the book! Thanks!; 10:14 AM
Sally said...: Nevermind! I found it!; 5:23 PM
Darren Hom said...: Crystal! You've done it again with a great entry. You've correctly seen one of the economic problems of the boomer generation (they're generally spendthrifts) and proposed a biblically consistent solution.

To their credit, the boomers had access to resources that we don't any more. We're finally paying the price for decades of high inflation, and the boomers themselves will find out the hard way that their Social Security checks, paid out in inflated dollars, aren't enough to support them in their retirement.

It's important to leave an inheritance to our children's children. When this money is invested instead of spent, families will create real nest eggs that are not driven by the Federal Reserve's policy of monetary inflation. And, Lord willing :), the next generation will hopefully learn good financial habits from their parents.; 8:51 PM

Monday, February 12, 2007

Are you a low-maintenance wife?

16 Comments:

My Other Blog

A Few Favorites

Search