Missing out on a wonderful lifestyle?
ANN ARBOR---As more women delay having babies to finish their educations and establish their careers, a University of Michigan researcher identifies an unexpected long-term implication of waiting: likely eventual extinction of the older mother's lineage.With so much concern about the difficulty of adjusting the biological clock to bear a child later in life, the future of descendants may not seem important to many people. But for those interested in their family's end-game evolutionary success as well as near-term parenthood, reproducing late in life is apparently a no-win strategy.
Interesting article (thanks, Shannon!), but it ended with a very telling and sad paragraph:
Low, who gave birth to her first and only child when she was in her mid-30s, emphasizes that lineage success may not be an important goal for many modern women. "If you want to see your line persist, then it's probably optimum to start reproducing in your early to mid-20s," she says. "But if you want to have a wonderful lifestyle, you're probably better off either not having children or having them as late as possible."Now I understand that not all women can have children due to infertility issues, but for those who do have children, would you really say you are missing out on a wonderful lifestyle? I think not.
Read the full article.
As I was watching my precious little blue-eyed two-year-old care for her babydoll last night, I couldn't help but think about how quickly she is growing up. As Jesse and I were discussing this, I turned and looked at him and said, "Yes, she's growing up but how thankful I am that I've not missed out on any of it. I wouldn't trade being her mommy for the world."
We most certainly live in a culture with misplaced priorities.
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:10 AM
15 Comments:
Thank you Crystal for this sad, yet eye-opening article. I agree with you that we certainly live in a culture with misplaced priorities. I for one feel completely honored to stay home with my girls every day. They do grow so quickly!I feel honored to make sacrifices financially (so people say when they advocate women working outside the home for more “money” and “things.”) to be home. I am grateful to the Lord for blessing our house with giggles, spilled juice, a bathtub full of squeaky toys, and even dirty diapers! I would not trade my position as a stay-at-home mommy for all the tea and china in the world (as my grandmother would say!).
That is really sad! I am not someone who thinks everyone should get married and have children, bu if you are married and are able to have children, I think it is really sad, not wonderful, to not have children. They bring so much joy to our lives in their everyday activities and bring a fufillment to life.
Oh dear.
Why is it that people are so quick to tell others that they have it wrong when they refuse to look at the decisions they are making.
Being a mommy is the best. I can say this because I have been a university educated career woman!
Crystal,
... this sort of language always makes me chuckle. Where do we find any notions of the importance of being "interested in the family's end-game evolutionary success" in the Scriptural example of Christ? I agree that married women have the duty and privilege to fulfill their marriage by being open to children, whether natural or adopted. But is this language of "evolutionary end game success" the best Christians can do in encouraging married couples to have children?
MM: My point in posting the article was not to say that Christians should have children because of any of the conclusions in the article, I just thought it was an interesting article. :) Don't try to make any conclusions when I post an article that I am saying "This is the best evidence that Christians should have children" - quite the contrary! I just find it fascinating when someone will say something counter-cultural, as in, "here's a reason to have children" - but then end the article with something like this article ended with.
I can come up with a boatload of reason why Christians should be procreating, not the least of which is that God very clearly says in His Word that children are a blessing from the Lord. Just understanding that concept (a belief much of the modern Church has, sadly, disregarded), can make a world of difference. :)
Dear Crystal,
It all depends on what one defines as "wonderful lifestyle". Perhaps one thinks that it means spending a big part of one's adulthood alone, caring only for one's own needs, then trying to cram marriage and motherhood into late thirties, or even staying alone... for me, this definition is somewhat doubtful.
I waited until I was 27 to have my daughter. I wanted to have everything straight in my life such as education, career, etc. Actually, my daughter was a surprise blessing. I would have continued to put off having a baby until I got to the point I wanted to professionally. I'm so glad my plans did not work out! I really look back at my life before I had my daughter and it seems so empty and aimless. I have most of the same interests that I had before I became a mother (sports, outdoors activities, reading and education), but now I get to share those with my child and do so in a way that benefits her! Sure being a mother is challenging and you can't have everything "your way," but who says you should have everything your way? I could go on and on about this. All I can do is thank God that he brought me out of my self-absorbed world with the birth of my daughter and gave me the desire to be the best mother that I can be (which to me means doing it full time). I can't wait to add more children to our family! However, since I am 29, I know my clock is ticking!
Stacie
PS: I have been reading your blog for a while and this is the first time I have posted. I love your perspective on motherhood and related issues.
Hi Chrystal,
It doesn't seem like people consider adoption too often when speaking of parenthood. I am not writing of foreign adoptions, although they are wonderful, but quite expensive. I am writing about adoption from foster care, of children whose parental rights have been terminated due to drug abuse, prison sentences, neglect, or death of their birth parents right here in the U.S.A. This is a wonderful way to become a parent, or expand your family.
This was the way God allowed us to be parents. These children are right here in the U.S.A. just waiting for a loving family to call them their own. We prayed for one child and were blessed with two, twins! Yes, these children are mostly not babies. Ours were 7. (Now 15!) Some children come with minor problems, some with learning disabilities due to their treatment before and after birth. This was the case with our blessings. But what a joy and completion they brought to my heart. I would not trade any moment, hard or easy, for anything! They are MY children. I did not give birth to them physically, but I gave birth to them in my heart! A seed planted by God.
If any readers would like to begin a family or expand their family, this is one way. Adoption of foster care children is usually free. It was for us in PA. No attorney fees, no homestudy costs, etc. The children are waiting! PA has approx. 25,000 children waiting for families. See what path God might have you take! : )
Ruth, PA
Thank you Crystal, for posting the article. You are a wonderful blessing!
And then there are those of us who read things like this and it breaks our heart. We would love to have children in our early/mid 20s but we're still waiting...
Ruth - thanks so much for sharing. It warms my heart to hear of the many families like yours who are reaching out their arms to the needy children and giving them a loving and welcoming home and training and nurturing them in the ways of the Lord. God bless you!
LeAnne: Keep praying and trusting, and don't lose hope! I know what it's like to deal with infertility and the very real possibility that God may never allow you to be a mother. (You can read my article on our articles page on the subject if you have not already done so.) Don't lose heart, though, and throw your life into serving others and ministering to others. Being a mother's helper throughout our time of infertility helped to fill some of the emptiness in my own heart and it also kept me busy!
Crystal,
To add to LeAnne's comment... then there are those of us who would love to be married and have children in our early 20s but are still "maidens in waiting" in our late 20s. :0s
Thank you for your books, "Handmaidens of the Lord" and "A Maiden in Waiting" - it is encouraging to read books and articles like you've published and know that there are others who are also waiting on God's timing, if it is His will, for the blessing of being a stay-at-home wife and mother.
In the meantime, we are growing in virtue and Godly character, with His guidance, in preparation to be a helpmeet to our future husbands...
Though, it is difficult to battle the longing in our heart for this intended role for us as women & be content when we read and hear of others who HAVE the ability to be a stay-at-home wife and mother, but choose instead to wait until they have established themselves as a career person, have "enough money" for a family, etc.
There are only two blogs that I visit just about daily, and yours is one of them. :0) Thank you for your encouragement to strive to live by the words in the Bible.
May God be with you as you deliver your newest baby and continue to bless you as wife and mother!
~Jenna
Hello, I just wanted to add my thoughts...:)I am now 29. I have one son who is almost 16 months. I am a bit like the poster who said their daughter suprised them at 27 or they would have gone on in their career even further but i have NO REGRETS for the years I spent working. We saved a lot of money in the bank and savings account (all of my income after giving was put straight in the bank the final year and half or so I worked) which allowed us to buy a wonderful home and be generous with others when we need to. We traveled together all over this beautiful country and to other countries, and just really got to know each other really well in the almost five years we had before we had our wonderful son. I ran a marathon, and did other things i don't think (well I know now) I could have done with children. So while I see now that he is such a JOY in my life I do not regret having those years. I would not go back and change anything or have him any earlier. Also, the work I did outside the home in those years - some in a ministry helping unwed mothers, I could not have done had I had a child. The other work I did directly contributed to me being eligible for a wonderful out of my home referral business I do now that brings in a wonderful additional (small but welcome) income for us. So, for us I really think those years were part of God's plan for our lives. Also, it honestly just does not concern me about my specific genes carrying on into future generations. (Haven't read the article so I don't konw the exact point made about that topic). I just figure I have enough to worry about day to day that for some reason the last thing I am worried about is generations a ways away from now. Personally, I think God will return before too long...
Let us always remember that as parents there is nothing more important than raising up the next generation for the glory of God. And as a couple - what greater work could there be than raising up the next generation for the glory of God? If God says children are a blessing, we should be gladly and joyfully accepting those blessings from His hand and purposing to raise them up for His glory.
Yes, the world might think we are "wasting our lives" - but all that matters is that we are seeking to glorify the Lord. Laying up treasure in heaven is much more important than all the earthly treasures of this world.
My comment was more along the lines of faithfully_waiting/Jenna. :) More along the lines of still waiting to even get married!
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