I can't do this alone
I have no clue how to parent, teach, and train a three-year-old. No clue.
I've done the baby thing twice and both girls have survived so I guess the thought of having another baby or two or ten is really not too overwhelming to me (okay, I admit, the ten babies thing is rather mind-boggling!).
But then the babies grow up and become three-year-olds.
Raising three-year-olds? I really haven't the foggiest idea!
Everyday there seems to be a new adventure or challenge which brings me back on my knees before the Lord begging for wisdom and direction because I have none in and of myself and feel very inadequate to be parenting a three-year-old.
It hit me again last night. Kathrynne has been begging to do school and is quickly progressing through learning her letters and numbers. At the rate she's going, she very likely could be reading soon (though her enthusiasm could also die at any moment, too!).
As I pondered the thought of teaching a first-grader, I started panicking, "I don't know how to do this! What have I gotten myself into?!"
I realize anew just how much I need God's grace--everyday, every hour, every moment. Without His help, I'd have never made it this far. And somehow, He will carry me through parenting of three-year-olds, and thirteen-year-olds, and beyond.
I've done the baby thing twice and both girls have survived so I guess the thought of having another baby or two or ten is really not too overwhelming to me (okay, I admit, the ten babies thing is rather mind-boggling!).
But then the babies grow up and become three-year-olds.
Raising three-year-olds? I really haven't the foggiest idea!
Everyday there seems to be a new adventure or challenge which brings me back on my knees before the Lord begging for wisdom and direction because I have none in and of myself and feel very inadequate to be parenting a three-year-old.
It hit me again last night. Kathrynne has been begging to do school and is quickly progressing through learning her letters and numbers. At the rate she's going, she very likely could be reading soon (though her enthusiasm could also die at any moment, too!).
As I pondered the thought of teaching a first-grader, I started panicking, "I don't know how to do this! What have I gotten myself into?!"
I realize anew just how much I need God's grace--everyday, every hour, every moment. Without His help, I'd have never made it this far. And somehow, He will carry me through parenting of three-year-olds, and thirteen-year-olds, and beyond.
Labels: Mothering
posted by Crystal Paine at 8:32 AM
30 Comments:
I have felt this way...just before entering EVERY new stage with my kids! The fear of the unknown is..well...scary. But, you grow right along with your kids and by the time they are ready for the first grade...so are you! It's easy for me to say that about the phases I've already been through with my kids... I've got one getting ready to be a pre-teen... not sure I'm ready for that! :)
Oh that is kind of scary to hear a homeschool graduate having qualms about teaching their child. I am a newbie (to homeschooling) and have plenty of those! It is inspiring though to know that there are others out there with the same concerns and struggles.
This truly is a faith thing ya know! But I am sure you are doing a wonderful job!
I say you are doing something right when you acknowledge your need for the Father in raising a 3 year old. When I was raising my first 3 year old I thought I had it all together.. boy was I wrong.. My only advice, remember that she's still a baby. A bigger, more intellegent baby but a baby none the less. Still needs cuddles and hugs and to be taught what is right. Oh and that children are born with the capability for good and evil. Meaning that they arent always "choosing" naughtyness, they just dont know the other "choice"... That's where Mama's come in. We teach them another option.
A wise Mama once told me that 3 is worse than 2 and 4 is practice for 14! I thought Man, I thought we were done with trouble at 2 and good to go till 16!! :)
Amen and amen! Before I even had my little girl, who will turn 3 on the 24th, I was scared to death!!!But God, who is faithful, has shown Himself mighty and taught me day by day. When I tell you I had never been around children nor did I know anything about how to raise them, I'm not kidding. God has used my TOTAL inadequacy to show me that I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me!! Praise God! Therefore, I will boast in my weakness and lack of knowledge, knowing that He gives me the wisdom each and every day to be a mom. Isn't He awesome? Glory to His name!!! Thank You, Jesus!!!!!!
The good news is that today you don't have a 1st grader to teach;)!
Just do today.
Depend on God, keep reading and growing, and when you get there you'll be ready;).
My 1st grader and I are doing quite well and you will too.
Lizzie
I don't know much about children but I baby sit my niece and nephew on a regular basis...enough said! LOL! Great post!
http://www.adlynmorrison.blogspot.com/
Love this post! As a parent with boys from 14, 20, and 23, I can tell you the need for wisdom never stops. Through teens, school, friends, college and major choices, and marriage in the future as well as jobs and locations and ministries and trials -- we will continue to need wisdom every single day for every phase. That's scary on the one hand, but comforting when we remember we don't have to do it alone and He wants us to call on Him for wisdom and grace and strength.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post! I was just having the same thoughts about my two year old. Today has been rough and I know why. I haven't been as faithful as I should.I finally got down before the Lord and acknowledged his grace and my need for Him to be working in my life and my need to let go of it. It did my heart good to read your post and know that we all must give everything over to our Lord who has our best interests at heart. Praise God!!
Oh Crystal I was feeling the same way this morning... asking the Lord to help me parent a sweet new two-year-old and one who will be 5 in just a few weeks! Yes, our Father is faithful, taking our hand daily as we ask for his wisdom in raising our little ones. How do parents do it without Jesus?
you are so right, one day at a time and make sure they all start with Jesus
blessings, Penny Raine
http://www.pennyraine.com/blog
The best advice is don't look ahead. Don't borrow trouble from the future. You will handle the teen years with grace because you will have made it through the twelve years that precede it. The same with schooling a 5k. God will give you the wisdom to do what you need to do at the time. I doubt he'll load you up with all the wisdom you will need for the rest of your life right now. So be patient and take it one day at a time. God will give you what you need to meet each day. You are doing great! (The older they get the funner it gets to homeschool them!)
What a refreshing post to start the week off. Just what I needed! We need to remember to go to God to be renewed day by day and relaize that we only have all we need for life and Godliness in Him and that is where we need to be.
I'm right there with you! Except I have the unknown of raising a boy too - I only had sisters growing up!
Crystal,
As others have mentioned, Christ is where we find our peace and strength to continue on. I commend you for turning to Him and realizing that you can't do it on your own. He does give us more than we can handle, but fortunately not more than He can handle.
I blogged last week about this challenge of facing life with faith instead of fear. I thought it might fit this situation as well.
http://delightinginhisrichness.blogspot.com/2008/03/verse-of-week-faith-instead-of-fear.html
~Erin
I'm right there too - thank you for sharing this, as I've really been struggling lately in feeling like an adequate mother. It's nice to know that we're all in this together! And, especially that God is in it with us!
While I don't have kids of my own, my mom always says that when you have kids, you'll always be scared. If you have boys, you'll be scared because you only know how to be a woman. And then if you have a daughter after boys (me!) you'll be scared because you only know how to raise boys. She's says there's always a million reasons to be afraid, but thats the only thing to be afraid of. Because if you're always worried about doing wrong, you won't be able to relax and do well by your kids. So just smile, and take one day at a time. You can do this. =)
Your not suppose to do it alone. That is why God gave children to a married man and woman. With his help is possible.
You know, Crystal, I tend to stop and look ahead because other people tell you "Just wait until they (insert age here) and then you will see." I was blessed with a oldest son who has had a interesting will and penchant for trouble since he was an infant. Through this God taught me that we do not know what we are doing, I will do my best, and I will pray for wisdom and strength now and when they are 7, and when they are 14 and so on. It does not mean I will do everything perfect, or even that they will turn out exactly how I want them to, but it does mean that God is in control and He will give me wisdom in the situation.
I have a 10 year and a three year old as well as two in between and it is challenging some times. I was homeschooled and realized this is not just easy, homeschooling is alot of work, but I am doing it not for it's ease, but for a purpose. Now I have to get to it!
Crystal,
I so enjoy your humility. As for me, infancy with my colicky firstborn seemed to require me to "call out to God" for wisdom from the very first, humbling, crushing days! I am glad he humbled me quickly as it has served me well ever since!
After enjoying babyhood and toddlerhood with each of my babies, I sometimes deeply yearn to return to just "one day" with my babies at 1, 2, or 3. I would take the time to look in their sweet eyes more, enjoy their words, play dollhouse or trucks joyfully and with intention :). "If I could save time in a bottle" as the song goes.
As other responders have said, you will handle older when older comes. My colickly firstborn is now an amazing eight-year-old who I dearly love to be with and talk to...and I still cry out for wisdom continuously in regard to being her mother. Such an awesome responsibility.
My husband and I went out for a rare lunch "out" the other day while the grandparents watched the kids...while a nice break :), it reminded me what a joy it is that children have such needs and give our lives such purpose. My husband and I both love to be busy doing good in the lives of our sweet babies.
Bless you!
God bless you for saying that! I was feeling that way just Saturday. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with doubts. We went to the library to return some books and pick up a few more. There was a beautiful display of impressionist art done by some rather talented little local homeschoolers. I was floored. Those mothers are obviously so much better than me!
Of course, they're not (much), but I felt so lost all the same. I don't know how to do this. And I went to public school! I don't even know that many homeschoolers. I'm scared to death! Fortunately, Philipians 4:13 was in my daily reading this morning. Much better now!
I feel that way so often! What if I miss something? What if I mess them up? It's a good reminder to rely on the Lord during every stage.
I have nothing comforting to offer, except for the fact that I am in the same boat as you, and so many days, I feel exactly the same way.
Just yesterday, my 3 year old daughter and I were doing laundry together and she was chattering and singing and I suddenly had this realization (which I've had before, but sometimes it just hits you all over again), that I am raising a person! Some days I barely know how to function myself, let alone teach someone else to be a fully functioning, stable, God-honoring adult- what have I gotten myself into??? :)
It's so reassuring to me to hear that you also have fears about teaching your children, knowing that you are coming from a homeschooling family. I was raised in the school system, so homeschooling is completely new to me, but it's good to know that it's a challenging task for everyone, not just me!
I'm so glad that God gives us grace for exactly where we are at!
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. (sometimes I feel like the only one)I have been dealing with these same issues lately. But my husband reminded me that no matter how inadequate I feel God will help me through. And if I do screw it up tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.
Erin
You know I have these same thoughts! lol I keep telling our 13-year-old that he's our 'guinea pig'! lol We laugh about it and try to keep it light, otherwise, it can get really overwhelming! Dh and I were just discussing that in 4 1/2 SHORT years, he'll be considered an ADULT -- now, how in the world did that happen so fast?!
What encourages my heart when I'm overwhelmed are two things:
1st)The confidence of my heart is that God knew my weak, human frame when He chose to give me my children! He knew I would and will continue to make all sorts of mistakes. And, yet - He also knew that my heart is set on Him and my deepest desire is that my children would know Him. My own parents were doing their 'own thing' and yet somehow God captured my heart and has given and continues to give me the wisdom and grace that I need. How much more, for me, who is actually seeking after Him and desiring to teach and train my children in the things of God? I trust that He is not at all surprised by me or my children and He delights in giving me all that I need to meet the needs of His other children (my children). :)
and
2nd) I love this verse: "He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." - Isaiah 40:11
I love that! He gathers me in His arms and GENTLY leads me! :) Actually, all of Isaiah 40 is encouraging -- His leadership over our lives is PERFECT and He is FAITHFUL!
Bless you, Crystal! I am provoked your humility and desire to minister to your daughter! :)
Debi
I'm relieved to hear that you get nervous about these things sometimes too. :) We are only in the beginning phases of considering homeschooling and I often worry that my weaknesses will become my children's weaknesses. I know I just need to keep praying that God will fill in the gaps, but the responsibility of mothering can be overwhelming if you don't take it minute by minute.
I felt the same way with our first. She started reading very early and I was clueless what to do. We used Bob books, a CD program called TampaRead and checked out old readers by somebody Raabe. They were big ugly red, hard back things, but if I could find them I would buy the whole set. They were awesome. I think they were called Phonics Readers--real inventive, I know. I do not like the Scholastic Ready Readers. They have dumb, contrived and worthless stories. The Bob books are helping me teach all of my littles to read--we are on #3 of six so far. Enjoy the road ahead. Keep reading to them and live in your library. You will have avid readers in no time and, in my opinion, half of their education is done if they love to read. Check out Math U See and Easy Grammar for the other half when the time comes.
Another Heather
Crystal,
I laughed when I read your comment because it so well sums up the whole journey of motherhood. I have six children ages 1 to 16 and I'm in the process of saying, "I can do xyz ... but can I do 'getting the kids into college'?!"
Your heavenly Father has shown you (and me) every step through the season you've just been through. And yes, He will be there for the unknown ahead.
I may be in a different season, but I serve the same faithful Father.
Thanks for the reminder.
I found three to be the toughest age in the early years - it made me appreciate how delightful two-year-olds can be.
With my daughter at three, it was a combination of very high level lanugauge skills combined with her riding an emotional roller coaster all...day...long.
Looking back, I can see now that she was intellectually ready for so much, yet emotionally she was at the normal three-year-old stage of struggling to gain that sense of self-contol and also basic empathy- the ability to see outside herself and to see how her actions affected all of us.
As bright as she was/is, I learned to just back off on the reading/writing because her frustration at not being able to do things as well as I could was so large and so crushing to both of us.
She hit three-and-a-half and poof! She started to handle things better, to see herself as part of the whole, not the whole unto herself. And the frustration gave way as her fine motor skills caught up to her fast little brain.
I prayed (still do!) a lot and treasured the moments where she wanted to be babied - when those times are gone, they're gone for good.
Hang in there!
If my mother could homeschool me from kindergarten- high school then I know you will be able to do it with your kids!
Crystal,
We are finishing our 9th year of homeschooling. Through ups and downs the Lord has carried us through. It IS overwhelming when you think down the road (My oldest will start HS next year), but my advice is to take it one day at a time. Enjoy her at this age. She will be a blessing. If she needs more "school things" to do I have a blog you might need. It is http://homeschoolingforfree.blogspot.com
Enjoy!
Southern Belle
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