Biblical Womanhood: Q&A Week

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Q&A Week - Part 4

What cleaning supplies do you use? I want to save money and also use what is safe for my family, but I don't know what to use.

In the past year, we've eliminated pretty much all cleaners with harmful chemicals in them and switched almost exclusively over to Basic H for all cleaning. Not only is it safe, organic, and nontoxic, it's also inexpensive ($12 to buy a bottle of concentrate which should last for at least a few years.) Best of all, Kathrynne can help me with cleaning without my worrying about her ingesting or breathing in dangerous chemicals.

You can read more about Basic H here. (And just for the record, I don't have any association with the company that sells this product, but if you order Basic H from the link in that post, you will be supporting a Christian family who does.)

Can you give some advice about wardrobe? I am trying to take evaluate what I need and don't need, and was wondering if you have any "rule of thumbs" for your closet? Do you use basic color schemes and then mix and match, etc.?

My advice, keep it simple. As my mom used to always say, “How many outfits can you wear at once?”

Having fewer outfits means it is easy to pick out what you are going to wear and easier to maintain. I usually buy a small quantity of higher-quality clothes that I really like and wear these multiple times.

Only buy what you need, what you really like, what you can really afford, and what you already have shoes, accessories, etc. to match. If you find a really cute shirt on a great sale but have nothing to match it when you get home, it wasn't that great of a deal.

I also highly recommend you figure out what your colors are and what styles of clothing look best on you. This simplifies shopping so much. There are some great books out to help with this - check your library (Color Me Beautiful is one of my favorites).

Read more of my frugal clothing advice here and here.

Also, do you have any advice for (frugally!) using jewelry to complement outfits?

My philosophy when it comes to jewelry: Buy a few high quality pieces that can be mixed and matched with a number of different outfits and stick with those. I normally buy a pair of Sterling Silver earrings that can be either for everyday or dressy occasions then I wear them daily for a year and a half or so. That might seem really dull to some, but keeping it simple works well for me.

I have noticed that your sisters have curly hair...is your hair naturally curly or straight?

Two of my sisters have incredible curly hair, and myself and my youngest sister have very straight hair.

If you could dine on any meal you chose, without calories or cost being a factor, what would it be?

Olive Garden is one of my favorite restaurants and so I’d probably go for my standard fare there: Cheese Ravioli and Tiramisu. Oh and did I mention the endless salad and bread sticks? Yummy!

Do you ever think there is a danger in talking about one's husband's great attributes or all the good things he does?

No.

Oh, did you want me to elaborate?! :)

As wives, speaking ill of our husbands or even just having a negative attitude towards our husbands is a great way to destroy our marriage and our man in a hurry.

Men need admiration. Just like we women need a listening ear and affection, one of the best things we can do to build up our husbands is to publicly and privately praise him - and do it from our heart.

Now, if you were constantly comparing your husband to another woman's and telling her about how much better your husband was than hers or going around flaunting your husband's great attributes in a prideful manner, that would be a different story. But just generally speaking well of your husband and praising him through your words and attitude - you can't go wrong doing that!

As Proverbs 31 says, "She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life." Let's constantly be examining whether our words are building up, encouraging, and "doing good" to our husbands.

I still have at least 30 more questions I'm planning to answer so it looks like I'll be doing another week of Q&A's. Hope no one minds! By request, I am also hoping next week to fit in and post detailing a day in my life and pictures of our home.

33 Comments:

Mrs. Jo said...: I have to respectfully disagree on the point that there is never a danger in praising our husbands too much. I can think of some examples when it wouldn't be wise.

*With friends. I don't even have to compare my husband with a friend's husband for her to get irritated. If I just talk about my husband too much in a conversation I can sow seeds of irritation in her. How much fun would it be to go to a friends' house and hear her say, "My husband is the best in the world! Did I tell you he bought me a diamond? Do you know my husband does the dishes every night? My husband thinks our Little Johnny is the cutest baby in the world. My husband is such a hard worker, do you know he just got a raise? I would withdraw and feel annoyed! It bugs me when people do this overkill thing with their kids too! I think we need to be very tactful in how much we share so it doesn't sound like we're bragging or that our lives are perfect. This goes for blogging too! We should not talk negatively about our husbands with friends, but neither should we hide our struggles or become prideful of our husbands. I would rather observe the righteous fruits in a friend's husband's life myself than to hear her say them over and over to the point of being obnoxious. It always uplifts me to hear friends say, "Your husband is such a good fix-it guy," or "Your husband sure is good with your kids." This encourages me to think positively about my husband and I in turn, try to point out the good things in their husbands. I think it's okay to speak positively about our own husbands too and show our love for them, but in moderation when we are with friends.

*Praising him too much in public. Men DO love admiration and need it from their wives, but someone could praise him too much in public to the point that it would seem fake or embarrass a husband who might be shy. A little bit goes a long way ladies! Too much drips with faky-ness. I try to praise my husband in front of my parents and others, but I also know going on and on about his virtues would embarrass him, even if I feel he has a ton of them! The same goes for me. I like my husband to show he's proud of me, but it would make me and his family uncomfortable if he was always kissing on me or bragging several times a night about the things I do. It would be quite embarrassing! It would most likely make the others feel uncomfortable too!

*When we are WITH our husbands, I think we should praise them plenty and show our admiration for them, with or without words. Through little notes in his lunchbox, little touches of kindness, seeing to his basic needs, thanks for his hard work in providing, etc. However, I don't think wives should be robots who never challenge their husbands in growth or humbly point our areas where we see sin in his life. My husband and I welcome this in each other's life as a way to sharpen each other to grow. Praising him unceasingly without question COULD result in a very unbalanced and unhealthy marriage in some rare scenarios where the man grows a bigger and bigger ego and is swallowed up in pride that a wife continues to feed.

Mrs. Jo
www.thekingsmissus.blogspot.com; 11:20 PM
Crystal Paine said...: Mrs. Jo: I think if you hang around here a bit longer, you'll know that I agree with you. :)

I'm not talking about flaunting how wonderful our husbands are to our friends, I'm just talking about making more of a concerted effort to show our husbands how much we appreciate them. We wives can often forget how vitally important this is!

Like I said, it should come from the *heart* not just be some fake words. But it is so easy to get busy and wrapped up in life that we forget to stop and audibly express words of praise and admiration to our husbands. I know I am guilty of this.

And don't worry, I ain't no robot. :) :); 11:30 PM
Mrs. Jo said...: I quote:
"Do you ever think there is a danger in talking about one's husband's great attributes or all the good things he does? I just wondered because someone mentioned to me that my complimentary comments about my husband spread discontent to other wives who might not have as attentive of husbands and that it was really isn't right to boast about one's spouse (or children). I had never thought of it that way or tried to be arrogant but I guess unwittingly I had been. I guess I just tend to spill over with praise for my great husband and need to keep it to myself. :-) What are your thoughts on this?"
Anonymous

Crystal,
Glad to hear you agree with the things I brought out. The quote above is the full question Anonymous expounded on from your Q and A post. It sounds like Anonymous already does a pretty good job of overflowing with praise and admiration for her hubby. I think her main point was in asking if you can ever go overboard in this area and offend your friends unknowingly. So, in my answer, I stated, that "Yes. You CAN go overboard in this area." I think Anonymous came to this conclusion in the end of her comment because of her friends pointing this out in her life. If you agree with my points, then why did you post, "No." on the main blog page in your answer?

I agree with you that all compliments need to come from the heart. I agree that when we are with our husbands, it is a wonderful thing to shower them with genuine praise.

Does anyone know the secret ingredients in Basic H? I'm interested in using it, but I don't want to pay for a bottle that is just vinegar or something like that! Does it really and truly work for all household tasks? Do you have to be a member of a certain club to buy it?; 12:21 AM
Leanne said...: My husband and Ihave just gone through a situation where I was very uncomfortable with another woman praising MY husband in front of me. This was a good time to remind each other of the respectful and biblical boundaries we need to have in relationships with people of the opposite gender. He was not in the wrong at all, but it did give us a great opportunity to review standards we have!
Side note....I going to try Basic H! I'll order from the link on your website! Thanks for the info!; 6:18 AM
Melanie said...: Hi Crystal, I found your blog yesterday and I love it. I saw you on a tv show called 'Obeidient Wives' afew months ago, I recorded that show and have watched it several times, and I found you to be the most inspirational woman on the show, you seem like a really good person, and I am so happy to have found your blog.
For cleaning products which are not harmful, I use borax, bicarbonate of soda, vinegar and lemon juice.
I always talk about my husband John, he is such a wonderful man and I am blessed to have him, he is so supportive, kind, loving, afectionate and just wonderful. He is a photographer, and in my opinion he is the greatest photographer around. I dont think there is any harm at all in praising our husbands, their worth the praise, I love my husband so much, and I will always praise him.
Take Care
Melanie.

http://www.freewebs.com/melaniegalloway/; 6:59 AM
Anonymous said...: As far the praising our husband goes: I think one-on-one WITH our husband's it's not possible to over-praise, as long as it's sincere, loving, and not just to butter him up to do something! :-) Men NEED praise and appreciation from their wives, so I think it's really important to notice the little things he does and make him know that he is loved and admired and esteemed. I know I am often guilty of taking my guy for granted in the busyness of daily life and that's something I'm working on.
I do think there is a danger of gushing with praise about our own husband to friends. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with mentioning something nice he did here and there or expressing our thankfulness for a good husband, but in moderation. Because we are supposed to be "one flesh" with our husbands, bragging in a prideful way about our husband's virtues is almost like bragging about ourself and what a good catch we have. Naturally we may not mean it that way, but it certainly could come across that way to a friend. So I think this is an area where we should be cautious. We certainly don't want to sow seeds of discontent or envy in our dear friends. Every marriage, every husband is different and unique--and he shows his love in different ways.
(On the other hand, nor should we engage in the opposite extreme of "husband bashing" and belittle or gossip about our husband to others.); 12:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Does the Basic H cleaner have a smell to it? I just wondered because I am used to using the chemical cleaners in my house that have a fresh scent. I know it's not good for us, that's why I'd like to switch,but I was hoping that this non toxic cleaner still smelled good. :-); 12:23 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm looking forward to another Q&A week--it's been so much fun to read your answers to various questions. I hope you are able to show pictures of your house, too. I thought Mrs. Jo brought up some excellent points regarding praising our husband. I am married to a GREAT guy who I could talk on and on about to friends, but I think it is so true that you need to do most of your praising directly to your husband rather than "bragging" to friends. There's nothing wrong, of course, with mentioning something here and there, but I do think there is a danger in flaunting it too much to others. In alot of instances that may not be our intention at all, but may come across that way to others hearing it. In public, I think it's far more important to give your husband eye contact and full attention when your visiting with a group of people than audibly singing his praises for all to hear. Some men would honestly be embarrased by that!:)
My husband always appreciates it when I tuck notes into his lunchbox or leave him voice mail during the day when we are apart. I try to come up with several things to thank him for daily, even if they are small, just to let him know that I notice his efforts (like taking out the trash, stopping at the store for me, helping to put the children to bed, etc.). This also goes back to the post about keeping the spark going in a relationship--having a grateful heart and lovingly building our husband up rather than tearing him down with nagging is a tremendous boost to any marriage.
Another thing I wanted to mention along the lines of esteeming our husbands was how important it is to say good things about him to our children. I like to make a big deal of things my husband does to my son, such as "didn't Daddy do a good job fixing our window?" or "isn't it nice when Daddy opens the car door for Mommy?". My son always smiles and tells me he wants to grow up to be a good Daddy, too. That just melts my heart! :-); 3:03 PM
Anonymous said...: I liked your answer about a favorite meal because I also love the Olive Garden, especially the salad. My favorite entree is the Chicken Giardino. My husband and I were bummed because they don't have the Chocolate Lasagne dessert anymore at our local OG. Now we like the Raspberry Cheesecake. Not quite the same, but still yummy :); 3:15 PM
Edwena said...: Crystal,

Just wanted you to know that although I didn't ask you any questions (on this blog) I am enjoying your answers.

I think sometimes in our culture when we try to serve the Lord by serving our husbands and families, it is sometimes isolating. It's a blessing to see others have the same heart about things are trying to live it out in their lives.

So, no, I don't mind more questions and answers.:)

Edwena; 3:38 PM
Mrs. H said...: Hi Crystal . .. I'm really enjoying your answers to the Q and A's! I can't wait to see your photo tour. Can I add a question to your Q and A? I hope this is not too personal, but I'm curious to see what your/Jesse's opinion is on this.

I remember once reading that you and Jesse are saving up for a house and that you plan to pay in full for it. I totally applaud this. What I'm curious about is whether you two rent your home now and why you feel it is better to rent than to have a mortgage if you do rent.

My husband and I also are very strict about not going into to debt. We have one credit card, and we do put all of our purchases on it and pay it off at the end of the month. We use it because we earn a little money for our daughter's college fund (it is a U-Promise card). The only thing other than our home we have financed was one of our cars (we paid cash for the other one) and the reason we financed it was that the interest rate on the car loan was much lower than what we could make in a CD with the money we were planning to use to buy the car. With our home, and this is our first mortgage, we have decided that it is better to earn the equity in the home than to rent. My husband is in the military and we have always lived in military housing, but at this duty station we decided to take the housing allowance and buy instead. LOL . . . I'll have to let you know in a year or so when we sell our house if our theory holds true.

So, I guess I was curious about your feelings about renting vs. having a mortgage and if you think credit can be used wisely . . . like the examples I gave of earning rewards and when the interest on a loan is lower than the interest you can earn. Being without consumer and college debt has been one of the biggest blessings of our lives!

Just curious about your philosophy on things like this.

Mrs. H; 6:38 PM
Mike and Pumpkin said...: Dear Crystal,

I enjoyed your post and I am glad that you talked about encouraging and praising your husband. Thanks for commenting that we should take a more concerted effort to encourage them.

Thanks again,
mp; 7:10 PM
Anonymous said...: Mrs. Jo brought up some wise points and I think I understand what you are saying, too, Crystal. Thanks for the reminder about cherishing my husband and really seeking to build him up daily and make sure to voice appreciation and love. With two small children it is easy to forget to make that effort. Sometimes during the day I'll remember something nice he did for me and I quickly write out a little love note for him right then and there before it slips my mind. Then I put it somewhere he'll find it, such as in his lunch box or next to his computer.
I agree that we need to concentrate mostly on praising our husband directly to him and be careful to balance speaking well of him to others without going into great detail and boasting. One thought I had was that it really depends on what situation it is and who we are speaking with. For instance, if we are talking with a younger sister in Christ (such as a new bride) who has an unrealistic idea of what romance is and thinks her husband's love is fading because he doesn't sweep her off her feet with roses and fancy dinners all the time, it would be encouraging to her if you shared that after however many years you had been married you were still in love with your husband and how certain things he did for you like helping with shopping or giving the baby a bath, although very practical and simple, spoke volumes of his love and were more romantic than physical gifts. It might help her see the things right before her eyes that her husband was doing that she had overlooked. In my own humble opinion, marriage only gets better as it ages and matures. Hope that makes sense! :); 7:44 PM
Anonymous said...: Crystal,

Thanks so much for all this helpful advice!! I really appreciate your blog. And by the way, Olive Garden is my favorite too--and I would order to exact thing you listed! Great minds think alike. heehee :)

Christy; 9:56 PM
Melanie said...: Hi Crystal.
I just think your blog is amazing. I have been reading your articles and there so full of wisdom.
Love your q&a, you seem like such a good woman.
Well, Take Care and God Bless.
Melanie.

http://www.freewebs.com/melaniegalloway/; 5:13 AM
Terry said...: Great advice on the clothing. I have learned my lesson in recent years, but I have on many occasions bought a blouse or a pair of shoes that were a "great deal" only to never wear them because they matched nothing and I didn't have the money to go and buy something to match. It's a good thing I keep my receipts! Like you, I primamrily wear one simple, yet beautiful pair of gold earrings all the time. It's easier than always choosing accesories. And cheaper.; 5:28 AM
Crystal Paine said...: Mrs. Jo - I was responding not personally to that woman, but in general. When I write here, thousands of women are reading, so I have to keep that in mind.

I have personally never met a woman who had a problem with praising her husband too much. But I've met many a woman who had a problem with never being able to say anything good about her husband. That's where I was coming from.

I think there is great danger when we start trying to make excuses to *not* praise our husbands.

Marriage is to be a picture of Christ and the Church. When we think of it in that light, shouldn't we be focusing on ways we can build up our husbands and praise them, not on when we *shouldn't* be praising them?

That's where I was coming from and I was speaking to *all* women, not to just a particular woman in my answer.

If you or any other woman would like to discuss this further with me, feel free to email me. Thanks!; 6:55 AM
Anonymous said...: Is the Basic H cleaner scented?
Thanks for all the great tips that are coming forth in this time of Q&A! I am learning alot and really thinking about many things.
My husband is an awesome guy and it's easy to praise him directly, I am careful not to go overboard with friends. It may sound funny, but I almost think the verse (I believe in Hebrews) about "defiling the marriage bed" could be applied in some situations where a wife might possibly be gushing too much to other women about her guy's virtues and thus make them discontent with their own husbands and thinking about my husband! :) I'm all for saying good things about my husband (since negativity and complaining about a spouse behind their back seems so common--it's sad) to friends but I'm cautious not to go into great detail.
Also, when in front of other people, I think a loving glance and supportive attitude can speak alot louder than gushing praise. :)
My husband is a modest man and there have been a couple instances where I embarrased him by bragging a little too much about something nice he did for me. He KNOWS I love and appreciate him because I make a point of saying so profusely when we are alone or with the children.; 8:28 AM
Anonymous said...: Crystal,
I have been into "natural" cleaning since I have been married and I have never heard of Basic H! I am so excited about what I am reading. This would save me a ton of money!! And keep my family safe from all those toxins. Thanks for sharing. My only question is does it really clean clean....even a really yucky toilet? LOL! Thanks.; 8:52 AM
Crystal Paine said...: Thanks for all the great comments! I really appreciate the thoughts on praising your husband when you're alone and in front of your children. That is so important.

And I also think that what one or two of you brought up about having a very supportive attitude towards your husband all the time is vital! They need to know that we trust them, appreciate them, and admire them.

I'll try to answer some of the questions on Basic H later today...; 9:28 AM
Vanessa van der Meer said...: I've searched and searched and I don't think I can possibly get BasicH into my Canadian home. SIGH. I have been using Melaleuca cleaning products which work wonderfully and are chemical free - but they're not as affordable as your Basic H.

- Vanessa; 9:31 AM
Anonymous said...: Yes, our husbands desperately NEED our love, respect, and support. My husband is out working in the world 60 hours a week and often times just calls me in the middle of the day for some encouragement. I look forward to hearing from him, too. He said even a simple "I love you" from me really makes his day! There are so many pressures and negative things out there that it is vital that we are there for our husbands. Women aren't the only ones that need appreciation and a listening ear!; 9:56 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi, Crystal: I would love for you to elaborate more on the Basic H. It sounds wonderful--I was just curious if it is up to grungy jobs, like scrubbing in the bathrooms? Does it disinfect?

By the way, thanks for the reminders about appreciating our husbands. My hubby is great and it's easy to find things to thank him for, but as you know, life is busy with a toddler and a baby and I tend to get caught up in my to-do list and neglect to take those moments to really uplift my guy. We ought to never leave things unsaid that should be said. One thing I have been trying to do with my toddler is to think of special things we can do for Daddy. Last week we made one that said "thank you for going to work every day!" and my son drew a picture to go with the caption. Or sometimes we will bake something special or prepare my husband's favorite meal and we have a celebrate Daddy night even if it's not Father's Day! My husband is always so touched whenever we do something unexpected and special for him and he has told me many times how much he appreciates US and looks forward to coming home every day after a long shift at work.; 10:14 AM
Rebekah S. said...: Olive Garden's the BEST!!! :)

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your already busy schedule to do these Qs and As!! They are such a blessing.

This may seem like a strange question, but in regards to femininity, I was just curious: do you wear skirts/ dresses/ jumpers all the time?; 10:57 AM
Rhonda said...: My comment is similar to the anonymous one above mine. I've been using Basic H for a while, and I've found it nice for the light duty jobs. I'm curious if they sell something that is a little more heavy duty for bathroom and kitchen germ/bacteria cleaning. (I didn't see anything at first glace of their web site.) I just didn't feel like it was deep cleaning things like the toilet or kitchen countertops.

This probably sounds crazy (and it is), but I was thinking the other day - "if it's not going to kill me, is it going to kill the bacteria/germs?" I'm sure there is something out there that will kill the germs and not me, so if anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!; 11:14 AM
Anna S said...: Crystal, I love Q&As. I'm planning to post some on my blog too, as time allows! In the meantime, I enjoy reading yours. :); 11:14 AM
Anonymous said...: Rhonda, I believe vinegar kills bacteria and it's safe.; 5:09 PM
Mrs. T said...: Rhonda, I just posted about this. Things don't necessarily have to kill/maim/harm YOU, a large and complicated organism, to destroy a single-celled and/or simple creatures like germs.

GSE or Grapefruit-Seed Extract is very very effective against pretty much everything germy and virus-y. Vinegar and hydrogen peroxide are also great disinfecting cleaners, especially when used in tandem. :); 5:50 PM
Crystal Paine said...: Mrs. H: You really should get a copy of Dave Ramsey's books. :) Check your library, if possible.

We love almost every single piece of his financial advice. And he says it so much better than me.

I *do* have a post planned for some Frugal Friday on credit cards and why we don't use them... But whether I actually get it out of my head and typed up, we'll have to see! So many things to write, so little time!; 5:59 PM
Crystal Paine said...: Now for more on Basic H - It takes some getting used to if you've been accustomed to only using strong-smelling chemical cleaners. It does work, at least from what I've found. :)

I know you can also make your own cleaners that would do just as great of a job. I've never experimented with them, though, because someone sent me a bottle of Basic H and it's lasted me for over a year now and it looks like it will be going strong for at least another few years.

For down and dirty jobs you might consider making your own cleaners. Shaklee does sell some tougher cleaners for those types of jobs, but I've not found them to be very economical. I try to stay on top of cleaning so that I don't have many down and dirty jobs. I also don't have any boys yet, though. :); 6:04 PM
singlemomforgod said...: Crystal,

I wanted to shed some light on the comment about praising your husbands. I agree with both you and mrs jo, but there is another side to that. I am not ashamed to admit that I was once bound by a spirit of coveteouness and envy... I could not be happy for anyone else who was happy so in return I would tell them that they were annoying me with praises about thier kids and husbands or fiancee's. Until I truly was honest with myself and acceped God as my husband I was just plain old envious. I believe that needs to be considered when thinking about stifling one's praise for what God has blessed you with. This is coming from someone who prays daily for what you women have. Some people just don't have the victory over a envious spirit. Also there are some women who are not free from being men pleasers so they boast and brag about things just to validate themselves; however if one does not fit this catagory then by all means praise your man!!! There are not enough positive images of Godly husbands out there. I now take pleasure in hearing about men like Jesse, it gives me hope that they are not extinct!!!; 9:45 AM
OrchidLover said...: I have a question for you, since you are doing Q/A now, though this probably isn't the place for it!

I think I remember that you were surprised by Kaitlynn's gender. I always thought I would want to wait until the baby came out to see, but I had a sonogram last week, and now just find myself DYING to know the gender.

How did you manage to wait? What do your readers think about finding out he gender ahead of time?; 12:49 PM
Rhonda said...: Regarding finding out gender of baby, I love the surprise of not knowing until he/she enters the world. My husband, on the other hand, prefers to know. We reached a compromise. With our first child, we were surprised. With number two, we found out ahead of time. With number three, we were surprised. So, if there's a number four, it will be hubby's turn again to find out ahead of time. I much prefer not knowing. I LOVE surprises. But there are definitely benefits of knowing ahead of time like being a little more prepared in the clothing area, etc.; 4:07 PM

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Q&A Week - Part 4

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