Input requested: Early weaning
Recently, I had to wean my baby early due to circumstances that were out of my control. I feel sad that breastfeeding is over and guilty because my baby will not receive the health benefits from it. Do you know any moms that have this same experience that can share how they got through it? -LindaI have emailed with Linda a bit and know she has done everything possible to not have to wean her baby but due to some medical reasons she had to. Would any of you moms who have had something similar happen be willing to share with Linda or just give her a word of encouragement? If you would prefer to, you are welcome to email me and I'll forward your response on to her.
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:26 PM
22 Comments:
With all three of mine I have had to wean earlier than I would have preferred (#1 @ 6 months; #2 @ 7 months; and #3 from birth). I would just encourage her with something that my husband told me ... even if you can't nurse your baby, your job is to get him or her full and nourished. Period. Yes, I was sad to not be nursing each baby when I had to quit, but I was still being a good mom by feeding them and cuddling them when I gave them their bottle.
She is welcome to email me if she wants to talk further ... stephanieshepherd @ gmail.com (remove spaces).
Hi! I had to forego the option of breast feeding my last baby due to medical reasons. It was heartbreaking to me. But my pediatricion recommended when I fed my baby to be skin to skin and keep him the same distance from my face as if I were nursing. I did both those things and it did help me emotionally and my baby was always content!
Stephanie
I have not experienced this, but I loved the suggestion to feed baby skin to skin ~ which brings up my suggestion - infant massage. It's a wonderful way to communicate love to your baby.
Just a short note of encouragement. I am a mother of four, expecting my fifth in a few months (at age 40). My first was adopted and was therefore exclusively bottlefed. Truthfully, his health was probably the best of any of my children, and I never noticed much difference in their development or growth. All four developed about the same, whether bottle fed or nursed.
Because of this, I really don't worry too much when the time comes to wean. With each successive pregnancy, and because of some of my own health problems, I have weaned each baby a little earlier, my last at 7 months. They have all done just fine switching to formula. Depending on how my current pregnancy goes, I wouldn't even hesitate to go straight to the bottle should circumstances warrant.
I think that sometimes there is an awful lot of pressure put on moms to do everything "right", but how many of us were formula fed and came along just great.
I think that nursing is terrific if the mom wants to, and is of some benefit to the baby, but I believe no mother should have guilt about weaning a baby if time and circumstances warrant.
Melanie
I had to stop breastfeeding at 4 months due to a bad ear infection which required the drug Cipro. If you take Cipro you can't nurse for 30 days afterward and pumping didn't keep up my supply. I felt bad but tried to look at the good part that at least I had nursed SOME which was better then none.
Lela www.xanga.com/lmcs79
I have not experienced having to wean earlier that I wanted, but just wanted to encourage you not to feel guilty! The Lord is sovereign and He allowed the circumstances. He is also sovereign in your baby's health. I would not worry about "missing out" on the benefits of breastfeeding. If it was not His plan for your baby, she is not really missing out. Easier said than felt I'm sure. I also agree that having skin-to-skin contact while feeding would be a real blessing to you both! God Bless you and your baby, sister! :)
My fourth baby was a preemie and I pumped for him for several months and eventually got him nursing, which was wonderful! And then a few months later I was....pregnant again!....and lost my milk supply.
It was very hard to not be able to nurse my preemie any more, and worried about him through RSV season since he did not have all those wonderful breastfeeding health benefits.
I think the best things I did in spite of not being able to nurse were to do all the cuddly things that I would have done even if I had been breastfeeding still. Hold him when he eats, sleep next to him if that's what you would normally do, and just make the feeding process as nurturing as possible.
It can be really hard to have breastfeeding be out of reach, but you can still love and nurture your little one no matter what!
I can tell you that my preemie is now 7 years old, and he's been just as healthy as my other 5 children. :)
I wasn't able to BF very long with any of my kids (#1 - 4 weeks; #2 - 8 weeks; #3 - not at all due to medical issues).
Even if you're bottle feeding, feeding time is a great way to bond with your baby! My daughter just turned one at the end of June and we still have "bottle time" before bed, and it's my favorite time of the day.
The bottom line: You are NOT a bad mom if you have to wean early or can't BF I felt horribly guilty when I had to wean my boys early (for financial reasons, I had to hurry and go back to work full-time), but you know what? They were happy, healthy babies. My daughter is too. And it's nice when daddy or older siblings can help!
I also weaned earlier than I wanted due to medical reasons. #1 was completely on formula at 10 weeks, #2 was 4 months and #3 weaned herself at 9 months (and that was me forcing the issue). DON'T let the enemy catch you up in false guilt. You are a good mom, even if you don't nurse to a year old. My pedi. told me that my babies need a healthy mom more than they need to be breastfed. So true! I have not noticed any difference in health or development between my children. My suggestion for bottle feeding is for MOM to hold the bottle, not baby. Also, go in a room alone and sit in the rocker just like you would if you were nursing. This helps with the bonding.
I am also open to an email to talk more stephaniesmommybrain @ gmail.com (no spaces)
I didn't have to wean early but I can definately relate to the guilt and frustation. I was never able to produce enought milk to fill-up my daughter. I had to supplement. It was so hard to face this at first. I had my heart set on exclusive nursing. Now I had the task of bottles and breast! But, you know what? There are MANY ways to be a great parent. All of which have nothing to do with breastfeeding. It is wonderful but doesn't determine your outcome in life. And if you are looking for a healthy formula, Walmart carries an organic brand (made from hormone free milk) for less than the name brands like Similac. Best of luck to you dear, we are all with you! Enjoy your lovely baby and all of God's blessing in your life.
I could not nurse my child as she was born with a cleft palate so nursing was an impossibility. I tried to pump, but due to the stresses around her birth, my milk never came in. My daughter was exclusively formula-fed from birth.
I was VERY upset about this, but her neonatologist told me he was formula fed and he turned out ok. I never did the skin-to-skin contact, but I did feed her as if I was breastfeeding, with lots of cuddling, facial contact...
She is now a very happy and healthy almost 5 yr old little girl. She rarely gets sick other than the occasional cold. While I would have liked to nurse her, she did not suffer at all from formula.
As mothers, we have so much guilt and self-doubt over many things that are within our control. Try not to stress over things that we cannot control. Formula feed your baby, and don't feel like an inadequete mother for doing so.
While I still beleive that breast feeding is ideal, I think there is too much pressure on breastfeeding, which can cause women to stress over issues such as this. I also think that we need to come together and support each other as mothers. A happy and healthy baby AND mom IS the ideal situation, and that can be obtained from either breast or bottle.
Kim in WI
When my daughter was born she was not able to nurse as she should. I went to the lactation counselor, the doctor, everyone I could and no one could understand why. I had more than adequate supply because she was constantly attempting to nurse and could drink a few swallows but seemed to stop drinking. After nursing her every 30 minutes for 2 months straight I finally had to stop. It wasn't until she wasn't walking at 14 months and she did not talk as she should that doctors were concerned. After scoring above average on an IQ test, the doctors blamed me for everything. I felt so guilty but my husband would tell me that they didn't know what they were talking about. Finally, a new speech therapy graduate from college replaced her old occupational therapist and visited my daughter. She asked asked to see my daughter eat and then asked if my daughter had always had problems eating her sandwich (she would choke multiple times a meal). I said yes and after more evaluation my daughter was diagnosed with having low muscle tone especially in her face. She never had the muscle tone to nurse, to walk, etc. It is genetic. Now, at 4 years old, you would never know there were any problems. After a year of therapy every week and at times twice a week she is a healthy normal child. I had blamed myself without reason.
Here is an interesting site about guilt and the Bible:
http://www.hannahscupboard.com/guilty.html
Also, there are so many ways to feel close to your baby! Do an infant massage, take a bath together, hold your baby close skin to skin, take naps together or co-sleep. Remember to focus on what is most important - your beautiful blessing!
Lisa mom of three with only one being able to nurse
While I have not had this situation to deal with, I have nursed 6 babies, and all nursed for different lengths of time. I was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to get coconut oil into a baby. Since it contains lauric acid, one of the antiviral components of breastmilk, maybe that could be of some benefit for the baby's immune system. Just a thought.
I would just like to offer some encouragement, as a Mum who has had to formula feed both her little girls.With my first child I had post-ceaserean complications,& I ended up in intensive care with my second & I have a very special bond with her, despite being unable to care for her myself much at all during the first few weeks. My husband did the night bottles for about the first month.
When I fed my girls, it was always a special cuddle time, & even when they wanted to hold the bottle themselves, I would hold it for them,when they were babies, so "I" would be feeding them.
My youngest is now 3 1/2, & while she quite happily drinks from a cup, she will often at home ask for a pop-top drink & a cuddle, just to enjoy the closeness.
My children are happy, healthy & know they are loved, even though I couldn't nurse.
Claire
I never had much milk with either of my children. I had to supplement for a few months, and then weaned them at 4 and 5 months because I had no more milk. I was so disappointed with my first because of course breastfeeding is better than formula, but just as some moms need to have c-sections because of different issues (both of my deliveries were so easy), some of us do not have the blessing of breastfeeding fully or at all. My pediatrician pointed out that he was fed on Karo syrup and condensed milk and now he is a doctor!=) Both my kids are healthy and smart. I was formula fed and turned out just fine. Enjoy your baby, and remember to let Dad get up for middle of the night feedings sometimes!=)
I nursed my first daughter for 2 weeks and the 2nd for 1 week. I wanted to go longer, but I simply could not handle the pain and stress of it all. After daugther #1, I felt guilty until daughter #2. After switching her to formula, life suddenly got easier - other people could feed them, I wasn't as tired and worn out and stressed out.
I learned to overcome the guilt by convincing myself that I had never had a friend that was nursed and everyone I knew was just fine, and that if God is God, He would take care of my daughters no matter how they were nourished, because He created them. Keep your head up, it will pass - it was out of your control and you did the best you could. You are being a good mom - by the fact that you are getting the medical issues taken care of. I think it's natural to feel a little sadness from this - after all it was a bond only you two had - but you will find other ways and cherish that time you did have.
You can give coconut oil to babies, and there are baby formula recipes that include it. They might even take it straight off a spoon (melted); my son loves oils that way. Here is an article written by a mother who couldn't produce enough milk for her babies.
This link has a list of FAQs about making your own baby formula with the recipes and nutritional content further down the page.
The ingredients for the baby formula (except the milk) are sold here in a kit.
Finally, here is one last link to address any questions about using fresh milk.
Hopefully this is helpful information!
Hello !! After successfully nursing four children I had my fifth and figured it would be the same. She started great but little did I know, she had latched on incorrectly (with tongue thrust) and I ended up with lascerated nipples. The pain and bleeding was so severe that I was back to the hospital on day #4 and left with the healing patches and a pump but I ended up never putting her back to the breast after that day. Many factors influenced my prayerful decision but it was not without concern over the bonding issue. She is now 14 months old and has been healthy like her siblings and I feel the EXACT same bond with her as I do with the others. Now, I have not lessened in my belief in breast being best but I have been humbled by this experience and realized that I had felt judgement on moms who couldn't or wouldn't nurse. Praise God for His lesson!
For me, because I had always exclusively nursed my babies, I felt the responsibility and the desire to be the main person to feed her. I WANTED to be the one to get up at night and stop during the day to hold and feed her and I agree with the above comment...I hold the bottle, not my baby.
Be encouraged and just love and enjoy your little one.
There are enough documented benefits to breastmilk over formula that would make donor milk or wet nursing MUCH better options than formula. Especially if the baby is younger than 6 months old.
Breastfeeding has more than "some benefit" to babies - it has HUGE benefits. Perhaps using a milk bank might be a possibility for this mom. Or maybe one of her friends is breastfeeding and might be able to nurse the baby every once in a while, or possibly pump some extra bottles of milk for the baby. That would be a wonderful supplement to formula for the little one. It doesn't have to be exclusive breastfeeding to still offer the excellent benefits of breastmilk.
My son was 10 101/2 when he was born and my milk never came in sufficiently for me to breastfeed.. I tried to pump for awhile and was able to add it to the formula but certainly not enough to make any real contribution. I remember feeling like a failure as a mother- not being able to do what everyone else can.
Luckily all turned out well. Our feeding sessions were initmate and sweet even though they involved a bottle. And he slept like a champ. He is now 12 years old and healthy as an ox
Make the best of what you have and you and your lovely one will still have a fantatstic super special bond.
I think this mom needs to realize that she is doing the best she can for her little baby. Due to medical reasons, she does not have a choice in the matter. She should know that by nursing as long as she did, she did indeed provide her baby with enormous benefits. I had extreme difficulty in nursing my daughter (latching issues due to a breathing problem she had that resulted in my nipples being nearly mutilated). I felt so guilty that I could not continue with breastfeeding (and still do to a certain extent), but the doctor sat down and told me all of the benefits she had gotten from the amount of time I was able to nurse.
This mom is doing the best she can. She should let go of the guilt and cuddle her baby knowing that.
Mrs.
Oh...I had the same situation. Right after the birth of #3, I had too much fluid, and had to be hospitalized (after being home w/the baby for 1 day) because of heart, lung, and kidney failure. They did all kinds of tests, and pumped me full of nuclear stuff (don't know exactly) and said I could not nurse. There was so much comotion, and I was so upset about being away from my baby for 4 days, that I forgot about the option of pumping and throwing the "bad stuff" away, and I just dried up. Oh, was I sad and sad, and double sad. I know how you feel. However, she's now 19 months old, and healthy as a horse. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, but the Lord does provide.
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