Homemaking during difficult seasons
I wake up every morning with great intentions and then by 10:00 I am so sluggish and tired. -Chrissy TChrissy - a pregnant mama to three who is due around the same time as me - left the above comment yesterday and after I read it, I wanted to share some things on the subject of homemaking during difficult seasons.
As homemakers, we all go through various seasons of our lives. Some seasons are easier than others, but we all face seasons which are invariably difficult. So, how do we manage to keep our heads above water during these difficult seasons?
This is something I've been learning myself right now. With my energy levels at an all-time low, a busy two-year-old, a husband who works long hours, and a business to run, juggling everything without losing my head or my sanity has been a challenge. I don't have it all figured out, by any means, but, with God's help, things have actually run pretty smoothly inspite of all this and we been able to function without drowning in the process.
Here are a few tips I've learned during this season which have helped me tremendously and I share them in hopes it might help or encourage some of you who feel you are near-drowning in a difficult season:
1) Keep it super simple. You knew I was going to start with this one, didn't you? My main priorities right now are getting my health back, nurturing my baby in utero, helping my husband, caring for Kathrynne, and keeping up with the basics of our home. In order to keep up with those things - basic as they might seem - at my current energy level, I've cut out almost everything else which can be cut including almost all outside activities and all outside commitments. I've also completely lowered my expectations for myself and for our home. Now is not the season for volunteering, home decorating, elaborate meals, crafts, hobbies, or extracurricular things.
I asked Jesse what things are most important to him and he, being the great husband he is, said that he wanted me to first take care of myself (getting adequate rest, taking all my pills, eating all my protein, drinking enough water, etc.) and then make sure that Kathrynne's needs were met. As far as him, all he really cared was that he had clean clothes to wear and food to eat. How simple is that and what a relief to me! Sometimes I think we wives can get so worked up on having things "just so" when probably our husbands could care less about us alphabetizing our spice cupboard, sewing a coordinating bedroom set, or square foot gardening. There's nothing wrong with doing those things, but if you're stressing out and not meeting more basic needs in your home first, save those extra things for another season.
2) Have a plan. Even though I've cut back so much and lowered my expectations for myself and our home, I still have a plan for each day. Honestly, I'd be lost without a list! However, I remember to keep it simple. I may have 10-12 things written down on my list, but if only a few of them get done, that's okay. I can always move them to the next day's list. I try to only plan a few projects which take more energy and require me to be up and about and then I plan things I can accomplish while sitting or resting.
3) Do what needs to be done first, preferably first thing in the morning. Many days recently, like Chrissy, around 10 a.m. or so, I'm wiped out and spend much of the rest of the day doing things which don't require a lot of effort. So, I try to tackle the basic things first, before I run out of energy. These things include:
-Make Jesse's lunch
-Kathrynne and I shower
-Make a simple dinner (I usually throw something in the crockpot or make up a simple one-dish type of dinner. We'll add a bagged salad or some frozen veggies and often some homemade bread - the dough made in the bread machine of course!)
-Clean the kitchen and wash dishes. By doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen once a day, it stays under control.
-Run a load of laundry. I try to spend at least 15 minutes on the laundry every day. I'm usually a little behind, but by spending a little bit of time everyday it guarantees we have some clean clothes to wear!
-Quick general pick up of the house.
4) When I start running out of energy (usually very early on in the day), I resort to my "timer method" - 15 minutes up working, 15 minutes sitting/resting. Or, if I'm really tired, 5 minutes up working, 15 minutes sitting/resting. I wrote more about this here. While sitting or resting, it's a great time to read my Bible, read to Kathrynne, work on writing projects, organize coupons, and so forth. Just because I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up doesn't mean I have to be unproductive. I've found that there's a number of simple things I can accomplish while not overexerting myself. And so I plan for these. I often divide my daily to-do list into things I can do while sitting/resting and things to do while I'm up. I usually number these in order of priority and then tackle the list in order with the timer.
5) Practice hospitality frequently. Okay, so this might seem like a strange point when I just said to keep it simple, but it has really helped me. I pared down to the minimum in almost every area, including hospitality, but we still open our home up at least once a week and often twice a week. I've found that this is a good motivation for me to keep up with the basics mentioned above. This also guarantees that I'll get basic vacuuming and mopping done, along with a quick clean of the bathrooms every week. And in practicing hospitality, I'm learning to keep it really simple, too. It's a warm and welcoming spirit towards others that matters more than a spotless home or a six-course dinner. I'm not up to undertaking big dinners for lots of people right now, but we can have a few families or couples over for some dessert or snacks and drinks. This week, we're hosting a church gathering tonight and financial peace class tomorrow night. I'm making some simple snacks of chips and dip, cheese and crackers, and apples and peanut butter dip.
6) Last but not least, have an attitude of gratitude. Focus on the positive, not on the negative. Live your day with a thankful heart to the Lord. Even if you accomplished nothing on your list and your home is in disarray, if you had a loving spirit towards your children and invested time in them, if you were a blessing to your husband, that's what really matters. Your children will remember your love and kindness towards them much more than they will ever remember dirty dishes in the sink.
Simple? Yes, most definitely. But during this difficult season, it works for us and our home.
Related: Mrs. Wilt has a great post here on Creative Time Management for the Home which you'll also not want to miss.
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:09 PM
13 Comments:
i can so relate! A pregnant momma to #5, homeschooling the other 4, and I am not 21 anymore! I AM TIRED and keeping it simple! Not complaining though, I am so blessed to be given another life inside of me!
Oh Homemakerang, I'm so excited for you!! Congratulations! Somehow I missed the announcement. I've been praying for you and thinking of you and hoping God would give you the desires of your heart and bless you again after so much sorrow this past year. I'm doing a happy dance for you!
I so agree with your suggestion on working 15 minutes and resting 15...but making that rest *productive*. I recently was down with a broken ankle for 6 weeks, and that was my lifesaver...getting into a rhythm of working in short bursts, and having a stack of *sitting work* to do while I elevated my leg in between. As a homeschooling mom, I've learned that school on the sofa works well during rough times! Thanks for the encouragement in this area.
I just wanted to share something regarding hospitality and how the Lord has really grown my understanding of hospitality over the last several weeks.
For the necessary background: I am 21 weeks pregnant and have been on bedrest for the past 10 weeks (and before that were all the 1st-trimester yuckies that pretty much kept me on bedrest!). My husband and I have 3 young children in addition to the 1 on the way-- ages 4, 2.5, and 1-- and he is on staff at our local church.
I have always loved having people over, and I love making it special for them, whether they be single, married, married with young children, married with grown children, etc. Even if the most I can do is use pretty paper napkins I bought at the $ store to give our simple dinner that little something extra, I try to find some way to communicate that our guests are important and that we are blessed to have them. That said, I have not been able to do the little things for my own family, let alone for guests, since January! And while this makes me feel that I shouldn't have people over, the visitors just keep coming anyway-- dropping in when they are on their way to the church (which we live very close to), stopping by while they run errands, bringing a meal, etc. It has been so humbling for me to simply be on the receiving end, especially since the house is often cluttered (there isn't somebody to pick up toys the kids leave lying around these days!), I've no idea what the kitchen they're stepping into looks like, etc. And yet the sense of community my company and I have experienced has been so much richer than before, because it is genuine.
Pretty paper napkins, freshly cut-from-the-garden flowers, nice table settings, and candlelight are all wonderful ways to show people that you really care about them and I look forward the day I can return to such gestures of kindness, but I am learning to not limit true fellowship and hospitality to what I can present others with in a physical way. These last weeks I have lots of time to simply sit and talk-- to really share-- and it is more priceless than anything my house might ever look like.
So, yes, hospitality during difficult seasons doesn't necessarily seem to make sense, until we stop and realize that true hospitality is more about what we give from our hearts than what we can give in the way of a clean house, gourmet meal, and fancy table. I have known this in theory, but I am learning it firsthand these days, and I want to testify that it is GOOD!
Crystal, How do you sit down with Kathrynne awake? Any tips on how to do that? I have a busy 17 month old boy and I literally cannot sit down if he is awake. Maybe I need to cater less to his every whine? To give an example, let's say I sit down on the couch with the intent to read for 15 minutes or write a quick card - he will inevitably knock something over, spill something, cry to go outside, etc etc - so I just give up. I spend all day chasing after him. Am I catering to his every whim too much or do you have a trick that allows you to sit still with a 2 year old afoot? Thanks!
We can all benefit from remembering this simple truth you mentioned, Crystal: there are different seasons in our life, with different priorities, and we can't always 'have it all together'. Sickness, pregnancy, moving... you name it. It really helps to keep in mind which are the really basic things we can't do without (laundry, simple meals, a reasonably clean home...), and stick to them while worrying less about things that can be delayed for a while.
thanks crystal!!! I have waited quite a while to announce! You encouraged me so much with your books and package back then! I am about 17 weeks... I am praying for your delivery! It will be great! Lots of love and God's riches blessing on you and your new babe! xoxoxo
Wonderful post, Crystal!! I know many ladies can relate to this! Busy seasons in life seem to come often around here!
His,
Mrs. U
Thanks for the encouragment once again. All things I know, but needed to be reminded DAILY. (LOL) Because I usually have a positive outlook and total trust in the Lord with all season's in life it does seem like I have been tested in this area during this season. So, thanks again for the encouragment and ideas.
Thank you for writing about this topic.
I'd like to ask your thoughts on how you would deal with a season like this in your life if it were permanent (long-term health issues)?
Thank you for such a helpful post! I have to second the advice about a timer. It really is the most helpful thing for me. I have had three pregnancies where I have had to have modified bed rest and setting my timer for 5 mins work during my 'up and about' phase really helped me feel I was at least doing something to conquer the chaos - even if it didn't really make much of a dent in it. I still use the timer everyday. When I am tired and things have mounted up I tend to get very unfocussed - I find it difficult to actually get down to anything and it all seems too much. The timer concentrates my mind and I still have time to rest.
I also strongly agree with the advice about setting priorities and finding out what our husband's actually want us to to - rather than just assuming. I found out from my husband, just last night, that he really didn't mind if the house was littered with toys when he came home. It had been a real source of stress and frustration for me to get this done and I would usually be pretty bad tempered with both the children and him if I didn't do it (which was often). He would rather we all did it together when he came in and that he had a relaxed wife to greet him! I am glad I asked!
Michelle
Thanks for the post. It was encouraging and convicting for me. I did not start out as a good very homemaker at all. I had no clue how to run an organized house and when I first was married struggled a lot with depression which equalled a big disaster. A lot of times I struggle with feeling like a complete failure and am ashamed to let anyone know what my house looks like. It has gotten a little better as I have learned some organization and self-control, but it can still be a vicious cycle. Thanks for the reminder about prioritizing and keeping it simple. I guess I can be a little "all or nothing" and this reminded me to keep at least with the basics for my husbands sake (He is very neat.) and to put that first before extracurriculars.
Doing big things in the morning rings very true with me, too. I guess that means I had better get off here and get going. ;)
Your blog was encouraging and convicting at the same time. I'm 10 weeks pregnant and almost at my wit's end. I have been so sick since week 6 that I can't even keep home in a tiny apartment. The good days I have (few and far between unfortunately) almost increase my guilt because I still can't seem to stay caught up. I haven't cooked a real meal in over a month and our bathroom hasn't had a thoroughly cleaning since we got married in March (yikes!). I've been very convicted to utilize my good moments throughout the day, instead of merely relaxing in them (which is a great temptation). Even if I only feel well for an hour out of each 12-hour day, that should still be enough time to clean a room or do a week's worth of dishes. (Now if only I could get all those pesky thank-you notes written from the wedding...)
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