Being on time or early: How do you do it?
I've been thoroughly enjoying Don Aslett's How to Have a 48-Hour Day. Although I am usually a fairly productive person, I can always do better at it and am constantly streamlining and working on ways to improve my efficiency levels - especially in those areas like cleaning, laundry, business work, etc. The less time I spend on the necessary things of life, the more time I have to spend with my family, ministering to others, learning new things, and so on.One thing which he stresses is not just being on time to events, but being early. Confession time: I am usually always running late. Or, if I'm on time, it's usually by the skin of my teeth. It's not that am terribly disorganized, it's just that I'm perpetually late. It seems that I am forever running around at the very last possible minute trying to do just as many things as I can before I leave so that things are in as good of order as they can be when I return. The result is that I end up being behind and, inevitably, late. I've been trying to make a concerted effort to do better, but I have a long ways to go. And with a new baby on the way, I know that getting around and getting places on time isn't going to get any easier.
So, my wonderful readers, what helps you get places on time? For those who go the extra mile and get places early, how do you do it?
posted by Crystal Paine at 8:06 AM
39 Comments:
i try as much as possible to plan ahead. if i know i'm going out the next day, i lay out the clothes for that day - even for myself - so it's one less thing to think about. i also make sure all the cloth diapers are ready to go in the diaper bag, and that snacks are at least packed - then put in either the fridge or the diaper bag. honestly, i do these things so i can sleep more :) and not have to get up as early if i know i'm heading out. i prefer being early, and while i work hard to have grace when people are late for me, sometimes i struggle with the grumbling!
sahm to 2 yr old and 1 on the way
SOmething I've found very helpful is to include 'getting out the door & settled in the car' in my estimated travel time ~ when you have a couple of kids to get buckled - it can take 5 minutes, just from the time you walk out of the house till you pull out of the drive.
Tracy in AR - baby #7 arriving in 2 wks & 3 days ;-)
HOnestly, my problem is getting there TOO early. Because I'm always worried about being late, I get there 10-15 minutes before hand. I have to remind myself it doesn't take half an hour to get everywhere, but maybe if you plan on getting there 10 minutes early and think of that as the start time it might help? My hubby always says that on time is 10 minutes early. Late is getting there on time. :)
Crystal,
I guess I get places on time because I feel it is a responsibility that I have to that other person or group, whatever the case may be. My parents raised me value not my own time but that of others also. I suppose it was so ingrained in me that is is just second nature now and very much a part of my character. Does that make sense?
Ashlie has good advice about preparing ahead. We use Saturday evening to prepare our family for the Lord's Day. The children take their baths in the evening and we often lay out our clothes the night before, that way we don't spend 15 minutes in the morning searching for a lost belt, sock or shoe.
When your children are young-learn flexibilty .Sometimes you will be late just because that is right when a young one needs to use the potty for a long time!!
Tell yourself you have to be at place 30 minutes then you need ,the 30 minutes will help on last minute emergencies.
I usually allow time for all of the unexpected (interruptions, delays, etc). For instance, if I know that we need to be somewhere at 10:00 a.m. Then I just start calculating in my mind how long it will take to eat, shower, get the children dressed, etc. Then I add in 30 to 60 min for my wake up time.
I remember reading somewhere (I think it was Elisabeth Elliot's book The Shaping of a Christian Family?? about the importance of valuing someone enough to respect their time (my paraphrase.) That seems to ring in my mind from time to time, and it is so convicting... it helps me to be prompt!
I can't stand being late! :) Once my family calculates how long it will take us to travel somewhere, we decide when we're leaving (usually adding in an extra 10-15 minutes so we'll have some breathing room).
Everybody knows we go out the door at that time, and they plan what time to get up or get ready accordingly. Sometimes I might get behind and have to do my hair in the car on the way to church, but we still leave at the same time. :) We are very rarely late, which I'm glad of. My family knows that if we're 1 minute late going out the door, I'll be saying "Come on! Let's go - WE'RE LATE!!!!!
This is something I struggle with too, Crystal, and no, it doesn't get easier with two little ones! I try to make sure and lay everything out the night before, so that we have as little as possible to do in the morning.
On the other hand, as much as I hate being late, I have really been working on my attitude about getting out the door in the morning. I've made the decision (although I don't always stick to it!) that is never so important to get out the door that I want to be fussing at my children and at my husband, yelling at everyone to "Hurry, hurry, hurry!!!" and arriving in a frazzle. I would rather arrive fifteen minutes late and have our family be in peace.
Am I making sense? I am not saying that being prompt isn't important; just that it's not the *most* important thing :)
Melissa, AL
Mommy to two beautiful girls: Makaylah (3) and Sophia (17 months) and one on the way!
Growing up my parents were not particular about being on time places. It drove me crazy! So, because of that I, barring emergencies, am pretty much always on time. What I do is try to make sure that the night before if i am going somewhere in the morning that I have things ready, by the door as much as I can. I try to think about what I am going to wear, children etc. ahead of time. If it is Saturday night I check to make sure that there is clean clothes washed so that I am not scrambling to find them on Sunday morning or the morning of whatever we are going to.
Also, we keep a packed diaper bag in the car at all times. It has diapers, change of clothes, wash wipes in it. When I walked more places or didn't have a car I kept it by the door packed in a backpack. If I use something from it, we bring it in and replace it.
then the most important thing is giving yourself enough time to get there, get ready etc. and give yourself extra time. Being too early is not polite either though and I prefer when guest come right on time or 5 min. early, but even 10 min, early would probably be too early, so I try to be there on time or a few minutes before. It takes about 10-15 min. to get most places here, so I make sure I leave 15-20 min. just for driving just in case there is something that happens, like when you are loading up the car and all set when you realize you left the keys or your purse inside, or the baby messes his diaper at the last minute, or the car light got left on and the battery is dead.
Anyhow, I have more trouble letting being on time stress me so much that I snap at people and that is wrong also. I have to watch so that I do not do this. I quit wearing a watch because I was constantly checking it!
Anyhow, I find when I have things organized, clean clothes in the drawers, shoes in their places, coats or jackets in the right place, it really helps and things go like clockwork.
I have personal experience with this...on the receiving end. Please know that when I say this, it is not meant in a mean-spirited or condescending way.
I have a friend who is habitually late. Everywhere. I think she was even late to the church on the day of my wedding, where she was maid of honor. The last time we got together was about a month ago for lunch. She was an HOUR late. She did call me to let me know she was going to be late. As a matter of fact, she called a few times...each time giving me a later time she would arrive. One can imagine how irritated (and hungry!) I was by the time she arrived. I chose not to discuss it with her because we live in different towns and don't get together very much. But her reasons for being late are seldom valid to me. Having a child get sick on your way out the door is one thing; "having" to vacuum your house before you leave is another. I will be frank: I have always seen habitual lateness as selfishness. Emergencies will arise at times, of course, but if someone is late all the time because they are doing other things...aren't they communicating to other people that getting those things done is more important? That their time is more important than someone else's? I hope that makes sense.
As for having children, I can speak from no personal experience on that one right now. I do know that kids can throw schedules out of synch, but I do believe that, if you build those "unexpected happenings" into your schedule, they can just function as a bump, rather than a pothole in the road. If you know your child, invariably, has to go potty as you are walking out the door, with no minutes to spare, could you be ready to walk out the door 5 minutes earlier? That way, when you hear "Mommy!" you don't have to look at your watch in panic. You still have 5 more minutes. This won't always work, of course, but I guess it's worth a try.
As I said, I say all of this in love. I guess this is somewhat personal for me because I've been hurt by perpetual lateness in the past.
Johanna
Like nearly everyone else, I think the key is in planning to be early - then you can actually be on time when the unexpected happens, because it *always* happens.
A few additional points:
I try to leave a margin for error several times over. Not just an extra 5 minutes, but 5 minutes to potty everyone before we leave. 5 minutes to load, buckle, etc. 5 minutes for the unexpected, like when you have to stop for gas or potty even though everyone went right before you left.
And after all those margins, we try to plan to be 15 minutes early for the unexpected at the other end: feed the baby; clean up the carsick toddler; take everyone potty again even though they went right before we left...
Like setting your clock 10 minutes ahead, this only works if you don't consider all those margins to be disposable. Either resign yourself to being 30 minutes early on the good days, or you will find yourself consistently 15 minutes late on the bad days.
BTW, hope you don't mind but since this comment got so long (sorry!) I think I'll take the liberty of posting it to my blog as well.
Crystal,
No one has addressed the attitude of "one more thing". I also used to ALWAYS be late, but my husband was ALWAYS early (by my definition anyway, he defined on time as 10 minutes early). This led to a little bit of conflict in our marriage to say the least. :) What we've been able to do is compromise by trying to always arrive on time. One thing I've learned is "margin", allowing a little extra time for unexpected occurrences. The key also is priority. Is your priority to be on time or get 3 more things done at home on the way out the door? Could you let the answering machine get the phone or do you HAVE to answer it (as you're walking out the door)?
Set your clocks and watches 10 minutes ahead, you'll know it (unless someone else does it for you) but over time I think it will help.
Jennifer
Like others have stated - I make sure that things are ready the night before. This includes getting the diaper bag ready, washing bottles/cups, laying out all clothes, etc. It saves me so much time on the days when we have a lot of running around to do.
And it always helps to keep things as organized as possible so that you aren't running around at the last minute looking for something.
Tracee in GA - Soon to be a SAHM (my last day at work is Thursday!!) to Zoe (3) and Jessi (1).
I don't have any advice other than to cut back on the places I'd like to go.
I have realized by what was touched upon in your post and then elaborated by Jennifer that I am constantly trying to do one more thing.
Thanks for the encouragement,
Renata
I have spent most of my life being early places. When #4 came I started being on time. One of the things I do is figure in my head what time we need to be getting shoes and coats on (10 minutes before we need to be pulling out), and what time we need to be headed to the car (5 minutes before we need to pull out). this way, unless someone fights me on getting in the carseat, we are usually there on time, or a little early.
Jennifer
I agree with one of the above posters. My mom has the "one more thing" mentality, and it means that she's always late. If it's more important to your family that all the dishes are in the dishwasher and all the clothes neatly stacked, etc, then maybe you will have to learn to live with being late -- because there will always be one more thing to do (trust me... I grew up in a family where we were sometimes three or four HOURS late to leave for a vacation, simply because there was always something else that needed doing). However, if it's more important to your family for you to be on time, then maybe the chores will have to wait.
All this from a newlywed with no kids, so take it with a grain of salt. :)
I confess...this has nothing to do with time...I'm on a mission of motherhood. On another blog I frequent a discussion was going on regarding older (or older-fashioned mothers for that matter) who do not feel that they fit in with the trendy, hip mothers. I myself feel this way sometimes. Crystal, what are your opinions regarding some of today's "must haves" for little ones? I am talking about the stimulating nurseries and toys (like Baby Einstein), the music classes, the gym classes, etc...for babies under a year old!
Our family is usually late for things also, but something my parents always did when we were younger, was to set the clock 5 minutes later. That's right. Our time was continually five ahead of everyone else. That way, we would actually have five minutes give for getting to places on time. We were so used to the time being that way, that we didn't often take advantage of it. ;)
My theory is this: For one child, plan an hour of prep time. For TWO children, plan two hours of prep time. Now that I have three, I estimate THREE. I know that seems unrealistic but hear me out.
My boys take Kodaly classes (early childhood music) an hour away from us. To get there, I must leave at 9. With Boy1, I got up at 8. Adding Boy2, I got up at 7. Now adding Boy3, I get up at 6. This being said, I have all the clothes, snacks, drinks, purse and diaperbags ready the night before. I just know it takes a while to shower, dress, get ready, feed a baby who may or may not be stinky first thing in the morning (ditto with Boy2 who is only 19 months old and not yet potty trained). If I get every 'thing' loaded into the van the night before and all I have to worry about is every 'body', we do ok.
I should note, that upon the arrival of Boy4, I refuse to get up 4 hours in advance... I just refuse. Hopefully by then, at least one boy can completely dress himself and possibly assist with a brother or two in getting drinks and breakfast bars.
For most things, I plan to leave an hour ahead of time (unless it's something really close by like a library trip, then I allot 30 minutes). I like to have a little wiggle room upon arrival someplace (potty trips, spit up clothing changes, drink spills, mud puddles...etc)
Katie
Mom of three boys, continuously thankful I don't have HAIR issues to worry about...(as with girls...)
One small thing I did as a young mom in your stage of life, was to deal with the diaperbag each time I returned home...in those days we rarely used disposable diapers either, so that meant doing what was needed with the diapers used, replacing soiled outer clothing if needed and generally always getting the bag ready for the next time out...it saved me a LOT of grief to do it this way and to be always prepared with that necessary item anyway, so that at least that did not make late in going places!
Whoa, this could be a bit of a thorny subject. I grew up in a home with three children and we were always late. I used to be humiliated walking into church and everyone would turn around and look at us. I remember many times waiting in the car with Dad while Mom "finished" getting ready. On the flip side, my husband grew up in a family with eight children and he never remembers being late. And they had to milk cows before they went anywhere. I resolved when I got married that I would be an "on-time person".
I think there have already been great comments about getting organized the night before, planning margin time for actually getting loaded and left, etc. I think it's very important to take seriously our obligation to not misuse other's time by being habitually late. (For instance, yesterday our little guys therapist was 45 minutes late, so the meeting went late. I was supposed to be in a town an hour away to meet my inlaws for lunch. I made it, but I was stressed because the therapist made us run late.)
I think maybe you just need to sit down and evaluate what exactly is it that makes you late? Do you need to get up a little earlier? Do the things you feel you need to do, really need done just then? Maybe you're losing time in other areas that you can amend. Just a thought. I think it's wonderful that you realize this is a problem, and I'll pray that you resolve it. It will be a blessing to your husband and children.
I recently read some articles on being on time/late and one of the major keys stressed was that people who have trouble being on time often have trouble prioritizing -- the "one more thing" mindset that is referenced above. You have to be willing to prioritize and know what you can leave to do later. You can always be on time (barring emergencies or unexpected traffic delays, grin) as long as you are willing to make *that* your priority.
As other posts have said, advance planning is a key. When my four children were younger I always had their clothes laid out and the diaper bag packed the night before. I also always have things in the car to do if we arrive early, so that it doesn't feel like "wasted" time. I usually have proofreading work (my home business) and the children either bring books or a workbook in the car. Here again, when they were smaller I would have a bag packed with books the night before. I try to build in an extra 10-15 minutes so that we will be early, in case of unexpected traffic, etc. If we are very early somewhere (i.e., an appointment) we sit in the car for a few minutes and read before going inside, so that we don't inadvertently inconvenience anyone by being early (grin). So much nicer to go in feeling calm and relaxed than frazzled and rushed!
Best wishes, Laura
This is such great encouragement and advice for me. I am always late, and it's usually because of that "one more thing" I forgot to factor in. (Like breastfeeding the baby before I go out.)
My husband and I both hate to wait, so we hate to be early - I think we tend to look at being early as a waste of time, but if everyone planned to be on time, meetings would start on time, and it would save everyone time!
Crystal,
As said by many, the key is getting as much done ahead of time as possible. Diaper bag, clothes out and ready, etc. I also allow 15-30 minutes just to get out the door. If I know that I have to leave at 11:30, then I try to get out the door no later than 11:15. This allows for buckling children in their carseats, going back inside to retrieve a forgotten sippy cup, changing a diaper, etc.
In essence, make time for those unexpected things. I myself have three children ages 3, 2, and 6 months. Getting somewhere on time CAN be done, it just takes a concerted effot, a plan, and help from those in the household.
Hello Crystal,
I am a pretty on time/early person. I value other's time and really hope others value my time as well.
The very occasional instance does happen when I am late even when allowing extra time or (gulp, not planning ahead and leaving at the very last minute:) We are all human, after all!
I do not run into too many circumstances where people are habitually late and or not prepared. But when it does happen, I'm pretty understanding because it isn't habitual and sometimes things do not always work out as planned. In turn, on the occasions when I've ran late, others have also been very gracious to me.
My secret to not being late is just plain simple: Plan Accordingly. It works well for me without children but also works just as well for my sister with 6 children and my mother while she raised 8 children.
Take Care,
Trixie
I recently heard something similar to an above commenter. Habitual lateness is an outward show of selfishness, and communicates the thought of other people will wait on me because I am more important. This was quite convicting. Not that I consciously think this thought when I am late, but it does convey this attitude to the person or group waiting for me. I always try to squeeze one more thing in also, but since I’ve been mulling this thought around, it has definitely given me motivation to strive to be on time. Like others have said, I must put my own plans aside in order to serve others by being on time.
Some great ideas here. I am an 'on time' person also. It hasn't always been easy, especially when I had 6 children under 9 years old. However, my parents taught me that others are more important, and it is showing respect to them to be on time. So, as much as I'd like to have the house picked up before we fly out the door, if I am running late, it will have to wait until I get home (it will still be there!).
Another helpful thing with little ones is to have their days, and especially mornings, very organised (everyday). This means less wasted time chasing them around and dealing with issues that arise out of their mischief making. So it means that I always get up and showered before them. They have breakfast first thing. They have playpen/room play straight after breakfast (every day, even when we are going out early), so that I know where they are when I need to put shoes on etc! Then I can get busy doing things I need to do to get out the door, and they are safely playing in a confined place.
I am sure there are so many ideas here, Crystal - no excuses now :)
Thanks for all the great thoughts and ideas. Very helpful. I think what part of my problem is, is that I feel like being early is "wasting time." I usually start off on schedule or ahead of schedule, but when it hits the last 15 minutes until we need to leave, instead of going ahead and getting out the door, I find just a few more things to do to use up those last few minutes of time to save myself time when I get home (after all, I'd hate for my family to come home to a messy house or dishes still waiting to be done!). This then often means that we end up being a few minutes late (by the way, we are rarely ever more than 15 minutes late anywhere so I think there has got to be an easy fix) - something I truly despise because my parents taught me that being on time was showing respect. Part of me feels like maybe I need to start getting ready earlier so that there are not those last minute things to do, but the other part of me knows that there will always be "one more thing" I could do. I think I just need to make myself walk out the door early and start developing that habit and break the mindset that that is wasting time. Anyone dealt with this sort of mindset before and have some great pointers for me?? I've always struggled with the "trying to be too productive mentality" - not wanting to waste one moment, kind of thing, and sometimes it can really be helpful. Other times, like with getting out the door, it is very unhelpful!
"I think I just need to make myself walk out the door early and start developing that habit and break the mindset that that is wasting time."
I totally understand this, which is why I developed the habit mentioned above of always having work or reading with us to fill the time if we're early. That way we're using that "early" time either being productive (accomplishing schoolwork or work related to my home business) or having an enjoyable time reading. Reading, after all, is never wasted time. :) If you arrive early and have time to sit in the car and read Kathrynne a book before going in to wherever you're going, perhaps looking at that few minutes of relaxation as a reward for carefully managing your time would help you form a new mindset. It will also enable you to enter feeling refreshed rather than frazzled -- particularly good if you're arriving at an O.B. appointment and they're taking your blood pressure, LOL.
Good luck! Best wishes, Laura
Best wishes, Laura
A very important thing that I have learned is to make sure I am dressed, shoes on, make up done (if I do am going to put it on) BEFORE the kids start interupting me. If I am ready, it's one less thing to think about. When the kids are ready to go, out we walk without a second thought about ME. I learned the dress to the shoes part from Flylady and have seen it work out well.
Also, I don't stop getting ready- even when I think I have time to spare. I don't stop to check my email or to start a load of laundry because the time flys by way too fast and then things don't go smoothly.
In addition to writing down the time of our "appointment", I also write down the time we have to leave on my calendar. For "appointments" that don't need an exact time to arrive, like meeting someone at the park or dropping something off at another's home, I allow myself 10 minutes leeway for each child. Since I have 3, then I would announce my arrival time to be "between 10:00 and 10:30".
Just reporting back in to say that I was slightly EARLY to a meeting tonight, with everything I needed in hand! I was one of the first ones there. Thanks to all the great encouragement I got here earlier today! (I think this was the first time I've ever been on time for this commitment!)
Speaking as one who was "Born Early" or BE, literally and in life practice, here is my tip:
Which is more important, the person/group of people by respecting their time in arriving early or at the appointed time...
OR
Wrapping up those little things which will not burn the house down or grow mold in a few hours?
This *might* be the first time I post...not sure. Probably won't be the last. I think its important to note that time is much more of a priority to Americans than it is to people from other parts of the world. I say you just move to Miami, FL where you'll have no concern about being on time because everyone else is 15 min late. ;) JK.
I love this blog and thoroughly enjoyed Handmaidens of the Lord.
Future housewife to Michael (only 10 days left!)
I really struggled with this for a period when my second child was born. (My first two are 19 months apart.) I'd be ready ahead of time, but then I'd think of a few things I could do in my few extra minutes. I eventually realized that my downfall was that I was estimating how long it would take us to do the last minute things, like putting on shoes and changing the diaper one last time, and that always ended up being a catastrophe. One shoe would be misplaced, or we were out of clean, matching socks, or the wet diaper turned into a dirty, leaking diaper that required a clothes change. So I started making myself do that last minute stuff *before* I did any housework to fill up the extra time. Now I don't consider us ready to go unless shoes are on, the oldest has pottied, my hair is brushed and my lipstick touched up, and so on. Sometimes I still have time to unload the dishwasher and refill it before we actually leave, but other times we end up running out the door after we're finished getting ready to go.
Since I'm a relatively new driver who actually drives the speed limit, I'm never sure how long it will take to get somewhere, so I usually guess then add about five minutes. Then there is always setting your clocks ahead about 2 minutes.
My personal opinion is that being on time is a mind game. There will always be emergencies (the phone rings as you're leaving; you forget your purse on the table; the car won't start) but mostly you just tell yourself you have to leave "now."
In the morning, or at a time when you have a daily routine, regularly add in non-essential activities. For me non-essential describes flossing (I still brush my teeth), extra facial treatments, and making a lunch to bring with me. But you could make it part of your routine to clean the kitchen table before you leave anywhere, for a random example, practice doing it when you're not rushed, and then when you're pressed for time don't do it so you suddenly have an extra few minutes you didn't expect!
To God be all glory,
Lisa of Longbourn
Crystal,
Yes it does take a mindset change, as I referenced in my comment earlier this was a struggle b/w my husband and I. He is good about pointing out what is needed - changing your priorities, misestimating time (apparently I would always underestimate how long it takes to do something), and realizing that it's okay to have a few "wasted" minutes. As others suggested, bringing a book or small chore (checkbook, bills, personal note) to help fill in the "extra" time are helpful, maybe even a memory verse or Bible passage. OR just relaxing, taking a chance to breathe and enjoy a change of scenery. This takes time and practice! :)
With a new baby, schedules can get very out-of-whack! If you can, have everyone come to you. A friend wants to have lunch, have them pick up something and bring it to your house. That way if the baby has a poopy blow-out or a feeding schedule change - you're not running late. :)
Jennifer
I know that most people who respond to this blog are stay-at-home mom's and I wish I was one to, but right now I have to work. Fortunately my mother-in-law keeps our son. Since I leave early, I take Blake in his PJ's and she dresses him. About once a week I try to take a bag of clothes and socks for her to use throughout the week. I also keep her supplied in diapers so that I don't have to remember to take those along. It really helps me in the mornings to just put on his coat, grab a bottle and off we go. I really enjoyed reading all the comments. I try to be on time, but it sure isn't my strength. Thanks for addressing this issue.
I know that there have been a lot of comments made here and for that reason I hesitate to make another one. However, you asked a for help on one specific area of being late- how to get past needing to do one more thing and not wasting a moment that it appears you have to do something.
First, I think that is a great way to think! My suggestion is to maybe transfer your thinking of where you have a moment to do something in the house to thinking of where you have a moment in the car.
Do you listen to music or sermons/teaching while you are driving? Maybe you do things with Kathryn as you drive. Maybe if you could look at your travel time as something that you can seize a moment to do things together you wouldn't have as difficult a time "heading out the door."
You may already do this, but that is what I was thinking about as I was reading.
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