A high and holy calling
I loved this post from Carmon:Since she is graduating this spring from our homeschool, Gracie has been asked by more than one inquiring mind what she is going to do with her life. Many well-meaning people have assumed such an articulate and talented young lady is going to college. A few have been taken aback when she tells them that she is planning on continuing her studies at home, and that she wants to prepare to be a wife and a mother.I talked with a mother yesterday about this very subject. She had called in to place an order and asked if she could ask me some questions about her 18-year-old daughter as well. Since Kathrynne was napping, I was able to spend close to 30 minutes on the phone with her just encouraging her in raising her daughter to be a Godly woman sharing from how my parents encouraged me. What a precious thing to hear of parents who want something better than what the world has to offer!
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I am so happy that Gracie is happy to say it is enough for her, and that she knows that serving God from her home is the highest calling to which she could aspire. She will keep learning, working, and dreaming, and she will embrace with joy the freedom she finds in the life our society considers a lesser choice. It's funny. If she had said she was going to be a teacher of other people's children, she would be lauded for her altruism and praised for her choice. Let us not discourage our young ladies from finding fulfillment in the role of wife and mother, a job which most of them eventually will be filling and which they ought to prepare for with at least as much effort as they devote to other pursuits.No young woman should be ashamed to say that her goal is to be a wife and mother. Christians, of all people, should be encouraging girls to look forward to those noble callings, not portraying motherhood and marriage as second best or second-rate with raised eyebrows or "what ifs." A few are called to singleness, but marriage is the norm, and from the original command to be "fruitful and multiply" to the picture of our relationship with Christ as a marriage, culminating in the marriage feast of the Lamb (Rev. 19:7, which is really a happily ever after beginning, though it's at The End of The Book), marriage is held in high esteem. If we wish it to be so in the church, let alone the culture, then we must not denigrate the preparation for it with our daughters, insisting they prepare for singleness instead.
It's not about what girls "can't do" if parents want to protect them from the evil influences of the world, it's about the incredible potential these young girls have! Give your daughters a vision - a vision for something greater than themselves. Instill in them a servant's spirit. Give them ministry opportunities in your home and family, in your church, in your community. Encourage them to pursue their interests and passions in a God-glorifying way. Don't fall in step with the culture, but, at the same time, don't look to some other family, or book, or man, or ministry to guide your daughters. Seek the Lord with them for their future and see God use them in ways exceedingly abundantly above what you could ever ask or think!
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:12 AM
18 Comments:
Definitely, thanks for posting this. I graduated from homeschool 2 years ago and have stayed home helping my family. I've had odd looks and remarks. My parents have taught by living that a woman is to be in the home. I do have a part time job at a Christian ministry, but other than that I help at home...fixing meals, planning the menu, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, planning, helping school my younger siblings...and on it goes. I have so much to learn...my heart wants to be married one day and have children of my own. Right now I am preparing for that under the protection of my father, not out on my own. Yes, it is hard sometimes, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Every day I am learning to die to self, grow in the grace and knowledge of God, and learn new things. It's a high calling, higher than any letters that could ever be attached to your name. ~ Ruth Ann
Crystal - Thank you for sharing this beautiful, godly mother's post. It was so encouraging to me today. And, "I'm so proud of you Gracie for going against the flow; seeking God's best for you life!"
Although I am happy for the years I spent in Bible College, and the education I received in the area of education, if I could turn back the clock, and relive my life, I would have taken your path, Crystal. Most of what I learned about running a household, I learned through trial and error. There are also many young men who are deciding to take this same path and are learning a trade from their father or are starting their own business. (Cindy Rushton's son is one example.) God will show us the path He wants us to take.
Ruth, PA
Wonderful post! I graduated from homeschool 3 years ago, and I get all the same questions. My granny just recently asked if my sister and I would ever do anything "big." :) I think being a wife and mother is a "big" job, and I am happy to prepare to fill that role someday.
I went to college for three semesters and then decided I was done paying to be taught feminism and humanism. It was a valuable experience, and I would do it again, but knowing my eventual role is that of a homemaker gave me the freedom to quit when college was no longer beneficial.
I then went on a two-year missions trip, which was an excellent experience in trusting the Lord, outreach, and, oddly enough, homemaking. ;)
Thanks for so much encouragement! Reading this was a lovely way to start the day off with my girls. I couldn't agree with you more. Keep up the good work Crystal.
-Malina
Thank you for posting this, Crystal, it's beautiful. Ruth, I agree - I wish I would have followed this path as well. Although I am about to be finished with my teaching credential and am currently applying for jobs, one of which is at a wonderful Christian school, I want more than anything to be a wife and mother. However, I am so far in debt to the universities I have attended (my parents divorced a few years ago and have since stopped paying for my school), that I feel I have to put my degrees to use somehow. I still am excited about teaching, and would love to do it for a few years until I have children, but I agree that being a wife and mother is a higher calling. Do you have any advice for women like me, in this type of situation? Thank you!
I enjoyed this post. While I think that the option Carmon suggests is certainly a valid and viable option for young ladies, if I could present what some might see as a contrarian point of view: my daughter is a college freshman at a large private university. (She was accepted to Wheaton and Biola but we could not afford them as they didn't offer much financial aid.) She is having an *incredibly* positive experience. She phoned me today bubbling over with news from planning meetings she'd attended for next year with history and geology professors. She has a work-study job in the religious life office and actively participates in Christian activities including InterVarsity Christian and Sunday church services which are held on campus. She has made Christian friends. And her Christian walk has been strengthened as she adapts to living on her "own," taking responsibility for her choices, and, yes, interacting with those who are not Christians.
I, too, believe that my daughter's highest calling is to be a good -- great -- wife and mother. And I have no doubt that she will succeed in running a household one day. (Not only has she been learning household skills at home these many years, but she is learning very valuable skills in college, outside the classroom, in areas such as personal time management, scheduling, and the like.) I believe that the experience she is having now will only enhance that, not hinder it, just as my college degree was excellent preparation for my life as a wife and mother of four, a homeschooler, and running a home-based business. I don't see college in any way as preparation for "singleness," as Carmon terms it.
I sense some hostility toward Christian girls attending college at some Christian sites I read (not necessarily yours!), rather than viewing going to college or not going to college as equally viable choices. It seems that while perhaps in the past some may possibly have looked askance at a women for not going to college, now in some circles she is criticized (directly or indirectly) for going, which saddens me. The beautiful thing is that as Christians we have the opportunity to follow where we feel Christ is leading us.
Thank you for allowing me to add this angle to the discussion!
With best wishes,
Laura
Hi, Laura!
Thanks for sharing. I'm not of the opinion that college is always wrong for all girls. However, I do think that all young people need to very carefully and prayerfully consider (along with their parents!) college and the pros and cons before just jumping headfirst into it. I think that just going to college for "going to college's sake" is very unwise. Like you turn 18 and don't know what else to do, so I guess college is just the next step.
If a family has sought the Lord and thought through all the options and determined what the end goal and purpose is and college is how the Lord is directing them, go for it. But, as a young person going to college, I strongly encourage you to make sure to hold everything up to the light of Scripture, to not be afraid to stand alone, to surround yourself with Godly mentors, to stay under the direction and blessing of your parents, and to be really picky in your friendships and social activities. I'd also highly recommend that you live at home, if at all possible, and that you stay active in a good church and in ministry opportunities. I think it is much easier to pick up on the "me-me-me" mentality if you are locked into the college bubble which surrounds you and your social life. And talk to your parents and wise older people about what you are learning. Don't just blindly believe whatever you are told by a professor. And finally, if at all possible, stay out of debt. I don't know how many couples I know where the wife has to work or has had to work or where they are in very difficult financial times due to student loans. Avoid them like the plague.
Thank you so much for posting this Crystal. I am a working woman for now (to pay some debts off) but my desire is to be at home. People give me the strangest looks when I tell them that. This really makes me feel better about my choice that once the debt is paid off and I can stay at home, I will know for sure I made the right decision.
Laura, your comment made me smile. Your daughter's experience in her first year sounds like mine- a beautiful, wonderful time of growth that I delighted to share in conversation with my mother :) A godly young woman on a college campus not only has a hundred amazing things to learn from faculty and friends, she also has great things to teach and share from her example that can draw others to Christ. I hope that your daughter continues to thrive.
Crystal, thank you, I needed this encouragement, although I was encouraged by something quite off-topic.
It was a blessing to me to read about you, a young mother in your early 20's, being able to minister to a woman with a daughter not so much younger than you are.
God has placed me in a church where many people believe differently than I do, and it is difficult to believe that a 24-year-old woman with no children can influence a body full of people who seem so much older.
It is so different to read about you living out 1 Timothy 4:12 than just to read the verse. God bless you and your ministry.
Erin:
In some areas there are programs which will pay for part or all of your teaching degree in exchange for you agreeing to work for a year or two in an inner-city or underprivileged school district. Since it sounds like you have a lot of flexibility, you may want to look into this.
Some links I found:
http://www.teachforamerica.org/
http://www.doe.mass.edu/news/news.asp?id=648
Thank you for posting this as well. I am a newlywed and, while I currently am working to provide additional income, my goal and my heart is at home. I am glad that young women are still able to make the choice to be mothers and wives.
I'm home right now, and Crystal, I struggle with being so lonely. I'm used to being in an office, talking to people all day, and coming home at night before my husband to have my 30 minutes of "quiet time" (cooking dinner and listening to Christian music.). Now that I have all day, it is overwhelming to say the least!
I find it very ironic how I longed to be at home when I was working, and now I'm restless, lonely, and find myself feeling useless because I haven't a baby to care for yet (come August, I'll have my hands full!). I know I should enjoy this 'season', but I feel so isolated. Do you have any suggestions or help? I'm sure there's someone else out there just like me, reading this blog and feeling the way I feel.
Laura, your daughter's experiences will be invaluable! I was involved in IVCF and Campus Crusade while in college. I didn't get 'saved' until college, but having those experiences were fantastic! What I loved was that although the women of these groups wanted to have jobs or careers before their children were born, every single lady I knew there had her heart firmly in the home; they knew what was important once they got married and had children! The level of values, propriety, and morals that run through those groups is great; we kept each other accountable, provided rides to church or dinner if someone had limited money. The support is great, among the women as well as the men. They never did anything but respect us, and watch over us on campus. God bless your daughter and keep her as she goes through school; I find I miss the 'old' days from time to time now!
Though I agree in part to what was written - I have to disagree with some of it. From the time that I was 14 I very much wanted to be a wife/mother. After high school I did not go to college right away but worked at part time jobs. But I wasn't getting married. I was 18, then 19 then 20 and so on and on. My home atmosphere was not pleasant as my dad was not a Christian.
Finally I decided to go to college so I could get a full time "decent" job and move out on my own.
I did not get married til I was almost 27. I know other great Christian women who were in their late 30s before getting married.
It is not always sensible to just stay home and help mom - for one thing sometimes there just isn't enough work for everyone to do (I had 4 sisters).
I also don't think it's right for girls to get all "starry eyed" and keep putting their lives "on hold" waiting for their prince charming.
A friend of mine put in many helpful good years in teaching at a Christian school until this yr when she got engaged at almost 40 yrs old. There was no work for her to do at home as she had 2 grandmas living with the family also.
Yes, being a wife and mother is the main calling for women - but at least the women I've known - not all are getting married at 18-20 yrs old and I think they need to be productive until then.
Anonymous: I think you are missing the point. It is not just a life of "staying home and helping mom" that I am talking about, though that may very well be what God calls many young women to. There is SO MUCH MORE out there that girls can do and it doesn't require a college education or going away to work full-time in a ministry for girls to do great and mighty things for the Lord. For each young woman who is truly seeking the Lord with her life, it will look different, but one thing will remain the same - we don't need to follow the world's methods to accomplish God's means.
I lived at home until I was married and I most certainly helped around the house and with my younger siblings a lot, but I also did many other things - taught violin, studied violin, played in an orchestra, got my paralegal certification, worked as a mother's helper, worked at a Christian tea room, published a newsletter for young women, helped my grandparents, made meals for families in our church, was very politically active, wrote many letters to hurting people all over, read and studied extensively, and so on and so forth.
I'm not saying this to put myself up on any pedastal, I am saying this to make the point that just because I lived at home did not mean I was chained to the kitchen sink - just as now that I am a wife and mom, I'm not chained to my kitchen sink either. There is so much potential for young women - so many needs right in our own homes, our families, our extended families, our neighbors, our churches, our communities. Just because a young woman doesn't go to college does not in any way mean she leads a dull and meaningless life. Quite the contrary!
I think we have so lost sight in the Christian community of the great and incredible potential of young women.
Hi,
thanks all for your views on the subject what can i say i turn one way i hear one thing i turn another i hear something else everything is so romanticised i come from Africa we dont have as many options as you most mothers infact have to work to feed their children back in Africa they are the bread winners, the mothers and also the fathers so there is not so much choice they just trust God and live most cant read but they live anyway. Im happy that there are those who are aware of about God restoring the family unit, i beg forgiveness from all if i have appraoched this in a judgemental way it was never my intention. All i can say love God seek his will let him be your friend not because its easy but because He`s real. I`m not perfect im so weak i have so many flaws. I guess all im trying to say without stepping on toes is God knows us all he knows our circumstances He will guide us wherever we are trusting him not because its easy its againist the norm but He is God he will guide as He knows to be our best
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