I'm not interested
It's that time of year again. The time of year when ABC starts getting desperate to find a Christian mom, er "Prairie Homemaker" I should say, for their Wife Swap reality show. Last time around, they contacted numerous families, upped the pay from $10,000 to $20,000, and still couldn't get anyone interested.
Hi. My name is Molly and I am a producer working for ABC's reality show "Wife Swap." If you have seen the show, you probably know that we pride ourselves on casting a wide array of families...families from all different walks of life who would like the opportunity to educate the viewing audience about their particular parenting philosophy and their way of life. We are currently casting for our fourth season and I am looking for a family with a Prairie Homemaker where the home philosophy is Faith, Family and Frugality. I would love to speak to you more about this project to see if you might be interested or if you might have suggestions about possible candidates.
If you are unfamiliar with the show, the premise of Wife Swap is to take two different families and have the moms switch place to experience how another family lives. Half of the week, mom lives the life of the family she is staying with. She then introduces a "rule change" where she implements rules and activities that her family has. This is meant to be a positive experience for people to not only learn but teach about other families and other ways of life.
Families featured in an episode receive a $20,000 honorarium. If you refer a family that is cast on the show, you receive $1,000 as a finder's fee.
If you are interested, please contact my work or please email your phone number to me and I will call you directly. I would love to talk to you at your earliest convenience.
Thank you,
Molly
I know that Molly was just doing her job so I'm in no way putting her down, but I couldn't help but get a chuckle over the "Prairie Homemaker" part. As if being a stay-at-home wife and mom, or having faith, family, and frugality at the core of who I am somehow makes me backwards or Little-House-On-The-Prairie-ish. Hmm, I just don't really see myself - sitting here typing this on my pink laptop with highlighted hair pulled back into a ponytail, makeup, cute top and skirt, flip-flops, and painted toenails - as befitting the "Prairie Homemaker" model.
All humor aside, does ABC really think that dangling $20,000 in front of me for selling my children's souls is going to appeal to me? That I will readily and willingly jump at the opportunity to make a few thousand so that some other woman - who invariably would be of a belief system completely contrary to what we believe - could come in and train and raise my daughters for a week? Nice try, ABC. You can look long and hard for such a woman, but I'll guarantee you that any woman who puts faith and family first, will not just drop all of it to make a quick buck. Or if they do, they are not the real deal.
Giving over the responsibility to raise my precious children to someone else with opposing beliefs and value systems cannot be bought from me for all the world. You can offer me $20,000, you can offer me a million. I'm not interested.
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:14 PM
39 Comments:
I read a debate about this before, and I wouldn't completely rule it out, for a homeschooling mom with somewhat older children who are mature enough to handle an "exchange-mom," and with a very carefully written contract with safeguards such as: the family and abc agree on a trustworthy third party with veto over abc's editing decisions, tight limits on what the exchange-mom can do for the "new rules," ability of the husband or a designated friend to pull the plug if the e-mom does something unacceptable, etc.
Of course, that's for someone who is interested in the first place. Nothing wrong with just not wanting to.
Wow I'm going to be honest - I'm not sure I could have turned that down so quickly! Please understand, I'm in no way trying to say you should do that but turning down $20K - that's impressive to me that you can do that so quickly! And I would have actually watched that show if you had decided to be on it! I guess you could have had a good influence on the other family for a week though! LOL
This is off the subject but you mentioned highlights and makeup - two of my favorite things :) - and I've been thinking about those two things a lot lately. About how, there are all certain things and practices we could all point at and deem unlady-like (and certainly there are) but let's not forget that just 100 years ago make up and dyed hair were considered for women with 'no morals'. I guess I'm just saying that what today we consider acceptable was once considered downright offensive. Just reminds me to remember to try not to pass judgement. It's off the subject, but I was thinking about it as I went in for my highlights the other day!
I honestly don't think I could do it either... although I'd like to be a fly on the wall with "the exchange mom" coping with my 7 children... lol I homeschool 3, have an older daughter, as well as two toddlers, and baby... homeschool, garden, cook daily, can, etc.
I couldn't hand my children over to a stranger for no amount of money... sure we could use the $20,000.00... van repairs, house repairs, etc... but it's not worth handing my children over for the sake of a tv show.
i would turn it down anyday! good for you!they would put a lesbian woman, satanist of pure feminist in charge of my family or something. It would NEVER be worth it...
Now, if my kids had hubby to care for them and I wouldn't have to swap with another wife and I could try to help a family see the beauty of Godly motherhood and how a stay at home mother is so important in this day and age, i would consider that one :)
I agree with you that turning my home and kids over to a stranger for a week is simply too much. I assume the other wife would be someone whose beliefs and lifestyle are diametrically opposed to your own. Otherwise, what would be the point of the swap? Of course, from reading your blog, you seem to be pretty well grounded in your faith and consistent in what you believe and practice concerning family life so she probably couldn't do any lasting harm. Still, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Dear Crystal,
You are so right! Who knows who they could put in.
The "Prairie Homemaker" and the motto comes from www.prairiehomemaker.com
I'm a mod over there and that Molly person was trying to contact several of the ladies there. We banned her, as we have no interest either.
For once, I'm 100% in agreement with you, Crystal. ;-) I've seen that show before, and my husband and I have discussed how we don't understand people's willingness to sell out their families like that. I would have no interest in letting another woman come into my home to run and change things. I don't understand how other women can turn their children over into the hands of strangers, who will change things up and possibly tell them how awful they think the real mother and father are.
No amount of money is worth that. Besides, you'd have to be separated from your own family for 2 weeks. That's an eternity, IMO. I'd hate to be separated from my husband for that long.
The money sounds nice, but the cost is just too high.
It is too bad these shows handle these situations with such careless disregard for the participants. They ramp it up for the sake of increased viewership and those of us of the Jerry Springer generation understand what that means.
I wish there was an opportunity to show a strong Christian woman on realtiy TV. It really could be an excellent ministry evangelism tool if done right.
I wonder if there is a way to use crazy reality TV for His kingdom.
Way to go, Crystal!! I can't stand that show.. can you imagine all the people that have had affairs with others since they are living with a person of their opposite gender for 2 weeks?! I can't believe we actually watch these shows and call it entertainment!! Thank you for saying no!!
Good on you, Crystal! It's one thing to be a good influence on another family, but you never know what influence the other Mum will have on your children.
We're a bit behind here in Australia, with the wife swap episodes, & we normally don't watch them, unless they feature a Christian family- just so we can see how the media allows them to be portrayed. We saw one earlier in the year with the Christian & Atheist families, and were quite happy with how the Christian Dad stuck to his convictions,despite the new Mum's rules.
Claire
"Giving over the responsibility to raise my precious children to someone else with opposing beliefs and value systems cannot be bought from me for all the world. You can offer me $20,000, you can offer me a million. I'm not interested."
Amen to that! I've never seen the show but sounds like at terrible experience for the husband and especially the children (not to mention the poor mom!)
Wow. I am very impressed. Every time I watch Wife Swap I wonder where they find the women they do. They are normally totally off their rocker. I guess I understand now why they get the totally off their rocker people, it's because real people like you are too awesome to do it.
I had never really thought about putting my child in the hands of the type of people they find to swap. That would be pretty scary. Did you write an email back to her explaining why you wouldn't? I'd love to see their faces.
Hi Crystal,
I applaud your ethics in the face of a lot of money. That show is really dumb (and that's being charitable) and you certainly don't want your daughters with the Jerry Springer types they turn up. That would be hard to turn down for a lot of people.
I can't believe, however, that you posted homemakerang's comment about "lesbians, satanists and feminists."
Lesbians and feminists are people, too, and some of them are even good Christians. We should respect all of God's creations as Christians and not demean people.
You have rejected a lot of my much milder comments (and I don't care if you reject this one), but I think since you are ultra-careful about what you allow people to say here, you shouldn't allow someone to put lesbians and feminists in the same boat as satanists.
I know a lot of lesbians and feminists who are wonderful people doing lots of good for this world. I'm sure there are others doing the opposite, like any other group of people. It's really hard to make fair judgements of large groups of people. My cousin is a lesbian, and a wonderful person and mother, which I know probably shocks you, but it really hurts me to see you allow this kind of talk on your site. She is a lawyer and has done huge amounts of pro-bono work for battered women. Is she still so terrible?
I just read a wonderful book ("Infidel") by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who is considered a feminist, but if you read her book, I think you'd have a lot of respect for her. I'd encourage homemakerang to go meet some lesbians and feminists before deciding they are so awful; and you, too; before you allow someone to write something so nasty.
GASP!! You paint your toe nails and fix your hair?? AGGGHH!
HAHA...just kidding. Totally agree with you on turning down these people. Always remember they are intent to make a dollar. They know that so many people would watch this episode that they are willing to pay 20 grand for it!! Beleive me when I say that they would put someone of the total opposite lifestyle of yours. As a matter of fact I bet one new rule the "new" mom would implement would be " no going to church on Sunday!
OrchidLover: Thanks for a great question and allowing me to clarify my comment policy. I am very much more lenient in allowing comments through from people that I know - whether or not they are disagreeing with me. If I've gotten to know someone through blogging and established a relationship, I am much more apt to allow their comment through, even if I disagree with it. However, if someone posts a negative comment and they leave no name or they are someone who has never posted here before, I'm much more inclined to not allow it through since we have plenty of resident trolls and it will often be one of them trying to disguise themselves and get some of their negativity through.
I also often do not allow comments through which I know would spark a huge firestorm or debate, especially if my time is limited right then and/or I have no desire to facilitate a discussion on that topic. This is my blog and since, for some unknown reason, there are thousands of readers coming here everyday, I do try to exercise great care in what is posted here - both in posts and in comments.
With all that said, I did not feel that what Homemakerang said was out of line and would have posted her comment even if it had come from someone else I didn't know personally like I do her. Why? Because I believe that those who are practicing sodomy are living a lifestyle which is completely contrary to God's design. I also believe that modern feminism is completely contrary to Biblical Christianity. A belief which says that me, myself, and I are the number one factors in determining anything - which I believe after years of studying and interacting with self-proclaimed feminists is at the root of modern feminism - is diametrically opposed to what we are called to as Christians. We are called to live lives of selfless, laying down our desires, our interests, and so forth, for the needs of others, to reach out and minister to others.
This is why I would never want my young children to be put in a situation where they would be required to be trained or ruled by those with the above beliefs. No, not even for a very short while.
Does this mean I hate feminists, or lesbians, or satanists? No, not hardly. I've come to know some quite well, we have a number who would claim those titles who read here, in fact, and I've had many interactions with them. I definitely disagree with their belief system, but I love them as a person and pray that they might come to see the err of their beliefs and truths of God's Word. That they might be radically transformed in Christ. I desire, through my blog, to show them that there is a better, more wonderful way to live!
Anyway, I hope this somewhat answers your question and though you might not agree with me, maybe it makes it more clear about where I stand.
God bless you!
Hi Crystal,
You are certainly entitled to your opinion about lesbians and feminists, and again, I applaud you for upholding the family values you hold dear despite the offer of a lot of money. One of the many great things about our country is that we are free to express our opinions.
I was certainly not suggesting that you allow WifeSwap to hook you up with ANYONE to care for your family.
Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a favorite of a lot of conservatives. I'd be curious to see what you think of her story. It's really remarkable, but you come from a very different background than I do, so maybe you'd feel differently. She was basically terribly abused under the laws of Islam, and ran away from it, and has spoken against it. Submission to men is apparently a big part of the Quran, and I know that you believe in wives submitting to husbands, so I'd be curious to see what you think of her situation and where the lines should be drawn.
I think you have a great blog, and though I disagree with a whole lot of it, I think a lot of it is really lovely and admirable, too. (And no, I'm not a lesbian or a feminist or a satanist!) I enjoy a lot of varied opinions, especially when stated intelligently, but that said, I think homemakerang's comment seemed awfully un-wordly and unecessarily mean to lesbians and feminists. But I don't know her as you do. However, I think tolerance should be part of the universal language.
God Bless YOU!
OrchidLover - I think that Ayaan Hirsi Ali is on the Laura Ingraham show every once in awhile, if I'm not mistaken. If she's the same person I'm thinking of, I've found her views fascinating. I've not read her book, so can't comment much more beside that on what she believes. I do think it is wonderful that she is speaking out against the repression of women in the Islamic religion. Very few feminists really seem to be trying to do anything about this so I applaud her for that.
And as far as my viewpoint of submission - I believe that Biblical Christianity teaches a marriage relationship which is much different from those who espouse Muslim beliefs. Yes, Biblical Christianity teaches that the wife is to submit to her husband, to honor and reverence him. However, the Bible holds men up to a much higher standard in that they are to lay down their lives for their wives. They are to love them, to sacrifice for them, to give to them. Being a husband is a huge responsibility, not one to be taken lightly. God has given them authority as the head of the wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church. But this authority is not to be lorded over their wives. They are to be servant leaders, giving of themselves for their wives and families. The beauty of a Biblical marriage is that as both man and woman follow in their God-given role, there is oneness and harmony, and marriage is a beautiful picture of Christ and the Church to the world. None of us are perfect this side of heaven, but this kind of marriage is what we should be striving for, praying for, and growing towards, by the grace of God!
I think the main thing is what would Jesus Christ,our Lord and Savior think of swapping our families for money? It is not what you or I think, but what He thinks that matters anyway.
Didn't Jesus say you cannot serve both God and mammon(money)?
Do we think the Almighty God would approve of such behavior?Would He be pleased to see us subject something as precious as our homes and families to ungodly rule?
We have to remember that wonderful and guiding scripture that declares,"As for me and my house we will serve the LORD.
OUCH! I just came back...
Orchid lover, I do not hate satanists, lesbians or feminists... I just don't want them within 300 miles of my dear treasures, my children that God gave me to raise up for Him for such a short time in "this life"...
I know all S, L and F (above) they are God's people and can always come to Him, and He loves them too. I am also just a HUGE sinner saved by God's amazing grace. I do know that He does not condone what they are doing though, just as He would not condone me hating them either.
Just to clarify... I will say though, they better not come near momma bear and her cubbies! I will always roar! I choose to raise my cubbies from God's word, I do not think these people align with the Word of God, therefore I am staying FAR away... I am all for witnessing, but I wouldn't take my children with me to reach these type of people at this point in my life...
If my kids were older, I would do it (and if my husband was OK with it). I have seen some episodes with Christian women in it and they refuse to take part in activities that go against their conscience. The husband will also refuse to do certain things that the new mom proposes. I wouldn't do it if my children were babies. I couldn't leave a baby/toddler for that long.
I don't see it as selling your children's soul for $20,000. I think it is a great chance to be a witness and learn what other people are about. Nobody really changes at the end of the show, anyway.
I highly doubt that any of the moms and dads are having affairs on that show. These aren't young spring chickens who are featured on that show. That comment was way out of line! Just because two people of the opposite sex are living under the same roof, it doesn't mean that they can't control themselves and remain faithful to their spouses. If you see the show, most of the time they are arguing or fighting.
-Zan
Good for you!!
Your blog and comments that you have left have said it all.
Zan: It might be a great chance for me to witness to the other family, but I would in no way subject my family to having who knows what kind of influence in our home. Plus, from my very little experience in TV this past year, I've learned that most TV producers are out to sell a show, not to put you in a good light. They'll twist things however they want in order to get viewers. Sad but true.
As wives and mothers, we are to be the keepers or "guardians" of our home. Letting someone else come in and "keep my home" per se for a week or two so I could go keep someone else's home, seems very out of line with our God-given role, you know what I mean? Who knows what kind of things my children could be exposed to in that timeframe and what is it saying to them if I have another woman take my place as wife and mom for a week?
By the way, don't you all think this show should really be called MomSwap, not WifeSwap? I think they picked that name just to create more buzz.
Crystal I can't imagine you doing ANYTHING like this. I think my hair would fall out if you said "yes". Knowing you and knowing how protective you and Jesse are of Kathrynne and Kaitlyn....wow, I just couldn't see you "selling out" for any amount of money.
I am very sure you know by now just how much of a "sponge" brain your children are....it doesn't take but one really bad commercial for Samuel or Isaac to start imitating what they have seen or even when they see something scary (not by my choice of course) it only takes one time for it to be burned into their little brain and then we have the nightmares, etc...
Most people wouldn't subject their pets to someone who might not take good care of them....."Oh they might not feed them, or what happens of they run out of water, or what if that person screams at them or kicks them or....?"
I personally can't fathom ANYONE coming in and taking over my place in the home....even when I don't do such a great job myself....
Good for you friend. I think you have made some really great points and there is much wisdom here to consider for those who want too.
Innocence can be taken away but never restored.
I admittedly have watched Wife Swap on several occaisons :-), so am familiar with how the show works. It's humurous how the producers always pick families that are totally opposite from each other, and you know that alot of editing goes on so as to entice people to watch. I guess they figure that heated controversy makes the show "edgier" and I agree with Crystal that they use the term "wife" rather than "mom" on purpose..probably to make it racy. So, what I'm saying is that even if you agreed to do the show with the intent of being a shining example and spreading God's love, your words and actions would most likely be so twisted and manipulated by the producers that it wouldn't come close to refelcting what you truly believe.
I would never ever ever do the show because for one thing, I couldn't bear to be away from my husband and children for two weeks, plus I wouldn't feel comfortable with another woman being the mom in my place...even if she was a Christian (or claimed to be!). My job right now is to be here for my family, and no amount of money would be worth forsaking that. I do find it funny that they would be willing to pay a "prairie mom" $20,000 for two weeks when the world hardly places any real value on homemaking anyway!
I had to smile, Crystal, when I read about not looking like the stereotype of a Christian stay at home mom. I was thinking the same thing about myself the other day. There I was kneading bread dough and singing hymns with my son while wearing a cute top and jeans (gasp!), complete with tasteful makeup and highlighted hair! :-) It's strange how so many people think that there is a certain "look" or something....by the way, I also paint my toenails! :-)
I love reading your blog daily and appreciate your honesty and forthrightness. I don't always agree with you 100%, but respect your burning desire to serve the Lord. That's evident in everything you write! I don't have any close Christian lady friends, am the "odd ball" of my extended family due to our Christian lifestyle, and am basically at home alot with my little ones, so reading this blog has been a breath of fresh air on those stressful days. Thank you for the time you put into this.
Way to go, Crystal. You're absolutely right! If I had two precious little daughters, I wouldn't give them over to anyone else - not for a couple of days and not even for a couple of minutes. Not for all the money in the world.
Way to go Crystal! Now did you tell her that? No, of course, not, you're too sweet! :) Love your blog! ~Karen~
I think it is important to remember that just because it "may" be an opportunity to witness doesn not mean it is right. I fear that so many make the mistake of forsaking their families for the call to evangelize. I see far too many people who have a passion for evangelizing but their own children are wayward. Our home is our first and foremost mission field and their is no more important place to be! I have come to see from reading God's word that separation of family is a curse, and that is one of the first things God did to rebuke Israel. It is not His plan for families to be apart! Also, this wife swap show would put the wife under another mans authority, even if it is for a short time, it is still clearly against Scripture! Once we step out from under the authority that God has placed us under, we are opening ourselves up to the devil and his forces. He would be very glad to oblige, I am sure! I also dont think all on the show are having affairs, but it certainly could induce temptation and unclean thoughts! My husband and children are far too precious for me to allow another woman to come in and take control. I know people think that if their children are older they would be ok, but I think even a spirit of rebellion could make its way into even an older child. It is certainly a risk I would never want to take!
I've seen the show twice. I couldn't do it. I find it hard to leave my kids for more then a few hours. (and who knows who'd we'd get.) One episode was about a homeschooling family that lived and traveled in a motorhome and they matched them with a woman who had never camped and really didn't spend any time with her kids. The other epidose was a (to quote the show) "prarie mom" matched with a rock and roll mom. The first family was a good Godly family. They were very traditional- homeschool, dresses, home cooking... the rock-n-roll family were partiers and their god was music. (I felt very sad for the children.) The Christian woman was able to have a very positive impact on the family and the Christian husband stood strong on his role as head of the house. He would not allow alot of changes that the swap wife wanted. (Their girls refused to put on pants!- They stuck strong to what their parents had taught them.) I comment on this not to defend or uplift the show as something good but to remind everyone not to put down/judge Christian families who might choose to do it. In a rare case the Christian family came out in the better light. (Probably much to the network's chagrin.) I also want to point out I am not commenting on the pants vs. dresses discussion. It is not my intention to open up that topic. I am merely pointing out the strong convictions this Christian family had already instilled in their children.
I thought "Prarie Homemaker" was kind of funny, too. It's like these people don't realize that everyone is an individual and try to put them into little boxes.
I'm glad you turned them down. These shows are always set up and edited to be sensational. Who knows how they would have made you come across.
I have read some of the stories of what people have said who actually took part and they said they dramatize it alot on TV. the TV show will do things to stir up conterversy.
That said, I have seen a few of them and I really, really was impressed with one family in particular who was christian, homeschooling, who traded with someone who was rich, selfish, and never spent any time with her children.
In the end, the wealthy lady learned so much from her, the christian, she had a really meek and quiet spirit and she did not do things she could not do by her consience, but was very sweet about it. It showed how later they were friends (the families) and how the wealthy mom spent alot more time with her children.
I don't think there is affairs going on at all. The 2 weeks, the TV crew would live with them, following them around all the time and that just seems ridiculous.
I would never be on the show, but I would not say it is absolutely wrong for everyone.
Interesting...I've received a couple in the past myself. One was looking for a homeschooler and one was looking for a "conservative" family. I'm not interested either. I see they increased the bribe from $10,000 to $20,000.
Bravo for you. I can't even watch the show because it seems they try hard to force conflict and I can't imagine putting my family in such a position. The heart and faith of my family is far too important. I too am not interested.
When we had tv we saw the UK Wife Swap show, and if they'd pay me 20,000 and would allow my mum or dh to be around to "supervise" the swapped wife with my son I'd do it. 20,000 would make a big difference to us. And for what? A week with another woman cooking meals in my home, and saying "now, little boy, stop torturing the dog" and vacuuming my floor? I'm assuming the american show features immorality or something, because I've never understood the extreme "over my dead body" reaction to being offered 20,000 for a week away from home.
Bravo to you, Crystal. I think that going on "Wife Swap" could be a real witness for the Lord if done tactfully and without pride (since I'm sure production does seek to pit family against family in a negative way), but it's just so sticky to have your portrayl be up to others rather than yourself. I also couldn't leave my daughter with a stranger for two weeks. She's too important to me.
I was contacted by this network as well. My husband and I both said, "No way," mainly because we know that show tries to match polar opposites with one another.
Let me repeat, that I would only do it if my kids were older. Most of the kids on that show are older.
I guess, I agree with Martha. It might be OK for a family who is in a better situation. I have seen some really impressive Christian families on that show. I don't watch it, a lot, either. My husband can't stand that yappity women on there. ;-)
-Zan
She contacted me too, Crystal. And the silliest part about it is that she found me through my website which is for single, unmarried Christian women - not wives and mothers!
I've only seen the show once or twice, but I think the show is (trying to be) relatively harmless and family friendly. I vaguely remember a family who didn't spend any time together (kids playing video games in their rooms while the adults watched TV), and the exchange mom's rule was to play board games together, and afterwards they agreed, in a warm-and-fuzzy way, that they learned something.
Yes, it's only appropriate for families with older kids to participate. But wouldn't the point of an exchange-mom with a homeschool family partly to see her challenged with teaching lessons? Then, almost certainly her new rules would be for the kids to go to school, so I would just insist that it be a local Christian school (which I expect it almost would have to be -- would a public school really put up with kids showing up for only a week?), and possibly for the husband to do some of the "homemaking".
Anyone who's seen the show more -- what kind of "rules" do the exchange moms make? I can only imagine that a "mom" who forbids saying prayers or who cusses at the children would turn people off from the show.
I am mel, the Prairie Homemaker. The gal sending these emails is doing so using my site's name and logo with out consent.
Just so anyone who reads this knows, they are stealing from me says my attorney.
My attorney is working to stop them.
I do not admire suggest or in anyway support this show or ABC. I do however admire those who are strong enough to say no, even if they could use the cash.
My friend Miss Maggie has been contacted numerous times to be on this show and finally called for info.
her assessment?
"I will not sell my kids for a week for $20,000"
hugs y'all!
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