Can the desire for marriage become idolatry?
I get accused of a lot of different things in being a blogger read by more than a handful of people. One of the accusations I've heard time and time again is that my view on the importance of marriage and family is nothing short of idolatrous.Yes, I know that believing all throughout Scripture we see God created marriage as a good thing or that God holds parents responsible to train, raise, and nurture their children might be going against what is preached and practiced in the majority of modern Christendom these days. However, these beliefs of mine are not something I just pulled out of thin air and slapped the word "Biblical" upon, they are rooted in Scripture.
Candice Watters reiterates this in her article, Marriage: An Idol?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this article. If you agree or disagree, I encourage you to think it through Biblically. What does God's Word have to say concerning this? Do you believe the desire for marriage can become idolatry?Most single women want to get married. A good marriage is something they deeply desire. But for many, their desire is unarticulated, a silent longing. I kept quiet most of the time when I was single and hoping for marriage, mostly out of embarrassment for being romantically unsuccessful. It was easier, and less risky, to just keep it to myself. By my silence, I could avoid ridicule and the possibility of having to admit my failure if marriage never happened.
But today there's an added reason women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off, but worst of all, it may lead them to idolatry. I see and hear this warning a lot among Christians. It seems anytime someone writes or preaches about marriage to singles, they start with the caveat that wanting marriage is good "as long as you don't make an idol out of it."
Can the desire for marriage really become an idol? It's technically possible. But that notion has been blown out of proportion. And repeatedly suggesting the possibility of idolatry has done more harm than good. It's caused a lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage and made them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be a sin. Both have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen.
Such caution is rarely urged with other desires. No one would discourage a woman from praying fervently, even daily, for an unsaved family member. And we'd applaud intense and passionate faith for the healing of a friend who was dying of cancer. Even desires that more easily border on idolatry - education, career pursuits, and hobbies - get a near-universal pass. But giving a fraction of such attention to the desire for marriage solicits dire warnings of overdoing it. Fervency when petitioning God for a mate comes under singular scrutiny.
Hat-tip to LadiesAgainstFeminism.com
Graphic from AllPosters.com
Labels: For the unmarried, Marriage
posted by Crystal Paine at 7:31 AM
44 Comments:
I guess I would say that the desire for marriage is like the desire for any "good" thing: We can ask the Lord for it regularly, but must be willing to be content if He doesn't give us what we think is best. The Bible makes it clear that marriage isn't always best, and if we are desiring marriage to such an extent that we aren't content in Him, than it IS idolatry. Just my 2 cents...
I think if marriage is in God's plans for a person's life, that relationship needs to come second only to God. But I absolutely believe that marriage can become an idol, just like having children (or in my case, the desire for children) can. I've seen single women who idolize marriage. Granted, this is only from my experience but here is what I have seen. I've seen women idolize marriage in that everything "wrong" in their lives goes back to "if only I were married". Marriage doesn't solve all of one's problems but when you hold it up as THE goal in your life, not only is it idolized, it is also idealized. Other women I've known want that desire so much that they can never be happy for anyone who becomes engaged. They become consumed w/ bitterness because someone else has what they believe they themselves deserve. I've seen many, many women whose desire for marriage exceeds their desire to know and serve God, thus making it an idol. (I was one of those women, for a time.)
Crystal, I agree with Candice's excellent, thorough and Biblical article. This really got an amen from me:
"Not only is it unlikely that a godly woman's desire for a biblical marriage would become an idol, biblical marriage is the antidote to much of the idolatry — "sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed" — that plagues our culture. And it is a plague, an epidemic. As such, our desires for biblical marriage, if anything, aren't strong enough."
Godly, biblical marriage is the cure or solution to keep or pull one out of an idolotrous heart in or regarding marriage.
God's design for marriage according to the Bible is not naturally pleasing to our fleshly nature that is quick to make idols out of everything. But the pleasures of a truly Biblical marriage, once experienced, truly do set people free from bonds in their hearts that are not to God alone. I know. This has been my own experience.
Thanks for sharing this article.
Blessings~
Sheila
I was raised in a Christian home and also was a pastor's kid. I have never heard this idea that desiring marriage can become idolatry.
Simply put, I think that anything that consumes you (except your love for the Lord), your thoughts, or time can be an area of concern-possibly even sin. Even a married woman who cannot conceive can become obsessed with the idea of having a child. It is finding the balance and joy in life regardless of our situation. Our joy is in the Lord ultimately not our situation as a wife or mother.
The Lord recognizes we have desires of our heart. A godly young lady desiring and praying for what God has designed as the family could not be wrong. She can still serve the Lord and be a blessing.
On the other hand, there is no shame in being single. A woman that has yielded herself to God and his will for her life may find a fulfillment in singleness and can have an amazing ministry.
The desire for marriage isn't in itself idolatry -- it's quite normal.
But it can be idolatrous if the single person isn't willing to be content with being single if that should be what God wants (I struggled with that when I was single -- I wasn't even willing to consider the possibility God might not want me to marry for a while and finally had to submit it to Him).
It can be idolatrous, as with any other legitimate desire, if it takes first place in our hearts, or becomes an obsession, or if it causes constant depression.
My thoughts on the subject is that yes, the desire for marriage can be idolatry. Any time something other than God consumes our thoughts and affections to such a degree that God and our desire for Him is lessened in our life, then that thing (whatever it is) has become an idol. Moreover, what does idolatry usually produce? Discontentment.
What does discontentment say in our lives? One, that we're not content in what God has given us. Two, that God is not good (ultimately, if we look at our discontentment we're saying, "God has not given me X, so I am not content. If God gave me X, then I would be content." It's an underlying attitude that screams to the world, especially the unbeliever, that if God doesn't give me what I desire then He is not good." It's a scheme of Satan to disillusion us that our happiness and contentment in God is based on the fulfillment of our desires.)
i'm echoing what has already been said by some. desiring marriage in and of itself is not the idol - i believe that that desire is put there by God and is a part of how he made us. however, i have many single female friends (and was like this myself for a time as a single) who were not content with where God has them at that time in life, and the idea that if "i get married, all these issues will be solved". not true. i still had my issues after i was married, and was fortunate that my husband was loving and understanding to walk with me through some heart issues (and this was after good pre-marital counseling, bla bla bla). also, i believe a woman, if she desires to get married, etc... should pray fervently for the things of God, but ultimately, i'm in the camp that believes a man should pursue the woman, not the other way around... so learning how to be a wife and all those things are good, but i don't like the idea (and maybe i'm just reading too much into it) that a woman has to do xyz and then she'll snag a man. i think the most important thing is the waiting on the Lord and being in his presence, and being pointed in the right direction by the Lord. again, this is based on my own experience. and i also find with friends, that the older they are, the more an idol it becomes as they are less content with what God has for them (like, they are in their 30's, and thought they'd be married by now vs. the people that get married when they are in their early 20's).
a little rambling - hope it made sense :)
mom2two in pa
In rereading this more carefully, this part stood out to me:
"It's [fear of making marriage an idol] caused a lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage and made them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be a sin. Both have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen."
I disagree with that last statement. The Bible says that we should never hesitate to share our desires with the Lord and that we should pour out our hearts before Him. It also says that all our days (including any wedding day that might be in His plan) are ordained before one of them came to be. I believe that God is sovereign and His plan will prevail, whether we pray for our desires or not. I don't mean to sound nitpicky; I understand the general point of the article. Frankly, I found this to be a strange article. In my single years, I heard a lot of cliches like "it will happen when you least expect it" or "all in the Lord's timing". Never once did anyone tell me that just because I wanted to be married, that marriage was an idol in my life. (It was for a time but it is because I allowed the desire to consume me. But the desire itself was not sinful.)
I agree with Julie and Jessica. Even good things can become an idol. As a pastor's wife I have to be careful that even "doing ministry" doesn't become an idol. I think that God puts those desires for marriage and motherhood in us and they are great desires but any desire can become discontentment. I've seen women obsessed with fertility to the point that they ignore the one child that God HAS given them. My Bible says that singleness is a gift not a handicap. The single women in my life have been amazing examples of contentment and are some of the best nurtures I know. If they desire marriage, then I pray with them and for them that God would provide a mate if it's in His will. We should ask of everything according TO HIS WILL.
Now, I know I might sound like I'm against girls wanting to get married but honestly I've known that deep longing myself and I think it's great to desire marriage and a family. It's what I pray for my daughter as well. I want her to be a biblical woman whether God blesses her with marriage or with singleness. I don't think we have to argue about whether an issue is idolatrous or not, it comes down to the heart of each person. We all have to strive for contentment and balance in our walk with God. You may have two girls that both strongly desire to be married but God sees their heart...one may desire it but is still submitting her life to God's plan for her with contentment and one who desires it but chooses to lust after being married and ignores God's plan for her life in her heart. Only God sees the heart.
Be encouraged Crystal, that despite the criticism in emails that you receive that you are doing a great job of encouraging others towards biblical womanhood. I know you don't let them bother you but I'm sure it's nice to hear the positive feedback too. =0)
God has marriage in His plan for the vast majority of men and women. There is nothing wrong with thinking about, planning, and desiring marriage.
True, I have seen examples of young women who let their faith in God Almighty depend on their desire to get married: "I don't believe in God anymore because He didn't send me a husband."
That, however, is very rare. Women (and men, for that matter) should be encouraged to think of marriage more, and more seriously. So many young people have this attitude of, "oh well, maybe I will be married and maybe not". Like the chances are 50%-50%. Eventually the vast majority of people get married and so many are unprepared because of this policy.
I think that yes, it can become an idol, but most certainly does not have to be, and being fervently desired and prayed for is not what makes it an idol.
I think it has much more to do with the position of our hearts in the matter. When I was unmarried, I was seeking to fill something in my life that I was not trusting God for. I felt that being married would bring me a security and stability that I craved, having come from a broken family background.
I had many other very legitimate reasons for wanting to be married, and I think that even the desire for the security that marriage brings may not be an idol to many. But for me, it revealed that in my heart, I was not trusting God to meet all of my needs, to be my protector and provider. I trusted more in the concept of getting married than I did in His love for me and perfect timing for my life.
I guess what I'm saying is that I think the desire for marriage is absolulutely a good thing, and even a fervent desire need not be idolatry. God specifically said it is not good for man to be alone, and in many places of the Bible, marriage is encouraged (for instance, Paul specifically instructed the young widows to marry).
The challenge to us is to make sure that we do not allow our desire to be married to become the ultimate goal, or to get in the way of our dependence upon God and our trust in His sovereignty in our lives.
Anything can become an idol if it becomes more important than the Lord.
Great thoughts, you all! And I completely agree that whatever season in life God has us in, being fulfilled and content and rejoicing in *HIM* is what is most important.
We can look forward to the future, pray about the future, and plan for the future but it should never be at the expense of rejoicing in the goodness and mercy of the Lord *today*, right where He has us.
I love the balance that you all are sharing in your comments--so important in an age filled with lots of out-of-balance, swing-the- pendulum-to-one-side-or-the-other thinking. Thank you and keep it coming!
Having passed through several years of singleness between finishing my homeschool education and marrying at the age of 25 (I met my husband that same year), I would say that (at least in my life) the most damaging advice I received from the conservative Christian community was to *focus* on "waiting."
I had accepted the teaching that we should always act with the feelings of our "future husbands" in mind, that we should even write letters to our "future husbands" and love our "future husbands," and be faithful to our "future husbands" even if we'd (to our knowledge) never met them. It wasn't until I was able, through the grace of God, to release my focus on "waiting" that I was able to blessedly receive a content spirit and it was really okay with me if I did not get married. All that love and devotion which had been poured into some imagined "future husband" was then able to be shifted into a much more healthy relationship with the Lord.
I still desired marriage and viewed it as a very good thing, and I still was not shy to voice the fact that I hoped to some day be blessed with a husband, but I was no longer spending my life waiting for something that I had no way of knowing if God would ever bless me with. Additionally, rather than presuming that I was going to get what I wanted, I became more humbly realistic, knowing that perhaps being a wife was not something I had been equipped to do, and that I had to be open to the plans that God had for me. Just because we want something, and maybe even were raised with that goal in mind, does not mean that we can presume it into existence. Scripture only ever advises us to wait on the LORD, and the extra-biblical teaching that our focus should be waiting on anything or anyone else is, I believe, very distracting and damaging to a single young woman.
Anything or anyone can become an idol of the heart. The difference would be if the desire of the heart concerning marriage is God-given with a man or woman portraying such desire be brought to pass as the Lord wills...or rooted in anyone or anything with pr"I"ide/s"I"in and human glory ~ rather than God's pleasure and His glory. Single or married ~ created by Him and for His pleasure...and all the hands are found doing to the glory of God alone.
Anything can become an idol if we put it before God. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married (after all, God "created us male AND female"), but if we sit around and mope about being unmarried...that's a sin.
We're commanded to love God most of all and seek His kingdom above all other things. We are to press on towards Godliness. We have to trust that His plans for us are best, and that He really does have good plans for us (Pr 3.5-6, Jer 29.11).
I believe we need to set our minds "on things that are above" and not worry about marriage and what the Lord has planned for our lives. Wait on Him, ask Him to guide us, and trust that He will do all things in His perfect timing. He will bring all things to pass exactly how they are supposed to...and that probably will mean marriage for most people.
I almost had to reread your opening comments, I have never gotten even a vibe that you idolize your husband or marriage. That being said, I do believe a lot of young christian ladies put their lives on hold waiting for marriage. I myself did idolize marriage. It was all I ever wanted and thought it had to be accomplished by the age of 21 (at the latest). It led to sacrificing a lot of my standards trying to "get the guy".
Since you referenced her in your post, Candace Watters has a fabulous book out on this topic, titled, Get Married (http://www.amazon.com/Get-Married-What-Women-Happen/dp/0802458297/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203442134&sr=8-1) . I'd encourage those interested in this topic to check it out.
Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). He who finds a wife finds a good thing (Prov. 18:22). The value of a virtuous wife is "far above rubies"(Prov. 31). One would have to go pretty far off the deep end to make what God has called honorable, good, and virtuous an idol.
Obviously, anything that takes the throne of hearts before God COULD become an idol, but I think that the root problem here is that as marriage has become postponed, devalued, and expendable, many women (and men for that matter)are faced with the reality that they may not be married. However, the verses of scripture that suggest the idea of singleness are few and far between. Most people are (I believe) meant to marry and create families. This is the primary way we pass on a godly legacy to the next generation. Idolatrous to desire something so integral to the continuation of the gospel? I think not!!
If we would rid ourselves of this notion that we have to spend our most fertile, energetic, creative years pursuing college, careers and wordly prestige (idols in themselves) and being open to the possibility of marriage and family in our early twenties, rather than our early thirties, there would be a lot less likelihood of holding marriage up as an idol because we our eyes are fixed on our waning biological clocks.
Your whole post was very interesting to me. I read your blog most every day and it had never even occurred to me that you might be promoting anything other than living a Godly life as a woman. I think people tend to 'read' things based on their own life experiences and expectations of what others might say rather than just reading something and taking what is good from it. You encourage me as a Christian woman, and I use your influence to help me be better Christian woman. It's as simple as that for me. Christians don't have to agree on every tiny thing to encourage each other in the Lord. Thank you for your blog!
Sheila
It is very Scriptural to cry out before the Lord about something desired -- just read Psalms! Marriage is a good and honorable thing to desire, too. But it is possible for marriage to be an idol, and I've unfortunately seen a couple such instances that had sad consequences....
I've been thinking about waiting lately, and the Lord has been teaching me that we should not desire whatever we're waiting for more than we desire to wait on the Him. Most of us have probably struggled with keeping that balance -- whether marriage, children (raising hand here), financial relief, or etc.
May I earnestly desire something? Yes. Pray fervently for it? Yes. But in the midst of that desiring and praying, I also have to guard against it becoming more precious to me than Christ -- our hearts are so very prone to that.
"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple." (Luke 14:26) Our love for and desire to follow Christ is supposed to be so strong that all other loves fade in comparison. Wow!
Just some mullings and ponderings. ;)
I have to say that any longing for marriage is a God given natural desire, it's part of His plan! I'm so amazed that people have taken the time to make an issue of this that I had to comment! Are we so "put together" as Christians in this day and age, that we have nothing more to consume ourselves with than making up new ways to criticize our fellow believers? In my life alone, I have seen this self-righteous condemnation of others to run the gamut - men wearing long hair, women wearing pants, KJV only, the proper type of music one should listen to. We've gone from trying to build the largest Sunday School classes to deciding children should worship only with their families. We've taken all common sense and thrown it out the window! Regardless of the current fad the church may be promoting, let's not forget that God is watching. Let's not forget that unbelievers are watching. Let's not forget that young Christians, (and yes, that includes our own children!) are watching us to see how we "live out" our Christianity. I can't tell you how many young people I grew up with in church who will never darken the doorstep again. It's just this type of nonsense that makes them question everything! Shame on us. Thank you Crystal for bringing yet another issue to light for us. I think there are better things we can do for one another. Let's have the grace to let others make the decisions they feel are best without condemning them. Let's build one another up.
I think just about ANYTHING can be an idol. It's really all about priorities and the heart, isn't it?
I don't think there is anything wrong with desiring marriage, upholding marriage, and pursuing marriage. I think it is one of our chief earthly pursuits, and it is a godly one. Of course, we must practice contentment.
Singleness is often a season, and rarely a gift (ie, the people whom God has set aside to dedicate their lives solely to ministry, and it is rarer than most people think, and more obvious than most people want to admit).
I think it's silly to single marriage out as the "don't make an idol out of it" business. That message should be clear in general. Applying it specifically to marriage may do more harm than good.
Dear Crystal,
My father was my pastor until the Lord called him home a few years ago. I remember him preaching many times and saying that anything we put before what God desires is idolatry. For most, God desires that we marry. But Paul speaks of those who are better servants for the Lord living a single life. The question is: "Can we accept being single if this is what God desires of us?"
Some women, are in such a rush to marry that they do not marry the one God has for them, and thus lead very unhappy lives.
I guess the key is to live in God's will for us. This only comes by living for His desires, reading and studing God's Word, and surrounding ourselves with people and things that glorify Him.
This was a good post, Crystal. It made me really think! You are good at that! LOL
Ruth, PA
I think marriage can become a problem if people are looking to marriage, rather than to God to be their ultimate fulfillment.
Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard. God ordained it - to show us His relationship to the Church.
Things in or of themselves are not idols - someone has to make it an idol. Just like a block of stone - it's a block of stone. But once someone carves it and begins praying/worshipping it - it becomes an idol. Same with money, our jobs, hobbies - etc. Anything can become an idol.
But back to marriage - if a single man or woman thinks that their lives will be incomplete and destined for misery if they DO NOT ever get married...and they spend an inordinate amount of time thinking/dwelling/wishing/hoping/coveting
about marriage - that is where the problems begin.
If a married couple focuses so much on each other and their marriage that they are forgetting God - then that is sin.
Go read Exodus 20:1-5
The very first thing God commands in the 10 commandments deals with our tendency to be idolatrous. It seems that it is the most basic of our sinful tendencies! And yes, we can idolize anything. I think the issue of idolatry has been largely overlooked by the "mainstream evangelical" community. We don't even recognize it in our own lives anymore!
We are specifically focusing on idolizing marriage today, but I do think that the greater issue of idols of the heart needs to be more openly addressed as sin in the Christian community. (I really appreciated Jessica's comments on discontentment and Lacey's comments on waiting, for example.)
Some people have an idea (Scripturally supported, no less) that ideally, a woman should be a stay-at-home wife and mother, and not have an outside "career." (And I agree with that position, at the core, that it is the best, etc.) Some others may have issues (read: idols) that are drawing them away from that ideal situation.
It is sometimes very difficult for the person who is living in that ideal situation to have compassion for the one who is struggling with the idol. And, it is possible for the person who is living in that ideal situation to become self-righteous and even prideful about it, which are also sins. (I'm speaking from my own experience, here, not pointing any fingers.)
So to bring my arms around full circle would be to recognize that God knows what things our own hearts tend to idolize, and if we are desiring to live a life focussed on pleasing Him, we would do well to rid the idols in our own hearts first, and we would be much more capable of helping others rid the idols in their lives. (Kinda like what it says in Matt. 7 about taking the log out before getting the splinter out of someone else.)
Crystal, I think you can appeal to your conscience on this one. I don't detect any idolatry in what I've read from your blogs. I definitely see evidence that you have what some would consider "ideal" circumstances, and that can sometimes be just as blinding as being trapped in idolatry. Again, your conscience can help you to know where your heart is.
Thanks for todays post. It's been very thought provoking.
I haven't read the whole article yet-just what you published in this post. I'm glad you brought up this very thought-provoking subject!
I firmly believe that marriage is sacred, and is a very, very important institution created by God. I believe that parents should be training their children to desire marriage, to see it as a wonderful thing, and to prepare themselves for it.
I firmly believe that young ladies(myself included!) should prepare for the high and honorable callings of wife, helpmeet, mother, and homemaker. These are blessed callings, and ones that must be prepared for! I believe that at an early age, girls need to begin learning the art of homemaking. They need to begin learning how to care for children. They also need to be taught how to honor and serve their parents, as well as to obey them in all things-this will help them prepare to be a submissive helpmeet one day.
I do believe, though, that if these thoughts on marriage and the preperation for it become all that an unmarried girl ever thinks about throughout the whole day, then something is wrong. She needs to first and foremost be cultivating her relationship with her Lord, ensuring that He is always 1st in her heart and life.
I think that marriage is a desire that is placed in us from God and just like our other desires can be misused and abused, but it does not make the desire wrong. Some people misuse and abuse food, does that mean we stop eating? God has given us hunger, but some people misuse that too. It is a heart matter, not so much as a right/wrong thing.
"Not only is it unlikely that a godly woman's desire for a biblical marriage would become an idol, biblical marriage is the antidote to much of the idolatry — "sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed" — that plagues our culture. And it is a plague, an epidemic. As such, our desires for biblical marriage, if anything, aren't strong enough."
I had to disagree with this above statement though. I may be in a minority, but I have seen this as well, taken too far. My husband's culture when a man is in sin with impurity, lust etc. the solution is "Get married!" Yes, a biblical marriage can tame this, but repentance and turning from the sin is the real antidote for it. My BIL took it one step further and declared that the reason there is so much sin is because polygamy is not allowed anymore. If a man had more than one wife he would never be tempted to sin, when he lusted after a woman, he could marry her.
We all know that is not true! Anyhow, i am sure you did not mean all that...
Anonymous,
I agree wholeheartedly that we, as Christians need to be constantly loving others and be building them up. But if there's some area in which they're sinning(perhaps without even knowing that particular action or way of life is a sin), then it's our responsibility to point that out to them. We are called on to edify others. But, we must always ensure that we do so in love.
Blessings,
Rebekah
I've never even heard of this. I guess it is because I do not have a church. It must be a trend in current American Christian thinking?
Like many have mentioned I believe that anything can become an idol before God. Only we, as individuals will truly know our own hearts with this issue.
However, I find it quite disturbing that there are those who are accusing you of marriage idolatry. Perhaps they should spend nearly as much time doing something productive in their lives for the Lord instead of judging, criticizing & pointing their fingers. Imagine what good things could be done in His name!
I am christian and yet I find that often christians in general can be some of the most critical people around. It sets a terrible example. We must let God's love be shown by how we love one another & let God and his word be our judge.
I admit this was new to me! I've never heard anyone cautioning about the *desire for* marriage being idolatrous at worst (in my suburban Christian community, anyway). I've always been more inclined to think a woman could make the marriage itself, or her husband, into an idol a lot more readily than the desire for it, but I see how it would be possible either way.
-Jess
Lyn: While I appreciate your sympathy and definitely also prefer thoughtful and considerate comments and emails as opposed to the critical and condescending kind, :) the Lord uses these individuals in my life to help me to stay humble and ever seeking His face for Wisdom. I am nothing apart from His grace.
At the same time, it also saddens me a great deal to see so much criticism (often very vitriolic) in the name of "Christianity." I definitely think there is a time and place to rebuke in love and a time and place to speak the truth--even when it hurts--because we love someone. I think that those who call themselves Christians and yet do little more than criticize and speak and write words which do not build up but only tear others down are a very poor testimony to the Name of Christ.
I have a tendency to be a very critical person myself, though, so this is an area which God has been pruning much in my own life. But for the grace of God, I would be just as critical. So anytime I receive a critical comment or email, I try to stop and bring it before the Lord asking for His blessing upon the writer and praying that the Lord would work in me a loving, gentle, meek spirit that displays His love towards others.
Hi Crystal, thank you for your very interesting post. I suppose anything we put above God can be an idol. I have often been guilty of idolizing a clean house or even my husband.
That being said, I think that the author is right in saying that marriage is the antidote to a lot of hang-ups and other idols. Marriage (and children too) is what forces most of us to really grow up and to learn something about being unselfish and having unconditional love towards another. Of course, God can teach us those things some other way, but I think the lessons would be much harder to come by.
As part of the fall, women were told as part of her curse that "her desire would be for her husband". I believe that this means that women will always long to be married, and those who are, will always long to be sure that her husband really loves her.
Perhaps the idolitry comes in when a girl/woman fosters in her mind that "i will be happy and content and fulfilled if I am married". That way of thinking places marriage and the husband above Christ. If her thought pattern is that of making sure that Jesus is all she needs to be satisfied, and yay if He sends her a husband, then the 'desire' remains healthy and God focused.
Does that make sense?
Lacey,
Thank you for your comments. I sometimes wonder if there is too much emphasis on "future husband" when that emphasis should be placed on the Lord.
Lacey, Is there any way I can read your blog?
I think that doing anything out of love for Christ cannot be idolatrous. It's when we start making ourselves the focus of gratification that we get away from giving glory to God through our actions. Wanting to preserve and nuture marriage and family FOR Christ and THROUGH Christ is fantastic. It's exactly what God wants.
Keep on doin' what you're doin', Crystal! :o)
Dear Crystal,
Thank you so much for this interesting article.
There were so many comments on various subjects!
The comment I wanted to make is none of us know everything and even when we are so gun ho on what we have a conviction about, does it really matter if we have not love?
What comes to me after I have read the article and all the comments, is that for all our learning of God and who He is and what He is all about, we have only begun to scratch the surface of His infinite character.
God gives us principles to live by, but so much is not told to us in the Bible! That is when we must go back to the character of God and make a decision based on His character. When we are unsure of the answer to the question, let us fall back on the love of God and the overwhelming love that He wants us to experience.
So, whatever your stance is on fill in the blank,let us remember that God knows what is best for us and He IS Love and acts accordingly.
He promises us wisdom for all our questions as well as caring so much that He would count the hairs on our heads.
We can trust this kind of God for all the tomorrows in our future and all that they hold.
God bless,
Elaine
I believe that the Lord must be first in the life of a true Christian. Even as a married woman and mother, He must remain first. Any desire, even something as wonderful and Godly as Christian marriage, that becomes the focus of our lives, is misplaced. When we focus on something, or someone, other than the Lord our vision is skewed. It's only in the light of Him that we can see clearly, step rightly, and make good choices.
It could be if you let your desire become more important than anything else in your life. Humans are very good at thinking 'I would be happy if only I was married/had children/had more money/had the job I loved'. It's getting the balance right between being actively open to marriage but not believing that your life isn't worth living if you stay single.
Marriage is a good thing and is ok to be desired as long as one makes sure their top relationship being nurtured is with God. I remember wanting to be married so much and I would pray and pray and pray - I heard some of those messages you mentioned too. I sought other possibilities in life even though to be married just seemed more right for me.
It wasn't until I laid aside my desire and made Him, God, my desire that the Lord saw fit to bring my husband into my life and even then he took me through circumstances to see if I really had my eyes on 'H'im and not 'h'im. I am so glad I learned to put my eyes on the Lord to such a great extent, there have been so many times now in married life where I have once again been reminded that although my husband is wonderful, my stability, my life, my contentment, my all is taken care of by God Himself. This fact gives me peace of my future and helps me not make an idol out of my husband. Be content where you are because the grass isn't greener on the other side, God can make either side a life fulfilled, a meadow full and growing if we keep our eyes on Him! :)
Hmm. I'm not sure I have ever thought that the desire for marriage is idolatrous, but I do think that we as a country are in danger of idolizing family above God.
And I do think that it is possible that evil interupts and skews this healthy desire for marriage and human companionship into idolatry (if you put that as a priority over your relationship with God), however, I think that probably rarely happens. I think maybe that was what the Bible is talking about in 1 Cor. when it says it is better not to marry.
Interesting discussion.
I agree that anything which consumes your thoughts and being can be an idol- and that CAN be marriage. I have several friends who have wanted marriage so badly they jumped into marriage with Christian guys quickly even though they KNEW these guys may not be Gods will for them.
Their desire for marriage and the ideal perfect, forever relationship, seemed to get in the way of simply waiting for Him and His timing.
This was meant to be shorter, but it expanded, and I'm not into sound-bite society anyways; so I hope this will be edifying...and correct me where I'm wrong.
http://aguyblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/hi-there-im-guy-but-i-have-few-comments.html
Cheers. :)
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