Input requested: PMS with a good attitude
How's that for a title? All the male readers here (all three of you!) can now click over to another blog.
For the rest of you ladies, I am sure some of you can identify with this email I received:
For the rest of you ladies, I am sure some of you can identify with this email I received:
My husband and I were discussing the issue of PMS, since I get it pretty badly each month. This discussion led me to wonder, "How can I control my irritability during those few days a month when my body is chemically at war? How do godly women who also suffer from a few days of depression/crankiness handle it?" I really need advice because my moods are radical and I always say really mean things to my husband on that/those day(s) and then the next day I feel fine and happy and loving toward him. I would love to hear from all kinds of women on how to keep a godly Christian attitude even through PMS. -Mrs. SAny advice, thoughts, words of wisdom for Mrs. S. and the rest of us on this? Do share! And if you'd rather not leave your name, feel free to comment anonymously.
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:11 PM
43 Comments:
What an interesting topic!LOL
I do experience a couple of days per month where, left to my natural desires I would just about kill anyone and everyone I see. This is kind of disturbing because under normal circumstances I'm pretty happy and don't feel like strangling people :)
One trick I use to make myself act right during this time is to remember this:
No matter how badly I FEEL, it does NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT to treat others badly. Yes, it is difficult sometimes, but the importance of being good to others makes it worth the effort.
Take Care,
Trixie
Hi Mrs S,
I have a terribble time with PMS. I just started taking Evening Primrose that I found at my local Health food store. I've had severe PMS for years and am amazed at the difference that the Evening Primrose has made in such a short time.I hope this might work for you as well.
Sincerely,
Stacey
I'm normally a nice calm easy-going person as well...except a day or two prior to my period. My husband can tell a difference without me even telling him that I'm expecting my monthly visitor. I've never said anything really awful to him, just kind of shut him out and want to be by myself and do my own thing. Fortunatly he is understanding and realizes it's not "me". At the time, I think I'm totally justified in my behavior, its not until the next day that I realize how crazy I acted.
I make a point to pray, pray, pray in the days leading up to my period. I pray for the patience and stregth that I will need to get through these rough few days without dwelling on my ill feelings or saying ugly things that I cannot take back. Having a list of Bible verses that address my specific needs also really helps.
On the days that I am feeling particularly lousy, I plan to keep my schedule as light as possible. No heavy cleaning, no challenging tasks, no three miles walks, or anything like that. I might plan crockpot meals or casseroles to ease my stresses and try to lie down with my baby during her afternoon naps.
I have also found that taking a good vitamin & iron supplement, eating good food, and just generally taking good care of my health helps me out a lot during my periods. Snacking during the day and being sure that my blood sugar does not drop especially help. I also allow myself a little treat of good dark chocolate when I am feeling lousy. Dark chocolate contains chemicals that really do help one calm down.
There is an interesting article i the current issue of Above Rubies on just this topic. This article really blessed my heart and is well worth a read.
Thanks for your humility in seeking counsel. I have been reading the blog for sometime and I am always encouraged in the Lord (thanks Crystal). This is my first time posting and I felt compelled to post since I have always had PMS issues since the beginning. I heard a teaching by Carolyn Mahaney about 10 years ago now that changed my persepctive and has helped me more than anything else so I owe much of this to the Lord's worjk in her.
I am by far no expert and if anything the Lord has taught me helps great... if not, please just ignore all of this :). The first thing that I needed to do (and need to do every time I struggle during that time) is recognize that what comes out when PMS "squeezes" me is sin that is already in my heart. I need to repent to God for my sin and that produces in me a great thankfulness for the cross and him dying for me...and for the sin that happens each month! I then pray for God to give me the strength to put on love and kindeness in a time when I am more tempted than usual. God is so much bigger than anything going on in our bodies! I sometimes would much rather have something I can blame or something to take away PMS...but the reality is I won't be sinless until heaven. So until then, I need God's help to not focus on my feelings...which seem very strong at that time and trust that He will help me be different. I do not always walk in this like I should, but God's grace is helping me. And I am grateful that I have yet another thing in my life that reminds me of how sinful I am and how much I need a Savior and how very thankful I am that God has sent one for me. Thank you Jesus for dying for us!!! We love you! Sorry this was so long :) May God bless you as you continue to glorify him in all areas of your life! In Him, Shannon
Well, I have discovered that tracking my cycles merely for knowledge sake helps me. I know that it is coming, and when I am feeling irritated all the time, I stop, think to myself "They are not being extra irritating, it is my problem." and i need to keep a check on myself more than normal those times. Hormones play a huge role in our ups and downs and emotions, I think we have to admit to ourselves. But when we get affected by those emotions and sin by reacting to other people, it is still sin!
So, i just watch really carefully, remember and go be alone for a free minutes when I am just ready to explode.
Scream into a pillow and then overdose on chocolate. Works wonders.
Lorna
First things first: when I was on the birth control pill, my PMS worsened considerably. Second, if I am iron, calcium, or folic acid deficient I seem to be extra irritable.
Lastly: I always tell my son or kids that I'm watching (and myself) to "act your age." It reminds me that they're just kids--and not expected to handle the emotional minefield that is PMS. It also reminds me that I'm the adult, and have control over my actions.
Great topic to discuss! I have also ridden the PMS emotional roller-coaster.
What I've found is the more I say, "I'm sorry honey I'm not mad at you, It's that time of the month..." I've found there's a reigning in of my emotions. I think that's the key. Not using PMS as an excuse to be evil to everyone, but rather taking those days to acknowledge this part of being a "weaker vessel" and be honest, not giving to much creedence to the crazy thoughts we may have but taking the oppurtunity to say, "I'm reigning that in."
I find controlling my desire to spill forth my emotional roller coaster on my husband also leaves me tearful a lot during that time and I've decided to let it be and acknowledge what's causing it- hormones.
It's interesting to me that the OT has specific instruction about this time of the month when a woman is basically to just rest and not be depended upon for everyday activities. God knows us, we are the ones who place heavy burdens on each other and ourselves. I think we as women should put aside pride and just humbly let our body exhibit this weakness while displaying the strength of God's daughters in reigning in our emotions. Maybe that means doing less during those times and spending more time resting, studying the word, worshipping, etc.
I make it a point to sing a lot during that time also and have praise, worship, hymns, etc. playing in my ears all day. I can't easily verbally assasinate my husband or kids with out of control emotions if I'm singing or hearing praises.
Also, like always, we must just be quick to repent. When (not if) we do let loose and say things we regret we must be quick to confess our wrong and take responsibility, not blaming it on PMS, just humbly taking responsibility.
I know my husband has been so gracious to me when I'm just honest and don't refuse to say my emotions are out of control, I know it and I'm truly sorry, I don't want to be this way.
Thanks for all the discussion and the post.
I've found that when I've been faithfully working out, my PMS symptoms are minimal. When I haven't, well, it's a struggle.
This is a great reminder since I've been slacking in the exercise area. PMS hit me badly at youth group last week. Some of the girls were asking me very innocent questions, and it was all I could do not to yell at them to leave me alone! Terrible, I know. I kept it in check, of course, but I was raging inside for no reason whatsoever. I hate that out-of-control hormonal feeling.
I've also suffered quite badly with PMS. It definitely got worse once I hit the 30's. I've recently read a book called "When Your Body Gets the Blues" by Marie-Annette Brown & Jo Robinson.
This book advocates a common sense approach, not only to PMS but mild depression.
(1) Keep a diary of your mentstral cycle and moods
(2) Go for a 20 minute brisk walk everyday
(3) Make sure you get at least 20 minutes of sun everyday ( just combine 2 & 3 and go walking outside everyday !! )
(3) Take a women's multivitamin that is rich in Vitamin B , folic acid, Vitamin D & Selenium.
It really has made a HUGE difference in my life.
Hope this helps.
I know exactly what you mean. There are months when I want to murder everyone in sight (family, coworkers, people driving in front of me, the world...). :) 2 things are very helpful for me - one is what someone else mentioned, tracking my cycles. Just knowing that it's coming is helpful for me, as I can remind myself that I will most likely be much more tempted to be impatient, angry, whatever. Then it's a little easier to not take myself so seriously during that time.
Secondly I have found it very helpful to take two herbal supplements - one is Evening Primrose Oil, and the other is Red Raspberry Leaf (you can get both in capsule form at a health food store). They have helped *enormously* in regulating my moods and "taming things down" (not to mention taking care of cramps, too!). It is incredible the difference I have felt! I did have to take them for a couple months (not just when having my period) before I noticed a difference, but I am hooked. :)(I am someone who has cramps so bad that I will throw up from the pain. Not once since starting Evening Primrose Oil and Red Raspberry Leaf has it been that bad!)
If all else fails, sometimes you just need a good cry and some chocolate. :)
I have found that taking cal/mag all month long helps. The magnesium calms you down. Dehydration lack of exercise agravates things too. Sometimes the things that are causing you to flip out are real concerns, they are just expressed too loudly and emotionally. Perhaps you can journal the things that are issues at that time and talk about them later when you are feeling calm.
I have found over-the-counter PMS medication helpful - my family calls them my "happy pills" they all have permission to lovingly suggest that perhaps I should take one. Oftentimes I am not aware it is "that time of the month" so having their input is welcome. During more rational times of the month I have discussed with my family what is going on, it's not them it's me, and how we can all get through it, mostly them giving me a bit of space to be irritable alone and they pitch in a bit more around the house.
I chart my cycles. My PMS days switched after my fourth child was born and for a while, I didn't realize it. I thought everyone else was just horrible and I was fine. So, in charting my cycles, I know exactly when to expect crankiness and a short temper to flare. I tell my husband exactly where I am in my cycle to he knows to give me more space.
I have found that some things help:
Trying to get as much alone time as possible. This is NOT the day to do a complex homeschool day and do a lot of errands. Letting the kids watch an appropriate video is a really good idea.
Try to get enough sleep.
Try to take the kids somewhere that is fun and not too stressfull. We visit a favorite zoo. If I'm out, I have to behave myself. Staying home-I can explode.
Getting the house cleaned up before those days. A messy house is irritiating to me at that time. Normally, it bothers me but I deal with it. If I have PMS, I can flip out over the mess.
Take a walk and try to relax.
Listen to a lot of hymns. I just got a CD of Gregorian chants that is very soothing.
Pray.
One little tip I try is to say to myself....if it is still really bothering me in 3 days we will discuss it.....otherwise it wasn't important and was just PMS. If it is still an issue I am usally much calmer and can discuss it rationally.
I've found a B vitamin complex to be the most helpful. I'm usually a very "happy" person, and therefore feel even more miserable when I catch myself feeling crabby. I think I often feel worse because I don't like to be un-happy. I can feel a huge difference as soon as I take the B vitamins. They honestly take the grumpy feelings away. :-) I think it has something to do with actually helping to balance hormones.
I often take Tylenol to help ease back pain, and there is also a lotion you might find at the local Health Food Store called "Topricin" CTS, that is a muscle/tension reliever. I've found massaging this into my back and lower tummy will help relax muscles and ease pain tremendously.
I don't have time to read all the comments right now, but I wanted to say that Martha Peace has written about this very topic in The Excellent Wife and Becoming a Titus 2 Woman (I believe). She is a very godly woman with wonderful wisdom to share.
I don't really suffer from PMS--not like some do. However, I do get a little irritable and emotional during that time--which, in the past, has often led to bickering with the ones I love and making emotional decisions.
I've found that it's best to keep scripture on my mind; I try to "bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ", but I often fail, especially when my hormones are up and down. Here are my 4 rules for dealing with "that time" of the month:
1. I try to keep quiet. I'll say the necessary things/answer the necessary questions, and stay quiet the rest of the time. My husband and I have decided that this is the best thing for us! I don't show excess amounts of love when my hormones are making me happy, and I don't show excess amounts of irritability when my hormones are making me cranky. I just stay quiet! :)
2. I don't make any major decisions. I kind of go on "auto-pilot" by just sticking to my schedule and doing only the routine things.
3. Rest and get more exercise! I also find it helps to simply eat healthier foods (and avoid too much Mountain Dew!).
4. Pray, pray, pray!
This is such an interesting topic--one that I don't think we talk about enough. Thanks for sharing! :)
Interesting discussion. I am a pretty healthy person in general. I exercise regularly and eat well and it's made such a difference in my attitude when I have my period. It took about a month or two before I noticed the positive affect that exercise and good eating habits made though. Like this month for instance - no cramps, no pms, and absolutely no physical clue that I was going to get my period any day except for the fact that I wanted lots of dark chocolate! haha.
I completely agree that when I have been excercising regularly, symptoms of irritability and cramping are lessened. I think another key point is communication with your family. Very early in my marriage I explained the troubles with PMS to my husband (who grew up with brothers, no sisters)- we discussed the need to keep general track of my cycle so we were both aware of when PMS may effect my judgement and attitude. (I clearly remember telling him that if I am sitting across the room staring at him like I want to kill - it would be a bad time to start an in depth conversation). He has been understanding and patient; and now that we have a daughter, he often arranged their 'dates' during the time when he knows I need some seclusion.
When it comes to saying any of the horrible things that come to my head during these times, I have learned to keep my mouth shut - there are alot of Bible verses to meditate on for encouraging this! Plan for days in question, practice honouring others and pray that He holds your tongue for you.
Good luck, Mrs. S.
Great topic! I'm wondering about the herbal supplements mentioned, but for use during pregnancy. I am expectig my sixth and from #4 on I have struggled with PMS-like anger, sadness, etc. while pregnant. I do suffer from emotional PMS during regular cycles and would say that these symptoms are exactly the same but they just don't ease up after a couple days. All in all pregnancy has become a difficult time or me...not physically, but emotionally and also spiritually. Any advice on this somewhat related topic? Thank you and may God richly bless you all!
This is a time each month that really has me depending completely on God, like no other. My periods are irregular and I never know when I’m due-- 21-31 days apart! And I used to feel completely out of control in that I used to watch the critical words flow out and think “Where did that come from?” I felt I had no idea when the nasties would hit, no warning to stop them. So, that is when I realized as one blogger and the Word of God says What is in my heart flows from my mouth. So, I have to do frequent heart 'cleansings' with his Word and give myself completely over to Him and ask as the Psalmist did "to set a guard over my lips”. A really BIG guard :(
I have just recently learned that very bad PMS can be from having low progesterone. There is a product called Happy PMS that can be used to help with this. It is a natural progesterone cream to help supplement and regulate your levels. Maybe that will be of help to someone...
I don't get cranky...just really weepy for about 18 hours. I suppose I should be thankful it's not a full week! My husband of 12 years hasn't quite figured it out yet, so I do my best to keep it to myself, not always successfully. If I remember...I take iron and eat red meat for a couple of days; strange, I know, but it seems to help get me back to where I ought to be!
I hate to say this, but I'm in my 40's and it doesn't get better...it tends to get harder. Especially when we start to go into perimenopause or menopause. Since my body has been changing again, I am still trying to learn what can be most helpful. It is a bit harder, because when you start this part of your life, you don't know when you may begin bleeding or having other issues. It becomes harder to regularly predict such things and is more of a challenge. Honestly, I feel for myself that my 20's and 30's was relatively easy compared to this time in my life.
I will also say that with having fibromyalgia, symptoms are more intensifed and I feel worse with everything during this time (this is common for those with this illness).
I think trying to plan as you can to help prevent things is good, but I haven't been able to totally control it because of the unpredictability.
Still learning as I'm aging....
I'm so glad you posted this. The comments are a wealth of ideas and wise thoughts that I'm taking to heart. My PMS has gotten really bad in the last few years - enough that some days I feel like I need to move out of town to spare my family. I'm going to look into Evening Primrose as Stacey recommended. And of course, keep praying.
Crystal, Anonymous at 12:52 a.m. asked about the herbal supplements during pregnancy. I am not a medical person, but did have a baby last year. I don't know about the other supplements mentioned, but she should NOT take red raspberry leaf while pregnant...until she's around her due date. It can cause uterine contractions, which you only want at the *end* of a pregnancy!
Another idea that some of your readers might want to look into is having their thyroid levels tested: it's a simple blood test, and a lot more women have problems than realize it -- which can impact how you feel with your cycle. (Like me getting horribly ill one day a month before getting thyroid treatment.)
I've heard that the vitamin B vitamins and St. John's Wort are really great (although I've heard some caution about SJW???)
I haven't been pregnant in so long, I forgot about the miserable days!
Another interesting point...after my 6th child, I noticed a remarkable difference in the few cycles I had before I became preg. w/ no. 7.
Physically and emotionally, I hardly noticed a difference!!! A far cry from my previous irritable, achy PMS. Overall, I haven't been weepy now for over a year...very unsual for me!
I have a prayer journal where I pour out my heart. I also have a few designated girlfriends whom I can email asking for prayer. If it turns out later it was just PMS, we can laugh about it. The journal and confiding in one or two people act as a buffer and I don't do anything irrational. After I wait a few days and see if it was all just hormones, I then reevaluate whatever it was that concerned me.
Though long past the PMS days and I did not have symptoms as bad as some, still some things that really helped me was taking B complex vitamins, and magnesium. I have since learned more of the OT as well...and agree with one person...it is a time we are meant to take it easier and more alone time perhaps. My daughter's doc says if you have enough fish oil the symptoms should abate. Blessings...we all know it is not an easy time of month!! Part of the curse on women in this life...but not the next!! Yea!! Our bodies will work perfectly then!!
I am so thankful to hear the feedback in response to my ? (and so thankful to Crystal for posting it so promptly!)
I am guilty of using my PMS to justify my sinful behavior and I need to carve out extra time to spend with God and have a heart cleansing especially before these nasty moods hit.
I have some red raspberry leaf leftover from when I was pregnant and taking it in a daily tea, so I think I'll try that along with buying some evening primrose oil. I already take a multi-vitamin and B6. I should walk daily instead of just a few times a week and work on getting more rest (I'm a night owl and love to stay up reading or surfing the net). My husband loved reading over the suggestions you ladies listed, and he said that it would be VERY helpful for me to remind him a day or two in advance that the rough days are coming so he can know to be extra sensitive to me. I like the advice that I just need to keep my mouth shut. We really shouldn't discuss HUGE, life-altering topics during PMS week and I should rest more and keep quiet!
Thanks to all who posted! It was so refreshing to hear that I'm not alone in my struggle. Also, I think it helped my hubby to know that this is a REAL thing we struggle with, not something that I can necessary prevent entirely.
Mrs. Jo, and Mrs. S. are synonmous! Whoops! In my comment I just sent, I think I signed it Mrs. Jo. You can change it to Mrs. S. for me!
I started using progesterone cream (available at most health food stores)2 months ago and the difference it has made is nothing short of miraculous!!
Oh and Mrs. Jo., I changed your name on the post - I often do that on questions I think someone might prefer to have kept anonymous. Just thought I'd clarify on that!
There is a lot of wonderful advice. And I second most of it!
1) Be aware it's coming
2) Drink water
3) Try not to purposely plan a lot of extras
4) Keep up your exercise
5) If you can, allow an extra half hour or so of sleep, but just for that little bit
6) Be aware of how long you deal with these emotions and symptoms
7) Be willing to put off decisions, tough conversations, ...
8) Here's a big one: Remember that the two weeks after your period are usually a woman's high energy time - use that time to get a lot done and DON'T USE THAT TIME TO SAY "YES" TO EVERY PERSON WHO ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING (this is when I get overbooked - when I feel good and think I can conquer the world).
in love,
brooke
Instead of adding something new (tea, exercise, vitamins) could it be that taking away something might help? A good friend of mine had PMS bad, severe cramps, terrible mood swings and she eliminated red meat (who know how many hormones?) and stuck to white meats. It did wonders for her!
....just a thought.
Taking a teaspoon of cod liver oil will take care of your PMS, along with a host of other issues! Since I started taking it, my low blood sugar is no longer an issue. No more sinus infections, no more beginning stages of arthritis in my hands, my husband is off of his high blood pressure medicine, my son's eczema is gone.......the list could go on! We use the Garden of Life brand and mix it with a shot of OJ. Our entire family has some every day!
Perhaps I should clarify here a bit...I meant to take B complex vitamins IN ADDITION to Multiple and perhaps that would have enough B6 to not need a separate pill of B6. Multiples only have the bare minimum to keep one alive, as I understand it...not for optimum health generally.
This may have already been stated before but I wanted to say that you may not have PMS but have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder which is severe PMS.
The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include:
* feelings of sadness or despair, or possibly suicidal thoughts
* feelings of tension or anxiety
* panic attacks
* mood swings, crying
* lasting irritability or anger that affects other people
* disinterest in daily activities and relationships
* trouble thinking or focusing
* tiredness or low energy
* food cravings or binge eating
* having trouble sleeping
* feeling out of control
* physical symptoms, such as bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain
You must have five or more of these symptoms to be diagnosed with PMDD. Symptoms occur during the week before your period and go away after bleeding starts.
If you believe that you have PMDD PLEASE speak to your doctor or go to a local clinic.
If you have PMS these activities may help:
* Take vitamin D. Studies show that even the average everyday person who takes vitamin D will have an improved mood. You should take a multivitamin anyway - take an extra pill of vitamin D.
* Exercise everyday for at least 20 minutes. This, in clinical studies, has been shown to improve mood. It also alleviates cramping for some women.
* Eat a balanced diet that includes 3-5 servings of fruit and veggies. Do not drink alcohol (it is a depressant) during your symptoms. Also avoid caffeine, sugar, diet pills and tobacco as these are stimulants that will give quick energy but then "depress" you later on.
* Get between 7.5 - 9 hours of sleep each night or at least every 24 hour period.
* Pray. Studies show that people who lean on the Lord are happier than those who don't!
* Speak to a LICENSED Mental Health Councilor. Many ministers are licensed Psychologists, Family Therapists and so on but please make sure you are speaking to someone that is licensed from an accredited organization.
I hope that you get some relief from your symptoms. Please know that it is not your fault. Hormones effect mood and if your hormonal balance is off it will be very, very hard to control how you act and nearly impossible to control how you feel.
I've struggled with PMS for some time now. I've found that my pregnancy has really balanced out my hormones and I'm not nearly as moody as I was at that time of the month. I'm really not looking forward to having my monthly cycles again!
I've always been told that a healthy diet can make a huge difference in how you feel at that time. Try to stay away from dairy products, as well as sugar and caffeine which can make your body feel worse. Caffeine and sugar are especially bad around the time of your cycle.
The hard part is that I tend to have lower energy around PMS time, so I usually want the caffeine. I also tend to crave sweets! I guess it comes down to self-control altogether when you think about it. As the other ladies have said, PRAY for gentlness and self-control!
I am another lady that has gotten excellent results with evening primrose oil. I have had some very dark moments personally without it and a lot of intensely stressed and emotional moments without it. When I go to the health food store, I tell my daughters that I have to pick up my "anti murder medication".:D My sweetheart tells me not to let myself run out of it because he sees the difference, too.
(Do buy it from the health food store, because the way they make it, you get more of the benefits that you would from places like Wal-mart.)
I used to have bad cramps and headaches when I was in my teens and early 20's. After my first child was born I increased my amount of exercise from "sporadic" to every day. I do weights every other day and I do 45 minutes of cardio (running, stationary bike or an aerobics class). I have almost no symptoms of PMS and I just turned 47 years old. I know I'm approaching menopause, but yet I have absolutely no symptoms. When I slack off on my exercise regimen I do get symptoms. I also am careful about my diet. I believe it's the rigorous exercise that helps. Not to mention the fact I'm strenghtening my bones (the weight bearing exercise does that) at this pre-menopausal stage of my life when I know that it's very vital. My mother suffered horribly from PMS and menopause and my 45 year old sister is also experiencing symptoms.
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