There is no greater work
Someone left the following comment on this post which I wanted to respond to in a post because I felt it was so important:
I often wish that you would provide a post or conversation on how mothers like yourself could make their homes (even if they are full of very small children) reasonably outreach-oriented.I love to reach out to others from our home as I'm able to in the little cracks of leftover time I have. This is one reason I blog and write during nap time, pray for missionaries or needy people while I'm washing dishes, or find a spare moment here and there to write an encouraging letter to someone going through a difficult time.
My girl friends and I talk about this a lot. We have explored various ideas, including regularly swapping baby sitting duties so that each mom can commit one afternoon per week to deliberate ministry time, such as leading a Bible study for college girls, or counseling unwed mothers at a pregnancy care center, or visiting female inmates in local prisons. Then there are the old stand-bys... cooking for needy families or working in organized intercessory prayer chains.
As a full time graduate student with little spare time, I think a lot about "passive" ways to reach out from my own routine. Obviously, blogging is one option. I have also hosted a homeless young woman in my home for several months, and I am thinking about doing this again soon- it meets a huge need, and it does not take much extra time! I have donated my hair to cancer patients. I've doubled up my home cooking and frozen the extras to keep on hand for families going through difficulties. I've led Bible studies and pro bono tutorials from my apartment. Etc.
... all that to say, it would be so cool to see you post on reasonable ways to reach out... anyone can stay home, but surely "staying home" must mean something more for Christian women living under Christ's great commission... - a blog reader
We're also constantly seeking ways we can minister as a family to others by having people into our home, visiting the elderly, or reaching out to our neighbors. I want to instill a servant's heart in my children by having them work alongside mommy and daddy to reach out to a lost and dying world or to hold up the arms of those who are weary in the Body of Christ.
When I was single and before I had children, I was very involved in outside ministries - teaching children, cooking, cleaning, and ironing to help out weary moms, ministering to my grandparents and other elderly individuals, organizing and volunteering for various ministries, and so forth. (One of the benefits of not going to college was that it freed up much of my schedule so I was able to do these things!). My husband and I look forward to the day when we can send our own girls out as ambassadors on our behalf to minister to other families in our church and community like my parents "sent me out" before I was married. And maybe someday when my children are all grown and gone, I'll have opportunities to do things like this again.
At this point in my life, however, I don't feel like it would be right for me to regularly leave my children - even for a few hours each week - in order to reach out to others. My husband and children are my greatest outreach. This means that the phone often doesn't get answered, emails often don't get answered, and I say "no" a lot.
Is this because I'm just a hard-nosed uncaring individual?
No.
It's because I believe with all my heart that raising up the next generation for the glory of God is the greatest ministry, work, and outreach I can be doing. It is far more important than anything else. I don't need to be looking elsewhere for outreach opportunities; I have them right in front of me every day all day long!
Sadly, the world is constantly whispering to women that they must "be more" and "do more" than "just being a wife and mom." As if training and raising up the next generation is not enough.
What is often overlooked is that there is no more noble and glorious calling for a young mom than for her to devote her life to being a help meet to her husband and a mother to her children. That's why you won't see a lot of posts here on outside ministries for moms to do which would require them to leave their children to do so for I believe that the greatest ministry a mom can have is right there in her home training and raising up her precious children to the glory of God!
At the end of my life, I want to look back without regrets. Other people can step in to minister to the needy if I can't, but there is only one person who is called to be my husband's help meet and my children's mother. I want to be faithful to the calling God has given me. There is no greater work I could be doing.
Edit: Thanks for all your thought-provoking comments on this post. I've now closed comments because I wanted to keep the spirit of this post and the comments uplifting. If you have any other comments you'd like to share on this, feel free to email me. God bless you all!
Related: For any of you wives and mothers who could use some encouragement in your vital and worthy role, I highly recommend the brand-new book, Passionate Housewives: Desperate for God. I can't begin to tell you what a blessing it was to this often-weary mommy.
Graphic from Art.com
posted by Crystal Paine at 10:16 AM
66 Comments:
crystal,
i totally agree that your husband and children are most important for you right now, and i think your little girls must be very blessed to have such a dedicated mom.
i also agree that leaving your kids each week to get incolvd in ministry would not be a good idea.
but i do that you can minister to them at the same time as ministering to others.
when I was a littl girl, my mother took me with her to help at soup kitchens and deliver parcels of food and toys to families whose fathers were in prison.
my parents took me with them to bible studies, and I met a lot of sinners, including drug addicts and prisoners, right by my parents side. I saw the effect of evil from a young age, and I think that was actually a good thing.
i grew up serving others alongside my mother, and I hope to do the same with my kids one day.
just thought I'de share.
Amen, Crystal! This is one of the things that really makes me mad. We are serving Christ by serving our families. There is a time and a season for helping and ministering to others, but this season with little ones comes only once. I've actually had a pastor tell me to leave my baby to go on an overseas mission trip. This is wrong. This is not biblical. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!
Hi all,
I have a unique opportunity to serve. Once a week, during the public school year, my Pastor and his wife lead Bible Club at a local elementary school. Homeschool kids are also invited so instead of driving to the school, dropping the kids off and then coming back in an hour to pick them back up, I stay as a helper. I get to be with my children and serve. Also every couple of months I facilitate a "Far Above Rubies" class. The goal is to help our female church body become better "keepers of the home". The beauty of this is that my three girls come too because we want to train up the girls also. My son usually spends time helping our Pastor during that time. My husband works odd retail hours so these activities generally do not impact him. I also host one ladies fellowship a year. (We gather once a month during the non-summer months.) The kids usually spend this time on a special outing with Dad. Also about once a month I help out in nursery at church and bring treats for fellowship time. These are ways that I can minister with out neglecting my family.
Well said, Crystal. It's not just the world that whispers there must be more than "just" being home with the children... the church does it, too, a lot. The thing many people don't understand is that ministry is life, not programs. Living life for the glory of Christ occurs wherever we go - or at least it should. There are times and seasons of life, always changing. Some seasons are longer than others. In the childbearing years, the days seem long but the years are fleeting. There is no higher calling than being with the children day in and day out, ministering life to them. It is difficult and rewarding, as you know. I believe in some ways it is easier to leave to "do ministry" than to stay home and minister in those very practical ways of serving one's husband and children.
I think a major misunderstanding for those who aren't home with children is that they often think that by doing this, mothers are not reaching out. This is not the case. Serving our families for the glory of Christ doesn't occur in a vacuum, nor must it occur with organized times of leaving our children with others. Ministry happens when we're at the grocery store, or when we are in the neighborhood, or at the park, the library. We teach our children to be kind to others, to help them, pray for them, do good unto them. This leaves lasting impressions on their hearts as well as on the hearts of those to whom we reach out.
There was a time in my life when I was doing so much ministry outside of the family that whenever I would cook a really good meal, my kids would ask, "Who's that for, mom?" It broke my heart when I realized that my reaching out left the dregs of myself and my service to my family. I am reaping the bitter fruit of this in some ways, as my older kids have an attitude that the church is always demanding me or my time (I am a pastor's wife with 5 children). I have since changed how I minister to others, being careful to show my family that they are my treasures from God... not just others outside of the family. It is often easier to reach out to others and often get those accolades than to stay cheerful and faithful to the long term service to our children & husband. They are not mutually exclusive activities, but certainly for me one is easier than the other in terms of my flesh.
Yes, minister to others, with the children. But don't forget the hard and long work of ministering to them.
Lord willing, I will have many years to minister outside of the home once the children are gone. My oldest is now 17...youngest is 8. I don't have many precious at-home years with them left.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!
Well said, Crystal!
Ruth, PA
Great post, Crystal! I wish I could get that across to more of the women in our church. I hope people realize that just by living your life that way, you will reach out to even others outside of your home naturally. Your neighbors, other church goes, will see your life and be effected by it. We aren't hiding in our homes, but rather putting aside some of the bigger outreach committments for another season of life, and just focussing right now on some closer to home outreaches. We only get one chance to minister to our children while they are young and it goes by way too fast! I feel refreshed after reading this post to say "no" more. It's easy to slip back into serving everyone else all the time other than my own family....my first priority.
I ordered that book. I also reccommend Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss....all these adress the same theme.
A pastor's wife.
Dear Crystal, I believe you answered fabulously. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Reaching out to others is a beautiful, wonderful thing, but there are periods in our life when time just doesn't allow, and being involved in an outside activity, however selfless and noble, would cause us to neglect our homes and the people closest to us, those who need us most - which would mean our priorities are a bit lopsided. At seasons like that, it's important to know how to say "no" without feeling guilty.
Crystal,
I agree our most important ministries are our husbands and children. There are different seasons in life too. Before being married I was involved in so much and it was hard to make the adjustment to being "just home" I am so content being home. We as a family serve together. My dc know what it is to pass out tracts and will remind us to do so. They are 5&3. We do artwork and pass it out at the nursing home and dc quote verses and sing songs in the services. They give out hugs too and pass out the song books.
We go to outside things as a family, but teaching them to serve begins at home. I often ask them to do things for me or get things for momma. I just told ds he was being a servant and dd said she wanted to be a servant too. She is only 3.
Teach them at home and go out a minister as a family. There'll be times when it's not possible because of really young ones, but those are just seasons in life.
Edwena
I am looking for ways to serve with my daughter as well. I think it is hard to find the right balance I think. On one hand, I don't think you want to be so home/family centered that you become . . . well, self-centered, but on the other hand you do not want to have a schedule that rivals that of an executive! While I do not find that my church puts a lot demands on me, the various community service organizations at my husband's Army post do, especially when he was a commander. After a particularly rough month, my husband told me "Wow, I bet you get the volunteer of the month award." While I did do a lot that month, more than I was comfortable with because the needs were so great, I was nowhere near the level of a volunteer of the month. These women put in nearly as many hours/week as a full time job and put their children in the free day care for volunteers while they do it. While I'm not opposed to a little time away from your children each week, 20 or more hours is pushing it! Sadly, I think many of these women do enjoy the status that comes from being an over-involved volunteer. Pre-baby, I was one of those people who thrived on being over-scheduled and being "indispensable to multiple organizations.
I'm not sure what the right balance is. I think the best scenario is to serve with your children, and those opportunities are limited when they are very little in my opinion. I must admit that I am thrilled that my daughter's dance school has asked the toddlers to visit a nursing home in a couple of week and do their little dances for the residents. This is a very small thing, but I think it will be a wonderful experience for all involved.
I love what the previous poster said, and those are the kinds of things I hope to do with my children. I think it just requires a little patience and recognition that at different points in your and your children's lives that different things will be possible.
Crystal, well said!
Crystal,
One thing I can say with certainty is that by attending church every Sunday (unless there is sickness, travel, etc.) can almost be a ministry in itself. I look at it this way, because you are encouraging your pastor by being there, and you can encourage others as well. You can know the needs within your local church body, and be a prayer warrior. This is vital, and I can say that as a pastor's wife.
Does Jesse have the same outlook on himself staying at home to meet the family's needs? I am wondering if it is different for a father. I know that he needs to put a priority on you and the girls, too, but he is not called to be the keeper at home. Does he participate in any outside ministries?
How are you both able to use your spiritual gifts, since we are given them to edify the body, not store them away for another time.
This is not a criticism, just a question! :)
Carla
Crystal, I couldn't agree more with your post! So often homemakers are given the impression that we need to get away from our home to do the *really important* work. I am not saying that homemakers should never reach out beyond their homes..certainly not! But there are other people, in other phases of life who can more readily and efficiently accomplish these tasks on a regular basis. For us home-based ladies, our home itself can be a wonderfully effective ministry. A warm and welcoming home where people are emotionally safe and well nurtured is such a rarity today...and so longed for by so many. If we, with the Lord's help, can make our home to be such a place, then what could be more winsome? We are directed to be hospitable. Bringing others into our home can be a tremendous ministry, both to the saved and unsaved. Having folks to dinner or a group of ladies for lunch. Being the first to volunteer our home for a children's gathering, or a teen game night. Babysitting, especially for families that are going through a particularly stressful time...there are so many opportunities!
Although I don't see anything wrong with a mother getting involved in the church, I am often saddened that pressure is sometimes put on women to spend time away from their family volunteering in various ministries.
Thank you for this post. I think it is sad that it is usually other women trying so hard to get us to leave hearth and home for "real" service. I'm not sure why women do it to each other, but I think we need to stand firm in protecting and defending the family and our calling as keepers at home. The AT home is important.
Great post.
What about churches that pressure women to do more? The sighs the rolled eyes, etc.
I actually had a woman say, "I don't have the luxury of just ministering to my family" hmmm
I know we do what's right regardless, but it sure is difficult when the pressure comes from church.
*In regard to the first comment--we're all sinners;) Not just the drug addicts and prisoners. We're all JUST as horribly sinful.
Lizzie
Have you ever thought what our country would be like today if every Christian couple throughout the history of the United States would have been totally committed to raising up their children for the glory of God? It's a very sobering thought. Most of my friends and relatives have Christian ancestors. While being a Christian is an individual decision, I believe this country would be so much better today if the Christians would have taken their parenting responsibilities seriously.
When my children were young, they and my husband were my primary ministry. As my children have grown older, I do some outside ministry with them, and plan to do more as they get older and have families of their own. Of course, I look forward to ministering to my grandchildren some day!
Valerie
I'm so happy that you made that comment the subject of your post. My friends and family with careers seemed to think I didn't do anything all day. There was in fact too much to get done when the kids were very little. I didn't just leave them alone when they were infants and toddlers, besides the extra housework that come with kids I used every opportunity to train them, constantly. Sometimes I would put off some things that were low on my priority list in order to help in some ministry but I always reminded them that I could not commit to a regular basis because there wasn't always that space of time available regularly. As my kids got older and I could delegate some things I could get involved in other things more and include the children in them as well.
Some have a real vision for focusing on family, others a vision that envelopes family as well as others. God will not call us to neglect our families, but spending a couple hours a week ministering to those outside the family can hardly be termed neglect as long as the heart is at home the rest of the week. :)
The essential doctrines of Christianity are truly and totally black and white. But we all differ on how to implement those essentials into daily life, so God said, "Whatever is not of faith is sin." Others can sometimes in good conscience do what I cannot. But it is to God that each will give account... and in the end, I suspect we'll all be surprised that God was pleased with a few people that we thought were not serving Him very well. I know I've learned that lesson a few times, and I'll probably have to keep learning it until the coming day. ;)
I take my child with me to a soup kitchen type set up for families with several other women from church and we do this together. My husband comes as his work permits. I think that we have to be careful not to say no too much. It is really beneficial for children to see us serving others.
Amen, Crystal!!! Why is it that we (definitely me included) can't be content with what and where God has put us right now?
Kerry
Crystal,
It was just great to read your post. I agree that your husband and children come first. I am encouraged by how you have set your priorities in your home.
Again thanks for posting,
MP
My husband and I work with the youth group at our church. The time commitment is small, and when we do have an event, we bring our 6 month old along. It has been great to see the kids respond to our son, and our son interact with the teens- obviously in a limited capacity! :)
We love working with youth, and this is something we can do together. Serving side by side has opened up many opportunities for ministry with the kids in this group. We know that we are setting an example of a godly family that not all of them get at home.
It has also been encouraging to establish relationship with these girls. I have had several over during the afternoons while I am working around the house. I am able to share with them, witness to them, just by going about my everyday routine.
I agree that bringing up our children is the most important job, especially when they are young (like mine are!). Here are two neat ideas my church does: cookie ministry and a food ministry for the ailing or grieving. When a new person or family comes to our church a member of the Cookie Ministry will bake cookies and bring them over to their home as an extra step to make him/her/them feel welcome. It is always done on Sundays and can be done with the whole family. The food ministry is even easier - you can either cook a side dish, meal and/or dessert and someone else will pick it up to deliver it to someone grieving or ill or you can deliver it yourself. Both ministries may involve the whole family and only takes one Sunday or less out of a whole month.
Crystal,
I agree with you. I really do. Wifehood and motherhood are a very high calling, and should be taken seriously and treated as sacred. They should be the absolute highest priority for a woman who is a wife and mother.
But I really appreciate the lady you quoted in this entry. I feel that the danger we have with this anti-feminist movement, so to speak (which I am absolutely a proponent of) is that we are limiting women too much. Mothers of young children have so much opportunity to do good. I think this woman's heart is in the right place as long as she is careful to keep balance in mind. I think anything can become an idol, including work outside the home, and including work inside the home.
I don't know if I'm making my point correctly. But I also agree with the first commenter, "anonymous," of how powerful it can be for children to observe their parents ministering and participate in that ministry. This reminds of a blog I read, ajoyfulhomemaker.blogspot.com. The author is a lovely wife and mother who is devoted to making a good home, but she is also, along with her husband, a missionary in Indonesia, and ministers to the women there in ways that he never could. As wives and mothers, you have a unique, although limited, opportunity to reach out to other women.
Thank you for posting this! I need the reminder (and reassurance). The culture and motto of our current church seems to be 'Busy, busy, busy!' Everybody is so busy. Stay-at-home mothers are unusual. Babies go in the nursery from newborn on so mothers can "minister" to others. It breaks my heart every time I see the youth pastor's 1 year old in the nursery, when he sees his mother pass in the hall and disappear--of course he bursts into tears!
I was recently so excited about a new ministry to teenage moms, and investigated getting involved. My husband was not terribly enthusiastic about it, since it would require meetings and more meetings and event attendence. At first I was annoyed with him, but as I thought about it, I know he was right and that if my focus is on my family as it should be, that sort of running around simply couldn't fit into my schedule! I think I was hoping to alleviate some of the false guilt I have been feeling about being "just a mom".
I agree with ministering together and a family, and teaching our children to care about and sacrifice for others. If I can keep my focus on my boys, who knows where they will go and who they will reach as young men who love the Lord?
One way that we can easily do that is simple hospitality. *Anybody* is welcome in our home for a meal, from Mormon missionaries to agnostic friends to our church friends. Providing a hot meal and a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere for fellowship and conversation (and sometimes debate) is something I can easily do at home, with my children at my side.
It's so easy for us to think being sent out in the great commission of making disciples of all nations means "out there" somewhere, not in here in our homes. But if we could just see the starting point of the sending out Jesus does with each of us. He doesn't send us out from our homes, or from our churches, or any one physical location, He sends us out from the point in time where we ourselves have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. Some He sends "out" to the home, the most important place of any society. Some He sends "out" to public work places, some to prisons, some to schools, some to soup kitchens, some to Wal-Mart.
I aggree with you 100% Crystal, and with anonymous. Our high calling as wives is to allow Christ to live and minister through us in the arena only a wife and mom can be used in: our husbands and children. And, like our perfect example Jesus, the way we train up our kids to be His disciples is by taking them with us, and being with them in whatever we do, using it as an oppurtunity to teach them about the kingdom of heaven and the Word of God.
I take my kids with me when I bring a meal to a needy family in our church, or when we go to visit some widows at the local nursing home. But most of the discipling oppurtunities with my sons comes in my home, in doing chores, in learning to relate to each other and in honoring their father and in watching me lead them in honoring their father (my husband).
It seems to me that often our homes are the untouched mission field right before our eyes. If we would just see that we've been sent out, to our homes. To build up our husband's as the leaders God's made them to be, and to train our children, that they may also follow hard after the Lord.
Thanks for sharing this post and comment. It's so good to know there are others who don't dismiss the home as a minor contribution to the kingdom of God, but see it as a field ripe for the harvest!
While I agree that your own family are the most important outreach in your life right now, I also believe that it is important that we teach our children how to serve others. When our children were young we would serve at camp together, my husband and I would cook and they would do jobs that were appropriate for their ages. We were blessed that the camp that we served at had staff of all ages and our children formed relationships that have endured to this day with other adults. We also took them Christmas caroling and visiting at the local seniors home, did things (such as weeding a garden or taking a meal) to our elderly neighbours, shoveling snow for a sick neighbour without expectation of payment, giving rides for appointments to people who didn't have cars, going to the grocery store for an elderly neighbour, etc. We never expected our children to do something for someone else that we weren't willing to help with ourselves. Our family has been blessed by the contacts that we have had with others through serving and has grown spiritually as well.
Ann
I so agree with Crystal on this! It sounds to me like maybe MM is a young single and doesn't yet have children? If so, it's easy to think that one will be bored or unchallenged in the role of staying home all day watching kids. I had a friend who declared she would never be able to be a stay-at-home mom and that she'd be out campaigning for justice and reaching lost youth even if she had kids. Now she's a stay-at-home mom! Has she abandoned her goals and thrown away all her opportunities? Not at all! Her passions have just changed, for the better. She's still doing what she can to reach out, just as I am, but your focus changes. I was once the die-hard missionary-minded young woman ready to go live in a mud hut in Africa and work in an orphanage. A lot of people who see me now think I sold out to be living here in America, married to a carpenter and raising children. It's tragic that Christians today don't recognize the significance of raising a godly next generation and how profound of an impact it can have on missions and outreach throughout the world. Right now, MM probably can't imagine not serving in those hands-on ministry capacities. But becoming a wife and mother totally rocks your axis and you march to the beat of a different drum and adopt new goals and passions. I second the recommendation to read Passionate Housewives Desperate for God!
Also, I agree with Anonymous' comment that young mothers can involve their children in ministry. My kids have ministered to nursing home residents with their giggles and smiles, delighting the residents countless times as we just hung out visiting my grandpa up there. My kids helped me pick out toys for the Operation Christmas child boxes and my daughter loves to paint or color pictures to send in a note to someone who needs encouraging. There are many ways God uses me as a stay-at-home mom. He has brought many non-Christians into my life through playgroups/neighbors, friendships, and I can be a light to them while we watch our children play at the park. You can have a blog ministry or a newsleter ministry. You can encourage younger women through e-mails/blogs on topics of Biblical womanhood as Crystal does.
The key is to remember that mothering is a ministry and a mother without the ministry commitments can be serving God just as much as a mother with them. Sometimes the mother involved in too many commitments is stressed and irritable and is neglecting her number one ministry priority: her family. Even if she appears to be the perfect Christian mom on the surface, she is in sin! If at any time your "ministry" is taking away from your duties to your family then it's not a "ministry" but a distraction from your sacred calling.
I agree with Crystal on saying no, but I have trouble sometimes working it out practically in real life. My question for you ladies is: How do you handle ministry guilt? You use a ministry at your church, therefore you feel OBLIGATED to help. Example: How can you say no to being a nursery worker when your kids are some of the main ones in the nursery? How can you not teach Sunday School/Children's Church when they are desperate for help and you have many kids in their classes? Is it fair to desire that your church run a Children's choir or Christmas program but then you refuse to help at all with it? I struggle with knowing how to guard family time and yet not be terribly selfish and unwilling to serve because it's not convenient for me. If the church is going to function well, all the members have to pitch in, right? Should I just not go to church so I won't be OBLIGATED to serve or should I be open-hearted towards serving in these areas even if it eats up a lot of my time and energy? We don't have the option at our church of letting the older people do the bulk of the work. We don't have hundreds of people to spread the work out evenly. The same people do tons of things in our church and I feel so selfish when I refuse to do more than one or two things. After all, I don't work outside the home and many moms who do work a job, and have twice the amount of kids I have, do twice the amount of stuff at our church than I do. Should I feel guilty or pity them?
Hi I am Jennifer and I so enjoy reading your blog. I to am a stay at home Christian mother of 2. My husband was a pastor for 7 1/2 years and now have been in Evangelism for almost 10 years. Thanks for all your hard work on this blog to help out Christians, Wives, and mothers. I to have a blog website at www.keepersofthehomejm.blogspot.com
I so agree with your response to this comment. There is not enough teaching out there to show Christian mothers that their most important role, is to be at home for there Husband and Children. Molding, making, training, loving,nuturing,and ministering, to our children is the Highest Calling for a lady. My thought is that If we don't do it someone or something else will...... As a preachers wife where there are so many opportunities to minister, have had to realize that God was so gracious to give me 2 beautiful children an my place is be at home with them. My husband and I feel they are our first priority, because if you cant win them, then how are you going to win anyone else to the Lord.
I think there must be seasons in a woman's life when she is more capable of helping people in need outside the home, and having a baby and a toddler is probably not one of them.
There will be many years when the children are older or have left home, or even the time before settling down and having children, that one can dedicate to helping in the community.
ntvyengCrystal,
My kiddos are older 13 and 11 and with Hurricane katrina and all the stuff that happen to us and others here my kids have made me proud. At 8 and 11 they were helping unload semi truck loads of supplies, filling food boxes, and helping with all aspects of serving our community during those weeks after the storm and I am proud of them. They didn't complain or goof off they worked right beside me and and others to help our neighbors. They pushed passed their loss and reached out to others. Now 2 yrs later all they want to do is help still. They buy toys for the Toys for Tots program at Christmas, work in our bishops storehouse for church, and we just started working in a local food pantry. My son who is the youngest I had to make stop so we could go home to feed our livestock. They surprise me daily and make me proud with the little acts of service they perform without thinking. I hope this is by some example I have set. Your example to your little ones will be big in the years to come. Like your parents were and are to you. All the years we mom spend at home serving our families does pay off even when we don't think it does.
Erika
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Our families are our fist outreach! And what we do does need to be done as a family! This is one thing my parents drilled into me growing up. I think we all know of families where the parents are strong Christians but the children are in rebellion to God. I do know that a parent cannot change a child's heart, but it is also true that the children see what is really important to the parents.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, Crystal!
There are many "good" things to do for God or at least they seem that way. But, these can take away from God's best, His perfect will for us.
Doing things as a family is a great idea. Here are some ideas:
Make cards for unsaved family, nighbors and friends.
Sing for unsaved family, friends and neighbors.
To be able to sing well you must do this often as a family.
Make a meal/baked goods, blankets, clothing for someone who needs it in your neighborhood.
Go together to drop off items for crisis centers, missions or other charities.
Make sure your children know why we donate to the poor by teaching them about the Proverbs 31 woman.
She was so good with money that they were able to donate to the poor.
Follow the Holy Spirit at all times, you WILL HAVE OPPORTUNITIES to minister to people in your community.
These may be as simple as offering a verbal blessing to someone who has been mean to you or even giving extra to someone who has been mean to you.
When you do these things be sure to watch your children's expressions.
And pray that your example will take root in their hearts.
Amen! If we are abandoning - even for a short time - those things God has specifically spelled out for us to do (keeping our homes, loving our children, etc.) to do things He has not specifically called us to do (leading Bible studies, knocking on doors, etc.), it is not ministry! The body of Christ is made up of many members, and we cannot just decide that our parts are not important enough and drop them to do someone else's.
Families can minister effectively just by being families and practicing hospitality. And women, in many instances, can minister to those they come into contact with during everyday living - neighbors, cashiers at the grocery store, etc.
I have a grocery-shopping/couponing question (well, technically, two). Your ebook mentions you sitting down at the end of the week and going through the sale fliers online. Where do you find these, that they are available at the end of the week? The ones I have seen are not available until Sunday night; am I missing something? I'm also wondering (as I sort through the time factors) if you have high-speed internet access? Thanks!
Crystal,
The Lord has recently been convicting me of the same thing. I homeschool my three boys (7, 6 &4), babysit a 1 yr old 3 days a week, teach Sunday School, coordinate the Wed night children's program at our church, am a scout den leader, and ... the list seems to go on and on. I'm stressed, I'm no fun for my kids b/c I'm always maxed out.
So, my question is, how do I get out of these commitments? I've already been turning down new obligations. I feel like my ministry to my dh and kids is suffering, but I have committed to these things. Any suggestions?
Dana
Crystal,
Our pastor touched on this yesterday morning in the parenting class my husband and I are taking. He said that our home, our children are our mission field! He said each day we have an evangelistic opportunities. As a new mom, four years ago, I was involved in multiple Bible studies, on the women's ministry board (which involved a lot of dinners and various outreaches), as well as trying to maintain my home. It was overwhelming. My husband and I prayed about it and I resigned from my posts, reduced Bible study to one every other week and stayed home! It was wonderful. As my pastor said yesteray, even if you have a host of ministries but your children are out of control, your effectivness as a witness is gone. But raising children for the glory of God...what an amazing witness that is!
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, Crystal.
Just recently, the Lord reaffirmed these truths for me. Our church has started several new outreach programs in the last few months, and at first, I was disappointed that I couldn't be a part of them because of my schedule with two small children.
God worked in me to remind me that what I am doing, staying home to care for my boys, IS a ministry and not one to be overlooked or dreaded, but rather one in which I am to flourish and rejoice!! Maybe when my little ones are a little older, I'll be able to take them along with me the nursing home or to visit some needy family, but right now, at this stage in my life and theirs, that would only be counter-productive.
So, thank you for sharing your heart with us. It helps to know that I'm not the only young mother whose heart is focused on this homebound ministry that God has entrusted to me!
Dear Crystal,
I entirely agree that our families our first priority. I think the important thing to remember is that the people we will have the most influence and effect on are our children.
But that's not to say that the our families are more important than our church. But rather, we are raising our children to be godly men and women, to become part of the church. The godly family isn't an end of itself, but rather a means to an end, i.e. building up Christ's bride. (I've been listening to John Piper, and he talks about this in one of his sermons).
I do definitely think that there needs to be balance in this area. Like you talked about Crystal, you can minister with your children. This is very important, I think. They need to grow up "other" centered, not "us" centered.
And also, some could take your title "There is no greater work" to mean that those ministering as singles as missionaries, etc are somehow doing lesser work then parents. I don't think you meant that. :- ) I just wanted to clarify that it's true that as a mother I can do no greater work then raising my children well (which, to do well, should include serving others!). But a single can do "no greater work" then doing what God has called him/her to do. I think that was probably clear from you talking about ministering as a young woman. : -) I just wanted to make sure.
One last point, I think that it may be wise advice to not jump into a commitment that takes a mother a few hours away from your children every week. But it's not a biblical mandate and I do think that there is biblical liberty to do so, if one feels lead. I also think it's quite possible for God to lead individuals differently in gray areas like this.
Thanks for posting about this Crystal, I know that it is a bit of a touchy topic, and I appreciate your honest reply to MM.
This was such a wonderful response, Crystal. I agree with you whole-heartedly.
As several others have mentioned, I think there is a time and a season for being involved in particular ministry opportunities. A woman should never be made to feel she is not doing enough if she is fulfilling her most important calling as wife and mother at home. You are being and doing exactly what you should for God's glory.
Being an unmarried woman, I am in a season to be involved in more outside ministry. Especially with younger siblings who are all older and not so needy with their mother, I am able to be away from home often during the week. I think this holds true for unmarried women too. If they have a family situation where their mother needs extra help with household duties and such because of several younger children, they may be required to give up most outside ministry activities.
We don't have that situation in our home so I am pretty free to be involved in outside ministry. One of my greatest joys has been teaching in the children's program through BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). I love working with the 9-10 year olds and I feel like I glean so much from the program myself. I also am involved in encouraging young women in the same stage of life as myself. I have several dear Christian sisters I pray for regularly and meet with for lunch to discuss Scripture and exhort each other in the Lord. I have also had the opportunity to lead a few young people's choirs (young children and young ladies) through our local church assembly.
When I first started as a nurse I didn't think of it as a ministry (just a job), but after doing it for several years I see how it fits in to God's plan as part of the ministry he has for me at this time. It is such a struggle sometimes to maintain a positive, encouraging attitude around complaining, angry patients and family members but I have to remind myself that I am not there to be served but to serve others who are often in great pain, heartache, and troubling circumstances. My co-workers, as well, hopefully can sense that I am different from the world for a reason through striving to be like Christ. I have received several pointed questions or comments on numerous occasions in this regard.
I have also begun to think about what other things I can be doing with my time now. I realize I don't always use my time wisely or for eternal pursuits. It is something God has convicted me of lately.
In my opinion, being involved in a heavy load of ministry activities as a full-time wife and mother is not much different from trying to hold a full-time job and being a good wife and mother. One can "survive" living that way but not truly "thrive" by focusing intently on the most important purposes.
I have talked with several nursing co-workers who live this way and none of them seem to like it or think it is ideal.
Any woman who is considering undertaking a new ministry should prayerfully consider it before stepping in and should check with her authorities for guidance (parents, church elders, pastor, or husband).
Anyway, those are my verbose thoughts on the matter. :)
Thank you for posting your thoughtful response to this, Crystal. It was a blessing to read.
Wow, Crystal,
I am honored (and surprised) by your posting on my little comment from the other day. I think I would have put things a bit differently if I had anticipated this... and I would NEVER refer to you as (how did you put it?)- "hard nosed and uncaring..." :)
I don't want to be misunderstood. As I said in my comment, I honor your home-turned heart! I applaud all of you wonderful mothers who invest your time 100% in your families. You all feed the hungry and clothe the naked all day long in your little ones.. and that is a very Great Commission thing to do. I cannot wait for the day when God gives that opportunity to me as well.
I do appreciate hearing from some of you seasoned mothers about what sorts of reasonable acts of service are possible while you care for your families. Ours is such a needy world. Thanks!
I love all the comments and thoughts that went with them! I think there is balance in all things.
1. One thing we can all do is invite others into our homes - other families from church, from work, etc. This way no one is having to go out and leave their kids, etc.
2. Find ministries we can all do together - serving food, making and delivering home-made goods, baking cookies, cleaning a house, etc.
3. Occassionally after the kids are in bed or taking a nap I might take time to go get hair done, etc. I can also use this same time to do an act of service.
It is important that it not be viewed as ALL or NOTHING. There is a middle ground. We are instructed to see to the needs of our families first but this does not obliterate our responsibility to love our neighbors.
The best part? These two can go hand in hand!
I just think it is easy for we mothers to feel so overwhelmed that we can be wanting to grab onto any reason we can to avoid doing outside acts of service. Speaking of myself here!!! So, keeping that in mind, I have to look for the happy medium.
Writing letters, praying, baking extra food, etc - don't forget these are wonderful acts of service that dont require one to leave their family!
GOd bless everyone!
My husband is a pastor and we moved to our current church when our son was 10 days old. On his first birthday, well, shortly therafter, we were surprised with finding out we were pregnant again w/ number 2. We prayed when we purchased our home that we could bless others as we had been blessed in our lives. I lived with two families, once while living in WA state getting to know dh's family, prior to our marriage. And also while I was in grad. school, I was blessed to be able to live with a family from my home church. I learned so many wonderful things from both of these experiences.
Dh and I wanted to be able to use our home on purpose for ministry in a variety of ways. Little did we know what God had in store for us and our family.
Well, you know a way you can reach out is by opening your home up. How? My husband and I have had one Seminary student live with us both to practice hospitality, but to also help her save money and to be a living example of marriage to her as she comes from a divorced family. She stayed with us almost two years, married our youth pastor and is now part of our family and now doing the same for another Seminary student.
Then, this week a college student is moving into our basement bedroom.
The first student was in school most of the day and working a part-time job when not in class, so not really 'imposing' on my time with my family or husband. Yet, she was present a lot, even for the birth of my second child because by this time she was a sister to me, as we had really gotten that close. We had wonderful coffee chats before the kids got up in the mornings, or while they were napping and before she left for class. I got to teach her a few voice lessons, so as to keep my skills up in that area. And dh and I got to be there for her 'first date' with our now Youth Pastor; dh went all out with his questioning this young man about his intentions with 'our girl' too.
I expect our experience with our new student to be much the same. I teach her, as I work part-time about 12 hours a week at a local university, and have really grown to enjoy her presence in my class.
I am thankful that GOd has given us a home that we can open up to others. Dh and I were both blessed, prior to marriage, having this gift bestowed upon us by people in his home church or my home church.
We see this as a way to not only practice the ministry of hospitality, but also in teaching both of these women how to save money, how to cook, modeling marriage to them (Not a perfect one, but a marriage that is constantly seeking God through the good times, bad times, hard times and such), and woman-to-woman having wonderful conversations on life, love, marriage, family, etc.
I think if we look outside of the box, no matter your stance on biblibcal womanhood, we can find many ways to reach out. And what might surprise you is that you never have to leave your home.
Oh and can I say, not having family near us (each lives 1600+ miles away and my dh is a pastor) having the first young woman live with us was a blessing in many respects for me personally. What we thought we were doing for her, she returned 100 times over to us by blessing us with datenights, childcare, adult conversation, praying for us, our family, our marriage, our ministry at the church dh serves, etc. God truly works in wonderful ways.
Thanks for this post Crystal!
Just my two cents about my own situation...with five children under 10 and another on the way my time is limited for any ministry other than that to my husband, children, and home. I do however serve in our children's ministry at church by working one Sunday morning a month and attending the quarterly meetings. This means a little time committment by myself and my husband who has the kids during these times. This ministry is with his blessing. If it wasn't I wouldn't do it and if I "insisted" on it then I would be in sin for my unsubmissive heart toward him.
I have been involved at times with more church ministry but with the addition of children into our family and the added responsibility of homeschooling, I have weeded them out. Do I miss serving on the womens ministry team, planning events,etc? Yes I do...but more than anything I want to do well the FIRST priorities that God has called me to and I never want my husband to be resentful of my schedule.
My husband also leads a weekly Bible study in our home which includes families with children who all come together. Therefore we do have the opportunity to open our home and serve as a family. Everyone has to pitch in to get the house ready, etc.
I FULLY agree that we as the Body of Christ need to be encouraging young wives and mothers in the church to put home, husband, and children first but of course this doesn't mean that we should never cook a meal for someone or contribute to some ministry at church. We must be wise and prayerfully consider every opportunity and say no often during certain seasons of our lives.
One last thing...for me personally, I had much room for growth in my homemaking skills and disciplines at a time when I had more outside ministry going on and I can look back and see why God obviously stripped those things away. I wasn't being faithful in the "little things" but instead was jumping ahead to other ministry. Just thought that my situation might interest someone who needs to evaluate their own life.
Love to you Crystal and all you other sisters in Christ!
While I completely agree, too, that no one else is called to be my dh's wife, or my kids' mom, what about those children with no godly role models in their lives. I belive we are called to reach out to them as well. Not at the cost of our marriage and children of course, but we are all the church. The church is a body; we are part of that body. We should be reaching out, building up, training and teaching, encouraging and supporting in various ways. Ministering doesn't mean church programs, ministering should be a way of life for the Christian and I believe, sadly, that our formalized programs has gotten in the way of real ministry. Not all programs are bad, but not all progrmas are ministry at all. They just keep us busy.
Think of some of the great Pastors, missionaries, etc. past and present who were orphans or who grew up in less than ideal homes. What would have happened if we, as godly, Christian women never looked beyond our homes, never reached out, never sacrificed a bit of time to serve others? Think of the children who get dropped off at church by their parents, where will they find godly counsel and role models?
I think there is a fine line between serving one's family and closing ourselves off to others who are less fortunate than we are. And I am not talking material blessings like money or the latest toys and gadgets at all, but the nuclear family blessing, a mom and a dad, a home and food to eat.
Even an hour a week speaking into the lives of others, teaching a SS class, volunteering in a child's class, etc. I know for me as a piano/voice teacher, my piano bench has been a great ministry tool. Kids open up to me about things and ask me to pray for them. They come into my home and I pray they feel peace, experience love by me and my family (who is there while I teach, dh and kids), and see Jesus in me. No, this is not a church program, but it is most definitely a ministry in my life. As well, it takes up maybe 4 hours of my time each week as I only have 8 students. I truly consider what I do as part of my calling, part of reaching out to others, helping them develop talents God has given them (whether or not they believe in God or know the God story), helping them to feel better about themsevles b/c maybe they have been told all of their lives they are not good at anything, yet they find that they actually are good at something--music.
We definitely have to think outside of the box on this one. Yes it is most definitely about our family, but not all children are blessed with family, kwim? So, are they chopped liver? Do we not have a responsibility to care for them? Even if it is being the 'Kool-Aid' mom in your neighborhood or neck of the woods, serving cookies to them, opening up your home to play with your kids, teaching them values, just by living them out while they are in your home? I think we do. I think that is part of what being a light in this world is all about.
Crystal,
I admire your willingness to be thought ill of in order to do right. I do have two questions, though:
#1: I am also wondering what your husband's ideas on outside ministry are? How are things different for a father and husband?
#2: You mentioned that before you were married you were involved in lots of ministries. After you married, you stopped much of that so you could focus on home. Amen! My question is, was it hard to get used to less activities? I am in that "before" stage, and I am wondering if it will be a hard adjustment. I don't think it will be, for me personally, because I do most of my serving from home, but I was just wondering what it was like for you. Also, do you have any certain "ministries" that you would advise against begining, because they are hard to stop later? Does that question make sense?
I am a SAHM mom, as in I don't have any fixed hours for working away from home. But I am a ministry wife living in Mongolia. My kids, ages 5,3 and 1 1/2 are also learning firsthand what it means to reach out to the poor and needy as well as the church. They accompany my husband and me to meetings and sit on my lap and I counsel women on various subjects, mostly concerning abortion. My older 2 know what abortion is and know that it is wrong. (in Mongolia the average woman has had something like 13 abortions in her lifetime).
I don't leave my family for more than a day at a time to go and do ministry. Many times, like I said, they go with us.
I believe that we have struck a happy balance, although it was not that easy in the beginning. The lessons my kids have learned at such a young age are invaluable. They've been exposed to the needs of others and have even been known to give the clothes off their back and the toys they're playing with.
I know that my place is in the home with my husband and children. I also homeschool and view these ministry opportunities as little field trips where my kids learn and we all work together as a family.
To Mrs Jo,
I would carefully search Scripture about utilizing a nursery at all. Children belong in church with their parents. They can be taught to sit for church. That is another topic, but it can be done. Think about Jesus' example taking children and blessing them. If they were not in plain sight of Jesus they would not have been used as an example. Nursery is a new invention, it is not Scriptural.
To the original post:
A careful study of Titus 2 shows that there are seasons in a woman's life. If she does not do what she is supposed to do while her children are younger she will have no ministry when she is older.
Many of us who did not come from a Christian home have looked and looked for Titus 2 older women. There are not many around in the average church. Most of them spent their days in careers or "ministries," so they are not qualified to teach the younger women.
Act like a Christian, dress like a Christian, train your children like Christians and you will surely have many, many people wanting to know why you do what you do.
You can also hand out tracts at the grocery store, in mail correspondence, through letters and even to telemarketers.
Remember the apostles were men, if God wanted women to church plant he would have had some Mary's and Marthas as part of the 12.
He did use these women for His Glory, but in a different way than He used Pater and Paul. God's way is the right way. Get in your place, find out what God requires of women.
The Scriptures directed at women are plentiful in the New Testament.
This was such a refreshing post. I often feel pressure to reach out to other people while leaving my kids behind, and that never feels right to me.
Great post and I agree with you, Crystal. I loved how you expressed what I am often feeling when everyone around me is pressuring me to do more and be more--as if being a mommy to two small children and running my home isn't enough and a ministry in itself! I liked how you titled the post "there is no greater work". It's so true...there is NOTHING that surpasses this high calling. It is EQUALLY as valid as being an overseas missionary, for example. Being a full time stay at home mother may not seem glamorous or like it's really making a difference all the time, but it truly is.
Hurray!!
I agree: inviting others into our homes is often a very great way to minister (both within our family and without to others). I have 3 kids 4 and under and another on the way, and this is by far the best way I can be effective.
I,personally, would like to hear on this topic from more pastors' wives. I for one know that me NOT being involved in church is not an option. I don't have the 2 for 1 mentality, but even still in the last year I have cut way back in how much I am involved in church for this very reason (wanting to be with my family more and not stressed out). Yet, I know there are people who 'think' I should be more involved b/c of my husband's role in the church. Yet, who stays with our kids as don't have family here to help with them, or resources to pay for childcare so I can attend every event people 'thnk' I should attend? Not to mention, I believe that kids need routine, not being out until 10pm one night 8 pm the other and so forth.
I think for church members this post is very different than those of us in vocational ministry. Sometimes we (and our families) don't have an option in this matter. My dh and I have set boundaries and sometimes we are not respected for such decisions by people in leadership or church members.
I think it is a balance, definitely, but again, some of us don't have an option and our hearts tug us one way, but 'duty' calls in other areas of our lives, too.
I would just like to hear more from ladies who have dh's who are pastors on this topic. I think their perspective would be very different as we, oftentimes, don't have the option of saying NO. And when we do, oftentimes, meetings are had b/c the 'pastor's wife isn't involved' and it reflects poorly on him in his role.
Thoughts?
This post really struck a chord with me. My husband and I left our church because of the intense pressures to dump our children into the nursery, kiddie programs, or else hire a babysitter so we could "really minister" and get involved in tons of outside committments. It got to the point where we felt like we couldn't even worship as a family because the minute a baby made a peep you were expected to whisk it off to the nursery. While I do think it's fine to teach children to sit through church gradually, I think it's totally unrealisitc to expect babies and toddlers to sit totally still like little robots. I'm sure that in the early churches, all the children stayed with their parents and mothers probably even discreetly nursed right in the midst of the service. :) Where did this idea come from that everyone needs to seperated into their little areas? The family is pulled apart in the world, shouldn't it be the opposite in a church setting? If you spend the whole service time trying to keep the children silenced and are up and down with the baby lest anyone be distracted from the special music presentation, where is the joy of worship in that?
We are yet to find a truly family friendly church so far and are currently worshiping in our home. We get our fellowship with other Christians by practicing hospitality. It works well for us at this season of life. My husband is the head of our home--not a pastor.
Like Crystal said, my main ministry right now is in the home. There are lots of little ways to spread Christ's love even still by writing encouragement notes, making a meal for a family that has a new baby, bringing welcome baskets to new neighbors, etc.
My husband works 60 hours a week, so right now his main ministry is in his work place to the people he is around every day, mostly by trying to lead by example. We also like to invite his co-workers (especially the single guys) over for meals now and then. They really enjoy a home cooked meal! :)
Re: Jada
It doesn't seem like many are saying to care for their own families and not reach out. But I have even seen those who minister "unofficially" in their own homes end up inadvertently placing their own family members in somewhat of a second place as they pursue their service to others. There is such a thing as being so busy in the home with others that the family feels like it is not a priority. I know this firsthand, and to my shame have done it. I think it is taught in some cases and implied in many cases at seminary. You know, be the perfect pastor's wife and all that. I am friends of many pw's and happen to be one myself, and one of the hardest things I've had to learn is to say no to some fantastic things. This isn't to say I turn away children from my door, or refuse to answer my phone, or to show kindness wherever I go, but my point is that many of us don't realize when we are giving our best only to others for years that it can in fact hurt our children in the sense that they may perceive us as always caring for others. They can and often do feel that if they themselves are not in crisis, they really cannot expect us to give them our full attention and delight. This is the god of ministry in action, and it is subtle yet destructive.
The bottom line in all of this is being sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and realizing He doesn't call everyone to serve in the same ways.
Yes, home can become an idol of sorts for some people, but so can ministry even in our own homes. That's why we must cling to the Word and walk in the Spirit, knowing what it is we're called to for each season of our lives, and not be pressured by what others think we should be doing in order to be effective for the Lord.
Melanie!
Your amazing comment has completely inspired me. What an amazing testimony- I look forward to keeping up with your blog in the future. Thank you for all that you are doing.
I don't think we can say that church nurseries are not scriptural! I realize that in the Bible times women did not have nurseries, and the family worshipped together, but if you want to follow through with this philosophy , then do not meet in buildings, since the early church met in homes, or outside! If you attend a church and the pastor wants you to put your child in the nursery, and you do not feel comfortable doing that, go elsewhere with more like minded people! Remember that the church is made up of people with different views and be careful not to criticize those who do not agree on such things. It can become a legalism, versus personal opinion. You can become prideful. I wholeheartedly agree that a mother's first priority is her home and children, however I also wholeheartedly believe the Bible teaches we are ALL to use our spiritual gifts to edify the local church. We need every part of the body to help the church function the way it is supposed to. I am opposed to mother's feeling they have to be at every meeting, on every committee, etc. But the church, YOUR church needs everyone to participate in using the gift God has given you. I am not talking about your children, I am talking about your spiritual gift. Children are a gift from the Lord, and need to be a the priority along with the home and of course the husband! Look for creative ways to serve your church. God can stretch your time. I see pride and self righteousness coming from this discussion. Leave your current church is you are not fitting in like you think you should be, but don't just stay home and forsake the fellowship, meaning not going to church, to win your own personal battle.
I would like to post a reply to "anonymous" who wanted to hear this discussed from a vocational ministry point of view. Let me just say, I am wrestling with the same issues because I am a mother of a two year old and a one year old and my husband is a pastor. Ministry "outside the home" for me is something that fits under the "helpmeet to my husband" category. Our ministry is very small right now, and we do not have a lot of help. I do have to budget time to prepare for children's classes and baby showers. We also do visiting after 7:00 p.m. once a week when a trusted friend comes and sits for us while the kids are in bed. We also have a family who is very close to us and who will watch our children if we truly run into an emergency situation, but there is rarely an emergency situation that calls for the both of us. We also do quick car visits... that's where we take an evening and my husband visits people he hasn't seen in church. These visits are usually a knock on the door, a hello, and a handshake. I'll wave from the car, while we sit there playing children's tapes and singing. My husband could do that alone, but I like being there to be his companion whenever I can. We are a team. He can't just go to the side of a woman who just learned she has to have a C-section and needs some comfort and support. That's when he stays with the kids, and I go out. Being in vocational ministry allows for that kind of flexibility. I also have no problem taking a college girl out for coffee after the kids are in bed and he's relaxing and watching the news. As a pastor's wife, I have to remember that I am not the women's pastor... I'm the pastor's WIFE. Keep on keeping on!
Leah
I agree whole heartedly... there are so many things we could be filling our time with (and often do) that are taking us away from the ministry God is asking us to do at home with our children! I have posted on a similar topic (Ministering Together with Your Husband) on my blog at http://babychaser.blogspot.com/2007/11/ministering-together-with-your-husband.html.
I'd love any input from all of you!
This is a great post, Crystal, that raises so many other questions and topics for discussion. But I'll keep my comment to the discussion at hand. :-)
I believe that there is nothing inherently "wrong" with a woman serving God outside her home, as long as she is not neglecting her own family.
The same goes for men. God is not pleased if a man neglects his own family!!
While I am not a great Bible scholar, I do believe that God gives each of us, both men and women, gifts. These gifts can pretty much be grouped into three categories -- Time, Talents and Treasures.
And His desire is that we use one or more of these gifts to minister to others, no matter where and how we do this. There is nothing in the Bible that says ministry can only take place within the four walls of the church! It is my belief that the greatest ministry to the world happens outside the church.
Here is how I like to think of it as:
TIME -- I think we all agree here that moms with young children do not have all the TIME in the world to minister oustide the home. But as Crystal mentioned, she uses her TIME to pray throught the day. I