The notion of "readiness"
This was a great post by Sherrin:
I often hear Christians saying things like "she wasn't ready to have a baby", or "I'm not ready to have a baby" and I wonder what constitutes readiness to them. I wonder if they have unconsciously and unquestioningly taken on worldly ideas about having children, which don't even necessarily make sense.We've bought into the lie in this day and age which says a couple should wait at least a year or two (or often much more!) before having a baby so that they can make sure and have a "strong and stable marriage" before adding children to the mix. Where do we find that notion in Scripture? Why would we want to prevent the blessings of God upon a marriage?
How would one discern readiness? Perhaps you would wake up one morning with a sudden overwhelming desire to have a baby. If this is all there is to it, you'd better hope your husband or wife feels the same thing at the same time! Or perhaps having the house and job in perfect order would qualify. A fabulous relationship with your husband or wife? A sense of inner peace . . .
Personally, I think we'd be best to give up the idea of "readiness". God tells us it is good to prepare to do a good job of raising the next generation. A starting point for doing this well is to be married before having children, of course! Thinking about how to marry someone who will be a good parent is also very helpful. After marriage, being ready to raise children only depends upon one main thing: a willingness and desire to do God's will in training children to serve and glorify him. As usual, God's ways are simpler than the world's.
We don't need to buy a house, have a perfectly new car, have travelled Europe, or wait for a sudden rush of maternal or fatherly hormones. We just need to trust God that children really are blessings, and that he will provide all we need physically, economically, spiritually and emotionally in order to do a good job of raising them. Phew, that means all of us can be qualified! It simply requires a choice to believe God!
Read the whole post.
As I always say, if you're not ready to have children, you're not ready to get married.
posted by Crystal Paine at 10:07 AM
38 Comments:
My husband and I had our first baby 15 months after our wedding. We weren't waiting for anything -- just the Lord's blessing. But what amazed me (and I shouldn't have been surprised) was how GOOD for our new marriage pregnancy and a baby were! We learned how to function together, with a single mind, in ways we never did before baby. We also were drawn together in such a deep way as we enjoyed, together, OUR baby. What an amazing bond a baby is -- or at least is meant to be!
I know plenty of people who wait in order to "have time together". And I think they're missing out on one of God's built-in marriage strengtheners: children.
I agree. We caught quite a bit of criticism when my husband and I found out we were pregnant.(2 days before our 1st anniversary, how awesome! :-) )
We don't have a house,backyard or fancy cars, but we have two hearts full of love and joy.
The notion of readiness is kind of perplexing to me. I've seen so many people our age who are living together before marriage, but aren't "ready" to get married.
Most often these poor girls want to get married, but can't because of their SO.
Anyways, whose to say you can't do many of the things listed when you have a child? It may be harder to tote a baby along, but I know it would mean so much more to me if I actually had a family with me; to enjoy all the wonderful things in this world :-)
Aisha
Hmm, I really wonder what if Hannah or Sarah "waited" to have children.
I've never understood the idea of readiness. I had my first child last year. I was 29. My husband and I had been married for 5 years. We owned our house. I had completed my Master's degree. My husband had a stable position on a promising career track. According to all the usual wisdom we were "ready."
But, really, how can you be ready to have children? I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know how having a baby would change my life. I just don't think you can really prepare for something so life changing! Had God chosen to bless us, I would have gladly welcomed a baby years earlier because, really, his determination on our "readiness" was all we needed!
Sherrin's post is lovely!
I find the idea of "readiness" about many things in life a little perplexing. There are so many things in life that come out of nowhere, do not go to plan, or are incredible surprises. We may not think we are "ready" for them, but God always knows far better than we do! :O)
We first found out we were expecting eight months after we were married. Sadly my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, but we were blessed again just a month later with my now six month old daughter. We experienced many hurtful comments and were told how foolish we were for not waiting until we had been married longer. We did not plan anything, but instead left everything in the Lord's hands. (We do joke that this area of our life was also in the hands of Uncle Sam as my husband was in the Army until just this past month. lol ;O))
I am a Christian as well. I am wondering why you see it as against the scriptures to wait a while to have children? You may not see scripture telling us to wait, but does it say it's wrong to wait?
Lacy
I love the way that author puts it! I have thought the same many times, but she put it very eloquently.
I agree, Crystal, that if you're not ready for kids, you're not ready for marriage. I didn't think that way when I first married, unfortunately, but now I see what a joy children are and what a blessing to a marriage. I very much agree with Danica - having Katherine has been such a wonderful thing for my marriage as my husband and I enjoy the adventure of parenting TOGETHER! It has brought us even closer.
Lacy: All throughout Scripture we see that children are blessings. Why would you want to knowingly choose to prevent God's blessings? This is the heart of the matter.
I know for us, thought we struggled with infertility and didn't have a baby until we'd been married for over two years, going into marriage open to the blessing of children and wanting to joyfully accept as many, or as few, children as the Lord saw fit to give us really matured us and forced us to trust wholly upon the Lord. It was a very faith-building experience. People said we were crazy for wanting to have children before we were "financially stable" and while my husband was still in school. God's timing was perfect. He gave us Kathrynne at the very exact time He knew it was best. And you know what? He provided for us so abundantly and He used her little life to bring so much blessing and joy into our home. Jesse's grades actually improved and he was much less stressed after becoming a father than he was before we had children. He says that having Kathrynne helped put everything in perspective for him. And having her greatly strengthened our marriage and forced us to rely upon the Lord even more than before.
Oh and just a quick note for those who would love to have children and have not been blessed in this regard yet: This is not to say that those who cannot have children or have not been able to have a child as of yet cannot have a strong marriage. That is in no way the truth. I know that when Jesse and I struggled with infertility, it brought us very close to each other and to the Lord as we cried out to Him on our behalf.
We wouldn't have any children after nearly 5 years of marriage if we were "responsible" and waited until we were "ready".
But our three precious boys far outweigh the sacrifices we've made. Our first was born 9 months after our wedding and I was horribly, horribly ill with him. Not exactly the dream honeymoon, but I still remember the care and consideration my husband gave me during those months, and that was a *great* start to our marriage.
I didn't have my first child until I was 34 and my second until I was 38. My husband and I spent many years waiting for "right time" to have kids. In hindsight, I wish we had started much earlier--I would gladly have mothered 4 or more. I realized after my first that there is no "perfect time" to have a child--your life circumstances change constantly. We were very fortunate--too many of my friends who waited for the "perfect time" are now struggling with infertility issues and can't get pregnant. Miss Kris
We started trying to have children when we were first married after 12 years of trying and 2 miscarriages we had ds then 2.5 yrs later we had dd. We prayed about having more but we both have had clear messages that that is not going to happen. Our families thought we were not going to have kids and thought we were preventing it but we were not, it is just they way God wanted it. We married young (dh was 20 and I was 19) we were highschool sweethearts. We will celebrate 18yrs of marriage this Sunday and we will be celebrating with our two miracle blessings!
Can I just say AMEN??? I get so sick of the selfish "we want to travel!" type of excuses people use for not marrying or having babies.
Grow up.
Our first baby was conceived 2 months after our wedding. Sadly I suffered 2 miscarriages but in time we had our 3 children we have now, all within the first 4 years of marriage.
Children are a blessing. You can still travel with them. It just takes a little work! :)
Our position when my husband and I were first married was that we would be irresponsible if we didn't have good jobs, finish graduate degrees, have a home, etc. before having children. So we did all that. Actually, I think it kept us immature and self centered. By the time we had children, it was almost a hinderence in our marriage. I wouldn't have discribed us as self-centered or irresponsible when it was just the two of us, but looking back, we were.
The Christian community seems to merge with the world in the opinion of when to have children. It would be interesting to hear from other older women with grown children. Would they delay child bearing and limit their children to 2 or 3? And how do their husbands feel NOW, looking back when it is too late to do anything different?
Would they let finances and personal goals be the determining factor again? I put my fears of being not ready (not thin enough, not enough money, not strong enough of a marriage, not enough time in my career after my education, etc.) above my trust in the Lord. It saddens me. Thanks for writing so boldly, Crystal; I agree.
Oh, Crystal. You address such important issues. Thank you for doing that (and for standing against all the derogatory rants which I can imagine you're getting for being a nonconformist).
It IS important to trust God and seek God's word. Did He say "be fruitful and multiply when you feel like it"? "Get married after you've made sure you squeezed out all the fun from your single years"? "Children are blessings if you have two cars and your mortgage is paid"? No, no and no. He tells us to seek marriage and accept children with joy! Without any conditions!
I'm so glad you brought up this topic Crystal! I've been thinking about this issue a lot lately.
I totally agree that children are nothing short of incredible blessings. Here's my question though: Having just had my second child 9 wks ago., 20 mos. after my first child, I do have to wonder if it is better to wait a little longer next time??
I can't stress the following enough: I'm not wondering if it is better to wait longer next time for my sake or my husbands, but instead, for my first born (who is still a baby as far as I'm concerned!! :))
Basically, I'm feeling guilty, wondering if he is getting the attention he needs. I am SO in love with my new little girl, but having grown up in a very small family, I was raised in an environment where each child got a lot of attention. We are hoping that we are blessed with more children in the future, but will this take away from my relationship w/each child?
Does anyone else struggle w/this? I hope I'm not sounding ungrateful for my daughter, b/c she is SUCH a joy and such a blessing, but in terms of any future children we might have, I can't help but ask this question.
I would genuinely love some feedback on this topic, b/c I'd like to have the most Godly perspective possible.
I have a really hard time reading these sorts of posts because they seem to drip with judgement. And you have no idea how hurtful it is to read that I'm selfish or immature or not ready to be married, even though I've been happily married longer than some of you.
This is my situation in a nutshell: My husband has an incurable disease. I suffer from migraines and a weak immune system. I have the markers for Lupus and have to visit a rheumatologist regularly to make sure I'm still okay. I don't have the energy to take care of babies. So tell me, how is that selfish if I have none? To me, it would be far worse to bring babies that I can't consistently care for into this world.
In God's graciousness, I've never had the desire for children. I didn't like babysitting when I was a teen, and I'm still not really into babies. I can't even imagine how awful it would be if I did have that "baby lust" that most women experience, knowing that having kids would not be prudent.
I do believe that children are blessings, but we don't necessarily have to have children of our own to be blessed. I adore and enjoy my nieces. I work with the teens at church and have been blessed many times over by being a part of their lives. Just because I have no babies of my own does not mean that I am a bad Christian, selfish, immature, or even less of a marriage partner.
Ladies, please remember that all our life circumstances are unique, and one size does not fit all.
Ewokgirl: I'm sorry that you feel judged by such posts - that is not my intent at all. My intent is to ask people to consider things in light of Scripture. God says children are gifts and blessings. Are we living like we believe that or that we believe they are hindrances and burdens? That's the point.
I truly believe that if God knows you can't handle children, He won't give them to you. He can be trusted. After all, He is God. He knows best. He does what is best. Resting and trusting in Him in this area as well as all areas of our life brings such blessing!
And you are so right that we can "mother" other children if God hasn't given us any of our own. Before I was married, and then after I was married and before I had children, God gave me many opportunities to do just that and there was such a blessing in doing so!
Megmarc: Since I don't have experience in this regard, I'm sure some other mothers can give better feedback than me.
My thoughts are that I would encourage you to bring this before the Lord and your husband. Entrust it into the Lord's hands. His timing is perfect and He will never give us any more to bear than He also gives us grace to handle.
I also think that God will give you the love and the ability to love each child He gives you if you trust Him for it. I know that I have yet to experience this personally myself, but I know that my parents did a great job of meeting the needs and giving attention and love to all of their seven children. I never felt slighted because I had more than the average amount of siblings. In fact, I feel I had a very rich home life and was given incredible love from my parents. Yes, it meant sacrifices - lots of them - on their part. But I know for a fact that they do not regret any of those sacrifices.
My husband and I were just talking about this last night. We are now expecting number three, and I am just 26 years old. My close friends have not yet even had one because they are waiting for that house, car to be paid off, and so on... Here is the sad part. One friend finally thought she was "ready to have a baby" then reconsidered because they really do need to replace their older second car. Ouch! Our second car is probably just as old as hers and yet we are going on three children. They have already bought a new house in preparation and we are living in a two-bedroom apartment. We are house-hunting, but not in a big hurry. Just as we believe that God has one perfect mate for us, we believe that there is also a perfect place for us to live as well. It doesn't really matter on the size of the house or location. Who will we be able to be a neighbor to? That is more important isn't it? Who does God want us to be around as far as being Godly influences and who are those neighborhood children that our children will grow up around? These are far more important questions to answer in my opinion and you can't really search that out on a multi-list, you just have to trust God and be willing to be still and listen.
Sorry for the tangent, my point, by the world's definition we are not ready to have children, but I have three and feel far more blessed than any car or house would ever make me feel. God's ways truly are the best. I love Him so much!!!
Addy
Hi Crystal,
Thanks for posting on this topic. Let me tell you my situation. I am a 39 year old unwed mother of a beautiful 2 year old daughter named Sophie. YES, I am a christian. However, in a moment of weakness and sin, my daughter was conceived. First let me say that I had never, and I mean NEVER wanted children. I was never exposed to babies growing up and as I got older I saw children as a hindrance to self fulfillment. And the children I did see behaved so terribly that I was turned off to the idea. Even after God came after me and I surrendered my life to Him, I was unsure of the whole children thing. But, I told God that if it was His plan for me He would have to change my heart. Well, when I found out I was pregnant I was scared to death for so many reasons, first of all I was not married. I mean, how could I possibly raise a child on my own? I could not even consider abortion, but adoption was the way I was going to go. However, after much prayer, I believe that God's will for me was to keep and raise my baby. God has been so faithful in his provision for my daughter and me in ways that still continue to blow my mind. It has been far from easy, but let me say this: I wish now that I were younger so I could have many more. And, of course, I would have to be married. I watch programs on TLC about large families and I think "oh! how i wish that could be me". Maybe in God's time, who knows? I would love a big family. Please pray for me that if it's God's will that He would provide a husband and then the children. If Sarah had a child in her old age then surely God could gift me with more precious little ones!
we're the only ones in our home group with kids yet - and the others reasons are the typical "we're not ready" type... and it's funny - b/c out of our group, we're the poorest financially :) each time i've been pregnant (1 2yr old, 2 miscarriage, and now due in 4 wks) we've been going thru some sort of financial hardship - but my attitude has always been, "well, we have 9 months to figure it out". it's hard to broach this topic with my girlfriends, b/c the judgement is assumed, even if it's not there - so i just pray... and try not to scare them off with my pregnancy stories :) (which unfortunately are in abundant supply!)
I'm a 20-year-old [single] college student and I'm still forming my ideas about all of this. I don't think it's wrong to want to wait awhile, and I don't think it's wrong to go for it. But I do think there's too much emphasis on waiting for sometimes selfish reasons.
Have you posted anything about birth control? That's still something I'm mulling over as well, and I'd love to read your thoughts on it.
As an older woman (46) with grown and still growing children, I'd like to reply to megamarc and anonymous.
First, megamarc, my first two were exactly 20 months apart. #3 was 24 months behind #2 and I was worried about the same question you raised. I wasn't sure I could be a good mom to three. Rest assured that God gives grace to mother all the children He sends. AND, each child is enriched greatly by sibling relationships. #7 never slept in her crib the whole first morning home; she just went from one set of arms to another and returned to me for nursing. ;)
And for anonymous who asked: "It would be interesting to hear from other older women with grown children. Would they delay child bearing and limit their children to 2 or 3? And how do their husbands feel NOW, looking back when it is too late to do anything different?"
Married at 18, first child at 20, God worked in our hearts in a variety of ways to lead us to trust Him for our family size. We have 7, ages 26-10. In the last 5 years we've been living with diabetes, depression, under-unemployment, no-employment, our own stupid $$ mistakes, etc. and we are no where near financially secure in the world's eyes. While having a large family has impacted that, we have NO REGRETS about our family size. Our children are our joy and crown. Despite the burden my husband carries to try and provide and also to work our way out of debt, he also has NO REGRETS about having that many children.
God bless each of you who is still in the baby-bearing stage of life. Enjoy each moment; the days will be long but the years too short.
Awesome point, Crystal.
Crystal,
I'm confused to hear you use the word "infertility." If you believe that God is the opener and closer of the womb--and especially since you have had two viable pregnancies since-- wouldn't it be more consistent to view your two childless years of marriage as simply God's timing?
In response to megmarc:
I raised the same concern to my dad a few months ago. I am nearly 26 yo, have been married nearly 5 years, and we had our first child 9 months after our wedding. =) Couldn't have been happier. Then a little surprise, and baby #2 came 13 months later. =) Baby #3 came almost 2 years later. My dad assured me that my children are actually better off, because they're learning the world doesn't revolve around them. They have siblings to prove it! Yes, my attention is divided, but my love is multiplied. God does provide, in more ways than just financially. Would I have chosen this particular "timeline"? No! But I'm so glad the Lord saw fit to! Your children will not grow up feeling neglected. With more family members, they can only feel more loved and needed!
God bless!
Laura
"Oh and just a quick note for those who would love to have children and have not been blessed in this regard yet: This is not to say that those who cannot have children or have not been able to have a child as of yet cannot have a strong marriage. That is in no way the truth. I know that when Jesse and I struggled with infertility, it brought us very close to each other and to the Lord as we cried out to Him on our behalf."
Crystal, thanks for your remembrance of us women still dealing with infertility...
But I was confused by this: "I truly believe that if God knows you can't handle children, He won't give them to you."
Would you elaborate, please? You don't mean that is the reason for infertility-that God's knows you can't handle children? Crystal, we've never met but what I "know" of you from your blog and your transparency with your own struggle with infertility, I just can't believe that's really what you mean. Is it?
Autumn C.
Megmarc, my 3rd and 4th children were 15 months apart which is my closest gap.
I did find it hard to give each child individual attention and my son who was so used to being the baby was quickly booted out of the "baby" position.
My husband and I have worked as a team much more than with our previous children where I would tend to be the one to go in and settle them etc. Dh would always be the one to settle ds and I would be the one who settled dd and we still do this most of the time (they are 2 and 3 now).
Ds is the only boy so far (other 3 are girls) so him and his Daddy have a very special relationship.
These two are so close in age it is lovely watching them interact and play together (there is a fair amount of arguing too though). They share a bedroom and they are very protective and thoughtful of each other (most of the time!).
Sometimes I feel that I wasn't able to give enough individual time to my ds and my family certainly feels that way - he was a difficult child and they think this was the reason.
I do think that larger gaps(my other gaps were 3yrs and 2yrs and my next will be 3yrs) are easier but I would not change that close gap - it was lovely and I think my ds and dd will grow closer as they grow older.
Katie: I'm not sure how familiar you are with our story, but there were some serious physical problems involved which were definitely what would be termed "infertility problems." The Lord was gracious and, after much prayer and pleading with Him, to reverse these physical problems.
Autumn, thanks for asking me to clarify. What I was saying was for those who say, "I can't physically handle children" etc. I hear that a lot. I believe we can trust God with that - bring our physical limitations to Him and entrust it all to Him. If He knows we truly cannot physically handle children, I do not believe He will give them to us if we are entrusting this area to Him. That's what I was getting at. I certainly was not meaning to say that if you are unable to have children, the reason is because you can't handle them. My apologies if I wasn't very clear!
This is very important for every Christian man and woman to know about. A woman who turned her back on her homosexual lifestyle and gave her life to Christ is about to have her biological child taken from her in Vermont.
http://imgodschild.wordpress.com/
I'm kind of late in joining this discussion, but I'm really grateful to hear women expressing a scriptural view of this issue. My husband and I have four children: 12, 11(twins), and 9 months. The nine month old was a surprise gift from the Lord. Since there is such an age difference between Kayla (9 months) and the twins, we decided she could use some company growing up and are working on number 5. The disapproval expressed by people, some Christian, has been overwhelming. All kinds of reasons have been given to us about why this is a bad idea. While we have no illusions about the challenge of raising 5 kids, our faith is in the Lord. He will provide and in His time we will be able to do whatever He wants us to be able to do. It's sad that the world's view of children as a social, financial, and emotional burden has crept into the church. Maybe we should spend some time studying what the scriptures say about marriage, family, and children. It would revolutionize Christian families.
I for one am glad that anyone who is truely selfish is not having children. We have enough selfish parents and their one worshipped child out here in the world.
Ewokgirl, I don't think it is selfish to not have children if you have a disease such as lupus which would only get worse when you are pregnant. The Bible teaches that the prudent man forsees danger and hides himself...I have lupus too by the way. We've had to make a lot of changes in our life as a result.
Anonymous, with five children ages 14 down to 8, I think if I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would change is maybe to space out my children instead of having a pregnancy every year, because of my own health and it's effects on what sort of wife and mother I am able to be. My husband said if he had to do it all over again, he would have waited till we were both more grounded in our faith(we were newer Christians who had been raised in worldly, anti-church/religion/God homes, with pasts that have hurt us), and until he was better able to support a family. He also said, for the sake of my health, we would have spaced pregnanices out more. I'm not sure though that we would have grown up any more than we did when we unexpectedly got pregnant on our wedding night
Megamarc, all of my children were a maximum of 20 months apart...some were as little as 13 months apart (and yes, I practiced ecological breastfeeding but it didn't seem to work). The hardest time is right now, when they are all babies/toddlers. As they grow, they become quite close to one another, and it is easier for me as a mom to have them closer now that they are older.
I should clarify that I don't have lupus. I have several of the markers for lupus, and I've had a positive ANA test in the past, but all subsequent ANA tests have been negative. So, technically, I do not have lupus, but my rheumatologist says that because I've had a positive ANA in the past, lupus isn't ruled out for my future. All I know is that I'm frequently sick, and when you add in migraine headaches, my energy is easily spent. My husband and I both know that if we had kids, I'd have a hard time with it.
We're both quite content in our childless state. As I said earlier, we've never had the desire for children that most people have. And that's genuinely not because we're selfish; you just can't force that feeling, IMO. I really believe it's God's graciousness. And seeing as we've yet to become pregnant (no birth control for a few years now), I'd say it's definitely his will for us right now.
Someday things may change, but who knows? Right now we are so blessed in our youth ministry at church, and I couldn't do all that I do with our teens if I had kids of my own. In my experience, all things really do work together for the good of those who love God.
I do apologize for my little rant earlier, but this is such a touchy subject with me. I read comments once on another website discussing the selfishness of childless Christians, and one commenter actually said that childless Christians deserve to die. It was such a harsh and unloving attitude. Ever since then, I've been especially sensitive when people discuss how wrong the childless are. I just felt the need to point out that not having children does not necessarily mean that a couple is selfish or immature or whatever other labels are often slapped on us. And truthfully, I don't understand why it even matters to anyone whether or not other couples have children.
Ewokgirl and others who may wonder why it matters to me that Christian couples who can have children do have children and raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, I highly encourage you to take the time to listen to this sermon here:
http://tinyurl.com/3452gu
It is very thought-provoking and well worth the time to listen to.
If I had waited until I was ready I would never have had children. The day before my first child was born I looked down at my stomach and said "I don't know kid, I hope we make it." The next day I laid eyes on him, wasn't even allow to hold him, he was in the NICU, and fell in love, head over heels love and its been that way for the last 8 1/2 years. I would never sugest that you wait until you are ready, motherhood is a surprising and wonderful thing.
Shari
Coming in late here... I'm what many would call an "older woman" according to Titus 2, and I want to take a moment to gently remind some dear sisters here to be careful to guard your hearts with regard to how you may be viewing those who have chosen to wait, or have felt they weren't ready immediately upon marrying(or 9 months into it.)
When you see a couple who has been waiting, for whatever reason, do you immediately think less of them? Do you pity them, wondering when they will truly come to understand the Scriptures? Dear ones, if this describes you, then be careful - your disdain will show in how you treat the other couples, even ever so subtly, and it does not bring honor to God, nor does it edify others.
Can we trust Him to bring about children in His time? As a mother of 5 children, I can tell you that one can plan all she wants, but life and death are in the hands of God, regardless of what prevention methods one may use. I have 2 children who were not to have been - by doctor's orders. They are incredible blessings who came on God's timetable, not mine.
Those of you who are critical in heart, and who had babies early in marriage, keep in mind that you don't know what it's like to wait (whether on purpose or due to infertility or other issues). You wouldn't know if it would have made your marriage stronger, and you won't ever know. Just as those who did wait will never know your experience in having kids right away. Don't let the pride of experience rob you in heart.
Walk in gentleness toward each other, knowing that your heavenly Father is certainly capable of letting His children know, whether they think they are ready or not, when He has ordained a life to begin.
Apply Colossians 3:12-14 even in this situation -
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
I'm not criticizing everyone - please don't take it that way. I am just cautioning dear sisters to be careful to deal with gentleness and kindness, even in heart, with those who really don't think they are ready for children.
mx5 displays a lot of wisdom in her post. As I noted earlier, I have been on the receiving end of much criticism and would never want to make any woman feel belittled or judged for doing what she feels in her heart is right. I simply wanted to share my story and express my appreciation for a site that emphasizes a scriptural approach to marriage and family. As a full time wife and mother, I have been on the receiving end of ridicule throughout my married life from family and friends, Christians and non-Christians alike. In the African-American community, women rarely make the choice to be stay at home wives and mothers. It just isn't a part of our culture. This site has been a great resource for me and I just wanted to say thanks. However, knowing what the judgement feels like, I want to express my apologies to any woman who doesn't have children yet (for whatever reason) and say that if your conscience is clear before the Lord, be at peace with the life you have.
Crystal, I think the link that you posted for the sermon isn't working or is the wrong link.
Are you referring to this sermon?
http://www.treasuringchrist.net/audio/baucham/gap.mp3
I just wanted to add an "amen" to what mx5 said.
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