Advice for a first-time mom
I've reached the "OH MY! WHAT HAVE WE DONE! I CAN'T BE A MOM!" panic stage of my pregnancy. I'm 4 weeks from full term, and while my OB says that most first time moms go to their due date or longer, genetics might mean I go sooner...I feel so unprepared! I'm just sitting here, panicking a bit and wondering "Lord, how AM I going to get it all done? I'm going to need a lot of mercy!" Any advice for the first few months with your first little? Or perhaps, are you willing to share your experience as a first time mom? -AndreaAndrea, wow! Can I ever relate to your feelings of inadequacy! I think all new moms have these feelings and it is entirely normal. Motherhood has been one of the most wonderful and incredible things I've ever experienced in my life and it has also forced me to rely upon the Lord like never before. As far as what my best advice would be for a first-time mom, here it is, straight from the mouth of a sleep-deprived second-time mom herself:
First, you cannot do this motherhood thing alone. Try to do it in your own strength and you are destined for failure. You need God's grace and help every moment of every day. Motherhood is by far one of the hardest professions out there - it is a 24/7 365 days a year thing. You don't ever get "time off" from being a mom. Whether your children are with you most of the day or not, they are never far from your thoughts and your prayers. It is a huge responsibility to be nurturing and training up the next generation and something to never be taken lightly. This was one of the hardest adjustments for me as a first-time mom. For the first time I was carrying around the weight of responsibility for a little child. And I realized more than ever that I must rely upon the Lord. God doesn't call those who are qualified, He qualifies those Whom He calls. He has enough grace to meet your every need, enough strength to meet every challenge, enough patience for the most trying situations. Continuously look to Him for what you need for every hour of every day for you cannot do it on your own.
Second, don't try to be supermom. Supermom is a myth and you would do well to squash any and all visions of aiming for being "the perfect mom" right here and now. No mom is perfect; we all make mistakes. Especially in the first few months, don't expect to get a lot done. In fact, don't plan to get hardly anything done. There may be days when you accomplish many things on your to-do list, but more than likely, these days will be the exception, not the norm. If you are anything like me, there will be days when you never get out of your pajamas and dinner is carry out. Focus on what matters most right now and don't feel guilty over other things which don't get done. There will be time enough for gourmet cooking later.
I wrote awhile back:
I think that adjusting to your first is probably one of the biggest adjustments for most moms. You go from pretty much being able to make all your own plans, to being constantly needed by a precious little infant who knows nothing about your plans. I quickly learned that "my plans" were a thing of the past. Not that I couldn't ever plan anything, but that I could always plan on anything I planned not going exactly as planned. In other words, I quickly learned that, as a mom, you either become very flexible and learn to smile and roll with the punches, or you are probably going to live a life of stress and frustration.Third, as I said above, enjoy being a mom. Yes, motherhood is hard work, I've already mentioned that. Yes, your house will probably be messier than it was before. I mentioned that, too. But the rewards of being a mommy to a precious little child far outweigh the work and effort. Soak it all up. Rejoice in this wonderful and incredible calling - the calling of motherhood. Don't waste time worrying over things you can't control. Don't squander time fretting over things which won't matter in ten years from now. Smile and love on your little child. Trust God for tomorrow and make the most of the moments you have with them today. For, as everyone tells you and it really is true - it goes by so fast!
My novice advice would be to keep it very simple. Don't overdo and focus on meeting your baby's needs, basic household needs, and try to get as much sleep as you can. I'd cut everything else you can cut for right now. As time goes on, you'll be able to add more into your life, but stick to the basics right now, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed. I finally figured out it was better to stop putting pressure on myself and instead just be grateful for little accomplishments - like getting a shower taken before dinner. Above all, just enjoy being a new mom and enjoy your child.
God bless you, Andrea, as you begin this wonderful new journey!
posted by Crystal Paine at 2:44 PM
11 Comments:
Thank you for these beautiful, inspiring thoughts on motherhood - they encourage me as a first time mom of a now 7-month-old!
God bless!
Crystal,
Well said!!
Thank you for the encouraging post! I'm past this stage with my little ones, but it's still good to know that I wasn't the only one to make getting a shower a goal for the day! Or to be in your pajamas past noon. It all goes so quickly that it's worth it to let yourself relax and enjoy it and not be stressed out all the time about having a perfect house.
The best advice I rec'd as a new mom many , many, years ago was to sleep when the baby sleeps.....the first few days I tried to do laundry, clean, cook etc. I was exhausted by day 5!!! Then I accepted that I needed rest too....and the "stuff" would be there when I recovered. God's blessings to you and your. Pam from South Bend
My experience of having children and then having a 15 year break and then having 2 more.....take the first 3 - 4 years off and just concentrate on the BASICS of life....happy husband, happy children, clean laundry and food. Need I say more?? hee hee.
We all go through the "Oh wow! I am responsible for a little life!" Congrats to the New Mom
Found you recently through a friend and totally relate. 3 babies in 3 years and I still have days where I think "What have I done?!" And amazingly I want more
This is such a wonderful post, I hope you dont mind but i would like to link to it from my blog!
Thank you for the time and effort you put into your blog even with a wee one at home!
Congratulations, your girls are precious!
Blessings,
Tiany
Perhaps it would comfort you to know that I still have this panic attack with every new baby...all five of them! I still have that feeling towards the end of 'what have I done? How will I handle another child?' Through the grace of God, my children are happy, healthy, and a true blessing to both my husband and me.
You can't do it all, so don't try. Clean clothes, food, and a home clean enough to be sanitary is the main focus for the first few months. At that point, you will be a pro, and you'll laugh at yourself for ever being worried about how you would take care of that precious baby. Give yourself lots of time for rocking, snuggling, and naps. Babies are little for a very short amount of time, and you should soak it up.
You'll be great. I think the most important thing to recognize is that your day-to-day priorities will totally change. So, no, you won't be able to get it all done, but the stuff you used to worry about doing perfectly, will seem pretty insignificant.
(That is what I'm telling myself as I stare at about 2 dozen items of clothing that have needed to be ironed for almost a month. :)
God bless Andrea! Great advice, Crystal. I love how you said, "God doesn't call those who are equipped, he equips those he calls..." so well said.
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