Help for the overwhelmed
I am having trouble with time management. Specifically, organizing all of the great ideas I have, managing projects, completing daily tasks, and the like. My house is organized physically (this is my strength), but I get overwhelmed with daily living. Any direction you can point me in would be great. -ElizabethFirst off, Elizabeth, I don't think there is any woman among us who never goes through seasons where she feels overwhelmed with life. I've had plenty of those myself. I know that when I start feeling overwhelmed, it is usually because of a combination of three reasons:
1) I am trying to do things in my own strength instead of resting in the Lord.
2) I am doing more than God wants me to do.
3) I am mismanaging the time God has given me.
The solution?
1) Stop trying to do things in my own strength.
We have a saying at our home which we often quote, "Stress is an indication you are not resting in the Lord." When I am feeling completely at my wit's end, Jesse will often remind me of this and it helps put everything in perspective. God didn't call me to a life of stress and anxiety. Yes, there will be many hard things, many things which can overwhelm me if I let them, and many things which will stretch me beyond what I thought possible. But He has promised to never leave me or forsake me, to give me wisdom when I ask for it, to bear my burdens, and to give me grace sufficient for the need at hand.
I was listening to A Mighty Fortress is Our God a few days ago while overseeing Kathrynne playing nearby, carrying Kaitlynn in the sling, and putting the clean dishes away. I was meditating on the words to this song and all of a sudden, this phrase jumped out like never before:
"Did we in our own strength confide? Our striving would be losing..."
Having two little children has forced me, like never before, to realize how weak and needy I am in and of myself. I can't live this life God has called me to in my own strength, but I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Without His grace, I will fail.
So, first off, when feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to go to the Lord and cast your burdens and cares upon Him. Ask Him to carry them for you and to give you the grace to live one day at a time. He is faithful and will answer us and help us, if we but only will ask!
2) Stop doing more than God wants me to do.
Often, I'm overwhelmed not just because I am trusting in myself, but also because I am taking upon myself more than God wants me to. It took me a number of years to learn and I'm sure it's a lesson I'll have to continue re-learning, but when I finally realized I can't do it all and there's no point in trying, it really simplified my life.
There are many good things to spend one's life on - many needs, many worthwhile causes, and many wonderful people. However, I am only one person and there is no way I can fulfill all the needs, support all the causes, or have close friendships with hundreds of people. But, I can choose wisely from the good things for what things are the best things for me to invest my life in.
So how do I discern what God wants me to be doing? For me, it starts with making sure I have my priorities in order. My desire is that my primary focus is: God, Jesse, Kathrynne and Kaitlynn, and keeping my home - and in that order. It's easy to think we have those things as our priority when maybe we really do not. Here is a sort of checklist I use for personal examination to help me determine whether I am truly having my priorities in order:
First: God - If my relationship with God is not right, nothing else will be right in my life. So I try to examine often whether He is in first place in my life. Is He my All-in-All? Am I evidencing this by my daily life? Am I spending time reading His Word and praying everyday? Am I fellowshipping with Him on a daily basis? Is my life bearing fruit?
Second: Jesse - Are his needs being met? Is his love tank full? Have I shown him in practical ways today how much I love him, admire him, and appreciate him? Does he feel like he is the most important priority in life next to the Lord? (These are questions I try to ask myself and my husband very frequently.)
Third: Kathrynne and Kaitlynn - Am I being a loving mother? Am I putting the needs of my children before other less important things or are they having to wait on me to finish "my things" first? Do my children feel that I am often too busy for them? Am I spending quality time investing in my children's lives - teaching and training them up in the ways of the Lord and setting a Godly example before them?
Fourth: Home - Is my home a welcoming haven for all those enter into it? Does my family have nutritious meals to eat and clean clothes to wear? Is there order in our home or does chaos and clutter abound?
Now please know that I am no perfect homemaker, wife, and mother. Nor do I fulfill all of the above things perfectly all the time. However, my desire is that I don't just say my relationship with the Lord and my husband, home, and family are my priorities, I want to truly live it.
If I am neglecting any of these areas, I need to cut out any and all other "extra things" (volunteering, ministering to others, hobbies, etc.) from my life until I can once again have my priorities in order.
Next, I go to the Lord and my husband for wisdom concerning what they would have me to be doing. If I am feeling overwhelmed with life, Jesse and I will go over what I am currently doing and see what things we can eliminate or downsize. It is so freeing to have Jesse helping me make these decisions and give his input! I've found that if it weren't for his guidance, I would often be over-committing myself, so I am very thankful that God leads through him!
Hard as it is for me, I've learned that it really and truly is okay to say "no." In fact, it's a good thing to say "no" to those things which would detract us from the best things.
You only have one life to live. Choose wisely, choose well, and continuously be examining those choices in light of what is the best investment of your time for the glory of God.
3) Start managing the time God has given me more wisely.*
Not only is it vital that I rely upon the Lord for grace, and also important to eliminate things from my life which are not the best things for me to be investing my time in, it is also imperative that I seek to manage the time God has given me in the wisest possible way.
There have been many books and resources written on the subject of time management and I've read and gleaned from many of them. The thing that I have learned is that there is no one perfect system which will work for everyone in every season of their life. So don't try to pattern your home organization and family schedule as a replica of some else's. Determine what works best for your individual family.
I am a person with lots of ideas always rolling around in my head - new skills I want to learn, books I want to read, books I want to write, entrepreneurial ideas I want to pursue, home improvements I want to work on, events I want to plan, subjects I want to study in-depth, and on and on it goes. And then there is the never-ending list of things I want to teach and do with the girls. There is no way I can do everything but by using my time wisely, I can slowly chip away at this never-ending list.
At this season of my life, I have found that having a simple routine works best. I need structure and the girls need structure for our life to run in a somewhat orderly fashion, but with having little children, you can't be completely rigid just because there's lots of unpredictable things which come up in the course of the day! Life is never boring, that's for sure!
Our simple routine which includes all of the basic things we need to do in a day and/or week to survive - nursing Kaitlynn, showers/baths, meals, laundry, basic cleaning - and then it includes some things which Jesse and I feel are important that we include in the day - such as reading God's Word together, reading biographies and other good books to the girls, and teaching and training them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We don't always get to everything on the routine in a day, nor do we always follow it completely in order, but we use it as a guideline to keep order, structure, and stability in our lives. Without a guideline, chaos ensues.
In addition to the simple routine which I have typed up and posted in a prominent place and refer to often throughout the day, I also have a daily to-do list for myself which I write out each evening before going to bed, or in the morning as soon as I wake up. These are sometimes things which must be done (bills which need to be paid, phone calls which need to be made, and so forth) and also things which I would like to get to if I have time. Most of the things on the list are things which I do "in the cracks" - using little snippets of time here and there which present themselves during the day. I rarely check off everything on my list in any given day, but I usually numerate the list so that the most important things get done first. If I get to nonessentials, wonderful. If not, that's completely okay, too. Nonessentials can always wait until tomorrow.
I've found that what works best for me is to use daily planning pages (I purchased mine through Franklin Covey) and put a month of them in my planner at a time. This way, if I think of something I need to accomplish later on in the week, or in two weeks, I can jot it down to be reminded on that day. And since these planning pages give you a two-page spread for each day, there is plenty of space to jot down all sorts of things. Right now, I am using them to plan everything - from jotting down complete breakfast, lunch, and dinner plans for the day, to blog post ideas which hit me while I'm washing dishes, to reminders to send someone a birthday card.
Above all, rest in the Lord, put first things first, keep it simple, don't over-commit yourself, seek to wisely invest your time, and enjoy living the wonderful life God has given to you!
Two books I read recently on the subject of time management which I would highly recommend are How To Have A 48-Hour Day by Don Aslett and Shopping for Time. I also recommend the CD by Susan Bradrick Twenty-Four Hours is All You Get.
*A quick word here on time management: I think some times we can get so wrapped up into trying to "accomplish things," be productive, use every minute, and check things off of our to-do list, that we miss out on the simple joys of life. I try to evaluate all of my activities in light of, "Will this matter in ten years from now?" or "Will this matter in eternity?" Never be too busy "accomplishing things" that you overlook or neglect the most important things - the things which really matter in this life. Don't live life at such a breakneck speed because you are trying to get a lot done, that you can't enjoy life and the people God has placed around you in the process. I say this because I have definitely been guilty of it many times in the past. For us Type A, driven overachievers, slowing down and stopping to smell the proverbial roses can be a really healthy thing!
Graphic from Art.com
posted by Crystal Paine at 6:00 AM
16 Comments:
Those are good things to remember! But, I have trouble feeling overwhelmed lately just keeping in the constant motion that my 4 boys keep me in. I find I have to if I am going to survive take a time to spend with God. It is really hard though!
Also, the main thing that I find overwhelms me is the obligations that I cannot lay aside. i take care of my grandma twice a week, which is a drive across town, it is not too bad, but it does affect us. Other things come up, like dr. appts, dentist, church, etc which sometimes I want to just sit at home so I can calm down. I find when I do that, I am trying to get what i need to done and then the boys get idle and irritated with each other and we have more messes because of it. How about when you cannot cut things out of your life? How do you function with a busy life that you cannot change?
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I just can't tell you how much I needed to be reminded of those Godly truths again this morning.
I want to bring glory to God in this tremendous blessing of the home He's given me, one that I've fought for and nearly lost. Season's like these in my life it seems I've forgotten it's Christ who is alive and at work in me. I can do nothing on my own, it's hard to be reminded of that, but good.
Blessings on your day!
Sheila Dougal
Your post was timely. I am currently recuperating from a back and shoulder injury caused by overwork. I tried to do everything--the housework, cooking, shopping, couponing, the yardwork, a part-time job, evening college courses, and caring for a husband and two sons. I felt overwhelmed, but I thought I could "soldier through" anyway. Last week my body let me know that I can't do it all, and I had better slow down and learn to delegate some of my responsibilities to others. Thanks for the reminder to turn to the Lord for strength, and the need to set realistic priorities rather than trying to "do it all." Miss Kris
Wow - add me to the list of those (like Sheila) who felt like this post was for them today. I needed this - I'm printing it and keeping it to read when I forget these things again in the future.
Crystal, thank you for all the tips and reminders today. I especially needed, "Stop doing more than God wants me to do." I often forget to choose "the best thing" and need to pray more diligently in this area.
Crystal,
Thank you for this wonderful post about time management and setting our priorities straight! I always say there are only 24 hours in a day, and therefore we must focus on what really matters, but there are those periods when you just feel overwhelmed. For example now, with exams, moving, renovations, planning a vacation, usual household duties (which are all things I *must* be doing now, forget about hobbies and such!) I sometimes feel as though there's no way I can squeeze it all in a few short weeks. However, remembering that this is just a short period certainly helps!!
This was a truly wonderful post, Crystal! It was just what I needed to hear today.
I, so, appreciated the reminders about setting priorities, managing time and cutting out those unnecessary items.
Thank you for sharing from your heart and from what God has taught you over the years. It was a blessing to visit with you briefly and see the girls yesterday.
God bless,
Lydia
Crystal,
Thank you for this post. These are things I've often pondered, worked on for awhile and then let go by the wayside as I've become overcome by stress again. It is good to be reminded.
I totally agree with you that "Stress is an indication you are not resting in the Lord." My husband tells me this often, but it's hard to admit to it. In our society, it's almost as if we are SUPPOSED to be stressed out all the time. It has become a normal way of living. However, it is not a peaceful way of living that will bring us happiness, nor is it the way that God would have us live. He wants us to depend on Him for everything!
I'm so thankful for your blog. Many of your posts have inspired and/or corrected me. I'm so glad that you make the time in your full life to give this service to others.
~Anna
Thank you for the great reminder.
Thanks for answering I am Elizabeth the asking one! You are awesome Crystal!
I see I am not alone in the timely-ness of this. Thank you.
I loved this, too! I'm going to print it out. Another thing that can sometimes make it worse for me is certain "times of the month". I was recently totally stressed out and not coping. I talked to the local midwife and she gave me a bottle of an herbal mixture called Mom's Monthly Helper. After taking it for about three days, life didn't seem so bad after all.:) Just a thought. (By the way, some of you know, I'm not married and never been pregnant, but this midwife has lots of wisdom about all kinds of women's health issues)
Thank you for the post. Nearly 3 years ago I had to come to a screeching halt. I seemed to say "yes" to everything and my priorities were so out of line. I've been so much happier, content and my marriage is stronger since "stopping to smell the rose".
I really love how you mentioned discussing things with Jesse and how God leads through him. I'm learning that as well.
I could go on, but suffice to say your post was timely and, I think, of importance to most of us!
Thanks Again!
Christie
Thank you so much - this is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today! :->
Good post!
Your mother is very wise! I quoted her on my blog and linked to this post...just wanted to let you know.
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