Biblical Womanhood: Q&A Week

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Q&A Week - Part 3

It seems like in most of the pictures you post, your whole family always looks so dressed up and "together"...Jesse is often in a suit and the girls in adorable little dresses! Do you ever have days when you are in PJs until noon or don't have time to wear makeup? :-) Probably a silly question, I just wondered.

Do I ever have days when I wear my PJs until noon or longer? Um, yes. More than I'd like to admit, in fact. :)

I do try to get dressed to my shoes (including makeup and earrings) everyday because I've found that I'm not only more productive when I do so, but I also feel better and am sure my family appreciates me looking presentable. However, there are those days when unintentionally I just never make it out of my PJ's. For more on this, read my article, If Only I Were Perfect.

If your husband took your girls for the entire afternoon, what would you do with your day (taking nursing out of the equation, of course!)?

What a great question! I guess it would depend upon what mood I was in. I might tackle a big business project from start to finish (like writing an ebook) or I might clean the house from top to bottom. Or, I might curl up with a hot cup of tea, some chocolate, and a good book.

How do you and Jesse find time alone with two young children (or do you?)? I hope you don't think I'm being nosy, I just wonder how other couples keep their relationship going with so many daily demands of home and children. We have tried putting our little ones to bed and then having an at home date, like a special meal and a movie rental but by that time we are both so tired that it isn't really romantic. We can't afford a sitter, nor do we know anyone trustworthy. Is this just the reality of this season of life or does anyone have creative ideas for carving out special moments in the midst of busy life with two children under age two?

As I often say, good marriages don't just happen; they are something we have to work at.

Making time for each other, even when the children are very young and needy, is so important. And it's the best thing you can do for your children, too.

We are coming up on our five year anniversary and I have much yet to learn when it comes to being a God-honoring wife but I am so thankful to the Lord for the wonderful marriage He's given to us.

As wives, we often want to have quality time with our husbands in the form of one-on-one time to talk. Husbands, on the other hand (I am learning!), often just enjoy being together. In our marriage, we call these two different types of quality time "face-to-face time" and "shoulder-to-shoulder time" and we try to have a good mix of both.

Jesse and I usually get up in the morning before the girls are up and spend time together - sometimes praying together, sometimes having lively discussions, sometimes talking and sharing our hearts, sometimes just being together in the same room. We've found we're more fresh and rested in the mornings, so it works out well for us. We often eat breakfast together and go over the plans for the day.

We also try to set aside time at least a few evenings per week after the girls are in bed to spend time together. Jesse will often sit in the kitchen and work on his laptop while I work on finishing up the dishes or doing some baking. We'll share interesting articles or things from books we've been reading. We'll talk about politics (something fresh on our minds right now!) or current events. We'll tease each other or share stories of things the girls did. (We love to make each other laugh!)

Another thing we often do to have time together - especially if things have been busy - is to put the girls in their beds and grab a few moments to reconnect. This isn't the greatest solution ever, but it works on occasion.

We need these dedicated times (however short they often are with two littles!) to help keep the glue in our marriage strong.

So find time, take time, make time. Say "no" to other things, stay home more - especially in the evenings. Plan ahead in order to have quality time together. Find times when you are at your freshest. Be involved in each other's lives. Take an interest in each other's interests. Have fun together. Smile at each other. Keep that spark alive!

Join in the fun: I'd love to hear your answers to the above questions, too. Do you ever have days when you are in your PJs until noon? If you had an afternoon all to yourself, what would you do? How do you and your husband find time to spend together and what things do you do to keep the spark alive in your marriage (um, keep it G-rated of course!)?

More Q&A to come...

20 Comments:

skdenfeld said...: Hi there. I just stumbled onto your blog while browsing through last year's winners of the Homeschool Blog Awards. I like your site, and I'm not sure how I missed you before. Hope to be back soon.

Kathi

www.homeschoolblogger.com/cutterbug; 12:01 AM
Leanne said...: I don't spend the whole day in jammies, but I have spent until 4pm in sweats! Even if I don't get any makeup on, I TRY to take a shower before my hubby comes home from work. And yes, there are a few times, I've cut it pretty close!
Since, I have adopted children, nursing was never an issue. After our second son came home, I found that getting out every other week for a few hours was wonderful for EVERYONE! So, my hubby helps in that area considerably. If I couldn't get a sitter during the week, he makes sure I get a couple of hours on Saturday. Sometimes, I just need "alone" time. Sometimes, I meet a very close friend for coffee and chit-chat. I don't pay babysitters either... however, we have found "grandmothers" through our church who love the boys. I have a couple of them. I take whatever time they have to spare and spread it out so they aren't taken advantage of.
Finally, my hubby and I can afford to budget for one "going out" date a month. We always choose somewhere we can talk (we've been to 3 movies together since we were married). If its one of those weeks or months, I change my schedule to keep the boys up as much as possible, put them to bed earlier, and sit down and have dinner with my hubby by myself. That often works in reconnecting us.; 5:36 AM
Stephanie @ ATime4Everything.com said...: Well I do not ever stay in my pjs until noon because I feel funny praying and reading the Bible in my pjs for some reason! While I was sick a few weeks ago I realized I have absolutely NO kickback clothes. How did that happen!?

We have 3 children and we seem to be able to find snippets of time together well enough. Our biggest difficulty is being able to discuss important issues without them overhearing everything! We are blessed to have grandparents nearby to take them every once and awhile however they rarely want to take all 3. But I do have the option of calling my mom and saying "Help! We really need an evening together!" Although as they grow we are realizing that before we know it, we will have more time together and we will really miss our kids! We love having our family altogether and find we are fulfilled just being together all in one room. Maybe that happens gradually as they grow...; 6:52 AM
Amy said...: Thanks for your transparency!

In answer to your question...uh, yes, I too, am in my pj's too long some days! I just get up, shower and get busy and stay busy all day until I realize (sometimes when the doorbell rings!) I haven't made myself presentable--although my house is!

Before we moved, we had access to several very trustable babysitters so my husband was really thoughtful to schedule dates for us frequently. They were not always expensive but always special times of talking, laughing, holding hands and remembering we're still lovers too!
We haven't had a "date" since we moved but since my husband is not gone as much--it is easier to connect and stay connected. He calles me everyday at 12:50PM and I look forward to hearing his voice as much as I did 15 years ago!

Have a great day!; 6:53 AM
Anonymous said...: Pj's til noon?? Way to often!! Although even when I get dressed for our "home days" it is usually yoga pants or the like. That is an area I need to work on. An afternoon without little one's? The list could go on and on...probably a Grande cup of Java and window shopping! And keeping the spark alive? We too have struggled with two, nearly three, little ones and getting time together. We have been married for 5.5 years. One thing that works for us (we are fortunate to have some great family and friends to babysit) is to go do our grocery shopping one evening together. We make a cup of decaf or tea and head to stores. Not the most romantic, but it gives us a couple hours to talk, laugh and even flirt a little without wiping noses, changing diapers etc. I always try to look nice on these "dates" too. It is one way to get a chore done but still enjoy eachother. My friends have a similar "date" with laundry. She washes clothes all day. Then they put their kids to bed a little earlier than usual pop in a movie, a sermon or just chat while they fold fold fold! You just have to find what works for you. But Crystal is right. You have to plan for it...or it will get lost in the day to day activities. Sorry this is so long!; 7:19 AM
A New Life said...: "Keep it G-rated ofcourse"

HAH :-)

My husband and I love to curl up on the sofa together, cuddle, watch a movie and drink some yummy homemade tea. We also love sharing articles, or passing along youtube videos that make us laugh.
We love teasing each other and making each other laugh too!
We always try to have fun where ever we are. When I'm cooking in the kitchen, sometimes my husband will sit at the breakfast bar and keep me company, and we'll talk about each other's day.
Other times I'm in the kitchen, he'll come in and suprise me with a peck, to show me how much loves and appreciates me. Or we'll do hip-checks, when we're both in the kitchen doing something.

For me, at least, it's the little things that keep our spark alive. ;-); 7:34 AM
Tiffany said...: yes there are plenty of days I stay in my pj's until noon-not intentionally. with a soon to be 3 year old and a 12 week old-some days I just can't manage to get a shower and get dressed before noon.

If I had an afternoon to myself-this week-I'd finish organizing all our camping stuff, clean the house and finish laundry.

my husband and I just returned from a 3 night camping trip-without the kids. We are blessed to have both of our families local so they can keep the kids when we need them to. we are also trying to take more time for each other during the week. Just last night we put the kids to bed early so we could spend some time together.; 7:49 AM
singlemomforgod said...: There are days when I am in my PJ's all day... normally it is only when I am sick, or on a Saturday when I have no plans to leave my house.

Of course I am not married, but Sunday my parents are embarking upon their 35th wedding anniversary.( YEAH!!!) I remember as we got older we would get together and save our allowance and buy bubble bath and cologne from the Avon lady, decorate thier room and fix them picnic food. They were not allowed to come out of thier room until we finished with breakfast in bed the next day. I think its funny that as children we knew the importance of my parents spending alone time together. We loved seeing them happy.

Just seeing my parents find time to honor each other and keep the spark going, being affectionate in front of us ( g-rated of course) I was able to have that example of a husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church. I appreciate all of the comments here. It gives me joy to see so many couples and wives honor thier husbands and find little ways to ignite sparks.
It gives me hope that I too can be like you all when God sends me the man he created for me. I love you all and keep holding the banner as Biblical and honarable wives!; 8:39 AM
The Banderman Family said...: Thanks Crystal for sharing! :)

I'm a lot like you in wanting to be dressed head to toe. I feel more 'awake' and want to tackle my day. If I stay in my pjs, I end up wanting to lay around, read a book, check e-mails and accomplish nothing! LOL However, Saturday mornings are en exception -- we slow down, enjoy coffee, and don't get dressed till at least mid-morning! I love that time together!

As for dh and I -- we have really worked hard on our marriage as far as time alone together. We have two boys, now ages 13 and 10, so that makes things a bit easier. But...

When they were younger, we always had 'couch time'. When Daddy came home from work, we took 15 minutes together on the couch to 'unwind' together. It was our time. The kids could greet Daddy, but then it was Mommy/Daddy's 'couch time' and they weren't allowed to interrupt. Then, after the 15 minutes, Daddy played with them while I finished up getting supper on the table.

We also made weekly dates a priority. Either going out and having a babysitter, or putting them to bed a 1/2 hour earlier and having an 'in-home' date where we don't answer the phone and just focus on each other -- watching a movie together, talking, playing a game, etc. Maybe even ordering in some food. Whatever.

And then every three to six months, we'd take an overnight away just the two of us.

We have been blessed with wonderful friends/family to help with our children so we could do this, but alone time has been so important to us, and it's helped keep our 14 year marriage strong and healthy, so that one day when our kids are gone and on their own, our marriage will still be thriving! :)

Debi; 9:35 AM
NeedANap2 said...: I won't answer how long I stay in my pj's (usually t-shirt and shorts or sweats anyway), but how to keep marriage alive: 1) can you find anyone to help with the kids? What about a mommy's helper to play with them while you and hubby have dinner together? 2) a lot of times we're too tired to watch a movie so we'll watch a tv show that we have on dvd, or you could watch a sermon from the internet 3) let each other know what you need most - sometimes you need a break from one or more kids and sometimes you need "face-to-face" time, my husband took over getting up with the kids at night (potty trips) and that allowed me to have more rest and energy for other activities.; 11:12 AM
Mrs. H. said...: Well, I try to get dressed in a nice outfit everyday, but I hate to wear shoes, so I often don't. I do have a pair of track pants that I wear when I'm going to do some heavy clealning, or when I'm feeling under the weather. I probably wear them more often than I should.

If I had an afternoon all to myself, I would clean the house, work on my new blog, then curl up with a good book or some knitting and build a fire. If I had a little extra cash and time to myself, I would go to a good bookstore or a yarn shop, and treat myself to a new purchase and a caramel macchiatta.

In the nine years since dh and I have been married, we've had six pregnancies, five children, one surgery (mine), and two deaths of close family members. He also works very late hours, and either hunts or fishes most weekends, plus takes business trips at least once a month. To spend time alone together, we stay up later than the kids, and get up earlier than they do. I sometimes run out and get us a treat at a local store after the kids go to bed, and we always watch tv together at night. Usually I read or knit, and dh watches, but we're together and we're alone for the most part, so that's good. I get to go to business events like dinners and things with him a few times a year, and if he takes a business trip that I can go on, I do. We don't do babysitters, and never have, so if my mother or grandmother isn't available to keep the kids, we just make do.

Sometimes we use time dh spends on the road to talk on the phone. This is a way for us to connect and it seems like we're alone even when we're not. Some of our best and deepest conversations have gone one during this time. I guess it's like you said, it's just something you make time for.; 11:35 AM
Ginger said...: Do I stay in my jammies until noon? Yup. For the last several weeks I've gone several days only wearing my jammies, I'm ashamed to say. :) The reason: I'm 11 weeks along expecting baby #3, and this first trimester has been filled with non-stop "morning sickness." It's all I can do to keep up with my 3 year old and 2 year old sons, so some days I don't even try to get cleaned up. When I'm not plagued with horrible nausea and fatigue I most definitely am dressed, made up, and ready for the day. My hubby has been so wonderfully understanding, but I know that he is looking forward to getting his wife back in the next few weeks. :)

What I would do with an afternoon by myself? *Sigh* I would like to say that I would clean, organize, or do yard work uninterrupted, but I would probably find myself reading, drinking tea, catching up on e-mails, or chatting with friends on the phone.

Hubby and I like to reconnect after the kiddos are in bed. We read to each other, watch movies together, give back rubs, and talk about our day. We try to go out alone when we can score a sitter. That's what works for us. :); 1:39 PM
Melissa said...: PJ's

I just wanted to share. I stayed in PJ's ALOT a few years ago. It was my husband who finally said the PJ's needed to find their place in our home.

I still have the occasion that I stay in PJ's. But even if your home all day, I encourage you to get dressed. Even if you are just cleaning house and teaching your children, dress for the task. I went to the thrift store and bought some "house" dresses for days I would be home. I had to literally throw away sweats and other sloppy clothes so I wouldn't be tempted to wear tham.

Melissa; 8:07 PM
Melissa said...: Time with Hubby;

I want to share that I believe time with your husband is vital to a happy home.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We still have a date night once a week. Even if the kids are around, we go into our room. Sometimes we set up a card table and play games, sometimes we watch a movie, and sometimes we just talk.

There are times it has to be rescheduled due to illness or other such things. We always reschedule, even if it means two date nights back to back!

And there is always something to be said for just being close. I may cook or clean with my hubby around just to talk to.

And don't forget time together WITH your children. They are a beautiful reminder of your marriage and commitment.

Sometimes my husband and I baby sit little ones with our children just to reflect and enjoy what a joy little ones are. It also reminds us of our earlier years of marriage.

Melissa; 8:14 PM
simmie flock said...: Gosh, I feel like the outcast, as I NEVER stay in my PJ's longer than what it takes to grab a cup of coffee and wake the boys up! For me, it's such a 'must' to hop in that shower and 'get ready' for the day asap. It's only then that I feel like I'm ready to tackle the day. Don't get me wrong...I've been known to SLEEP until noon on Saturdays, so if you gals are in your PJ's...well...at least you're awake! :) I've just found that I feel more feminine and 'grown-up' for DH when he comes home if I've gotten ready at a decent hour and accomplished alot that day.

I would have to say that the season me and hubby are in right now....our notes/emails to each other are the main source of keeping the sparks going. DH leaves for work before I wake for the day and without fail he always leaves me a note to wake up to every morning. sometimes, if there ISN'T a note, I'll notice there's a phone message, and it will be him on his way to work saying "Oh, honey! I'm sorry! I was late this morning and forgot your note!" :) It's just so nice to wake up to words written by my husband that speak enouragement, love and truths over me.

In return, I'll try to have an email waiting for him when he gets out of his afternoon meetings. Many times we wwill send 'prayer emails' to each other throughout the day, and boy, do those work wonders! For me, reading my husband's heart in his prayer emails (these DO NOT replace our prayer time when he comes home at night...these are just little 'bonus' prayers! :)), or seeing that he still looks at me like we're 19 through his morning notes, makes me fall in love with him all over again.

God knew what we needed in order to connect during this season (we recently had our 4th child)...and thank God for His idea of these notes/emails! We cherish writing AND receiving them...; 8:45 PM
David and Amy Campsall said...: I just read your "If only I were perfect" article and It was right where I have been at lately. Thanks for the gentle reminder there. PJ's? I think those are my favourite wardrobe item. I never thought of being in PJ's all morning as a bad thing. For me what was more important was what I got accomplished that mattered.
What to do with an afternoon to myself? If i could dig out my sewing machine I'd probably finish my latest quilt, I love to read missionary biographies, and tea would be a definite must!.
My husband and I moved to Newfoundland just over a year ago. We now have a 3yr old, 2yr old and 5 month old. We have no family here and our church family is one hour drive from where we live. So alone time only happens when the kids are tucked in. One way we are able to spend fun time together is to buy a nice puzzle and clear the kitchen table and chat while doing the puzzle. We just put the table cloth over the puzzle and voila ready for breakfast and the next evening is another fun night together. We have at least 3 puzzles nicely framed hanging on our walls. The latest one is in our kitchen. A Thomas kinkade lighthouse which we found an old woodframe for out in the shed and painted it up and dave made a bible verse plaque to put on the top! Creativity is a definite must in making it through the younger years:)
Ok so I wasn't sure where to put quiestions so I'm gonna tack it on here.
Maybe you've already discussed this and I wouldn't mind getting the links if so but..
I'm a mom of 3 little people. I live provinces away from any family and the church family like I said is a great distance to a woman without a vehicle during the day. I know these are my children and God gave them to me for a reason.. but I've read many readers give thanks for these "helpers, babysitters, family, etc." What if you don't have that... My heart is desiring to be God's servant to my family but my body and mind sometimes say.. I need a break! Any suggestions here.. One thing that has helped redirect my thoughts is to keep a little journal with my bible and jot down things i meditate on from my reading.. this helps me remember more of what I read and make it more useful in my day.. but I cant' seem to shake this constant poor me syndrome!?!!
Comments can be left at my blog
http://newfoundlandcampsalls.blogspot.com
Thanks again for your website.. I'm gleaning much from what I read. The Lord bless you!; 8:53 PM
Anonymous said...: The only times I stayed in PJs all day was right after my second baby was born, and that lasted a couple a weeks as I got back into the routine. They were just the most comfortable thing to wear, though I would still shower, do my hair, then slip into a fresh set every morning.
On a regular basis, though, I never stay in my PJs because I just can't get motivated when wearing them. I feel sleepy! So now my morning routine is to get up early before the children, exercise for 15 or so minutes, then jump in the shower and get dressed down to my shoes. If I'm lucky I can usually get a little makeup on, too, before they are awake. Every day I look at it as though I am preparing to go to work, even though it's in the home. I like to look nice for my children, and then later in the day, for my husband. After a busy day of caring for the little ones, I usually need a "touch up" before he gets home, so about 5 minutes before he is due to come through the door, I put on fresh lipstick, a little mist of his favorite perfume, and brush my hair. He knows how busy my day is, so he always notices and appreciates how I ready myself for his homecoming.

As far as keeping the spark alive in marriage, I've come to realize that romance isn't all roses and weekend getaways. :-) Sure, those things are a lovely treat once in awhile, but I realized that by focusing on physical gifts and the quantity of time alone rather than the quality, I was really missing out. When I opened my eyes, I saw I had been oblivious to so many things my husband did for me that I had come to take for granted that spoke volumes of his love for me. It's so important to praise our husbands and sincerely thank them when they do things to make life easier for us. We also try to set aside a bit of time every evening to talk together, either while the children play together nearby or else after they have gone to sleep. We also talk several times a day on my husband's breaks at work. we like to leave notes around the house for eachother, too. Sometimes I feed the children supper early, then while they are busy watching a family friendly DVD we have our own candlelit meal together.; 7:25 AM
Anonymous said...: If I had an afternoon to do whatever I wanted I would probably work on quilting or else curl up with a book and a cup of tea. After about two hours, though, I would be missing my babies and wondering what to do with myself! :-); 12:19 PM
Anonymous said...: I always feel more motivated to take on the day if I'm showered and dressed before the children are awake. Yes, that means rising early in the morning, but it's just nice to be fresh and put together before the little ones are clamoring for breakfast. I'm sure if I stayed in my jammies I would be tempted to crawl back into bed once my husband left for work! :-) Even though I'm home most of the time I still try to look nice for my family. Yes, it's actually possible to feel pretty while scrubbing a toilet! :-); 12:22 PM
Kimberly Eddy said...: PJs til Noon? Not usually (one of my dd's sunday school teachers used to drop by often to say HI and that got me out of that habit when she caught me in my pjs sever times in a row), but I do enjoy comfortable clothing.

I'd finish projects on a day to myself.

Time with hubby: we have no babysitters (reliable ones), we have no trustworthy family (last time my mom and dad babysat they took my kids to a bar and taught them to play poker with m & m's), and so we don't get "alone" time as in dates. We usually talk on the cell phone during his drive home. He works 80+ hours a week lately, and so we don't see a whole lot of him. Lord willing maybe someday that will change.; 9:39 PM

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Q&A Week - Part 3

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