WFMW: Surviving on little sleep
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with baby no 2 (due in January) and I am anticipating the sleepless nights that will follow. I coped reasonably well with the lack of sleep after my daughter (now 3) was born, but it is amazing how the mind forgets how difficult it can be to function during the day with lack of sleep. Do you have any tips that you are able to share on surviving /thriving(?!) on less than a full night's sleep? I just thought I would see if you would pass on any tips since it is something you will be experiencing at the moment. I was wondering if any of your readers could share their experiences. With many thanks, Karen
Everyone always says "sleep when your baby sleeps." I still haven't figured out how that works - especially when you have more than one - and I'm not sure where that advice originated from. Maybe it works for some, but I've never seemed to accomplish it.
So, instead of giving you the typical sleep-when-your-baby-sleeps advice, I'll tell you what has worked for me in coping with the lack of sleep that having a baby (or any young children for that matter!) often brings:
1. Lower my expectations. I used to not be able to go to bed at night unless my house was in really great shape. Although I still love going to bed with everything in order for the next day, I've learned that getting sleep at night is much more important for my sanity than waking up to a perfectly clean and orderly home the next day. Not only do I function better when I am well-rested, I also am much more cheerful. :) And there's something about being cheerful which makes dishes in the sink, or laundry waiting to be folded much easier to tackle! Now, let me be quick to clarify that a clean and orderly home is my ambition and I'm not advocating that we all live like slobs, but there are definitely seasons in our life where we just need to learn to be grateful for what we can accomplish in a day and not worry if everything isn't perfect or even close to perfect. Having a cheerful, loving attitude towards our family is much more important than having a perfect home.
2. Stop looking at the clock. It is easy for me to wake up in the morning from a much-interrupted night and start mentally calculating how little sleep I got. Of course, this practice immediately makes me tired just thinking about it! So, I've forced myself to learn to stop thinking about how much or little sleep I got the night before and to just be grateful for the sleep I was able to get.
3. Begin my day with God. Starting out my day by spending time in prayer and reading God's Word makes such a huge difference on my overall day. When I am feeling especially tired, I'll ask the Lord to give me an extra measure of grace for the day. I find great comfort and refreshment in His Word and in prayer. With having two littles right now, I don't have long stretches of time to spend praying and reading the Word, so my morning times are normally five to fifteen minutes, and it's often while I'm nursing Kaitlynn. I've learned that the quantity of time spent is not what matters as much as the quality of time spent. God can multiply the little minutes in the morning and greatly refresh my spirit through a short time of prayer and reading His Word.
4. Take a shower and get dressed to my shoes. My second priority after praying/reading God's Word and making sure there are no pressing needs in our home, is to jump in the shower and get ready for the day. There's something about taking a shower and getting dressed to the shoes (Thanks, FlyLady!) which really gives me a lot more energy and seems to make me much more productive. Don't ask me what it is, but it works!
5. Stay God-focused. My day begins with God but I don't want to just begin with God and then run ahead and leave Him by the wayside. "Pray without ceasing." Instead of thinking "I should pray about that..." I try to stop and pray as God puts things on my heart. As I'm going about my everyday tasks, washing dishes, folding laundry, and so forth, I seek to use those little minutes to commune with God. In addition, we often have uplifting hymns playing in the background and these are such an encouragement to me. No matter how tired my body might be, if I am leaning on the strength of the Lord, I am much more effective than if I'm trying to do things in my feeble strength.
6. Have a quiet time in the afternoon. I cannot tell you how much this helps our household, and especially me. After lunch every day, both girls lie down for naps for two to three hours or so. Kathrynne doesn't always sleep the whole time, but we've taught her to stay in her bed and either read quietly or play with Legos when she's not sleeping. I think it is good for children to have some time during the day where they quietly play or rest. And needless to say, it is a time for me to have some peace and refreshment as well. This is usually the time when I work on business work, do most of my blogging, finish cleaning chores which didn't get done in the morning, read, work on handwork, or even take a short nap myself. It also allows me to be refreshed and rejuvenated for the rest of the day so that I am not completely wiped out when Jesse arrives home.
7. Go outside and get fresh air. I try to get outside to either walk or run every day. The fresh air and exercise does wonders for me and seems to really revive and energize me as well! In addition to fresh air and exercise, eating a nutritious balanced diet, taking my vitamins, and drinking lots of water helps me to feel better physically which increases my energy - even if I've not gotten a lot of sleep.
8. Accept help. I've learned very quickly in this mothering thing that I can't do it myself. I've been so blessed to have a lot of offers to help when both girls were newborns. My wonderful mom and sister graciously offered to come and stay for a week each this past time and what a great help that was for me to not only be able to recover from the birth, but also to get back on my feet. We also were blessed with many meals from family and friends - which was a great help, too. It's my nature to want to say, "No, I'm okay" but as I've learned, practical help when you have a newborn is just, well, so practical. And so, this time around, I don't think I turned down anyone who specifically offered to help. I guess that's what happens when you're a second time mom!
Those were just a few things which have worked for me. I'd love to have some of you other more experienced moms chime in with what helps you. Any great advice for me or Karen or the many other young moms who read here?
Graphic from Art.com
posted by Crystal Paine at 4:53 PM
33 Comments:
i am on the "shoe team". that always gives me more pep in my step too! who knows why!
remind me of this in about 6 weeks, ok? :)
Stop looking at the clock was advice I got from my mom. I told her I wanted to breastfeed on demand for as long as possible -- and she said I would be more cheerful about nighttime demands if I just stopped clocking hours slept.
...And she was right!
I have minimal advice since I am a young mama with littles only! A 2 year old and a 6 month old :) However, this wonderful advice was passed on to me:
Ask God for more rest. Pray diligently for this. If He chooses not to give you more rest, pray that you will thrive on the little sleep that you are able to get. Ask Him to enable you to function on a lesser amount of sleep just in this season of your life.
It never dawned on me to ask Him to let me function better on the sleep I was getting...not necessarily increase the amount.
:)
-Lauren H
I always co-slept with my babies for the first two months or so. I found that they slept longer than they would in the bassinet by the bed. I would nurse on my side so I didn't need to be fully awake. If you don't nurse then have your husband go make a bottle for you so that you don't need to get out of bed. My hubby would just fall back to sleep and I could fall back to sleep easier because I wasn't walking around (my 2nd couldn't nurse) Of course there shouldn't be any comforters or blankets - just turn the heat up.
My other favorite tip is ask for help from your husband, family, neighbors and friends. Can your husband take the first week off of work using his vacation time? Could family or friends stay with you after your husband goes back to work? My husband took the first week off and on his last day off he picked up my mom from the airport. I had two-and-a-half weeks of not worrying about my kids making it to school, cleaning the house, etc. If that is not possible, could someone come one afternoon for an hour to just watch the baby so that you can sleep? In lieu of gifts ask people to make casseroles so that dinner can just be heated up or things like that. Is there a responsible teenage girl or young woman who could be a mother's helper for a little money to help you? Just try to remember that in the first few weeks you need to focus on getting your health back - for me that meant very few visitors, very few social engagements and a messy house (I'm a neat freak!)
Good luck! The time passes terribly fast!
You know now that I have three I have learned to manage my time more than when I had my first. I actually feel like I have more time to myself. (-: Not much... but I actually can manage to do so much more because I understand that babies can be put down learning to sleep and play on their own, ect. Now going out....is another story...I rarely do it, unless I really am ambitious or it is necessary like a doctor's appointment. (-:
I agree that you absolutely have to get your rest at night as best as possible and I so often fell asleep nursing during the day that those were my "power naps". But just get through that time graciously because it does not last forever and your husband and children would rather remember a happy mommy than whether the house was perfect.
Oh I just wanted to add that all though I do not advocate doing this...so often when I would accidentally fall asleep nursing the baby my 2 and 4 year-old boys would be so sweet and play quietly on the floor around me as if they knew I was so tired and needed sleep.
I hope I havent sent this three times it keeps coming up with errors. Sorry
praying you will be able to rest when you can
i just had a baby so this is awesome!
I am not a wife or mother yet. I am senior in college, though, and I struggle with insomnia and lack of discipline and lots of homework :), resulting in a lot of tiredness. Many of these suggestions were helpful for me, too! Thank you!
Great tips. I wish I would have read this when I was pregnant with number two!
Hang in there. I think Crystal's and everyone's tips were very helpful.
Chrissy
What is the "shoe team"? Just curious.
Chrissy
I also have fibromyalgia which can be made worse by lack of quality sleep so this was a huge issue for me with 5 closely spaced pregnancies and no one to help (I was on my own, taking care of children and household within 24 hrs of giving birth)...What I found most useful was asking the Lord to make my sleep, however long it was, to be refreshing sleep. I used the time I was up nursing a baby to pray for that child, for their future spouse, and for their salvation while I nursed them...it helped my attitude and I think helped the spirit in our home. All five have been saved from a very young age! Woo hoo!
I also tried not to do too much...though that was sometimes hard to do as chickens and children don't feed themselves ;)
Another big thing was that I found it was helpful to spend the baby's first few weeks or even months sleeping on the couch or spare bedroom so that the baby didn't disturb my husband (he was working 80+ hrs per week), and so that I could easily pick her up, nurse, and put her down again without much effort, and even sleep and nurse at the same time. With five young children (ages 5 and under) in the house, I was always concerned too about setting off chain reaction crying in the middle of the night, so sleeping downstairs away from everyone seemed like the best option.
God Bless!
As a brand new mama with a baby in a growth spurt I so needed this post! Thanks!
(Disclaimer: this is graduate student advice)
1. Take at least two B vitamins each day- more if you can. B12 shots are also amazing. The natural energy surge is remarkable.
2. Do everything you can to rest/sleep in the hours *before* midnight, even if that means going to bed extremely early. Most people get more rest benefits in these hours. Also, invest in a heavy duty eye mask for when you are able to sleep- totally eliminating light makes for more restful sleep, and the mask tends to have a soothing effect.
3. Deliberately stretch, jog in place, and breathe deeply as often as you think about it- maybe every hour on the hour. If you are feeling exhausted and yucky, movement and oxygen WILL make you feel better.
4. Take a hot bath- even for a few minutes- and tell yourself it's like a full nap. Invest in some peppermint oil and rub into your wrists and temples, if it does not bother the baby.
My hat is off to all of you sleepless mothers...
I'm bookmarking this post, Crystal! I've got #2 on the way as well, and I was feeling the same way as the person who e-mailed you. I can't remember much about what I did to get through those early months, I just remember being really tired. And I'm wondering how on earth to do it with a 3-year-old bouncing around. So this is great info to have around for the near future, in just a few months. Thanks for this!
I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and this is my first comment.
And I just *had* to comment on this one! :) We have a 2.5 yr old with another on the way (due at the end of October) so this post was very timely. I wonder everyday how I'm going to function meeting the needs of a newborn and an energetic toddler. I'm going to print out what you wrote so I can be reminded to put God first and not let the state of what the house might look like in the early weeks bother me so much (messiness stresses me out and I need to get over that!).
Thank you so much for this great advice. I wish I had some to offer as well - maybe this time next year! ;)
I second the 'quiet time' rule...we call it Rest Time here, and it lasts from 1:00 to 3:00. Anyone old enough to read may read quietly in their room. The baby (7 months) takes a nap, my 3 yr. old and 4 yr. old either take a nap or listen to a book on tape quietly, and I get some much needed time alone. Sometimes I nap, but mostly I read or knit. I have five children 9 and under, so rest time is essential around here.
I also have always slept with my nursing babies, and they and I sleep much better and get more rest throughout the night. All of my babies have slept through the night at 2-3 months old in their own crib in my room, but I don't know if co-sleeping until that point had anything to do with that, or if I'm just blessed.
My wonderful doctor (who delivered 4 out of my 5 babies) gave me wonderful advice. He said to not look at how much sleep I had gotten in any given night, but rather how much sleep I had gotten in any 24 hour period.
I slept when my babies slept. How? When children are close in age (mine were 2yrs. apart) I didn't give the next oldest child any option - he had to lay down with the baby and me whenever I said so. Once the oldest child was 4, and I had baby #3, I would nap with the 2 youngest while my oldest would play quietly nearby. I was blessed - he was and is a very good kid, even now at age 17! I would set a timer so the older kids would know how long to be quiet so momma and baby and toddler could sleep a little.
The 24 hour advice saved my sanity and helped me to not sink into a mommy martyr syndrome - which everyone does when exhausted.
I also prayed that the Lord would help me be a joyful mother of many... a woman for whom strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (per Proverbs 31:25,26)
I grew up in a perfectly clean home with a mom who was pretty much always stressing over anything out of place. Yes, the house was clean, but mom was always on edge. She wasn't bombastic or mean, but she was always cleaning, or telling us to clean. She wasn't happy, even though she never would have said that. I didn't want to do that to my kids, but it took a lot more self control to NOT be that way than I had anticipated.
A dear friend of mine advised: always accept food and clothes when people offer it. Great advice, too.
Moms of littles, the days are long but the years are fleeting. God is faithful - if you ask Him to help you to be kind and godly when tired, He will answer!
Not advice, just encouragement ... I found that the sleeplessness bothered me most with my first. With my second, I found that with more confidence as a mother, I slept better, harder, and went to sleep faster than with #1. Or maybe it's survival! He woke me up every 2-3 hours, but in between I slept like a rock. Now #3 is due any day, so the sleeplessness has kicked in full time, and I can honestly say I don't even notice it. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that a full night's sleep was a myth! Once the kids start to add up, there's often someone sick (even Daddy or the dog!), or other causes. I joked with my mom about not getting to sleep until the kids were grown, and she said, don't count on it - then you get to enjoy menopause! Aack! So I realized that sleep, although wonderful, can become an idol, and I have to trust God to give me what I need when I need it! And give me kindness and gentleness when sleep is not on the menu ... :)
Crystal,
Thanks so much for posting my question, and for your response-which is going to be so helpful for me in January!! I'm sure that it will be hard, but at leat I have some advice to prepare me!! Thanks also to everyone else for their great advice, which I'm sure I will use! In fact I'm off to read it all again just now.
Karen
My youngest is three now and I still rarely sleep through the night. In the past two weeks, 5 out of the six of us have been sick, mostly at different times, and I'm beginning to think I'll never get two hours at one time again. Anyway, I needed this advice also. I really appreciated mx5's profound remark that the days are long, but the years are fleeting. I'm going to have to post that on the wall. I need to remember that.
I really enjoyed this post. All of the tips Crystal gave are ones that I have tried and use regularly in our home with a 2.5 year old and 10 month old. Although I need to work on time with God first thing as it's hard since both kids wake me up early and immediately want breakfast! The first 5 months with a second baby were hard as he wasn't in a good routine yet and was sleeping at different times than his sister. But once he got into his routine, it's been wonderful because they both go to bed at 7 p.m. and both take a nap from 1-2:30pm and he only wakes about once in the night now, sometimes not at all! I think the greatest period of struggle for me regarding sleep was about the 8 month mark when he was still getting up often and the months and months of fatigue were getting to me. I was angry and desperate for sleep and wanting so badly to wean him but he wouldn't touch a bottle. To top it all off, my sister-in-law has a baby the exact same age and he was sleeping 8 hours straight at a month, and 13 hours straight at two months along with 3 naps a day. He's formula fed, but still, it was hard not to be extremely jealous or angry with her for being so well-rested and letting everyone know. I have learned after two babies that once we have a third, I will train them to use a bottle early on and then use one bottle of formula before bed after a few months of exclusive breastfeeding. It's taken me 2 kids to realize that my milk supply isn't as abundant as some women's and therefore my babies need to eat constantly, even through the night. I would rather be a happy, cheerful mom that uses a little formula each day than try to force myself to breastfeed exclusively for a year and be miserable.
P.S. I love what Robyn K said about how sleep can become an idol and how we need to realize that as mothers, there will always be interruptions to our sleep and we need to learn to deal with it.
P.P.S. If your baby sleeps very well, please don't rub it in and give other mothers "knowing advice" as it is the fastest way to lose friends!
Mrs. Jo aka Lindsey S.
Mrs. Jo - I really appreciated what you shared. Thanks so much!
What I have done with my babies is to try not to take many cat naps throughout the day. A lot of broken sleep, for me, is harder to deal with than just a general lack of sleep. So, I accept any help that is offered and try to get a consistent three or four hours of sleep. Once I get to that point, I can usually function just fine.
Now with big girls to help, life with a newborn is a breeze! They are so helpful!! And, I'm happy to report that our 8 week old Noah is sleeping through the night in fine fashion!! So, the season of sleeplessness is coming to an end around our house! Yippee!!
Remember that God won't give you more than you can handle! You will make it through. Just take it each day at time--starting now. Live each day relying on God's grace. You will look back later and think, "How did I survive on such little sleep?" but you will see how God's grace sustained you. Without Him we can do NOTHING. God bless you! --a tired but happy mama
crystal, do you have any advice/thoughts on getting little ones to sleep through the night? or maybe other readers do?
thanks!
I would only add that different people have different needs for sleep and it sure seems like the women who don't need as much have written all the rules about what acceptable infancy parenting and housekeeping looks like! It's taken me several children before I've "woken up" to the fact that I (normally a 9+ hour per night sleeper) don't have to live up to the expectations of someone who gets along fine with 5 broken hours. I do what I can do and leave God with the rest and I unapologetically drop the ball on the things I can't do. Normally I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I deliberately set the bar lower than I thought I could manage. Naturally I always did more, but for whatever reason I didn't feel like a slacker and a bum when I did more than my list showed. If I just listed all the things that needed to be done I'd never have kept up. I guess that's a bit of reverse self-psychology in action. :)
I beleive that co-sleeping and nursing are the life savers here. Yes, my 4 month old would wake up, sometimes for a couple of hours, but this was not every night. She has always slept through the night snuggled up close to me. Anytime she wants to nurse...why...I just roll over and as she nurses I go back to sleep! I know not all babies will be as easy as my two girls have been but if you can nurse and co-sleep you will save yourself ALOT of headache.
Also, if you are worried because you are a working mom that your baby might be to attached...this is an even better time to co-sleep and nurse. My daughters have been very close to me and still sleep with me during the night. This is their special mommy time. Pumping at work is not a big deal and my daughter still gets the mommy milk she loves.
When we were taking our first child home from the hospital a nurse shared some valuable info. We lived at a high altitude & because my son had complications from suctioning he was placed on O2. The nurse explained that there are lower cases of SIDS in Europe because mothers tend to sleep w/ their babies. The babies breathe more regularly because they match the mother's. We have had all 4 of our children sleep w/ us. Just last night I brought the 8 mo. old to bed as she awoke due to a bad cold. I usually keep the baby tucked under my arm on my side of the bed. Also I tuck the bedding in under the mattress to keep her from rolling (if my arm doesn't stop her). I asked my husband just weeks ago why more mothers don't do this. It works, & no I've never rolled on them, nor have they fallen out of bed. Trust those instincts that the Creator has instilled in you, mama. Also this has really saved me on those nights when the toddler awakes too &/or a coon is in the chicken house. :)
You are absolutely right about counting hours! And stop the self pity, because it makes exhaustion a hundred times worse.
These are only seasons. When you get the chance, get the rest, even if it means giving something up, there will be a season later when you can do more things.
A couple things that have helped me when I don't get a lot of sleep are:
1) Drink lots of water. It helps other things, too. But your body needs the water to keep the energy thing going.
2) Start with breakfast, preferably one with several food groups (protein, fruit, carbohydrates). I think it's worth the extra time.
3) Make sure when you do sleep that you're not sleeping to TV or radio or other needless noise, which mom's probably won't (but in case like me you're not a mom yet)...
To God be all glory,
Lisa of Longbourn
Great list! Of course, I'm afraid I've given up sleep for blogging these days. :)
Thanks for sharing. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when I speak with other new mothers.
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