Q&A Week - Part 2 - Children playing by themselves
Do you have certain set times during the day where Kathrynne must entertain herself? My son would love for me to sit and play and read with him all day long, but after awhile if I leave the room he comes running after me to see what I'm doing and cries if I send him back to play.One of the blessings of having a good schedule for us has been that I have times planned where Kathrynne entertains herself nearby while I'm working on something. As long as a mom is spending lots of quality time with her children and all of the children's needs are being met, I think it is perfectly okay to have times where you have your children play quietly by themselves or work on a project by themselves nearby.
Don't get me wrong: I'm all for training him and letting him work along side me, but now and then there are times when I just need a short break when he can play by himself during the baby's nap time. I feel guilty saying "Mommy's busy--play by yourself for 5 minutes" :-) but that's how I feel on some really busy days. I don't use the TV for a babysitter, so it's tough coming up with new things to amuse him. Any thoughts?
I schedule in times for Kathrynne to have naptime/quiet time in the afternoon. Some days she doesn't really sleep, but will read books or play with Legos in her bed. She also usually watches her reading video for 20-30 minutes most days. We have other short times throughout the day where I'll give her something to do on her own for awhile.
Planning things for her to do as part of our daily schedules helps me so that I know where she is supposed to be and what she is supposed to be doing. It frees me from having to try and figure things out on the spot. All I have to do is consult the schedule! And Kathrynne loves having consistency in her life as well.
If the thought of having a routine/schedule for your day is completely foreign, I'd suggest you start out very simply. First, plan a morning routine. Pick five things you want to do with your child in the same order every morning.
Maybe something like:
-Get child up and dressed
-Help child make bed
-Eat breakfast, mom read chapter from the Bible
-Child and mom clean up the kitchen together
-Child play with Legos while mom folds laundry
Be sure to keep the routine simple and to stagger in short amounts of the child playing/working by themselves with lots of time helping you and/or spending quality time with you.
Write the routine down, go over it with your child, post it on your refrigerator, and then implement everyday it for a week or two or three until you feel like it is just a normal part of your life.
Once you feel like you have the morning routine down well, branch out and add in an afternoon routine. And then an evening routine. Then pull it all together with a simple full-day routine which fills in the gaps between the morning, afternoon, and evening routines.
Remember, simple is the key. If you only have 12 things on your list to do in the same order each day, that is okay. Start somewhere and be consistent and you'll find that it makes your life so much easier when you have a basic framework for your day.
If your child is struggling with learning to be able to do anything on their own, my advice would be to start out with just one little short time by themselves in the morning routine. Give them something productive to do and set the timer for five minutes. Tell them upfront what the plan is, "Mommy wants you to sit here and color until the timer beeps off. I'll be right in the other room. When the timer beeps off, I'll come and get you."
As your child gradually learns to work by themselves, you can increase the length of time and give them a few times per day to be doing something quietly by themselves. But do not expect them to be able to sit quietly and play in thirty minute blocks from the get-go; it is something you must teach them to do. (And some children will probably never achieve thirty minute blocks, but they probably will be able to do more than five minutes!)
Those are just some of my thoughts. I'd love to hear other moms - especially those who are more experienced than me! - share their thoughts and input on this question.
Related: See this article from awhile back on getting things done with little ones.
More Q&A to come!
Graphic from Art.com.
posted by Crystal Paine at 8:29 PM
10 Comments:
I am not a mother, but I have four younger siblings. Three of them are considerably younger than I am, and I've done lots of child-watching. It usually happens that I have chores to do when I am suppose to be watching them. Finding something to keep them busy while I work is sometimes hard. The youngest one is seven now,and when I watch them I usually put them to work, :) but the thinking back, I think one of the best ways I got them to "play" when they were younger was to find a box of toys that had been packed away for a long time in our basement (We rotate toys in our house, to make things neater) and let them open it up and get all excited. They loved (and still love) acting out stories with stuffed animals or legos. ...I guess it depends on how old a child is, and how good of an imagination they have. It also helps if they have young siblings to play with. Whoever said it's easier to have fewer children?
I am not a mother, but I hope to be one some day. But I remember, that when I would watch my little brother (12 year age difference), my mother would tell me to balance playing with him and doing my school work. She said if I give into playing with him all of the time, then he doesn't learn how to amuse himself (and in life, you don't always have someone to amuse you), and how if I didn't play with him he would demand some attention. So it was all about providing a balance.
Erin the Librarian
With a boy in particular it would help to make sure there is some active time earlier in the day. Take him for a walk,throw a ball in the yard, or swing on a swing. Then later when he has to play quietly he will have worked the wiggles out. We did this before homeschool so they could sit and do their work.
Hi, Crystal: I'm the one who posted the question and appreciate all of the helpful advice you wrote on this subject. I love the idea of a timer! This morning I tried setting five minutes on the microwave timer and getting my son involved in doing puzzles. I was able to actually clean up the kitchen without him hanging on my legs! :-) He did great and asked me to set it for another 5 minutes! He then wanted to call his Daddy on the cell phone to tell him that he was a big boy and played by himself while Mommy was busy! I think he really felt proud and wants to please me. I am so encouraged! Getting 5-10 minutes may seem like a small thing, but this momma of little ones its HUGE!
Thank you so so much for all of the insight--I love this blog and check it daily. I'm excited to see what other questions you respond to.
Thank you so much for this post, as well as its links to the related ones you have written in the past. God has truly answered my recent prayers with these!!
My daughter is almost 1, and with another one on the way, I have lately really been struggling with balancing time with her and time to do anything in our household (including even cooking). Thank you for the ideas, tips, and inspiration.
Anonymous who asked the question :) - I'm so glad my response was encouraging and I completely know how sometimes five minutes of concentrated time to focus on something can be huge! God bless you!
Anonymous, I can TOTALLY relate to you! Oh yes I can... Just today, I was thinking about how my 2 1/2 year old constantly is asking me to play, read, build blocks, etc. And I hate telling him that I have to clean, wash dishes, etc. It makes me feel so guilty... but as one commenter wrote, they DO have to learn to amuse themselves at some point. So this is a very timely post for me today. I will definitely try the timer thing and see how it goes! So happy for you that it worked well today and you were able to get the kitchen cleaned! I know how good it feels with those little accomplishments.
Crystal, thanks so much for posting....
-Lauren
Thanks for all the encouragement. Now I don't feel guilty for sometimes having my son play alone.
Another great post...
As the mother of 4 boys, I sometimes fall into the deception that I'm a slave to my children and all I'm here for is to cater to them. It's such a lie, but seems all too real when you're knee-deep in a thousand things and there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel as far as getting to the housework, grocery shopping, etc.
When I first started organizing my time/priorities around the house I sought the Lord and He showed me in no uncertain terms that my husband's entrance into our home at the end of his work day was the top priority. I started focusing on preparing the home for him after work, focusing on what, TO HIM, made an inviting atmosphere, (not my 'perfectionist' idea that the entire house needs to be completely cleaned and organized 100% of the time!) I realized the first room my DH heads to after he walks in the door is our bedroom...to put down his briefcase, computer bag, and dress down. So, I began making sure our bedroom was a haven of peace and warmth, making sure the bed was made, the bathroom cleaned, clothes put away, candles lit and even leaving a little note where he sets down his things. The kids picked up on this and now willingly join me in "getting the house ready for dad." They love having specific duties and working as a team with me and their brothers.
As time went on, I've been able to incorporate this attitude towards more rooms in our home, all with the focus that I'm preparing them for my husband's entrance. This has really motivated us, and now I don't even have to remind the kids "It's almost time to start prepping for dad!", but rather, they look forward to it. We'll start with the bedroom and work our way into other rooms, which by now we have almost all of them incorporated.
We've just been really blessed thru and thru by this... rather than fight for some time for me to clean, the kids just join me. not only is the house faithfully being cleaned (picked up, at least!), but my children are learning to perform housework and work as a team, all with a willing heart and a desire to honor their dad (and me honor my husabnd).
God's order for the family truly is blessed. We're reaping a remarkable harvest!
Dear Crystal,
I am not a mother but when I was really young my mom would have me lay in bed and I could either sleep or look at little children's magazines( I'm afraid I did more of the latter). When I was older she would send me up to my room for an hour or to where I had to play quietly with my dolls or something.
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