A noble ministry
I guess I must have missed this article when it was posted on Ladies Against Feminism a little while back. I'm thankful to a reader for pointing me to it as it is excellent:Before you read this journal, let me say something. I don't have a personal problem with Jill Briscoe or Ann Graham Lotz or Beth Moore or Kay Arthur or any of the rest of the celebrity women Bible teachers. I'm sure they love the Lord - I don't doubt their zeal for a moment. However, I strongly disagree with their ministry lifestyles and how they model such lifestyles for young women. I believe they are wrong and are (though perhaps unintentionally) having a negative influence on the family. I pray for them because their influence is huge and it encourages a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture even if that is not what they mean to do. Though it seems at times that I am a lone voice, and though you may not like what you're about to read, this is the way I see it.I know full well in posting something like this, there will be many who misunderstand the purpose of the article or want to point fingers. As LAF said so poignantly:
Read the whole article.
This is a challenging, thought-provoking look at the current approach to "women's ministry." We'd encourage you to read it carefully, with Scripture in hand. It is easy to jump to conclusions when reading opinions on matters like these, and we realize many will be tempted to say, "This writer is a hypocrite, because she is condemning women's ministry while she ministers to women!" But this would miss the point entirely. There is a biblical approach to women's ministry that does not sweep "inconvenient" passages like Titus 2 under the rug. It is the unbiblical approach to ministry that the author addresses in this article, and we believe she is in line with God's Word as she addresses the upside-down and backwards approach the postmodern church takes to equipping women to serve Christ.No, by posting this article I'm not at all implying women shouldn't minister or reach out to anyone besides their husband and children. Quite the contrary! What I am asking you to consider is whether or not a ministry which takes a married woman away from her primary role as wife, mother, and keeper-at-home constitutes a ministry which lines up with the Word of God? Is neglecting your home and family to minister to those outside of your home something which we see Scripture condones and encourages? I submit to you that you can search your Bible from front to back and you will not see this anywhere in Scripture.
The sad reality is that it is not only the feminists like Linda Hirshman who are saying women need to leave the home to do something meaningful with their lives, there are many, many so-called "Christians" who have lost sight of the Biblical role of women in the home, of the incredible potential and impact a woman can have as she seeks to glorify the Lord as a wife, mother, and homemaker.
The role of wife, mother, and homemaker is a great work, a noble calling, and can have far-reaching impact on the world at large. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise! Keep your focus on Christ and glorify Him as you minister in your home and from your home.
You are doing a great work and you will be richly rewarded someday. Press on!
Graphic from Art.com
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:00 AM
49 Comments:
Selah and Amen ~ press upward and onward in Christ Jesus; God's way is perfect.
I thought I might offer some imput. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but I think you might like to know this. The art site you have a link to on your post has some really really bad pictures on it. I went to it to look for a picture for my blog, but quickly left. Thought you might want to know.
By the way I LOVE your site and blog. When I have some spending money I will be ordering some things.
The issues you address are great! I totally agree with your post about women's ministry. The whole issue has bothered me for a while, and I really like it that you don't shy away from something because it is controversial.
Bless you many times over
I agree with the article 100%. I was invited to go to a Beth Moore conference a few weeks ago--and I just couldn't stomach it. She is funny, intelligent, and even inspiring--but she completely avoided a woman's TRUE role in life; because I know God's Will for me, it was tough to listen to a speaker who encouraged women to leave their husbands and children once in a while so they could "hear from God". It's really a heresy, and very sad.
Crystal, I caution you to be very careful in how you judge people. The women mentioned in this article are older women, their children have probably all left home. We don't have the right to say that these women are neglecting their homes or their families.
Personally, I know that before our two little ones came to live with us, I had many hours after the housework was done that I could use in some kind of ministry. I chose to use it ministering in ways such as mentoring young women at MOPS and teching Bible studies to teen girls.
One thing that you will learn as you grow older and wiser is that God does not always call us in the same direction. I used to think that anyone who didn't think the way I did had to be sinning. Now I see that God uses people in different ways. It's not our place to judge. If these women are in the wrong, they will have to answer to the Lord for it. But I would be so ashamed if God told me that I was in the wrong, that these women were serving Him in that way that He had called them and I had been critical of them.
I hope you take this in the spirit of love that it was intended.
Anonymous: I know that the art site has some objectionable pictures on it as does Allposters.com that I also use for graphics. However, in order to use the graphics legally, I have to leave a link. They have some very beautiful graphics, I just stay away from searching in any category which could be objectionable. Neither of these sites have objectionable graphics on their home page otherwise I would definitely discontinue using grpahics from them.
Thanks for posting this - maybe I should post some sort of disclaimer when linking to the art sites for those who might not be familiar with them.
Huskerbabe: Just to clarify, I'm not judging these particular women mentioned in the article. The point of posting the article was to encourage women to not neglect their primary roles in searching for some "great ministry." I don't know these individual women's specific situations, only God does. But I do know that saying that raising one's children is not a ministry or a great work is definitely not Biblical.
I also do not believe, as I've said here many times, that there is a cookie-cutter model for all women to follow in order to be a "Biblical Woman." Each woman's situation is unique and different depending upon whether or not she is married, whether or not she has children, the husband God has given her, and so on. However, there are some things which are clear from Scripture and one of those things is that a woman's primary responsibility - if she is married - is to her husband and home and children (if she has them). That is my point. We often lose sight of this important principle in thinking we have to "go out and do great things for God." We can do great things for God right from our home. Is not training our children, loving our husband, and making our home a welcoming haven something great. Maybe not in the world's eyes, but in GOd's eyes it is. "He that is greatest among you, let him be your servant."
You are right on target, Crystal!!! Once again you have given me insight! Even if these speakers hae no children, or grown children, how can they give 100% to their husbands or homes if they are traveling around the world ministering to others? (Often they hire people to do the jobs that God has called them to do, nanny, housecleaner, cook, etc.) Keep speaking the truth! You have opened my eyes!
Ruth, PA
I have to be honest - I started reading this post with a chip on my shoulder. But by the end God had humbled me and shown me truth. In the back of my mind it's bothered me about these women too. I am a working mom, out of necessity - but at the same time, my heart is at home.
Good post, good thoughts. Thanks for posting it even though you knew not all would agree. You've convinced at least one today.
That article was very thought provoking and challenging. I've been thinking about this alot lately as I prepare to be a mother. I'm finally understanding that my walk doesn't have to resemble anyone else's. It's really between you, The Lord, and your husband to decide how and when you will serve. And I don't see anything in scripture that says it's wrong for a woman to serve outside of the home as well as in the home. However, if I were to do this in an effort to escape my responsiblities at home, or for self-fulfillment than clearly I would be serving myself and not obeying God.
I think that most women would agree that God will provide opportunities to serve in any situation if we ask Him.
Crystal, 'tis I with yet another question. I have been reading so many books on parenting that my mind is spinning. I have read books on AP by Sears and Babywise by Ezzo. Do you have any insights? Did you ever put Baby Kathryn on a schedule?
Thanks SO much for posting that article. I thought it was excellent and so very true. It was interesting to me especially since I was just at a ladies' conference, organized by a sister church in our state, this past Saturday and the topic of the sermons (yes, sermons, preached by a man) was the Titus 2 "older women teach the younger women". This article gave me further food for thought on the subject.
One of my favorite television ministers is Joyce Meyer. She's written some books that have changed my life. I was especially interested in what she had to say about women in ministry. She referred to the Easter story, when Mary Magdalene came to visit Jesus' tomb. She was, of course, the first person to witness the resurrection. When she saw that Jesus wasn't there, the angel said, "...go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and he is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there. Remember what I have told you.” (Matthew 28:5-7). That is the reason Joyce Meyer believes that women can (and should) minister.
But I understand your point regarding the home. I just wanted to contribute a little food for thought. :-)
Crystal, I ditto huskerbabe in her statement to please be cautious. Tearing another Christian down is dangerous territory.
For example, the statement.....
"The sad reality is that it is not only the feminists like Linda Hirshman who are saying women need to leave the home to do something meaningful with their lives, there are many, many so-called "Christians" who have lost sight of the Biblical role of women in the home"....
Any time we say 'so called christians' whether we mean it or not, it is calling into question a person's faith. THAT is completely unbiblical as God clearly states noone knows what is in another's heart except for God.
I know you didn't write the original article, but most of these women do have grown children. They do not have babies or toddlers. What is inapprorpriate for a mother of little ones is not the same for a mother of grown children.
There is so much WRONG In the world today, why spend time tearing down women who are trying to glorify God? Sure maybe it is just under the pretense of encouraging women to stay at home but this is exactly what the world sees and says 'I want no part of that - I have that as an unbeliever.'
Whether we agree EXACTLY with what someone is doing is not the point, they call Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior and are trying to win people to him and nothing in their actual teaching to women is unbiblical. If what we fear is unbiblical is their 'life on the road ministry style' then I can think of far greater sins and this Christian on Christian bickering is a shame and honestly, it pleases Satan more than anyone to see us tear one another down.
Thank you for being willing to post controversial topics. I truly mean this post in a kind way, and as you said you encourage debate, I don't mean this in a mean way at all. I think you do a wonderful job on this blog.
One more question - what is the limit for this? Are we neglecting our home to go to our churches' ladies day or if we leave our dear children at home with our husband to go to the store or to go help a family? See, this can get legalistic. Are these women at error because of the AMOUNT of time logged on the road and away from home? Because who is to say their 80 days (or whatever, I have no idea :) is any different in God's eyes than our Saturday from 9 - 1 spent at a womens' prayer breakfast? See my point? Whenever we sent in judgement of someone, we run the risk of getting really hypocritical.
Remember....amounts don't matter to God so much as the HEART. That is what he seeks. A heart that is yielded fully to him. That is why someone giving a quarter in the collection plate can mean so much more than someone giving $25,000. If it were by amounts then that would not be true.
The same thing can be applied here - how do we know God is not displeased with the occassional afternoon off to go attend to a needy family in one's congregation?
I think God is honored by our heart's intention and as noone save for God can read a man's heart we should be careful to not tear one another down.
Anonymous: Thanks for your concerns and once again I reiterate that the point of posting the article was not to anyway bash a particular person or to say that any of the women mentioned are not Christians - like you said, only God knows their hearts.
However, I think we need not run away from the truth in Scripture for fear of offending or for fear of being legalistic. If a woman is neglecting her home and family for the sake of a ministry, she is in sin. Period.
That is the point of the article.
Each woman's situation will be different. For instance, I write books and blog and run Biblical Womanhood. At this point in my life, it is something that I can fit in in the little snippets of time when my husband is at work and my daughter is napping. I only have one child right now so I can do this and, by God's grace and constant effort, not neglect my primary responsibilities as a wife and mother.
We are also able to open our home up at least a few times per week for ministry and we do quite a bit of ministry in our local community.
That is this season of our lives, what I am able to balance, and what honors my husband.
In a few years from now, I will probably cut back a lot on many of these activities as my focus will need to be almost entirely on my own home and family as more children come along, Lord-willing.
I can't say what is neglecting one's home and family for anyone else but myself - I know my limits and abilities and must discuss this prayerfully with the Lord and my husband. I need to constantly be evaluating and sifting through opportunities and needs that arise and seeking my husband's direction in this to see what God would be most glorified in as to how I spend my time. I don't always make the right decisions and my family has suffered in the past for it.
There are so many needs all around us and so many opportunities, but we only have 24 hours in a day. We need to be very careful to choose wisely what is BEST.
Just as this article points out that you can forsake your highest, richest ministry (family and marriage) for 'the call', so can a man called to ministry do the same thing. Yet, we don't hear much about that. In fact my dh is a pastor and is often encouraged to be away from the home more than he is at home, commended for it. So, it is not only women, but men who are called to vocational ministry who battle this dilema.
However, I will pose another view, in my life, I see ALL my activities as ministry--what I do at home, at work (I work about 12 hours a week at a local Christian University), at the church, entertaining friends. Ministry and living out that ministry is my calling, it is just at different seasons it is 'played' out differently.
KWIM?
I think as Christians, we all, men and women, need to realize that if one is called into vocational ministry, as both my husband and I are, that we all need to put our family first. It is very easy for pastors and other church workers, male or female, to put the call to vocational ministry before their ministry to their marriage and family. Sadly, many churches have turned into corporations, as opposed to communities and this propels the entire mentality I have found.
While I don't agree completely with the referenced article, I do think it makes some valid points. But I would be hesitant to say that the way the author chose to raise her family was 'God's way'. While I work a few hours per week and my children are with their dad during those few hours, we know with all of our hearts that BOTH of our hearts and first priority is to first, our relationship with God and secondly to each other and our children. This is God's way for our family, even though it is different for the author of this article.
I appreciate, Crystal that you state that through prayer, the study of God's word and discussion with our spouses their is more than 'one way' to be in marriage and mothering, but still be doing it 'God's way', even if it doesn't look exactly like your way.
From the article I got the impression that the author was saying mine and my dh's way of marriage and parenting was not God's way. Again, I would be hesitant to her making this broad statment, merely b/c I am not a FT SAHM, yet my heart is there, and even my employer knows and supports that I drop everything if my child or my husband need me at that moment.
Jada - I so agree on men in ministry neglecting their families, too. I've sadly seen that happen time and time again and it is heart-breaking. It's not worth it to lose your family - as a man or woman - for the sake of a ministry.
We seem to often forget that one of the qualifications of a bishop/elder is one who "rules his own house well having his children in subject." If his family and home are not in order, he is disqualified as a leader in the church. That's serious stuff and shows just how important a priority God places on the family.
Crystal, I too read this article on LAF. It was very encouraging to me, controversial of course, and incredibly challenging at the same time. Some of the women mentioned, God has used through their books and speaking ministries, to encourage me in my walk with the Lord. In fact, I must say that as a young lady, I desired to minister as a speaker/author all over planet earth. I guess they did encourage me in the wrong direction at times… not gearing much (if any) of their teaching on Titus 2, Proverbs 31, etc. Because of their examples I have struggled with believing that I must “go out and do great things for God.” Not understanding that God’s design for me as a young wife and mother is to “stay home and do great things for God!”
As I’ve studied the scriptures and prayed with my husband, especially in the last 4 years since giving birth to our first child, God has begun to change my heart. It’s been humbling to say the least. God is still leading me patiently as I discover his plan for me personally to minister outside the home. For now, my husband and I prayerfully consider each speaking opportunity I receive and turn down most of them. Again, it’s been a hard, refining, and learning process for me, but one in which I believe God is being glorified.
As Christian women I do believe we need to take a step back from what is considered “OK” in the church, and really seek God’s will (through His Word of course) to know how much time he wants us as wives and mothers to devote to ministry outside the home(if any during certain seasons). One thing is for sure, our Lord is faithful to finish the work he has started in us. He will never let us down! He is concerned foremost with our hearts, not our works. I praise Him for using all of us, sinful as we are, to bring others to salvation through Christ.
Crystal,
I agree with what you said about only judging for youself if what you do with your God-given time is right. You are a brave woman and I admire it - you dare to post controversial, thought-provoking topics on your blog and though I might disagree, I know it takes a lot of guts to do it.
I think in the end, what you said pretty much sums it up - "I can't say what is neglecting one's home and family for anyone else but myself - I know my limits and abilities and must discuss this prayerfully with the Lord and my husband. "
I agree that if in any case these woman'a families are suffering from their ministries then they are not keeping their priorities straight. The same goes for men, as a previous commentor and you mentioned. The order in the Bible is always God first and foremost, then others - with spouse and home being first, we are not to neglect the family God has given us to minister. However, there are times when we can make choices that might mean our families do without to bless another. For example, when a family agrees to forego Christmas and give all gifts to another family. Or, to relinquish some precious together-time so that a parent can assist another family.
In the end, we each will answer to God as to how we used and invested our time (think of the parable of the talents).
I AM SORRY I AM ALWAYS SO LONG WINDED!!!!! 'Tis true in real life and on the internet.
Crystal, I appreciate you bringing up this issue. A woman's life work is so important--and there are so many out there who want to prescribe it for us! I agree with those commentors who have mentioned seasons of life and the way we are able to serve and contribute differently along life's path. I also know that through prayer each of us can discern what is important for us at any given point in our life, and it CHANGES frequently! I am currently approaching middle-age with most of my five children in school, and I know that I will constantly have to re-evaluate my priorities over the coming years.
In my work at church with teenage girls, I have been impressed that it is vital for me to simply BE who I am: a happy, content, full-time homemaker and mother. I rarely do anything outside of my home other than attend church and serve with church members. That sort of stance is lonely at times, even among my other Christian friends. But I have learned that focusing my life on God and trying to rear my children to do the same is the most vital thing I personally am here to do at this time, and I am very open with all the other mothers I meet about my feelings on motherhood and family. The world sends so many negative and confusing messages to youth and young couples these days regarding their most important roles. It IS enough to just BE an example for them. That is ministry in itself, and God counts on us for that.
I know the anon poster who asked about baby schedules was asking Chrystal, but I just wanted to suggest that you google 'Ezzo' - there is some pretty disturbing findings about his book 'becoming baby wise'. Some ofthe children on his 'scheduling' have become severely dehydrated. There is always controversy about most anything to be sure, but please do google him and see if you still are interseted in his works.
I find that pretty much every baby will eventually put themselves on a schedule. It is not something we as mothers usually have to force. We can encourage it, but trying to do so with a newborn (3 months or younger) is pretty much not going to work! :)
As a baby approaches four months they begin to have sleep cycles that more closely resemble an adults. No, this doesn't mean they will all sleep thru the night! :) But they will start to have definitive periods of sleepiness and wakefulness.
You can watch and make notes and be consistent with making sure baby is in a nice place to nap - wherever you choose for that to be. In general, most babies first develop the need for a morning nap, which usually begins within 2 hours of after they first woke up. Some babies can only be up for one hour after they first get up in the morning. Anyways, this morning nap is usually the first to appear and also the first to disappear later on.
After the morning nap has been established, they will then begin to take an afternoon nap. There will usually be a period of a couple hours between the end of the morning nap and beg. of afternoon nap.
You can encourage a napping atmosphere by doing soothing mechanisms - whatever you choose for those to be. For my son, it was a gentle bath and lotion/ massage followed by nursing routine and then I just laid him in his crib with a mobile playing music. It was trial and error and sometimes he only napped for thirty minutes but eventually he napped for 2 hours twice per day.
Anwyays, I know this sounds like a lot but honestly, most babies sort of develop their own schedule. Try not to get overwhelmed!
A book that really helped me was 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Healty Child' by Dr. Mark Weisbluth.
As with anything tho, I take some and leave some - I don't adhere to everything he says but the book does a great job explaining in normal english how/ why they sleep like they do. It also breaks it down into stages.
A huge plus is He addresses all the 'popular methods' without a bias towards any particular one which truly leaves you free to choose.
but be encouraged - it really will all work out! Best of luck to you!
Anonymous with the baby questions: My advice - do what works for you. Different babies and families have different needs. You can glean ideas from books but I don't think there is one right way that works for every baby. Don't stress over it, just enjoy your child and seek the Lord and your husband for wisdom. Above all, don't stress over it!
Probably not too helpful, but it's the best advice I have to give. :)
Hmmm. I have mixed feelings about that article. First, if the author is truly convicted that her ministry is strictly confined to her home and family, then by all means, she needs to follow that conviction. It would be sin to do otherwise.
However, to broadly say that all women in outside ministries are neglecting their homes or families in the name of ministry simply because their callings are different is a dangerous line of thought. To assume that God's calling on you is the same one he has for everyone is bordering on egocentrism. As humans, we have a tendency to assume that our own way is the right way, so to see others walking a different path causes alarm and judgements of sin.
If these women weren't out there encouraging other women to study God's word, to delve in deeply, to look beyond themselves and their immediate surroundings, then there are many women who would still be lost today. We are not all the same, and we are not all in the same place in regards to our relationship with God. While those women in ministry may not be speaking to the needs of the article's author, it would be wrong to dismiss their teachings as being wrong for all women out there.
Also, keep in mind that those women are out there teaching with their husbands' blessings. Their husbands quite likely do not consider themselves or their homes neglected. But if they do, I would hope that they would have the good sense to discuss that with their wives, and that their wives would do what they can to remedy the situation. But to simply assume that they are being neglected is speaking without supporting fact or evidence.
I also get a sense of martyrdom from the article's author. While ministry of any sort can be quite consuming, to martyr oneself in ministry without allowing oneself any outside interests, as she seemed to advocate, that seems to be a quick path to burnout. And I think that's what the mother in her example (the one who felt like a widow) was experiencing. To wholly give oneself up to the family (or anything else) without ever having a chance to get out and regain some sense of balance would make anyone feel overwhelmed and ready to give up. Maybe I misunderstood the author, but she really seemed to advocate martyrdom and to dismiss anyone else who needs a break once in a while.
Interesting article! I think there are some women that do manage to minister and take care of their households, i think of Elizabeth Elliot and Nancy Leigh Demoss. i think sometimes women can ignore the part that says that older women should teach the younger women as well in taking care of their households also at times.
That was an interesting, thought-provoking article, and while I wholeheartedly agree that a wife or mothers priorities should be God, her husband, and her children (in that order) I also believe that there are ministries that God might call a wife or mother to. There is a difference between neglecting your husband, children, and home because of ministry and being a part of a ministry in a way that honors God and allows you to still fulfill your role as wife/mother/homemaker.
This article seemed to generalize all women as either being at home all the time or being involved in ministry and therefore neglecting their family. There are some wives and mothers who stay at home and yet neglect their husband, children, and household duties, so we must not generalize women in to categories as it seemed to me the article was doing.
It was very hard for me to read through the article and take the author seriously because it seemed that the entire article was written with a sarcastic tone and not in a godly, loving way.
I do think that there are many women today who do not recognize the great honor, privilege, and ministry that they have in their own homes and families, and many do not treat these things as their first priorities, but as I said before, there are women who do stay home and these things are not their priorities. I find many times that my priority is myself! We need to be careful in the way that we approach such issues as to not give off a "holier than thou" attitude as I felt from this article.
Crystal, as I have been reading your comments throughout I think you have given some wonderful advice- that things are different for all women, and that we have different seasons of our life where more or less outside ministry may be possible, also that we need to be seeking the Lord and discussing matters with our husbands...and I am grateful for your words of wisdom, but it doesn't seem like to me that is what the article was trying to say.
Oh...one more thing! As I was thinking about women and ministry (and discussing this issue with my fiance) this verse came to my mind:
Matthew 28:19-20
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you, and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"
We know that it is God's will that we share the gospel and evangelize those who are lost. I believe that this definitly includes one's own children, but God desires to have disciples from all nations! How else will they hear unless we tell them? And we don't all need to pack our bags and head to a foreign mission field, but we do need to be doing our part in evangelizing the lost whether it be through your church, in your home, in your neighborhood, your city, or wherever God puts you. I am sure that most of you would agree that this is an important command of God that we share His Word and His gospel with others. That is why I think this article rubbed me the wrong way because it seemed to me like it was saying for women to stay at home and do not be involved in outside ministry that might take you away from your home/husband/child for one minute. Maybe that was not the point or even what the author thinks, but that is what I came away with and I do not think that is Biblical.
Amy: I think you may have missed part of the point, or at least the point that I got from reading it. I definitely think there are many, many ministries a woman can be engaged in in addition to her primary role as wife and mother - such as evangelism, hospitality, reaching out to young moms, helping the elderly, and on and on and on.
I also think there are many ministries which a family can engage in together - as husband and wife, the mother and children, or the whole family together.
However, she shouldn't engage in any of these if she is neglecting her first priorities. If her home and family are suffering because of outside ministries, she needs to cut back and re-focus. That's what I took from the article.
I think we all need that reminder often - myself included. I am the world's worst at over-committing and have tried so hard, especially in recent years, to cut back, keep things simple, and focus my efforts first on my home and family.
Oh and has anyone noticed how much I've been writing today?! This is not only a subject I'm very passionate about, but Kathrynne took two naps today and since I'm working on polishing up two workshops for an online conference I'm involved in later this week (more on that in a few days!), I have kept coming back and writing on here to take a reprieve from speech-writing! :)
In response to the article:
This missionary wife, ministry wife ordeal makes me wonder. I think about a wife’s calling to disciple her children and raise them up, and the ministry to her home, but what about her husband’s responsibility and ministry to his family. You cannot instruct your wife and children in 2 months, of what should be 12. You can’t guard your home. Does it appear to anyone else that had her husband been home, or discipling her more effectively, she may not have had the inclination to leave her home?
It seems that the over whelming burden on a select few leaders should be dispersed among the disciples whom they are raising up to lead. And that a man should tend to his family first, and not save the world while his family goes to hell.
I would think that a man has a responsibility to his family one in the same as his wife does. Different function, but HE, is required, and has been charged to be faithful with that little, before he is faithful with whatever other distractions and abundance elsewhere there is. He must be faithful in Jerusalem before he goes out to the world, and that means continual maintenance and care.
Crystal - thanks for a wonderful article! I cannot speak for most of the women that were mentioned in the article, but I have heard Beth Moore reference several times the first years in her "ministry" where she hired a babysitter so that she could spend time writing. Right or wrong - I won't judge, I'm just mentioning it because she has been open about the fact that she put many hours into her writing when her children were small (I believe I read that when I stumbled on her blog a few weeks ago). And regardless, just because children may be grown and out of the home does not mean that a woman does not still have a responsibility to her husband.
I am in complete agreement that older women have a responsibility in teaching and encouraging younger women, especially about the things mentioned in Titus 2. However, I am starting to notice more women following after women teachers instead of searching things out for themselves. There are several women that I personally know that have fallen into this trap.
Anytime *anyone* steps up into a teaching role, there are a whole new set of temptations and challenges that come. And amen to whoever said that men need to be just as careful! As a wife of a preacher and evangelist, it is a constant struggle for a proper balance.
Anyways - thanks for pointing us to an as always thought provoking article! -Tiffany
O.K., I wasn't going to read the whole article--it's long and I was being lazy. (o; But because of the comments I decided to take the time to read it.
I did have a bit of a hard time following what she was saying because of all of the question marks peppered throughout the article and the sarcasm made it a bit hard to follow at times.
But I must say that I pretty much agree with what the article said.
She talked about seasons in a woman's life and I didn't get the sense that she was saying that mom's with children could never leave the house. I felt like she was trying to help us to see that serving our families is a ministry.
And when she said:
Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area. They seem to see the years of raising a family as something to get through till you can get to real ministry.
I had to agree. I don't have children but have I have observed this attitude quite often.
One thing I've learned since I started blogging a year in a half ago is my attitudes towards 'ministry' and 'family' was not biblical. When thinking upon Bible examples I could think of no married woman who had a ministry of her own or was in the spotlight without her husband. I could recall examples of wives ministering with their husbands but never alone. Another thing I noticed is that in Proverbs 31 it was the husband that was known in the gates, not the wife.
I am NOT saying and I don't think Crystal is either, that a woman can never set foot outside her home. However I believe the Bible does teach that woman's MAIN ministry is her home. To be a 'Keeper at Home' you must spend most of your time there.
Well this comment turned into a novel so I'd better stop but I want to add just one more thing.....I think it is so interesting that there is always such a confusion/debate on what 'women/wives/mothers should be doing'. Rarely is it that way about men/husbands/fathers. There seems to be such confusion in this area.----And we all know as the Bible says that God is not the Author of confusion. (o:
Blessings,
~Mrs.B
This is not related to your post, but I know sometimes you post good restaurant deals on your blog. Tomorrow (May 2) Baskin-Robbins is having a 31 Cent Scoop Night to benefit the Fallen Firefighters Foundation.
Crystal, I see that you have qualified your post by assuring us that this is not meant to be an attack on the individuals mentioned. However, from knowing almost all of these speakers personally, I have to add that almost all of the women mentioned are in ministry WITH their husbands, such that their work functions as extensions of their husbands' outreach; furthermore, it is true that none of them have children at home. LAF needs to be a bit more careful with who it tags in this regard.
I agree with you- a woman who tends to outside ministry at the expense of her home and children is a sad testimony indeed. However, the issue highlights our need for Christians who form families of ministry- people who marry in order to reach out better together than alone, who bear and raise children who will serve Christ's Church, and who keep their homes as bases for mission. I would love to see more Christian wives and mothers helping each other to reach out more effectively and encouraging one another in their joint roles as homemakers AND proclaimers of the Gospel in the larger world.
I enjoyed the article and will pass it on and return to the web sight for encouragement and biblical advice. Crystal, I also appreciate your willingness to be bold on this "tough" issue. What I took as one of the main points of the article was not that these celeb woman ministers are neglecting their families but that they are not teaching the truth of Titus 2 or 1 Timothy 5. I find this to be absolutely true! I have been hugely blessed by many of these women including Beth Moore and Jill Briscoe but I haven't heard them teaching women about their duties to husband, children and home. This is not the main jist of their message. I will say that it has bothered me and I have had a nagging in my heart over the lost opportunities. The bottom line is that women ARE called to teach other women and God has provided the lesson plans...Titus 2. He has also provided the primary vehicle where this is to happen and that is the local church. God bless you all as you search His word for His heart on this issue.
As others have previously mentioned, I too was disappointed with the overall tone of the author in this article. I realize that there is a problem with many women who are neglecting their family in the name of 'ministry' and am saddened by those who aren't encouraging young mothers in their God-given roles which is ministry at home. However, with that being sad, it is not our place to judge others who are serving in ministry. That is between that person, their husband, and the Lord with how they are serving. We ALL are called to serve in our local body of believers as the model in Acts and those roles will look different depending on our season of life. We need to be careful that we still make the local church a priority as well as our homes. We are called to do both. Also, I don't believe it is building up our fellow sisters in Christ by naming those who we may judge are out of line in women's ministry. (Matt 7:1) Our pastor's motto is "Instead of cursing the darkness, why don't we expose the light?" The article would've been more profitable if they could've given positive examples of those she felt were fulfilling their role as Biblical women. There are many passages that speak about a woman's calling, but there are just as many that talk about unity in the greater body of believers, and it disappoints me when we spend time being critical. We will all be together in heaven someday.
I feel weird quoting Beth Moore in a post that is not necessarily all that nice in her favor..but here goes anyway.
Beth talks about in her Daniel study the idea of spine and rib issues in doctrine & church teachings. In the church the spine issues are the NON NEGOTIABLES like salvation, that we need to all be on the same page with if we can truly call ourselves christians or followers of Christ.
The "rib" issues are those that branch out from the spine and go in different directions, but yet stem out of the spine. These are the more "negotiable" issues that we'll all approach differently.
You see, I read this article and post with interest because I am a traditionalist at heart. I love LAF website and 90% of the time I agree wholeheartedly.
But then again, I have also deeply benefitted from the Beth Moore bible studies. She has just been such a great teacher for me in many ways. Right now I'm doing her Daniel study and it goes like this. Once a week I watch the DVD and see the session. Then each day I do my homework in my notebook. It is intense Bible reading! I am not away from my kids or my home. If I were not doing my Daniel study, I'd still be watching SOMETHING on tv odds are, and I'd still be reading my Bible daily.
In the end, what bothers me is the people who criticize Beth Moore (or any ministry) who have absolutely NO concept of what it is about. Those people who say she's unbiblical because Pastor Bob told them so, or they read it on a blog, or whatever.
My beef with "the church" as a whole today is that we're a bunch of ignorant Christians, making judgements about people and issues without really knowing what we're talking about. We're making the rib issues the important ones and forgetting we all come from the same spine.
Hope this came out as I intended. By no means am I saying that we're all right and we should accept whatever wind of doctrine blows our way. Not at all. But we need to be intelligent and discerning for OURSELVES, not just because Lindsey or LAF or Pastor Bob said so. In the end, we're majoring in the minors so to speak. Let's keep reaching others for Christ the main spine issue and agree to disagree on certain rib issues!
Whew, long comment, sorry! :)
I like this blog. I'm encouraged by it in so many ways.
So I read this article because you seemed very enthused, but also because of all the comments. I wanted to know what the fuss was about.
And when I read it all, this is what I thought: Forget about her point. I agree with the high and holy calling of motherhood, and I know that feminism has infiltrated our ranks -- don't get me started!! -- and I'm so eager for women to fins joy in where God has them. Yes, I probably agree with all of her points.
But the tone, and the negative perspective is so... unladylike! I realized immediately what so many of the comments were reacting to!
First, Titus 2 includes instructions to be kind, and not slanderous. This does not seem to be written with the law of kindness in mind. Instead of inspiring me to pour into my family, it inspires me to adopt a contempt for those who may indeed fall short. Wrong emphasis.
Second, Jesus is building His Church, and the best has yet to come! That's exciting! Yes, there's a devil, but there's God, too! And at the end of the day, He wins! I'd so much rather read an article that challenges me, but that's full of passion for the Lord, joy, love, and victory! I don't want to read something that ends with, "And nowadays � that�s all we have."
Come on!! Isn't God better than that? I'm so glad He is!!
All that to say, I might agree with the premise, but I think the spirit is less than edifying -- not at all consistent with the spirit you communicate through your own writings.
Crystal,
I was reading through your archives and saw a post from November 2005 which referenced the Women at Home University. I checked the link and it did not work...would you happen to know of an updated link for it, or of any other information about this? I would absolutely love to learn more about something like this. I'm a 17-year-old daughter who is graduating from High School next month. My parents want me to go to college, so I will go, but I'm also looking for resources which will help me learn independently and pursue other interests outside of college.
Thanks!! :)
Because of Christ,
Lauren
Reading some of the comments, I think some people have missed one of the key points in the article.
Being at-home, raising our little ones, keeping our homes running smoothly IS ministry.
As a young woman, I look to the older women for encouragement and learning, but quite frankly, I'm rarely encouraged to enjoy my home and children. The article encouraged me in a powerful way that I am, indeed, doing what the Lord has called me to do. These years with my little ones are precious, and I do not want to miss them. I, also, want my children to realize how important they are...how treasured. That I think they are important enough to be considered ministry. My contribution to the world.
I think that's what the article was about. Where your heart is concerning your family. Do I consider them a ministry or a hindrance to ministry? Do I look to someone's books to tell me whether what I'm doing is of value? Or do I look to His Word? I love my husband and I love my children, and this, our home, is where the Lord wants me.
Reading this article has convicted me because my thoughts, of late, have been...I need to have something for me to do and enjoy...for me...for me...for me. That was wrong. I was being selfish and I wasn't seeing what I had all along that I do enjoy! I was able to sit back and realize how much I do and that this is a great work. Raising children and keeping this little home of ours is a great work. It's a blessing to be here! The Lord wants me to enjoy His blessings in my life each day and not feel the need to look elsewhere to make a difference. I can make a difference for His sake right here, and older women should not encourage otherwise.
Crystal, PS- I always think it's hilarious when you express scorn by putting a person's Christian appelation in quotation marks or refer to the "so called Christians..." :0 Why do you do this? The theological implications are ENORMOUS... :) Do you really not expect to find any feminists in Heaven? A Christian is a Christian is a Christian by God's grace, girl!
Interesting article to say the least.The worst part was using actual people as examples-unless we all know them personally we will never know what actually was going on during the time of their ministy work.
I would have to commend you Chrystal that you are very convicted and work hard in not neglecting Jesse and Kathryne while you work on the business and blog.I am sure many were encouraged to read your post and hopefully won't feel like they need to start a ministry.
I was remeinded of a lady I knew 20 years ago who was given an Outstanding Volunteer Award while being in charge of the Navy Relief in Iceland.I told my neighbor and she said well it seemed like a nice award but look how she was a volunteer and still put her children in day care!!
MM: The reason for this is because I believe there are many in this day and ago who have slapped on the label of "Christianity" without truly being a born-again Christian. There is no repentance, no turning from sin, no hunger and thirsting after God. (By the way, I'm in no way implying that any of the women in the article are a part of this - I'm talking about many of the Sunday-morning-only people who refer to themselves as "Christians" but could care less about truly seeking to live a Christlike life.)
Many will say unto me, "Lord, Lord..."
I often wonder if true persecution of Christians came to America - not just the mocking from the media, etc. but the kind where we were burned at the stake for our faith - how many would still call themselves Christians?
A label is not enough.
To answer the second part of your question: of course I believe there will be many people in heaven who espouse views different from mine. Their heart is what matters. I have many friends who very obviously true Believers who believe much differently than me. If someone is truly seeking after the Lord with all their heart and seeking to glorify the Lord in all they do, that's what matters to me.
Crystal, I agree with your comments wholeheartedly and did not feel like you were being judgemental. We have to carefully weigh and measure everything against the Scripture, no matter how unpopular our stance may be. Just because a woman speaker calls herself and her message Christian, it does not mean that our personal accountability to the Lord goes out the window. I think that we all need to keep in mind that it isn't only the content of the message that's important...it's also the manner in which it's presented and who the audience is. For example, I don't feel it would be appropriate if a female speaker was delivering a message in a sermon type way to men. Call me old fashioned, but I honestly don't see how any other conclusion could be reached. Isn't that teaching???!!??
Also, I have no problem with women ministering to others outside of the walls of her home, but I think many people subconciously limit the role of full-time homemaker to the season of life when you have children at home. Before you ever even have your first child and when the last one has left the nest, it doesn't lessen the importance of that role! Your husband is still around, needing your love and support...and clean socks, too! :-)
I also wanted to point out that yes, older women are supposed to minister to younger women...but aren't we ALL an older women to someone? I may only be in my twenties, but I still have things I can share with my younger sisters who are just starting out life as a grown woman. Let's not forget that we have subtle ministry opportunites at all times and we don't necessarily have to speak in public before an audience of hundreds to make a difference.
To the few commentors who have commented on the Ezzos/baby scheduling, that is a topic I've decided long ago not to broach on this blog so I didn't approve the comments just because I don't want to get into a heated discussion here on the subject. There are plenty of other places to do that. :) Thanks for commenting, though.
It's ironic, too, to think of how many mothers/wives/daughters whose ministries at HOME have been strengthened and blessed by the teachings of the godly women who have been criticized to the brink of slander in this article. I know my own home ministry has benefitted from hearing/reading many of them.
I saw no quotes from any women in "outside-the-home-ministry" cited stating that motherhood/homemaking is not a high calling & ministry in itself and fear that all such ladies have been woefully misrepresented. I also think that the quotes that Were mentioned may have simply instances of them being honest about their own struggles in these areas.
I really appreciate the loving, thoughtful response of many of the Biblical Womanhood readers to an article that smacks of truth but is at best unloving and at worst slanderous in its tone.
Here Here, Mrs. J. Nice points. ...and ditto: women like Jill Brisco inspire me to be a godly wife and mother (almost) as much as your mom does... :)
I was just wondering if maybe you could post some articles of how women are fufilling the command to teach the younger women? I have seen often how the women can be so consumed with the idea that they are keeping their home, they do not obey this and then there are young mothers who are out there searching the internet for fellowship and encouragement because Mrs. so and so only comes to town on Tuesdays and she does not have enough time in her week to spend visiting or encouraging.. I hear ladies bible studies condemned alot of times, how do you think in a practical way besides online you do this in your daily life?
I agree with the poster that said we are all older women.
Great article. I totally agree. It is because of women like the ones mentioned in the article that I cannot stomach today's "mainstream" Christianity. The danger that these women present, also, is that a lot of what they spout is more pop psychology than true biblical principles, the "get in touch with yourself", "you deserve some me-time", "put yourself first before you can take care of everybody else" kind of stuff. I find that if I focus on myself and my unmet needs, I am perpetually unhappy and disappointed. But if I try to be more like Christ and die to self and sacrifice myself for the needs of my husband and children, I am much happier because I know that I am in God's will. I just can't relate to these women. It's not just their message that bothers me, but the whole package. The whole blonde highlights, excessive make-up and stylish suits thing. I can't distinguish these women and their message from what the world is telling me I should do and be, and that disturbs me. Crystal, keep giving it to us like it is. We need to hear the real deal, not fluff like a lot of the popular Christian writers and speakers try to give us. Valerie
We all can be an older woman to someone simply by being there and leading by godly example. Call a sister just to see how she's doing, send a little card or Email of encouragement, make a meal for someone who's just had a baby. It isn't difficult to find ways to minister, but I know first hand how it's easy to get overwhelmed with our own "stuff" and feel like we don't have time. I'm working on being ready to sponataneously open my home, which is something I've struggled with for a long while.:-)
The only thing I didn't like about the posted article was the specific mentioning of some names. Rather than focusing on those particular people, we should just be aware of ANYONE and really examine what they are saying in light of the Scripture.
Thank you all for the comments to this post. I appreciated them all - even those who wrote disagreeing with the article or me. I think a healthy discussion on such subjects is good every now and then around here and I'm so thankful when it can be done in a calm, kind manner. So thanks for those who commented in such a manner.
Just a note: I posted the majority of the comments to this post only refraining from posting those which were vitriolic in nature or the usual "you are such an idiot" comments (gotta love those!).
To those commentors leaving vitriolic comments attacking me and my family, you are welcome to think I'm an idiot or to think whatever you want about me, but if you leave a comment to that effect on my blog, it's very likely not going to be posted so you might as well not waste your time. I try to keep things positive around here as much as possible.
As an aside, I always find it interesting that those who write in some scathing comment about how unloving and judgmental I am forget that maybe they should take their own advice and consider commenting in a loving manner as well. :)
Anyway, I think most everything that needs to be said has been said on this post and it's time we move on to other things. If you have any further comments, feel free to email me.
Thanks again - you all are the greatest and I learn so much from you!
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