Input requested: Potty-training
I would love to hear some potty training advice, ideas, and suggestions. I have a 2-yr-old little girl and just wondered if anyone could share. I think you even said your daughter was potty trained. Also, what sort of timeline am I looking at? Thanks a bunch! -ShelleyWell, Shelley, I don't profess to be any sort of potty-training expert. I think all children are different and will learn at different times and in different ways. From what I've heard, some are much easier to train than others.
Kathrynne is "almost completely potty-trained" by my definition. By that I mean, she consistently tells me when she needs to go, only has an occasional accident, and only wears diapers to bed or when we are going to be out for a long period of time with no access to a restroom.
I started taking her on the toilet when she was around 6 months old because she would cry when she was wet (thanks to wearing cloth diapers - she was much more sensitive to being wet). She got the basic concept down, but for months that was it. She would go almost every time I took her, but she didn't have a lot of dry diapers in between me taking her unless I took her every 10-15 minutes and that was just a bit too much to try and do if we weren't making any progress. And once she got old enough to be able to communicate to me that she needed to go, she couldn't seem to understand how to do that. She always proceeded to tell me after she went, not before.
After some months of being at a stand still in the potty-training department, I was rather discouraged. But, I decided not to stress over it and to just keep encouraging her in it, asking her if she needed to go often during the day, and taking her multiple times throughout the day as well. We made it something exciting and I praised her a lot when she was successful to stay dry or to tell me she needed to go. I would give her a small treat (like an animal cracker or chocolate chip) for telling me she needed to go and then going or for successfully keeping her panties dry and then going. I also found that putting her in panties as opposed to letting her wear diapers or even cloth training pants made her much more aware and seemed to help her be able to figure things out more easily. Finally, in the last few months that she's started telling me consistently before she needs to go and we've had very few accidents. It's amazing how a little victory like that can be so exciting and encouraging to a young mom like me!
We've still not made any progress with night-time training and I've decided to wait on that until she's a bit older. (Any suggestions on that, by the way? I've tried a lot of things and nothing has seemed to work - all that it seems to end up with is both of us not getting a lot of sleep!) I was just hoping to have her trained during the day by the time the baby gets here and - wonder of wonders - that has actually been accomplished!
All this to say, those are a few things which have worked for me and mostly things which haven't. I certainly have not landed upon any foolproof potty-training method, so I'd love to hear suggestions, ideas, tips, and advice from other moms. And maybe, just maybe, I'll glean some advice so that this next time around, it won't be such a long-drawn-out ordeal.
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:30 AM
16 Comments:
I have 3 children(7,5,&2). My son(7)was verry easy to potty train, whan he was 2 he came to me and said, "I need to make pee-pee's in the potty!" That was it, he never had an accident after that. My daughter(5)was more difficult. Ithink it was mainly due to the surgeries she had as a baby, but she could not tell when it was time to "go". I was patient with her, and we did a sticker system with her, and we had a pott song and dance(whatever works!)After her sister was born(she was 3)she decided that she no longer wanted to be a "diaper girl" and was using the potty about 3 months later. My youngest(2) has down syndrome, so I am prepared to be patient and let her do this in her own time.
One thing others might consider is using only cloth diapers. Not only are they much better for the environment and more frugal, but they allow the child to experience the feeling of wetness and connect that sensation with the urge to pee and then the act of peeing--connections that are necessary before a child can be successfully potty-trained. (If you change frequently there's no danger of diaper rash.) Disposable diapers wick away that wetness immediately, so it's more difficult to make those connections.
My mother in law, who successfully potty trained 4 children within a couple days each, highly recommended a book that has been around for years: Toilet Training in Less Than A Day by Azrin and Foxx (you can buy it on amazon for about $7). She was familiar with the concepts even before the book was published because she was a special ed. teacher prior to becoming a SAHM; the concepts in the book were originally published for helping children with learning disabilities in the area of potty training.
I borrowed the book from her and read it before training my oldest and it WORKED! I loved the tips on knowing whether or not your child has the necessary ingredients to be able to learn: muscle control, obedience, and communication. The other great thing about the book, in my opinion, was the way they recommend responding/dealing with the accidents. It's really helped around our house, especially when I might otherwise just feel frustration!
My 2nd child, a girl, has taken longer to train than my son (who never wore a diaper again after I took the last one off him to begin training and who was COMPLETELY trained within 3 days!!), but the concepts are still invaluable, in my estimation.
In response to an earlier comment, I just have to say that I've recently been given an education on cloth vs. disposable diapers since I love the idea of cloth (that's what I used on my younger siblings growing up) but my husband really doesn't want to make that transition. He did a bunch of research and found out that the environmental hazards are not necessarily better with one or the other, but simply different. (His chemist sister backed him up on this, unfortunately for me!) Also, the amount many Americans then have to spend on water/electricity with cloth doesn't actually make it cheaper, unless you buy top-of-the-line disposables, which cost a bundle. At any rate, I still think cloth diapers are wonderful and would love to use them for a number of reasons, but the concepts that are widely spread about them being more environmentally friendly and cheaper aren't necessarily true.
When my DD potty trained, I decided that I did not want to be the "trained mommy" - always asking "do you need to potty?" She was a late walker (16 mo), and I had read that late walkers tend to be late trainers. At 2-1/2, we gave her some "big girl panties" and picked out a special "growing up toy" (sandbox), and let her set her own pace. We did a sticker chart, and said that when she had 7 days in a row with no accidents, she got the sandbox. Each day she decided if she wanted to wear panties or diapers. The week before her 3rd birthday she did it! Now my DS is 18 mo old and already wants to sit on the potty! Three things I learned from potty training: (1) taking your child to use public restrooms is horrid; (2) be prepared to do more laundry than you ever thought possible; (3) night-time dryness is a totally separate issue. I personally wet the bed until I hit puberty (age 13), as is common in my family (thought my DD is totally dry). My personal plea: please don't scold your children for night-time wetness - it is developmental and not under their control (in many cases at least). Let them know you support them and know that one day they will grow out of it!
I have potty trained 4 kids. Night time training has fallen into place within a few weeks of being completely daytime trained. I don't think there is much YOU can do to train a child at night. it is all about how much their bladder can hold, and if they can wake up to go potty themselves. I have found that my kids will fuss around in their sleep waking us up but not them. This generally means they need to go potty and dh or I will take them, they go and then go right back to sleep. With my older 2 it wasn't until they were 5 years old before they could handle getting up and going potty completely on their own at night. They are just too asleep.
Personally I think waiting until a child shows signs of readiness will avoid the frustrations that a parent gets when they try to push potty training at too young of an age. And no offense Crystal, but still having a few accidents a week is not really potty trained, in my opinion. But hey, the less diapers you have to change and wash, etc is always a benefit. And using cloth does make the child more aware of it all, I found that with the 3 I used cloth on. I hope you are feeling better!
Jennifer - I realized that I should have put that she only has an occasional accident and those are becoming rarer. It used to be a few times per week but I honestly can't remember the last time she had an accident, but I don't want to say she never does, because that will be the day she does. :)
Just wanted to mention that research says bed-wetting is a totally separate issue and often a hereditary one. (For example, if Dad or Dad's brother was a bed-wetter, your child has a good chance of following suit.) Neither my husband or I were bed-wetters, which I assume is why so far I've not had a bed-wetter, but a couple of my siblings didn't get through-the-night control and awareness until middle school ages, so I'm not going to assume that none of my children will struggle in this area. Like another commenter wrote, don't be hard on your child for this issue, since it usually has nothing to do with obedience and everything to do with muscle/nerve control. It's very different than staying dry during the day and may very well be extremely embarrassing to the 8 or 9-year-old who can't understand why s/he hasn't learned to wake up when s/he needs to go. Try to be understanding and definitely be discreet.
One thing we found helpful as our two boys were not able to get through the night dry was an alarm. It hooks onto their underwear and the first time they dribble it goes off and we would go running and take them to the bathroom. They would not even wake up (one of the boys) and I would chart it and when they had gone 10 days dry they quit wearing it. It worked like a charm and within a month it was handled. They were 5&6 yrs old.
I had a very difficult time training my third child (a boy) and I learned to use plastic pants over his training pants. I would leave them off until he had an "accident". (He was three and a half at this time so it was mostly just not wanting to interrupt his play to go.)If he wet or dirtied his underwear, the plastic pants went on, when the used the potty, they came off. He would beg to go back to diapers, but I had had enough of that! He hated wearing plastic pants because he was used to disposable diapers, and if it hadn't been for that, I don't think he would have used the potty until he was 7 or 8. Also, he and my oldest both wore pull-ups at night until 7 and 8, respectively. I got tired of spending that money, but I truly believe they couldn't help it.
The third child was easily trained at age 3. One time that he told my dh that he wet his pants because he wanted to. After that spanking, he only had a few true accidents.
The fourth, the only dd (aged 2 and a half), is almost totally trained, except she does not want to have a bowel movement at all. She doesn't ask for a diaper to do it, she just wants to ignore it and hope it won't happen. That has been our biggest challenge. I hope she will be over that before vacation time.
I raised 3 children, the oldest and my son was "day trained" by 19 months...but he was overdue when born and always advanced physically. The other 2 did not train as early (or else Mom was not as trained) but with the 2nd one it was a thing of the will because she NEVER ever had a wet diaper at night from the age of 8 months on. The last one had a lot of illnesses and on lots of meds so she was closer to 3 years old. But the best advice I got from my mom was before my 2nd one was born and she told me to expect that the oldest would regress a bit for a time after the baby came. And it was so...and that advice helped me to be patient with him. When the 2nd and 3rd got to the place that I could tell it was a case of the will and not wanting to cooperate, when they had wet pants...I made them take them off themselves (NOT if they were more than wet however)...and it is difficult to take off wet panties and outer pants as well...helped them cooperate better. We had a van when the younger 2 were young and I kept an extra potty chair in it behind the driver's seat...let me tell you it was SO much better than dealing with a public toilet!!
I have five children, and all are potty trained now (the youngest is 8) , but we had a hard time getting there!! With my first daughter, i had no clue about anything about mothering or child training. I've found Potty Training in a Day to have the most effective method once a child is ready, but not every child is ready at 2. I agree with other posters and with Crystal that cloth diapers seem to facilitate readiness as the child feels wet, but not every child is bothered by this. One child of mine never really cared, and could have it forming puddles all around her without seeming to mind--those sorts of children that don't care if their diaper is wet or soiled are the hardest ones to train, I think.
I also decided that it was not really important to me to get them potty trained by a certain young age, so if they are not "getting it", I learned to back off with my younger ones. My children were all 3 and up when they trained. It is far more pleasant to change a diaper than to clean soakings up off of furniture, carpeting, and throughout the rest of the house if a child is just not grasping the concept. When all of my children were of this age, I was usually pregnant or nursing or on bed rest, so I was always focused on what was easiest too.
Warm weather is the best time to do what did actually work for us. For one thing, less clothing on makes it easier to get to the toilet on time and remove the clothes quickly enough. When they were ready and I had a day I could devote to this task, I would put the child in a t-shirt and some cloth training paints, and them them stay either outside in our yard or in an area of the house with tile (not carpet or furniture), and with the potty chair nearby, and I paid careful attention to her needing to go, and helped her get to the potty in time, and so forth, and of course heaped on praise. Doing this all day or all weekend long in a very consistent way really seemed to solidify it in their minds, and create a habit, leading to being day-trained.
Night training seemed to happen about 3-6 months later (consistently). I agree with the poster that said that public restrooms are horrid. I think that the next stage of toilet training after day training at home is public potty training (potty training on the run). I've seen every public restroom within a 50 mile radius of our house, I think ;). I frequently had to run errands for my husband and inlaws and I also had a lot of doctor's appointments when the kids were littler, so we were out and about at least once or twice a week, and that is not easy with a newly toilet trained child.
My first to daughters toilet trained at 2 3/4. They were both completely dry, day and night immediately. It was so easy.
I believe it was easier because they were older. I had tried on and off from when they turned 2 to try and get them going on the potty but they refused but once they were 2 3/4 or so it just clicked with them and after they went in the potty that first time they never went back to diapers again.
My third child is a boy and he was not interested in the potty either. He trained between 2 3/4 and 3 yrs in the day time but it was a few months before he was dry at night. He is nearly 4 and he still has accidents during the day or at night, probably once or twice a week.
My fourth child decided she wanted to go on the potty when we were training her big brother. She was 17 months. She is now 2 1/2 and has been mostly toilet trained during the day since she was 18 months old. We have had a LOT of accidents and wet patches with her and in some ways I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to wait until she was older like her big sisters as they never had accidents. But she was ready so we did not want to put her off.
She is still in diapers overnight and has the odd night where her diaper is dry which is encouraging.
So my advice - unless the child wants to start early, I would wait until the children are older, closer to 3 to start toilet training. Otherwise really it is Mommy-training not child-training (Mommy needs to remember to prompt little ones constantly).
Like Kimberley said, it might depend on your circumstances as to whether you choose to wait or start eary. I'd prefer to wash a diaper than be cleaning up puddles in my carpet (rented house!) all the time.
Love Louise
To the anonymous who said that her dd didn't want to have a bm at all. Perhaps it is painful for her. Constipation is never pleasant. Try some ground-up flax-seed. It has the perfect proportion of soluble and insoluble fiber. Plus it has some essential fatty acids which are great for brain development. Sprinkle it on some cereal or substitute it for some of the flour in a muffin recipe. Be creative. It tastes like a grain, and it works wonderfully to get rid of constipation. Plus, it's a food, so you know with a little one you are not going to overdo it.
Adrienne
By the way, a great and simple fix for constipation in children (or I guess anyone for that matter) is molasses. Just a little bit in some milk for a small child usually will do the trick. Older children/adults can just take a spoonful. Blackstrap is pretty nasty tasting, but it's the best for you and this is especially a great way to get in some good iron while pregnant without having to worry about the usual side effects of constipation which come along with many iron supplements. It has the opposite effect. :)
Day-time: potty trained in less than a day worked for us. Reward kids every few minutes for staying dry for a day (or a couple days) instead of rewarding them when they use the toilet. Reward with juice boxes and she'll be ready to go more often :-) If she wets, run her to the toilet, have her take off her own "yucky clothes" and "practice" running from various places around the house to the toilet. She can also train a doll, just like you train her. Gerber has really thick training underwear that we really liked and our son still wears because we bought them big. Kids feel the wet, but they don't make a big mess.
Night-training - We put pull-ups on our boy, and when they were usually dry in the morning, we knew he could hold it. We limited drinks after bed-time to help him, especially since the nights he wet were the nights he drank later in the evening. The really thick underwear helped again because it soaked up most of the mess. To give you an idea of timelines, he was 100% potty-trained at 2 1/2, and he was dry all night a couple months after his 3rd birthday.
I want to second what the previous poster said. Nighttime training is a completely different psysiological process than daytime training. In fact, most pediatricians will not worry about nighttime wetting until the child is 5 or 6. At some point her body will send a strong enough signal to her that she needs to go that she'll wake up (or learn to hold it) and that will be that.
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