Q&A: Children's sleeping arrangements
I am having my second child in a few months. When he or she is born, my older child will be twenty months old. I am curious what your sleeping arrangements are for your girls. Do they share a room? If so, did that take some adjustment on Kathrynne's part when Kaitlynn moved in? Do you have any advice for getting two young children to take one nap a day at the same time? - MelissaIn answer your first question: We sort of have "evolving" sleeping arrangements right now. We had Kaitlynn in our room and Kathrynne in her own room but Kaitlynn was having trouble sleeping in our room, especially during naptimes, since Kathrynne or I would inadvertently need to retrieve something out of that room. She's a rather light sleeper and any noise or movement usually wakes her up. So, we now moved Kaitlynn's bed into Jesse's office and she's been sleeping in there. It's probably a temporary set-up, but it is working well right now.
We have the luxury of having space to put them in separate rooms, so I've not even tried having them in the same room. Knowing the way that they both sleep, I'm guessing neither one would sleep very well. We eventually plan to move them into the same room, but that will likely not be for another six months to a year.
To answer your second question: Yes, both girls do take naps at the same time in the afternoon. Having this time of quiet in the afternoon where I can accomplish some focused projects or rest myself has been a real blessing to me.
I'm not an experienced mom, but I think the greatest help in accomplishing dual naptimes/quiet times was the result of instilling this in Kathrynne before Kaitlynn was born. Every afternoon, for two hours, I put her in her play yard, gave her a few toys and books, and told her to rest. Most of the time, she would go to sleep, but if not, she'd stay in her bed and play quietly with toys or read.
After Kaitlynn was born, I started putting them both down at the same time in the afternoon. I make sure that their needs are taken care of and then just put them down and tell them quietly it's naptime. With a little bit of training, they both sleep for at least 2 hours every afternoon.
By the way, I first heard of the idea of two-hour afternoon quiet time from Jennie Chancey. I highly recommend you read her great advice and counsel on this and other practical mothering questions here.
Those are just a few of my thoughts and what has worked for us. I'd love to hear from other moms on this: What are the sleeping arrangements for the littles at your house like? Do you have any advice for getting children to nap at the same time?
graphic from art.com
Labels: Mothering
posted by Crystal Paine at 9:13 PM
36 Comments:
We have 3 girls and 3 boys. Our children have never slept alone. I always keep the youngest in our room till a little before the new baby is born. They then move to a bed with their siblings. I have 3 boys in one room and two girls in the other. Our youngest still sleeps in our room till our next baby is born in July. We will start moving her to her sisters room a few weeks before baby is born. I tend to put napping kids in our room so the other children still have access to their rooms during nap-time. I find they sleep better at night(and warmer) when they are together. Probably because they are not used to sleeping alone.
Blessings, Natalie.
Our two, a boy and a girl, are three years apart and share a room. The new baby will eventually join them too, after a few months in our room. We established a solid sleeping arrangement with our eldest after reading Growing Kids Gods Way by Gary Ezzo. When our daughter was born we slowly incorporated their schedules to both have the same afternoon nap time. However, they don't nap in the same rooms! Our son sleeps in our bed at nap time so if he wakes up earlier than his sister he won't wake her up too.
I personally find that 2 hours is an awfully long time for a small child to occupy themselves fruitfully if not sleeping. :) I don't think I could do that to my kids. My kids wind up when they are tired, not down, so "quiet time" is more like 1/2 an hour. Of course, they themselves take little quiet times throughout the day, where they are quietly looking at books or playing, or relaxing together. :)
I'm also a big believer in co-sleeping, but not to the same extent that most people are. Our kids both were out of our bedroom at two, and go down perfectly fine and sleep wonderfully. My younger child actually preferred to sleep in her own space, so she slept in a crib next to our bed until then. Sometimes the girls will cuddle together as they go to sleep, but often, right before the moment of sleep, my younger one will climb out of big sister's bed and into her own. It's cute. :)
My 4 year old and 2 year old share bunk beds in one room. Our 14 month old sleeps in a crib in his own room... because he's the noisiest sleeper on the planet and has been since the day he was born.
At 2p, everyone in our house goes to bed for quiet time. Usually the little ones fall asleep while 4 year old listens to tapes in his tape player in his bed. I make these tapes by reading his favorite stories and then he's got his books on tape. We also use books on tape from the library. Even if he doesn't sleep, he still gets a time of quiet and resting.
My boys sleep best together, they have slept together from the time they were about 2 and 4, I guess. Before that they slept in teh crib next to my bed or with me.
I have found that it is best from a young age to teach your child to sleep through some noise, I did so well with it that my youngest can sleep in the loudest household soundly. I started by playing some soft music while they were napping. Eventually they get used to having noise while sleeping and then i did not have to struggle with being so quiet they might wake up as we have a small house and it is hard to keep everything quiet the more children you have.
i grew up sleeping with my siblings until I was about 9, I think was the first time I had my own bed, I still was above my sister in a bunk bed. I think it is good as all the rest of their life if they marry, they will have to share. Might as well get used to it now!
Oh, we usually do a quiet time too, but it is more like 45 min. to 1 hour of quiet activities, like Art, reading, coloring, listening to stories. Mostly because I cannot lay around for longer than that either!
What worked for our family of five is that my newest baby co-slept with my husband and I for the first few months. When she was comfortable sleeping in a crib by herself she moved into a crib in my middle child's room (she's 5). When it was time for nap time she would go down until she woke up which would be anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours. My girls have never had any problems sleeping at night so if they want to take long naps my husband and I let them. My other children need to be quiet and play board games, puzzles or crafts anywhere in the house except for the baby's bedroom and hallway outside the baby's bedroom or they can play in the backyard. If my middle child seems tired she needs to take a nap time/rest time too.
I read through the page from Jennie Chancey that you gave us a link to and boy, oh, boy did I receive a lot from that!!! Thanks! :)
Thanks for posting my question, Crystal. I appreciate your insight and Jennie Chancey's, as well as that of your readers who have commented on this post.
Our two girls are 19 months apart and have shared a room since the youngest was about 4 months (she's now 8 months) I was worried at how this was going to work since the older one seemed to be such a light sleeper, but I can't believe how quickly she's adjusted. It only took a week or so and she wasn't waking up when the baby cried or if she did wake up, she went right back to sleep. They both nap in the same room too but I stagger the time I lay them down by about 15 minutes. Usually the baby goes to bed first and then the older one because if the baby is in bed first and asleep then the older one can either sleep or quietly look at books. If they are both awake at nap time then I hear lots of laughing and talking but no sleeping. This has worked well so far. Also my son (4 years) has "rest time" for about 45 min in the afternoon when he lies in bed and listens to a tape followed by "room time" when he is allowed to get up but has to quietly play in his room.
I'm learning a lot just reading the other comments. My girls, ages 2 and 3 1/2, nap at the same time every afternoon. I read to them both while rocking them, and then my big girl will lie down in her bed. I still rock my little girl to sleep. I want to get away from this so she will go to sleep on her own (she does at night), but I don't know how to do it because I know that with both of them awake in the same room, they will talk to each other and not sleep. Any suggestions for this?
My kids are 6 (girl), 5,2, and 10 months (boys)... Eldest is by herself in her room, now. And boys 5 and 2 together. Baby is still in our room. Probably will keep him there until we have another baby or whatever.
When we had two they each had thier own room. My babies usually sleep in my room until close to a year anyway. When DC #2 was a baby he slept in hubby's computer room for awhile. Then hubby moved out and #2 moved in. #3 moved into #2's room around a year. Then I moved #2 in with #1 for awhile. #1 needed an attitude check. :) And now that phase is over. WE have boys room and girls room and are blessed abundantly to have a play room! I think that as the clan grows larger that we will adopt the first poster (Natalie's) arrangement. :) Baby in our room till there's another baby. :)
Oh and we have two cribs. ONe in boys room and one in ours. I like to keep my toddlers in cribs for as long as possible.
HTH.
We have 2 boys, 2 girls and they have always shared rooms. Starting with the first, I would occasionally make it a point to do things like vacuum during naptime. Or, on nice days, leave her window open during naptime so that a little noise still came through. And so we have always been considerate of the sleeping, but not having to stop all activities in order for someone to sleep. They learn to sleep through it after a while. Now, they will all sleep through the baby crying, etc. It was hard to get through at the time but it has paid off for us.
As for naptimes, I would have each child that was napping go into a separate room...that way I could be assured the rest time myself.
People always say that as mothers we have to pick our battles, and I have to say that sleep is one battle that I definitely pick! I am the sort of person who really needs my sleep, and I am also the world's lightest sleeper(motherhood has made this worse). I am not a very nice person, and I get sick a lot when I have interrupted sleep night after night (yes, the newborn stages were tough). I decided early on that a good nights' rest and a decent afternoon quiet/rest time were going to be founding principles of our family! :) My motto for sleep/sleep arrangements is "Do whatever works best to get the most sleep possible". Don't do what works for you neighbor, or what works in the warm, fuzzy book you're reading--do what works for you!
That said, here are a few things that worked for me and may work for someone else:
1) If at all possible, do not put two very small children (three and under) to sleep in the same room. They wake each other up--bedtime or naptime--and you never know what the two-year-old may be feeding the baby throught the bars of the crib while you're trying to get some shut-eye.
2) Be extremely consistent and DO NOT negotiate anything at bedtime (i.e., no yelling, wheedling, pleading, just DO it). After awhile, your children will think that it is a law of the universe that dinner leads to bath, which leads to stories which leads to bed. The same goes for naptime. This of course means that YOU have to be in some sort of routine, too. But oh, the restful results if you can manage it!
3) If anyone DOES wake up at night, try to distiguish between a recreational cry and a true distress cry (hint: if it is recreational, they will do it night after night at the same time). If it is recreational, take longer and longer to go to the child and when you do, be AS BORING AS POSSIBLE. Send the message: "Mom is off-duty just now and you have to deal with the robot if you choose to wake up at horrible hours"
These things have worked for me and helped to keep us all a little more rested and happy--both my girls AND me... Phebe
We have tried a variety of things based on the space we have available. Our babies always start out in bassinets next to our bed for convenience of nursing and being close to them. Sometimes they ended up in our bed due to the ease of nursing that way but this didn't last long as they became bed-hogs. We found that our daughter slept all the way through the night when we moved her to her own bedroom at 8 months. With our son, we tried a variety of things since we only had our room and our daughter's room and we didn't trust putting a tiny infant in with her when he woke frequently in the night and she was still little enough to be able to hurt him (throwing toys in the crib for baby, etc.) We tried a Pack n Play in the living room but it didn't seem to help him sleep through the night so he was back in our room. At about one year old we had had ENOUGH of nighttime comfort feedings and so we moved our daughter's toddler bed into our room and put him in his crib in his own room and he did marvelously at sleeping through the night. Our daughter is a sound sleeper so she did fine next to us in her own bed. Just recently we moved her bed back into the kid room and have been putting them to bed together. At night they are so tired they konk out without a lot of giggling and playing. It's very dark in there too. But forget about naptimes! She robs him of his sleep if I put them together so at naps he goes in the kid room and she takes a nap on my bed. When the next baby comes, we're hoping to be moved into a much bigger place!
We've always coslept with our children. DS was breastfed for 18 months. He slept with me for another few months until about a month before his sister was born and then he slept in a crib beside my bed. Now he's in his own bed in his own room.
DD is 15 months old and still breastfeeding. She sleeps with me in my husband's and my bed.
DH works nights, BTW, so he's only in bed with us two nights a week. It still works great though.
Cosleeping has provided all of us with more sleep and better sleep, especially through breastfeeding. When the kids would wake up, I'd just roll over, latch them on, and go right back to sleep. When DD weans, she'll probably sleep with me until she's old enough for a toddler bed. That has more to do with the fact that we live in a two bedroom house and there isn't room for a crib, but I see no reason to move her if we are all sleeping well.
As for naps, well, DS has basically dropped his. He's only three, but he doesn't seem to need it. If he fusses, he goes down. If he's cheerful, he stays up and goes to bed early without a fuss. DD usually takes a nap in the Ergo on my back. She loves it there and sleeps longer and better then if she was in our bed alone. I work part time, so she also takes a nap with my husband who watches the kids while I'm away.
We don't cry it out. We don't sleep train or blanket train. We believe that God has instilled in our children natural cues and physical rhythms that tell them and us when they need something. That includes needing to fill those tiny tummies with mama's quickly digested milk every few hours, even during the middle of the night. Active sleep (the frequent sleep/wake cycles of newborns and infants) protects babies from SIDS as most SIDS babies pass away during the deepest level of sleep (where most of us adults get the best rest).
I think the bottom line is that you should sleep your children where everyone gets the most rest, them AND you! Please don't feel pressure to sleep your baby in a crib because that's the way its "always been done". Do what works for YOUR family. Contrary to what many Christian "experts" might say, God doesn't have much, if anything at all to say about where your baby sleeps. If your baby sleeps better in a crib, sleep him in a crib. If he sleeps better with you, sleep him with you. If he sleeps well, you'll sleep well. I think everyone here can agree on that.
Dr. William Sears, a Christian physician and father of eight, has some great advice in his website about infant sleep. I highly recommend his website www.askdrsears.com
I thoroughly recommend all mums to instigate this nap time with each child up to whatever age you can.
When I had my third he was a terrible sleeper at night and so because my 4 year old and my 2 year old were still napping during the day I could normally sleep for at least 1-2 hours during that period.
If it hadn't been for that rest I think really couldn't have coped.
when they get older it's great just to have some time to yourself and now that my eldest who is 7 doesn't sleep it's great to have some time with him on my own as it seems like very many years since there was just him and I.
Our little boy was 16 months old when our daughter was born in August. Now 20 months and 4 months, they share a room. We purchased a Crib Tent II to keep our active little toddler from climbing in the crib with the baby. So far the arrangement has worked out great!
For His Glory, Catherine
amy @ hope is in the word:
I would keep rocking her as long as she wants you to. That is precious bonding time. I know it may seem hard to fit that in, we all have so much to do. But you will always have a house to clean and chores to do but not always have a little one to rock. My youngest is 6 and I rock him every morning when he wakes up, we cuddle and talk. I love it. And I will do it until his feet drag on the floor :)
My girls share a room, and my son sleeps on an air mattress on the floor in our room, even though he does have his own bed. Sometimes he will go in with his sisters. He is afraid to sleep in his own room, and my husband and I don't want him to be afraid so this is what we have worked out. No matter what sleeping arrangements we have ever made, our kids always seem to end up with us or each other! And anytime my kids have a dream or anything we have an open door policy and they can climb in with us. Doesn't happen often though!
We have three girls that sleep in the same room. For nap time, our oldest (4) goes in mommy and daddy's room and plays with certain toys that are only for rest time or reads books. The other two (23 months and 8 months) go down for nap at the same time and sleep for 2-3 hours. I have found that once you get your routine settled and consistent, they will settle into it. The key is ME being consistent and putting them down at the same time every day, no negotiations (for the most parts ... sometimes we are away from home at nap time, but that is rare, and we just go straight to bed for naps if we do get home a little later).
Amy (from comment above):
Here are a few of my thoughts about your dilemna.
First, your younger daughter is probably not going to give up rocking without a fight, so you may want to separate the two girls if at all possible for awhile. Maybe the older one could sleep in your room or even in the living room or something? Get her a special beanbag or sleeping bag for her "napping place" (I personally don't advocate letting the kids nap in your bed, at least when they're little. They start liking it too much and I've had trouble with them starting to come into my bed every night. It's SO miserable for everyone to break a bad habit than to not make one in the first place. "BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO CONTINUE" is one of my favorite quotes)
You might start by explaining that you're going to rock for say, 15 min, then she will have to go to bed, then do it (maybe set a timer?). Settle her in bed with a routine that never changes. For my two year old, I say a rhyme, two kisses, and then a CD of lullabies. She will probably cry for awhile (hence the reason for moving the other child), and whatever you do, DO NOT go back in to rock her. That will send a very clear message: "If I cry for exactly 5 min, mom will come in and rock me" I don't know if I could do this with an infant, but at 2 1/2, she probably understands exactly what's going on.
After some time, she WILL get used to the fact that this is what happens when you take a nap. After a bit, maybe you could read her a story while rocking, then stop rocking and just read the story, then read the story in her bed.
After making a lot of mistakes in the "sleeping department" with my oldest, I have found that consistency and SLOWLY weaning from bad habits is the best way to go for me. Hope some of this helps... Phebe
We have our children share rooms. But we move babies around wherever is best for the baby and family (in bed with us, in a cradle, a playpen, their crib ... ) eventually you discover what works. And we combine the children who seem to work best together. I have found that most children will sleep well together at night ... but naps together is almost impossible! So, we split them up for naps.
That being said ... there is not really such a thing as quiet time in our house anymore. I am not saying that I'm not the mom and in charge. I'm saying that because my two oldest are getting older ... things change. There is school going on in some afternoons, errands, activities. I dreaded that this would happen to me (because I loved my quiet afternoons when my children were little) and have realized that you grow into it and it's not so bad. Eventually, your children require that you have to go out at times or school them, or push naps around a little. Or your most challenging child will give up a nap early (and, yes, I know a lot of people say with authority that 3yo always need a nap no matter what --- I just wink and think that I guess God didn't give them my child to raise). So, you have to guide and manage your home. But these children are little people who live with you and I'm realizing more and more (as I watch my four sisters-in-law with their older and wonderful children) just how to live with the people in my family.
There are times when I think children are treated like they are just little automatons or Oompa Loompa's and are managed and controlled and aren't allowed to be "them." And I don't mean fits and brats. I mean their personalities, sleep needs, desires to talk to us at night, .... (We have no problem requiring our children to obey us ... but I'm also understanding that sometimes my desire to put them to bed and have them stay in bed isn't because I am such a good parent or because it's necessary - it's because I want to be lazy and clock out). I think some people don't give moms credit for being able to know and understand their children and so they give them some kind of program they have to follow, instead of wise guidelines.
So whatever people tell you ... take it to Jesus and your husband and remember that God gave you the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom for the job He gave YOU ... He didn't give the job of raising your children to someone who wrote a book. That doesn't mean not to read books and such. Go ahead and read books, remembering to get good ideas and to filter everything through the Bible and the Holy Spirit. Don't jump on someone's bandwagon because they have "the right way to do it."
And don't fall prey to thinking that at the park someone is thinking, "They must not be growing kids God's way" because you handled xyz with your children in what they consider the wrong way. Or "They must not be attachment parents and they will have messed up children." Or whatever. Every parent is unique and every child is unique ... so every family will be unique. If someone is thinking those things ... well, they really won't make that great of a friend anyway and have a lot of humility to learn. So be patient with them, glean ideas from them ... but then walk on, parenting YOUR children because YOU are their parent. And not in pride ... because you might change your mind in three years. We are all in process and we just have cling to Jesus and listen to wise counsel and discern what is right for our children and family.
My sweet Bible study leader, who raised four children long ago, told me once that she thinks my 3 year old is just like Saul/Paul was as a little boy. It made me look at my little turkey in a whole new way. He requires completely different parenting than my oldest boys did/do. And it's fun. It's so fun to discover your children and their varying personalities. Enjoy them.
I just wanted to say thank you for the link to Jennie Chancey's organisation hints. I don't think you have to be part of a big family to make good use of them!
I have 3 children and they have always shared a room from day one because there was no other option. For the first few months the baby would be put to bed in the crib and when they needed feeding through the night would be moved to our bed and usually stay there.
However, I think you make your kids what they are. Yes, at first it will be an adjustment to have a new baby in the room... but that's what babies do to families... they join them and we all have to learn to live with them. I found that actually it was only one or two nights that the toddler(s) took to get used to the noises and then it wasn't a problem, they slept through. So, just as some of you teach your kids to have a 2 hour quiet time every day, you can teach them to get used to each other and noises. Since my first child (on recommendation from my mother), I let my baby sleep in the living room during certain times of the day in a bassinette and I would play music or vacuum, and she just got used to noise. She is a very sound sleeper - this also helped her in adjusting to a sibling.
Thank you to everyone's comments so far. I want to encourage all of you to keep your comments focused on building others up and sharing what has worked for *you.*
What works in our situation or your situation, might not work for someone else. But we can all learn and glean from each other.
Just a friendly reminder as we seek to encourage and build each other up. :)
I have four girls under the age of five. Like Crystal, our sleeping arrangements are ever evolving! However, for nighttime sleep, we have always trained our girls to fall asleep in their own bed. We currently have the three older girls in one large bedroom. The four and five year old share a bed, and the 2 year old is still in her crib! Our 8 month old has a nursery to herself that is just off of our bedroom. She still wakes up pretty early in the morning to nurse, so this keeps her from disturbing the others rest. I love to have all of my girls down for a nap/rest at the same time in the afternoon. This is the ONLY way I can accomplish anything! Our 2 year old and 8 month old sleep in their cribs and go down at 1pm every afternoon. Our 4 and 5 year old lay down on separate chairs in our living room. Their rest is not quite as long as the others, but it is a good 1 to 1 1/2 hours every day. This helps me so much, and helps them make it through the day with "happy hearts"!
My two girls share a room and it is a disaster!!! I am fighting a loosing battle, and I won't even begin to think about the outcome of the war!
I live in a 2BR so we have to make do. My six year old will not sleep in the expensive and beautiful white heavy iron beds purchased by grannie and pa-pa and they both have sealy pillow -top mattresses. (My kids sleep better than i do!) she just craves that warm body next to her so either she will get up in the middle of the night and come into my room, or she will get in the bed with big sis, who being the total opposite does not play when it comes to her sleep! So I tried pushing them together to make one huge bed- Still no help she manages to crawl under big sis!
I constantly hear mom can erin just please sleep in her bed??? all the while i am holding my ribs saying tonight will be the night!!!
I am trying to break this habit beacause when i do get married, my bedroom will be so off limits:)
If anyone can help me on how to get her to sleep in her own bed I will be eternally greatfull and will probably get the feeling back in my rib cage! :)
Our DD is 18 and DS 2 months old. DD co-slept with us in our bed until DS was born. Now she sleeps in a crib next to our bed and DS sleeps with us. We will consider transforming our computer room into kids' bedroom when they start to ask for own room. Most of the time in human history, also in Biblical times, kids have co-slept with parents.
Thank you for writing on this subject. I'm currently trying to get my 5-month old in a better sleeping pattern (see my blog: http://handprintsonthewall.wordpress.com/
I'm hoping the change in his schedule works!
I have an 11-month old baby who takes 2 naps a day. One a 9am and one at 1:30pm. She is a light sleeper so I have difficulty getting noisy things done during her naptimes. Her bedroom is close to the kitchen so cooking and dishes she can hear. Crystal, you mentioned you have a light sleeper as well, how do you manage getting things done that require some noise to accomplish?
Thank you so much for the link to Jennie Chancey's article! It's wonderful!! We have 4 children (ages 3, 2 ,19mo, 5mo) in a small 3 bedroom house. So we have a master, a nursery, and a "big kids" room. My three oldest (boy and two girls) all share a room with the girls in a crib and toddler bed and the boy on a mattress on the floor. We go with this arrangement for nighttime and naps (usually 3hrs each afternoon) and it's working well for us. They know that when they're in bed they are to be quiet and not talk and mess around. Of course they don't always follow the rules perfectly, but we're working on it!
We have 2 little girls, Amy and Emily- ages 4 yrs and 18 mos- and are expecting a baby (boy) this spring. Right now we have only 2 bedrooms (although we are planning to add on to our home very soon) and so the girs have shared a room ever since Emily "graduated" from our bedroom. To be honest, it has been a challenge, since neither of them are the best of sleepers. They do take naps at the same time- I made it a point to train Emily when she was an infant to rest at the same time Amy took her afternoon nap and it eventually became a habit.
I like the thought of a 2 hour "quiet time" in the afternoon. Both girls sleep an hour every afternoon but they are up like clock work once that 60 minutes is up! Another hour of quiet time would be great (for mama!).
SinglemomforGod:
Hi! This is my THIRD comment on here, but I just had to tell you I will be praying for you! I struggled SO much with sleeping arrangements with my oldest daughter. It really DOES wear you down after a while, doesn't it? Co-sleeping works so well for some folks, and I sincerely wish I was one of them (my mom slept with each of us 9 kids when we were babies), but it truly does not work for everyone. As several have noted already, you have to do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. If you are frusterated with the situation, then it's time to figure out how to change it...
When my oldest DD was a baby, she slept quite well in her own crib, until we moved to a new house and I let her sleep in my bed "until she got used to her new room". Well, A YEAR LATER she was still sleeping in my bed and my husband had started sleeping on the couch--I knew I had to do something! I like to change things SLOWLY, so I started by putting her bed NEXT to mine and giving her a small prize for falling asleep in her own bed and staying there all night. We also had a bedtime routine we did every night. After a few nights of success with this, I moved her bed to the door of my room, then a few nights later (don't laugh) I moved her bed into the hall, then into her room where she could see me, then into the corner where I wanted her bed to be. IT WORKED!! A couple of nights, she would come and get into bed with me in the middle of the night, but I would take her back to her bed without saying anything (no attention in the middle of the night), and eventually she stopped. If she had a nightmare, we would pray, say Psalm 121 together, chat about something else (to take her mind off of it) and back to bed she would go.
My husband was reinstalled in his own bedroom and our marriage was much better for it!
Could you possibly set up some sort of reward system for your daughter to get her to stay in her bed? This would help to keep bedtime positive. It depends on the kid, but sometimes rewards can go a long ways. My oldest DD is 6 yrs old now, and she understands things like that pretty well. If she wants warmth, maybe an electric blanket or big warm rice bag? Some headphones with soothing music or book on tape? I'm a light sleeper myself, and have used all of those things at one time or another. Maybe talk to her about the problem and let her help you come up with solutions?
You're in my prayers...
Phebe
I have two big kids (girls 19 and 15) who share a bedroom. My youngest, who is 2, has a big girl bed in the big girls' room but she still sleeps with us many nights. We're in the transition phase. My son, barely 4, sleeps in his own room in his own bed. He rarely naps now but my little one does and I usually put her in my bedroom for naps so the older girls can get into their rooms.
Our boys are close in age, and shortly after the littlest was out of the crib and in a toddler bed, we tried putting them in the same room, but they didn't like it. We didn't push it because it didn't take long to recognize that one needs his own space and one is the snuggler who would prefer to share a bed.
We have five, eight to one years old. They all sleep in the same room at night. I will sit in the dark room keeping the littles in bed while Dad is reading devotions, a missionary biography, and an historical novel. I will stay until the littlest is asleep (he's usually out long before Dad is done) and then all the others are expected to stay in bed and be quiet till they fall asleep.
We have an open door policy for nightmares and such. The older ones just come in, spread a sleeping bag on the floor and go to sleep. If they are really upset, they can snuggle with me until I wake up and kick them out:).
The two littles come in early in the morning after I have gotten Dad out the door and I sleep with them until the bigger ones crawl in wherever they fit till we get up.
At nap time, the older three are expected to do a chore, and play quietly while I stay with the two littles in the kid's bedroom until they fall asleep. Since I am pregnant with #6 I usually end up "napping" on one of the kid's bed for an hour or so, too.
The littlest will still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and can be tough to get back to sleep. I usually hold him out on the couch so everyone else can sleep. Then I put him back to bed when he drops off. Believe me, I have learned to at least doze in just about any position over the years.
We let our first "cry it out", but with the others we tend to snuggle or cuddle as needed. Some of the kids have had or still need more cuddle time than some of the others. They sleep pretty well at night and usually the only visitor that gets in bed with us is the littlest. Dad does still end up on the couch occassionally while Mom has a couple or more kids piled on in the bed. This is usually during high stress times like sickness or overtired kids.
The new baby will sleep on a pallet or in a crib (if we have room) in our room for the first 18 mo. or so then get moved into their own bed with the other kids. I move them at naptime first and then at bedtime after their bed is more familiar and comfortable.
It all depends on your child, your husband and his needs and wants and your space. Be flexible, be a servant, and try not to lose your temper in the middle of the night (I still work on that one). It helped when I got over thinking that I derserved a full night's sleep. God knows how much sleep I need and He has promised that I can do all things in His strength--not my own. So after a bad night, I try to leave it to Him to get us through, get a nap if I can and try to take it a little easier during the day, if I have to.
Sorry, this got so long.
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